The Grimms' Adventures in Cyberspace
by Curlscat
Summary: The internet has many side effects, but none are so horrible or amusing as the fact that it breaks the barrier between the real world and the worlds of books. The Grimms learn the perils of the internet, and the horrors of fandom. Under Reconstruction.
1. IM: 1

**AN~This right here is my crackfic, newly edited for your enjoyment. Chatspeak now makes me sad, so pretend I translated it to normal written English.**

**Disclaimer: I take no credit, I was bored.**

**trixr4kids: Puck**

**wordsmith: Daphne**

**allthenamesiwantareused: Sabrina**

**kittylikeshorsie: Me (at, like, fifteen, so don't judge)**

* * *

**allthenamesiwantrused** has created chatroom **boredom**.

**wordsmith** has logged on to chatroom **boredom**.

**trixr4kid** has logged on to chatroom **boredom**.

**trixr4kids:** Nice name, Grimm.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** This is ridiculous! :( really, what are the chances that every name I want is taken already?

**wordsmith:** Lol. What's with your name, Puck?

**trixr4kids:** Guess.

**wordsmith:** Ummmm... You like yogurt?

**trixr4kids:** No.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Why are we doing this anyhow?

**trixr4kids:** 'Cause we're BORED.

**wordsmith:** You could READ. We are in a library after all.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Was that SARCASM I heard there, Daph?

**wordsmith:** Yup. ;)

**allthenamesiwantrused:** You make me proud, you know that?

**wordsmith:** Of course.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Reading IS an option, you know.

**trixr4kids:** Eeeeew no. I have a state of ignorance to maintain, you know.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** And yet you use two big words in the same sentence.

**wordsmith:** how long are we stuck here again?

**trixr4kids:** Two hours.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Couldn't she find any other babysitter? Or let us stay home alone?

**trixr4kids:** Like she'd trust you alone in the house.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I've done it before!

**trixr4kids:** When?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** You were sick.

**wordsmith:** It was right after your wings got ripped off.

**trixr4kids:** Yeah right.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Fine. Don't believe me. We can ask Granny when she gets back.

**kittylikeshorsie** has joined chatroom** boredom**.

**trixr4kids:** Who are you?

**kittylikeshorsie:** That's for me to know and you to find out, lol.

**wordsmith:** What do you want?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Just to ask Puck a question. ;)

**trixr4kids:** What?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Will you go out with me? Please?

**trixr4kids:** Ummmmmm...

**wordsmith:** Why would you want to?

**trixr4kids:** Hey!

**kittylikeshorsie:** 'Cause he's smart and funny and adorable and...

**wordsmith:** Oooh, Sabrina looks mad!

**trixr4kids:** What's with you, Grimm?

**kittylikeshorsie:** She's just jealous.

**wordsmith:** Why?

**kittylikeshorsie:** 'Cause Puck's gonna go out with me!

**trixr4kids:** No I'm not.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Darnit. Please?

**trixr4kids:** No.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Drat. Can I have Mustardseed, then?

**trixr4kids:** Fine. You can have Mustardseed if you can find him.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Who are you and how do u know all this stuff?

**kittylikeshorsie:** :)

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Stalker.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Am not!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Are too!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Well. at least I can tell peoplr when I'm in love with them!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Are you implying something?

**kittylikeshorsie:** 'Course I am.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Rgh!

**alltheamesiwantrused** has logged off chatroom **boredom**.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Awww I was having fun!

**wordsmith:** I'd better go see what's wrong.

**wordsmith** has logged off chatroom **boredom**.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Any chance you'd reconsider?

**trixr4kids:** You're really strange.

**trixr4kids** has logged off chatroom **boredom**.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Awww! I'm all alone!

**kittylikeshorsie** has logged off chartoom **boredom**.


	2. Sites: Fanfiction

**an~ good for all who guess the name. once again, im reeeeeally bored, so im adding to this. by the way, i mean absolutely no offence to anyone with this chapter!**

**

* * *

**

Sabrina looked at her email in surprise. Why would she want to do that? Oh well. She was bored enough to do almost anything. So she did what the email said. She looked up her name on google. some actress called Cora Sabrina Grimm.. Some german facebook page with her name...a deviantart thing...what the heck? Sabrina Grimm's Diary, a Sister's Grimm fanfiction? Okkkk... That was check on worthy. She read the fanfiction. It looked like something she would write, strangely enough. This was getting scary.

There was a link on the page. Sabrina clicked it. From there she selcted complete on the story settings. She must have spent hours on that site reading fanfictions and their reviews. Some of them were pretty good. Others, well, not so much. Some of them didn't sound like anything she would ever do. The scariest thing was that almost all of them had a "pairing" as the site called them which was her and... scarily enough... Puck. That was not cool. Especially since several of them mentioned the kiss.

Sabrina went back to google and searched "The Sisters Grimm." The first link was to the official website of the series by Michael Buckley. That was scary. She had a book series! She had to read it. Now. But then she changed her mind. It was her life, apparently. Why should she read her own story? But something HAD to be done about the fanfictions. She got off the computer to think about it.

Puck walked into the livingroom about then. Seeing hte computer free, he decided to use it. Sabrina, who was thinking, didn't notice it until he was on already.

"Puck. Get off the computer." She said worriedly.

"Why?"

"Just...get off. Now."

"What don't you want me to see?"

"Nothing."

"Sure it's nothing, Grimm." Puck pressed the back button several times. "Let's see what you've been doing, shall we?"

Unfortuonately, he stopped right in the middle of a particularly romantic fanfiction. "EEEEEEEW!"

"I told you to get off."

"Is that actually US?"

"As far as I can tell."

"That's scary."

"Tell me about it."

Puck spent around the same amount of time on the computer as Sabrina had, looking at the fanfiction. "These people don't know us very well do they?"

"No."

"I mean, do I look like I'd do any of that stuff to you?"

"NO."

"Something must be done."

"Tell me about it."

Puck snapped his fingers. "I've got an Idea!"


	3. Sites: Fanfiction Results

**AN~ It's snowing here! H****appy New Year, everybody! Request: could all reviews for this chapter be sent in like actual reviews for Sabrina's 'story'? Thanks.**

* * *

EVERYBODY READ THIS by SeriouslyAnnoyed_ reviews_

Read it.

Rated: K - English - Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: - Reviews: 3 - Updated 1-1-09 - Published 1-1-09 - Sabrina G. & Puck

* * *

Disclaimer: I think I own myself, thank you very much. I do not, however, own anyone else I might mention in this thing.

OK, so I'm Sabrina Grimm. For real. And I do NOT appreciate these fanfictions. Thanks for liking my life story and all, but please, please, please stop writing about it. It's annoying. Especially when you write about me and Puck. That's just gross. And creepy. 'Cause we're not together and never will be.

It'd also be totally awesome if you stopped reading this series. And tell the dude who's writing them to stop stalking me. It's none of any of your business.

Thanks,

Sabrina Grimm.


	4. Sites: Fanfiction Reviews and Chapter 2

**AN~ Thanks, everyone who reviewed like I asked you to! I'm using them here, hope you dont mind!**

* * *

**Reviews for:** EVERYBODY READ THIS - **Page 1 of 1**

OddlyAlice

2009-03-26 . chapter 1

NEVER!

kz and the snazzy plotbunnies

2009-01-02 . chapter 1

well, sorry seriously annoyed, but i refuse to stop writing fanfictions about you and puck. everybody so obviously knows that you guys are meant for each other. don't deny it! you guys are the cutest couple ever!

Anastasia-A.K.A. Stacy.

2008-12-31 . chapter 1

Hey sabrina!  
Don't deny it you know you like him.  
WE ALL KNOW.

curlscat 2009-01-03

If you dont want him, can I have him AND mustardseeed? Please? Since Mustardseed is mine already? And I AM going to read the next books! You can't make me stop! :P

* * *

Books » Sisters Grimm » **The Grimms' Adventures in Cyberspace**

Hello again. WE ARE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER! AND I DONT LIKE HIM! But I never said I didn't want him. So STOP. Please. I'm begging you! Do you know how humiliating this is?

Hey guys, this is Puck. Sabrina went to her room to regain her composure.

Oddly Alice: :P to you, too!

Curlscat, are you kittylikeshorsie? because I'm still not gonna go out with you.

kzandthesnazzyplotbunnies: we are not a cute couple because we arent ANY kind of couple! At all!

Anastasia aka stacy: I'm not even gonna say anything because your idea is just too crazy for anything. I mean, seriously. No.

By the way, if any of you somehow get word to Daphne about this, I will

Hey everybody! It's Daphne! What's up? I just shoved Puck off the keyboard. Should I tell them I've known about this for months? Probably not. I like my face the way it is. But you guys are seriously right! They are meant fore each other! Even if you _do _get their characters a little screwed up sometimes. Love you all!


	5. Sites: The Fanclub

Sabrina was on the computer again, browsing the internet in hopes of finding a clue about what Daphne had changed the fanfiction account password to.

Puck walked in "Are you on again?"

"I dunno, am I?" Sabrina countered absently, scrolling down the screen.

"You're gonna find something worse if you keep doing this." Puck warned.

"I'll deal." Sabrina said, then paused. "Hang on, what's this?"

"What's what?" Puck asked, pushing Sabrina over to make room for himself on the computer chair, plopping his butt down next to hers.

Sabrina sighed, but scooted over to keep from being sat on. "It's a link to some site."

"What kind of site?"

"A fansite. For us."

"What's it called?"

"'The sisters grimm fanclub' or something like that."

"That's cool."

"Not really."

"True." Puck paused. "Let's check it out anyway."

They did so. After about 15 minutes, both teens were laughing hysterically at the randomness of the members of this site. Granny Relda looked in on them, saw what they were doing, shook her head, sighed, and walked away.

Daphne walked over and asked, "What's going on?"

"These people-" Sabrina gasped, "Are so completely random!"

"Its hilarious!" Puck grinned.

"Oh are you there?" Daphne asked. "Two of them were having a fight over Mustardseed, did you see that? I think one of them sent us a review on fanfiction."

"Speaking of that," Sabrina said, "Can I have the password? Please?"

"I'll give you a hint. You've seen it before."

"Oh that's so helpful."

"You'll guess it eventually."

Sabrina decided to post something on the site as a guest.

Post # 47

Sabrina

Guest

You people are HILARIOUS! thank you for convincing me the internet is NOT pure evil.

Hey its Puck. Why'd we buy this computer in the first place?

I'm back. I just shoved Puck off the keyboard. We bought it for "reasearch purposes." Not my idea. I promise. I didn't want a computer! No way! Not me! I am such a liar. But hey, we need something to do while what's his face writes the next book. We're stuck, after all, with time not moving...

By the way, I'm still incredibly angry with you for intruding on my private life like that and I still dont like Puck. Never will. And the future was a lie! Or at least it better be.

iI'l have to ask Grimm what that's about when she wakes up. Oh yeah. I just conked her on the head with a dictionary. FINALLY, a practical use for books! but I'm gonna get in trouble for that, I bet... asldkfjaslghlkdscvkifd

Hey guys, it's Daphne! I can't believe I actually got Puck off the computer! Sabrina is going to kill him. They do so love each other! lots and lots! isnt it so cute? You wanna know what their password is? It's puckabrina! And now I'm going to have to change it because they'll know. I think it'll be something about Daphne and Elvis power! Yeah! Lol.

* * *

**AN~ Also newly edited, but not as much. Man, was I BAD...**


	6. Book 1 Abridged OR Daphne's Fanfic

**an~ This is Daphne's attempt to write a fanfic. Not the most creative, is she? Well, hopefully it'll be funny, anyway.**

* * *

** Author's note: Now presenting: The Sisters Grimm Book 1, the Fairy Tale Detectives In 10 Minutes or Less!**

**Disclaimer: I owns it not!**

Sabrina: Stupid rain. Stupid life. Must be strong for Daphne.

Daphne: Ms. Smirt, I'd like to annoy you now. Is that OK?

Ms. Smirt: Shut up, Debbie.

Daphne: Daphne.

Ms. Smirt: The train stopped. go away and leave me alone.

Granny Relda: Oh, you're both so sweet!

Sabrina and Daphne: You're evil.

Granny Relda: I have cookies and a big dog named Elvis!

Daphne: I love you!

Elvis: Woof!

Sabrina: Get off me!

Elvis: Woof!

Mr Canis: ...

Granny: So, how are you-

Sabrina: I hate you! Go away!

Granny: OK, your room is-

Sabrina: I'll find it myself! Daphne, come with me!

Daphne: I like her.

Sabrina: She's going to eat us.

Daphne: You're paranoid.

Sabrina: Am not!

Daphne: Look! Fireflies!

Sabrina: I'm going to open the window and look at them!

Canis: No! Bad girls! No one in the house without your grandmother's permission!

Sabrina: WTF?

Daphne: Sleep...

Sabrina: No! We're going to run away!

Daphne: Ok...

Pixies: Hahaha! Bite you!

Sabrina and Daphne: OW!

Granny: Go away and leave them alone!

Sabrina: I still think you're evil.

Granny: Mr. Canis bought you weird clothes.

Daphne: I love them!

Sabrina: I look ridiculous.

Granny: Ooh! A mystery!

Sabrina: Whatever.

Charming: Oh, circus people...

Sabrina: You're rude.

Granny: Look! A giant's footprint!

Sabrina: That settles it, she's crazy.

Granny: You're fairy tale detctives and fairy tale creatures are real but we call them everafters to avoid offending anyone!

Daphne: Cool!

Sabrina: We need to get out of here.

Granny: Let's go talk to the farmer!

Sabrina: Whatever.

Farmer's Wife: I was supposed to go to New York. It didn't work

Granny: You are getting very sleepy... very sleepy... dont remember anything, ok?

Farmer's Wife: Sure.

Granny: Ok, we've learned enough, lets go!

Thug #1: You ain't goin nowhere, Granny.

Granny: Canis?

Canis: I'm on it.

Thug #2: Ha old man! Aigh!

Thug #3: OW!

Thug #1: I'll get you!

Granny: Time to go home!

Giant: Englishman!

Granny: Run girls! Here's my purse!

Sabrina: Come on!

Hamstead: Come on, I'll take you home.

Charming over intercom: Bring them back, they've caused enough trouble.

Sabrina: Run!

Hamstead: Come back!

Daphne: No way!

Puck: Spies!

Sabrina: Who are you?

Puck: Isn't it obvious?

Daphne: Peter Pan?

Puck: NO.

Sabrina: Then who?

Puck: I'll give you a hint. Shakespeare.

Sabrina: Since when is there an insane elven year old in Romeo and Juliet?

Puck: PUCK! FOM A MIDSUMMER NIGHTS DREAM!

Sabrina: Never heard of you.

Puck: Time to drown the evil spies!

Sabrina: Not if I throw you in the pool instead!

Puck: Lol.

Daphne: She's our grandma.

Puck: I don't hate you anymore, then.

Sabrina: The door won't open!

Puck: Tell the house you're home.

Sabrina: That's stupid.

Daphne: Try it.

Sabrina: We're home. Hey! It worked!

Puck: Told you.

Mirror: Mumble mumble.

Puck: Let's go in!

Daphne: No! We must wear our protective pots and collanders first!

Mirror: Ahh! Evil circus freaks!

Sabrina: Shut up.

Mirror: I can help.

Daphne: I'm not good with rhymes.

Puck: Kids, is.

Mirror: they dont rhyme.

Sabrina, Daphne, and Puck: It works! Deal with it!

Hamstead: Get out of the house!

Sabrina: Ok, so here's what we're gonna do...

Sabrina: Hey, my plan worked!

Jack: I wont help unless you get me out of jail.

Sabrina: Whatever.

Puck: You dont need him!

Sabrina: Do so!

Puck: Nu-uh!

Sabrina: You're not jealous at all...

Elvis: Grrrr...

Jack: I wasn't stealing stuff! Honest!

Sabrina: I need some help here!

Jack: Ok, go to the party and find out about Charming.

Sabrina: Daphne is the tin man!

Daphne: Awesome! Sabrina can be mamma bear!

Sabrina: Awww... Fine I'll deal, lets go.

Charming: who are you?

Sabrina: Ummm...

Giant: Englishman!

Sabrina: Gotta go!

Charming: I want money!

Jack: I'm going to be famous!

Sabrina: Run!

Daphne: What are we gonna do?

Sabrina: I'm thinking!

Daphne: The shoe broke!

Sabrina: Oops. Hey look, Excalibur!

Giant: Ow...

Jack: You killed my giant! No fair! That was MY job!

Sabrina: Deal with it.

Jack: Well, then I'll kill you two!

Canis: Just try.

Granny: Oh, you're safe!

Puck: Told you he was evil.

Random Reporter Lady: Hey look, giant beanstalks with giants!

Another Giant: Jack must come with us!

Jack: Aw, man!

Granny: Well, that settles that! Reporter lady, you are getting very sleepy...

Daphne: I'M getting very sleepy.

Granny: I can show you your parents!

Sabrina: They're dead.

Granny: No, they're just asleep, and by the way, Puck's moving in!

Sabrina: You're kidding, right?


	7. Book 2 Abridged

**AN~ Book two here!**

**_Dramaqueenruling:_ It has almost nothing to do with it. I just felt like writing this and I had nowhere else to put it.**

**_dog9girl:_ Can't. I need reviews that would make them mad.**

* * *

**Author's Note: Hiya, everybody! Daphne here! I'm abridging book two!**

Sabrina: I'm tired.

Elvis: Woof!

Sabrina: Ahhh! Elvis! Stop!

Daphne: Haha.

Sabrina: Stupid rope.

Lilliputians: Ow! Get us off! Evil mousetraps.

Granny: Lilliputians!

Lilliputians: No duh.

Hamstead: Thanks, Grimms!

Granny: No problemo!

Lilliputians: I want my lawyer!

Hamstead: Tell it to the judge.

Sabrina: I'm going to bed.

Sabrina: EEEEK! SPIDER!

Daphne: EEK!

Sabrina: DOUBLE EEK!

Daphne: TRIPLE EEK!

Granny: What's wrong?

Sabrina: I hate Puck.

Granny: Leave your brother alone.

Sabrina: HE'S NOT MY BROTHER!

Puck: Haha, my glop trap worked!

Sabrina: I hate you!

Puck: I challenge you to a duel!

Sabrina: Whatever.

Puck: I win!

Sabrina: I'm going to punch you in the face.

Granny: What happened to you, liebling?

Sabrina: Guess.

Daphne: Wheee!

Sabrina: We can't go to school like this! Hey, wait a minute! We can't go to school, we cant go to school! I forgive you, Puck!

Canis: There's someone at the door.

Ms. Smirt: You must go to school.

Sabrina and Daphne: Awww... Drat.

Mr. Sheepshanks: Express your feelings!

Smirt: You're cute.

Sheepshanks: Ewwww...

Smirt: Marry me!

Sheepshanks: I have to go...

Sabrina: I hate school.

Wendell: I'm late!

Mr. Grumpner: You will now be openly humiliated and I will yell at you because your dad's the principle!

Sabrina: That was weird.

Daphne: I love lunch food!

Sabrina: Eww, what is this?

Natalie: Oops.

Sabrina: I'm going to hurt you.

Natalie: Ow! My eye!

Grumpner: Bad girl!

Sheepshanks: Express your feelings!

Sabrina: You're amazing.

Bella: Hi! Wanna be my friend?

Sabrina: Sure, I guess...

Daphne: I like school!

Sabrina: My class is all exausted for no reason...

Daphne: Look! Mr. Grumpner's room is a big mess! Let's check it out!

Sabrina: Eww, he's dead!

Daphne: Scarlet Hand!

Charming: What's going on?

Daphne: I love you, mayor!

Charming: You're weird.

Sabrina: Any theories?

Charming: Spiders out for revenge!

Sabrina: Okkkk...

Charming: Do you have a better idea?

Granny: A monster!

Charming: I like my idea better.

Daphne: It was the Sarlet Hand!

Charming: No such thing.

Snow: Freaky.

Charming: Go away, because I feel the need to protect you.

Snow: Billy, you don't have to protect me.

Sabrina: Haha, Billy. I'm calling you that from now on.

Charming: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that because I need you to be policemen for me.

Daphne: Punk rock!

Granny: Lets go investigate!

Canis: I think I'll stay here and do my yoga.

Sabrina: Bye!

Daphne: Eww, evil frog girl!

Frog Girl: Yum! People!

Granny: Run!

Canis: Hurry up!

Granny: Can I drive?

Canis: No.

Granny: Please?

Canis: Fine.

Frog Girl: Ahhh!

Sabrina: That was scary.

Puck: T.V. is awesome! And Daphne's gonna get warts!

Daphne: ACK! Must. Go. Wash!

Sabrina: You're evil.

Puck: I know.

Bird Lady: A bunch of my subjects dont remember about an hour yesterday. Oh, by the way, there's a bunch of red handprints all over your house.

Sabrina: Puck!

Puck: Wasn't me!

Daphne: I believe him.

Sabrina: Everybody hates me!

Puck: You'll never take me alive!

Sabrina: He is NOT going to school with us!

Granny: Yes he is.

Sabrina: He's filthy!

Puck: Am not.

Sabrina: Wow. Cute. No! I don't like you! Eww, gross!

Puck: Daphne, didja get anywarts?

Daphne: no.

Puck: Oh, you will.

Daphne: EEEK!

Bella: Sabrina, let me fix your hair.

Sabrina: THANK you.

Bella: C'mon, we'll be late.

Sabrina: Our teacher's dead.

Bella: What?

Queen of Hearts: Class, give me you homework.

Sabrina: You dusted the town and decided your'e our teacher! Evil!

Heart: Detention!

Wendell: I wasn't doing anything bad!

Sabrina: Ah-choo!

Puck: I know I'm awesome.

Sabrina: There's something wrong with me.

Puck: I'm going to annoy you the rest of the day, Grimm.

Sabrina: Great.

Puck: Where are you going?

Sabrina: I found a clue!

Puck: Boiler room! Dirtyness!

Charlie: Get out of here, dumb kids!

Sabrina: Party pooper.

Gym Teacher: Dodge ball!

Puck: Whats that?

Sabrina: You try to hit people over there. And not get hit.

Puck: That's cool.

Kids: Ah! We lose!

Natalie: U-oh.

Puck: Oh boy.

Sabrina: I hate you Puck.

Daphne: Puck, tell Sabrina I'm mad at her.

Puck: Grimm, Daphne says-

Sabrina: Forgive me and I show you the clue.

Daphne: That works.

Sabrina: You need to get detention.

Daphne: Ok.

Sabrina: Don't look, Daphne.

Daphne: Why?

Puck: The evil janitor is dead!

Sabrina: Ok, I'm not too upset about that, But NO ONE should have died!

Snow: Wendell...

Sabrina: I knew it!

Puck: Come on!

Wendell: Sic em, bunnies!

Daphne: EEK!

Sabrina: You're not really evil.

Puck: Am so!

Sabrina: Prove it.

Puck: You asked for it.

Sabrina: Oof!

Daphne: I'm cold. And wet. Where's Puck?

Sabrina: I'll go get him.

Daphne: He's not breathing!

Sabrina: I'll do CPR!

Puck: Why are you kissing me?

Sabrina: I wasn't!

Snow: Come on, kids, I'll get you dry. By the way, Wendell was saving me from a giant fuzzy thing.

Granny: Sabrina, I need to talk to you.

Sabrina: Great.

Granny: Fix your attitude. I understand, but you're being a brat.

Sabrina: I'm gonna stay a brat until I have my parents back!

Hamstead: I need your help.

Daphne: Of course!

Hamelin: My son is missing! Find him!

Granny: Working on it!

Elvis: Woof!

Granny: He found him!

Wendell: It wasn't me! I'm a private investigator!

Sabrina: Suuure you are.

Wendell: I work alone!

Sabrina: Someone watched too many black and white movies.

Wendell: There are tunnels under the school!

Sabrina: This is too weird.

Granny: I know the parents of the monsters!

Mis Muffet: I sold him to Rumplestiltskin!

Beauty: So did me and the beast!

Frog Prince: I want my daughter back!

Granny: I'm taking you off the case.

Sabrina: No way.

Daphne: Let's do it anyway!

Sabrina: Let's go get Puck!

Puck: Mumblebklkfjsl.

Sabrina: Wakey wakey eggs and bacie!

Puck: I will kill you with my stuffed unicorn!

Sabrina: Come on, we've got to go see mirror.

Mirror: Here, these juice boxes will shrink you, and the cookies will make you grow.

Sabrina: I'll take four.

Daphne: There's three of us.

Sabrina: Let's ask Wendell!

Wendell: I'll do it if I can do all the dangerous stuff.

Sabrina: Whatever.

Puck: Let's shrink!

Wendell: It's this way!

Sabrina: How are we gonna get down the stairs?

Puck: With a dustpan!

Sabrina: AAAH! I'm gonna kill you if we dont die, Puck!

Hamelin: This isn't working.

Sheepshanks: Finish it or I kill your son.

Sabrina: Darnit, I liked him!

Daphne: Giant mouse!

Puck: Eat the cookies!

Mouse: Gulp.

Sabrina: Oops.

Daphne: Uh-oh.

Puck: Get in my pocket, Grimm!

Sabrina: This is bad!

Daphne: Run!

Puck: This is fun!

Mouse: Growl!

Puck: I'll ride you!

Sabrina: Ahhh!

Puck: Gimme a juice box!

Daphne: Here!

Puck: I win!

Daphne: Where's Sabrina?

Puck: She's right- uh-oh.

Daphne: Let's go get Granny!

Sabrina: I'm over here!

Secretary Lady: Eeek! Cocroach!

Sabrina: I'll hide in the file cabinet!

Secretary Lady #2: Where'd it go?

Sabrina: I'm gonna take a nap.

Elvis: Woof!

Granny: Have a cookie, Sabrina. I'm VERY upset with you, by the way.

Sabrina: I'm sorry.

Granny: I'm going to get a babysitter for you while I work on the case.

Snow: Who wants to play candy land?

Sabrina: No freaking way.

Puck: I hate candy land.

Sabrina: Can we just research stuff?

Snow: Fine.

Sabrina: Hey, Rumplestiltskin can blow up!

Snow: That presents a problem,

Daphne: We have to find Granny!

Kids: We are zombies!

Charming: Let's go!

Natalie: Mwahahaha, I'm evil!

Sabrina: Why am I not surprised?

Hamelin: Wake up, Sabrina!

Sabrina: Wtf?

Hamelin: Go rescue everyone!

Sabrina: Ok, that works.

Rumplestiltskin/Sheepshanks: It's hopless, Sabrina. Give up.

Sabrina: No way!

Toby: Hahaha.

Sabrina: The villans are still not surprising me.

Bella: Do I surprise you?

Sabrina: Ok, now I'm surprised.

Rumplestiltskin: Having fun with your shovel?

Sabrina: What is going on?

Rumplestiltskin: I made you mad to give me energy.

Sabrina: Well, at least I dont buy babies!

Toby: I thought he found me in the park!

Hamelin: I'm going to hurt you now!

Rumplestiltskin: Get the bugs away from me!

Sabrina: I have a plan!

Granny: I trust you again, Sabrina!

Sabrina: Good, now we have to rescue everyone else!

Rumplestiltskin: Good job. But I'm going to release the wolf now.

Wolf/Canis: I want to eat you!

Puck: You'll have to go through me first!

Wolf: Love will be the end of you.

Puck: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Wolf: Suure you dont. *Cough* Sabrina *cough*

Sabrina: Everybody RUN!

Rumplestiltskin: BAFOOM!

Sabrina: I need my parents!

Granny: Sabrina, don't go anywhere! You broke your arm!

Sabrina: Too late!

Random Evil Girl: Sic her, Kitty!

Sabrina: U-oh.


	8. Book 3 Abridged

**an: Hey everybody, Daphne here again! It's time to show you the short version of what happened in book three!**

Sabrina: Ugh... wha?

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: Please be a dream!

Jabberwocky: Sorry.

Sabrina: Fudge.

Puck: Grimm, get up.

Sabrina: Stupid evil girl! Must rescue my parents!

Puck: Since I'm saving your life, you owe me a million bucks.

Sabrina: You're insane.

Random Evil Girl: Go away and leave my family alone!

Sabrina: Gimme my parents!

REG: No! Kitty, make sure they don't get out!

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: Shoot.

Puck: Run!

Sabrina: Where'd they go?

Puck: Look, this place is on fire! Worry about it later!

Sabrina: Ahh! Monster!

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: We need a sled.

Puck: Ah-ha!

Sabrina: Uh-oh.

Puck: Sit on my back!

Sabrina: This is a bad idea...wait, why are you turning into a walrus?

Puck: I'm a sled.

Sabrina: Just move!

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: We lost it!

jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: Or not.

Car: Beep beep!

Sabrina: Uh-oh...

Puck: That was great!

Sabrina: I'm cold.

Puck: Here, let me warm you up. Pixies!

Pixies: Yess master, how may we serve you?

Puck: Go get the old lady and make me a fire!

Sabrina: Aww, that's sweet.

Pixies: Awww!

Puck: It won't last.

Sabrina: I'm tired and my arm hurts.

Puck: Go to sleep.

Sabrina: Ok. I wish I was powerful...

Daphne: Sabrina! You're awake!

Sabrina: Must go back to the weird place...

Granny: It's been three days.

Sabrina: That sucks.

Daphne: Tell me about it.

Sabrina: I'm going to go wash my face- What the heck!

Daphne: It was Puck.

Sabrina: I'm going to kill him.

Daphne: By the way, you're grounded.

Sabrina: I will not laugh, I will not laugh...

Daphne: It's not funny!

Sabrina: Is too! Why am I grounded?

Daphne: Because you didn't take me with you!

Sabrina: Sorry.

Daphne: You should be.

Granny: Time to go home.

Sabrina: Ok, that works.

Snow: What happened to your face?

Sabrina: Puck.

Snow: Boys are immature.

Granny: How's Charming?

Snow: I don't like him! What gave you that idea?

Granny: Oh, look, we're home!

Snow: Have you been practicing your warrior face, Daphne?

Daphne: Rawr!

Sabrina: You look like you're constipated.

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: Whispher whispher.

Daphne: EEEW! Gross!

Granny: Go to bed, Sabrina.

Sabrina: You're kidding.

Granny: Nope.

Sabrina: I've been asleep for three days.

Granny: You've got a broken arm! You can't do anything anyway.

Sabrina: Fine.

Elvis: Whimper.

Sabrina: Rescue me!

Elvis: Whine.

Sabrina: What's up with him?

Granny: Show her.

Elvis: Grrr...

Sabrina: HAHAHA!

Daphne: It's cute!

Sabrina: He's not supposed to look like Santa!

Elvis: Whine.

Granny: Go to sleep.

Sabrina: Whatever.

Granny: Goodnight.

Sabrina: Is she gone yet? Good. Haha, I can sneak downstairs! Yay! Journals...journals...zkdfblargle...Evil Girl...Mom! Dad! I'll save you! But I... can't... I'm too weak! Hdjkslf- Huh? that was weird. Hey look- Whoah. Daphne!

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: I know who the freaky girl is!

Daphne: Who?

Sabrina: Little Red Riding Hood!

Daphne: Cool! Lets tell Granny!

Sabrina: No.

Daphne: Then we're not doing anything.

Sabrina: Please?

Daphne: Let's get Puck.

Sabrina: No freaking way.

Daphne: Then I'll scream.

Sabrina: Fine.

Puck: Get them Chimps!

Sabrina: I'm going to kill you.

Puck: Aye aye, Captain Doodieface!

Sabrina: Come help me find out about Red.

Puck: Fine.

Sabrina: Look! There it is!

Daphne: I'm scared.

Sabrina: Don't worry-

Daphne: Whoa!

Sabrina: Come on! Hey look, a file!

Random Dude: Give me that file, Sabrina and Daphne!

Sabrina: No way!

RD: Fine, I'll use my super secret trench coat to get it, then!

Puck: Let's go!

RD: Fine, but I've got the file!

Sabrina: Fudge. Now, nobody tell Granny about this.

THIS IS A DAPHNE LINE BREAK. DAPHNE LIKES WRITING FANFICS. DAPHNE IS COOL. MOSTLY.

Granny: Wake up! We're going to the grand opening of the school!

Sabrina: Sleep...

Granny: Are you ok?

Sabrina: Yes! What makes you think I'm not?

Granny: Nothing! Sheesh.

Taxi Driver: Get...zzzz

Sabrina: What the heck?

Granny: He's Rip Van Winkle.

Sabrina: How do I wake him up? He's DRIVING, for pete's sake!

Granny: Try the horn.

Sabrina: Ok.

RVW: What?

Sabrin: Eyes on the road, hands on the wheel, feet on the pedals!

RVW: We're here.

Charming: What are YOU doing here?

Snow: I invited them. Have a problem with that?

Charming: No, no, everything you do is perfect and wonderful because you're the best person in the world and I'm deeply and madly in love with you... not that I'm going to tell you or anything.

Daphne: AAAAW!

Charming: Shut your face.

Heart: Down with Charming! He likes Grimms! Up with me! I don't!

Charming: I do not!

Daphne: Thanks.

Crowd: Kill the Grimms!

Puck: No you don't!

Guy From Last Night: I'll save you!

Granny: *Gasp*

GFLN: Go away! I have super special magical things in my amazing trenchcoat!

Crowd: EEK! Run!

GFLN: So there!

Granny: Jake? What are you doing here?

GFLN: Hi, Mom.

Everyone Who Didn't Run Away: MOM?

Granny: Girls, this is you Uncle Jake.

All The Everafters: I don't remember him.

Granny: He did something very bad 15 years ago, and I made everyone forget him.

EWDRA: Ah. That explains it.

UJ: You erased me? Not cool.

Granny: I had to. Let's go home now.

UJ: let's decorate the house for Christmas!

Granny: Not that- too late.

UJ: What?

Granny: We don't need magic.

Sabrina: I need that file!

UJ: I'm going to fix your arm now.

Sabrina: That works.

Granny: You both dissapoint me.

Sabrina: mumble...zz...Puck?...mom?...dad-eek! Puppets! No...power...I'm weak... Stupid Red!

UJ: I bought doughuts! Who wants to go for a ride?

Sabrina: I LOVE doughnuts! I'll go. It's unusually quiet this morning.

Granny: Puck's sulking. Go get him.

Sabrina: Do I HAVE to?

Granny: Yes.

Sabrina: Mumble mumble stupid fairy. Puck? You here? Eww. What the heck?

Chimpanzees: Ooh!

Sabrina: Stop sulking.

Puck: No. Nobody cares about me.

Sabrina: Course we do.

Puck: You care about me?

Sabrina: No duh, Sherlock.

Puck: You love me you love me you love me!

Sabrina: Do not do not do not!

Puck: Yes you do-o! Mwha!

Sabrina: Wow. That was actually pretty nice. But If you kiss me again, I'm going to kill you! EEEEW, COOTIES!

Puck: Oof!

Daphne: Hi.

Sabrina: NOTHING HAPPENED!

Daphne: Ok, just relax. Where's Puck?

Sabrina: Coming. Stupid fairy.

UJ: Time to go! You know, this was just a ploy to get you away from your grandma so we could practice magic. Wanna try, Puck?

Puck: No. I hate the whole world.

UJ: OKKKK... Daphne?

Daphne: I only do what Granny wants.

UJ: Sabrina? Wait- what was that?

Puck: I'll go check it out!

Sabrina: Don't get hurt!

UJ: I can see why you love him.

Sabrina: I DON'T!

UJ: Relax. Let's go get lunch!

Daphne: Food.

Waitress: What do you want?

Sabrina: You don't have bluberry cobbler. Darnit.

Waitress: Do so!

Sabrina: Where did that come from?

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: Fudge.

Red: I want my grandma and my doggie!

Sabrina: Uh-oh.

Puck: Stay away from them! OW!

Sabrina: Puck? Are you OK?

Daphne: I don't think so. I mean, his wings just got ripped off.

Sabrina: Shut up, Daphne.

Daphne: What can we do?

Sabrina: Nothing! We're powerless, as usual!

Canis: I'll save you!

Sabrina: But you're dead!

Canis: Do I look dead?

Sabrina: Not particularly, but...

Red: Doggie!

Canis: RAWR!

Jabberwocky: OW!

Canis: So there! Let's go home.

Granny: I'm very dissapointed in you, Jake. It's just like-

UJ: Shut UP!

Granny: The girls need to know the truth.

UJ: Fine. I baisically caused your grandpa's death. The end.

Sabrina: Sad... What can we do for Puck?

Granny: Nothing that I know of. Except other fairies.

Sabrina: Fudge. Stupid barrier. If I could touch it, I'd kick it.

UJ: We can kill the jabberwocky and get him out with a special magic sword called the vorpal blade.

Sabrina: Coolio! Let's find it!

Daphne: Someone's bipolar...

UJ: One problem. It was broken into three pieces. We have one. The Little Mermaid has the next one.

Daphne: AWESOME!

UJ: Fish!

Fish: Go away.

Sabrina: I wish we had the vorpal blade piece!

Fish: Your loss.

Merman: thieves!

Little Mermaid: Bad people.

UJ: I like you!

LM: Awesome! Feed them to the giant crab anyway!

UJ: Shoot.

Sabrina: What are these?

UJ: the shoes of swiftness!

Sabrina: I know how to get us out!

UJ: This better work!

Sabrina: MAGIC IS FREAKING AMAZING!

Daphne: Wow... fast...

sabrina: Ok, we're back, you and Granny go look for the next person, I'm going to check on Puck.

Dapohne: You SO like him.

Sabrina: DO NOT!

Daphne: Suuuure... By the way, you're addicted to magic.

Sabrina: Whatever. Goodnight.

THIS IS ANOTHER DAPHNE LINEBREAK. IT HAS SPACES SO FANFICTION LETS IT LIVE. THAT'S OKAY, RIGHT?

Granny: Baba Yaga can fix it! Let's go see her!

UJ: NO.

Granny: You're the one who can drive.

UJ: NO.

Daphne: Please?

UJ: I can't resist puppy dog eyes.

Daphne: YES!

Baba Yaga: Fine, but I get the wand.

Sabrina: I need it!

UJ: Give it to her.

Sabrina: Fine... Nope! Baba Yaga, turn into a frog... oops.

BY: Nice aim.

Sabrina: Ribbit.

Canis: Let's go see Charming.

Sabrina: Absolutely not! Where did you come from, by the way?

Canis: I stalk you for fun.

Daphne: Creepy.

Sabrina: RIBBIT!

Charming: Absolutely not!

Canis: Rawr!

Charming: Fine. *smooch* Ewww.

Sabrina: Eww! Can we go home now?

Granny: You stay home. I'm giving you a chance. Break your addiction!

Sabrina: I have no power!

Granny: Yes you do! You have a whole bunch of sappy powerfulness!

Sabrina: Awesome. Where are you going?

Granny: To vote.

Sabrina: Where's Uncle Jake?

Granny: He dissapeared.

Sabrina: OK. See you!

Granny: Come on, Canis!

Daphne: Where's Granny?

Sabrina: Voting.

Daphne: Where's Uncle Jake?

Sabrina: He left.

Daphne: Where's Mr. Canis?

Sabrina: Driving Granny.

Daphne: Then- You're babysitting me?

Sabrina: Yup.

Daphne: Crazy talk.

Sabrina: Hey!

Daphne: What're you doing, anyway?

Sabrina: Messing around with the sword pieces. They look weird. Some of the letters dissapeared...

Daphne: It's a code!

Sabrina: Let's talk to Mirror! Mirror!

Mirror: What?

Sabrina: We have a code for the blue fairy who can put the sword back together.

Mirror: Let's see... Raffar elbu?

Sabrina: Fail.

Mirror: ufer helba?

Daphne: Epic fail.

Mirror: Blue Fharra?

Sabrina: The waitress! Come on Daphne!

Daphne: How?

Sabrina: We can drive the taxi!

Daphne: That was TERRIFYING!

Sabrina: It got us here!

Daphne: Never again.

Sabrina: Just... come on.

Daphne: Whatever. You drive almost as bad as Granny.

Sabrina: I'm eleven!

Daphne: Mr. Canis is driving us home.

Sabrina: Look, can we go now?

Daphne: Ok, we're going.

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: Great.

Red: I want my grandma!

Daphne: Hey everybody! There's a monster coming!

Everybody: Go away, dumb girl.

Sabrina: She's telling the truth!

Charming: Ignore them, everyone...

Jabberwocky: Rawr!

Sabrina: Told you so.

Charming: I'm going to be a hero!

Snow: Yay!

Granny: Lieblings, what are you doing here?

Sabrina: We know who the blue fairy is!

Blue Farrah/Waitress: Hi.

Sabrina: YOU!

BF/W: Yes?

Sabrina: You can fix the sword!

Granny: Please?

BF/W: Sure.

Sabrina: YAY!

UJ: Let me see that.

Sabrina: Where did you come from?

UJ: Battery store. Gimme the sword!

Granny: Sure.

UJ: Take that! And that! Hah!

Sabrina: It's dead, you can stop now.

UJ: No, I must feel powerful! Blue, gimme your power!

BF/W: You gotta wish it.

UJ: Fine, I wish I had all your power!

Blue: Ok.

UJ: Now I need all the everafter's power! Hahaha! Mom, you want Dad back? I want to make you happy!

Granny: No! Wahhh!

UJ: Daphne? You want your parents?

Daphne: It isn't right!

Sabrina: Why are you doing this?

UJ: I want everyone to be happy!

Sabrina: No one looks very happy now.

UJ: They will be! Do you have a wish?

Sabrina: I wish you know how sappily powerful you are!

UJ: Sniffle...

BF/W: Thanks, Sabrina!

Sabrina: No problemo!

Heart: This was a plot to make you think the Grimms are useful!

Crowd: Grrr...

Snow: My hero!

Charming: Mwa!

Daphne: Awww!

Sabrina: I think he lost.

Granny: I don't think he cares. By the way, we can go save Puck, now.

Sabrina: Yay!

Daphne: Aww!

Sabrina: Shut up.

Hamstead: Can I come? I don't have a job now.


	9. IM: A Bet

**AN~ I got bored with the scripting thing and needed a change, so this happened.**

* * *

**allthenamesiwantrused**: Give me the password, Daphne.

**wordsmith:** Never!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** You drive me nuts.

**wordsmith:** I know. :)

**allthenamesiwantrused:** That's not a good thing.

**wordsmith:** I know :D

**allthenamesiwantareused:** Fine, I'll just make a new account.

**wordsmith:** You need a new email.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I'm tired of sharing with the rest of the family, anyway.

**wordsmith:** You gonna write a story?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Maybe.

**trixr4kids:** You should make a new one.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Where are you?

**trixr4kids:** Home.

**wordsmith:** Crud!

**trixr4kids:** What?

**wordsmith:** Nothing.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** She probably forgot to log out.

**wordsmith:** NO!

**trixr4kids:** Yes!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Go change the password! now!

**trixr4kids:** Going. Brb.

**wordsmith:** Shoot.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Lol.

**wordsmith:** It's not funny!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Is too.

**wordsmith:** I was in the middle of a story!

**allthenamesiewantrused:** So you make your own account.

**wordsmith:** Maybe I will.

**trixr4kids:** I'm back!

**alltheneamesiwantrused:** Whats the password now?

**trixr4kids:** Go away, Daphne.

**wordsmith:** No whajskd

**trixr4kids:** What the heck?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I shoved her off her chair.

**trixr4kids:** Lol. It's purina.

**alltheneamesiwantrused:** Lol. She'll never guess that.

**wordsmith:** You forgot about the whole history thing, didn't you?

**trixr4kids:** Frig.

**wordsmith:** Lol. I win!

**trixr4kids:** No you- never mind, the old lady wants the computer.

**wordsmith:** See ya! Lol.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Shut up.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I love your story, Daphne!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I hate the whole world.

**kittylikeshorsie:** You really are the angstyest nonteen in the history of literature.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Am not!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Prove it. I bet you can't be happy for tw days.

**althenamesiwantrused:** You're on. Daphne, you can be the judge.


	10. Book 4 Abridged

**AN~ Back to the script thing.**

**hedgi: You'll be in the next IM one. I'm glad you asked.**

* * *

**an: Hi everyone! I love writing my fanfictions! I have another one planned out for after this! It'll be so much fun! Sabrina agreed to this contest with some random girl who IMed us, and now she has to be happy for 3 WHOLE DAYS! Hahaha... ANYhoo, I'm going to write now...**

**Sabrina:** Ugh. Long car ride.

**Granny:** We're almost there.

**Canis:** Uh-oh.

**Sabrina:** What?

**Canis:** Cops.

**Sabrina:** Great. Daphne, up.

**Daphne:** Huh?

**Cop:** Your car is a big fat mess. May I see your license?

**Canis:** Liscence? Do you need one of those to drive?

**Cop:** Buddy-

**Granny:** You are getting verrry sleeepy... You didn't meet us, OK? Good.

**Canis:** Perfect timing.

**Granny**: I know.

**Sabrina:** Hey, he's from New York!

**Canis:** No, really?

**Sabrina:** Woo-hoo! Oh, wait... ugh...

**Granny:** Sabrina? Are you alright?

**Sabrina:** Yeah... what happened?

**Daphne:** You passed out.

**Granny:** Come on, lets go!

**Daphne:** Where are we going, anyway?

**Granny:** I have no clue... here, I got this letter... 'Relda, I miss you and I'm sorry. If you ever go to New York, tell Hans Christan Andersen a knock knock joke!'

**Sabrina:** There's a statue of him in central park...

**Granny:** You're awesome!

**Sabrina:** I know.

**Canis:** What's a knock knock joke?

**Daphne:** See, I say knock knock-

**Canis:** Where'd she go?

**Granny:** Say knock knock.

**Canis:** Whatever. Knock knock.

**Hamstead**: Knock knock.

**Sabrina:** I'm all alone! Knock knock. Where are they- ew. Gross. I am scarred for life now.

**Ugly Fairy:** I've told you a thousand times, Emperor, YOU. MUST. WEAR. CLOTHES!

**Emperor:** I AM! You just can't see them!

**UF:** Neither can you.

**Sabrina:** I'll just leave now...

**Voice:** Watch it!

**Sabrina:** Oops, sorry, Gingerbread Man.

**Gingerbread Man/Voice:** You made me VERY mad!

**Sabrina:** I SAID sorry.

**Gingerbread Man:** Do you think I care?

**Daphne:** She didn't mean it, she's just never met a talking cookie-

**GM:** I AM NOT A COOKIE!

**Sabrina:** That's it!

**Granny:** GIRLS! We have more important thing to think about!

**Sabrina:** Oh, right... People, I need help!

**Bartender Lady:** Over there.

**Guard Dude:** Can't go in, Puck's not allowed.

**Canis:** He's going in, and that's final.

**GD:** No he's not!

**Fairy:** Puck! Come in.

**GD:** But your dad...

**Fairy:** Won't know, will he?

**GD:** I guess not...

**Fairy:** Good. He, Mom! Puck's back!

**Lady Fairy:** Mustardseed, what do you- PUCK!

**Fairy/Mustardseed:** I told you.

**LF:** Get Cobwb! He'll fix him! And you humans, you will pay for hurting my baby!

Sabrina: I didn't hurt him! It was a jaberwocky!

**LF:** Oh. Well, that's different.

**Man Fairy:** Get Puck out of here!

**LF:** Oberon! This is your son!

**Man Fairy/Oberon:** So what? I banished him, Titania!

**LF/Titania:** if you let him be healed, I'll give you Veronica Grimm's kids!

**Sabrina:** How do you know my mom, who said you could give us to anyone, and what the heck is going on?

**MF/Oberon:** I'll explain later! You're my prisoners if you want me to fix him!

**Sabrina:** That sounds really wrong... Fine.

**Oz:** Hi, I'm Oz, here's some food, it's not poisoned, and I'll get you out. Oberon's a bit weird like that. i knew you mom and she was amazing!

**Sabrina:** I don't trust you and will someone PLEASE tell me how you all know my mom?

**Oz:** She helped us.

**Sabrina:** No she didn't! She was awesome and normal and I don't want to be a fairytale detective 'cause people always get hurt when I do things!

**Ugly Fairy From Before # 1:** Veronica had great gams.

**Ugly Fairy From before # 2:** Yup.

**Daphne:** What's a gam?

**Sabrina:** Leg.

**Daphne:** Gross.

**Oberon:** Party! You all come with me! I have a job for you!

**Sabrina:** Daphne, plan C.

**Daphne:** Gothcha!

**Oberon:** OWWWW! Wahhh!

**Sabrina & Daphne:** Take that! Baby! Come back and take it like a man!

**Granny:** Since when do your plans have letters?

**Sabrina:** Since now.

**Oz:** Hi! Nice job!

**Random Everafter:** Oberon is DEAD!

**Daphne:** That's suspicious.

**Oz:** Don't look at me.

**Titania:** RAWR!

**Sabrina:** Uh-oh.

**Canis:** I'm going to go get Puck!

**Sabrina:** I'm going with you because I feel really guilty!

**Girl Fairy**: Stay away form Puck!

**Sabrina:** Gimme!

**GF:** MINE!

**Canis:** Look, Sabrina, let her carry him!

**Sabrina:** Fine, might as well. But he's MINE, just to clarify things!

**Mustardseed:** Moth, go with them, protect the future king.

**GF/Moth:** I will do my uptmost to protect my beloved fiance.

**Sabrina:** FIANCE?

THIS IS ANOTHER LINEBREAK. DON'T YOU LOVE LINEBREAKS THAT AREN'T MADE OF LINES? I DO.

**Granny:** Two hotel rooms, please.

**Hotel Employee Dude:** Of course. May I take your bags?

**Granny:** Bags?

**HED:** Yes, madam, your bags.

**Granny:** Oh, we don't have any.

**Moth:** Prince Puck and I will share this bed.

**Sabrina:** Sure... Why you want to sleep with that smelly thing I have no idea...

**Daphne:** What are you gonna do there?

**Sabrina:** Get your mind out of the gutter. He's stuck in a cocoon.

**Daphne**: I know, but they ARE engaged and all...

**Sabrina:** Don't remind me.

**Mustardseed:** Will you solve the mystery?

**Sabrina:** GAHH! Where'd you come form?

**Mustardseed:** The window.

**Sabrina:** Don't DO that!

**Mustardseed:** Sorry.

**Granny:** Of course we'll take the case.

**Sabrina:** I don't want to do this!

**Granny:** You don't have to. You can just stop. Finish this case, though, OK?

**Sabrina:** Good. Daphne, you stop too!

**Daphne:** No way!

**Sabrina:** Oh well, I'll convince you somehow...

**Granny:** OK, let's go look for clues!

**Sabrina**: I don't want to do this...

**Daphne:** Hmph.

**Sabrina:** That went well.

**Daphne:** We spent ALL morning looking, and we didn't find ANYTHING!

**Granny:** Lunch time!

**Daphne:** Good! Let's get one of everything! Oh, and what does everyone else want?

**Granny:** I'm going to make a phone call. Daphne, go wash your face.

**Daphne:** OK.

**Canis:** I think I'll go use the bathroom...

**Sabrina:** Don't leave me here with her!

**Canis:** Sorry.

**Sabrina:** You're enjoying thi aren't you?

**Canis:** Maybe.

**Sabrina:** ...

**Moth:** ...

**Sabrina:** ...

**Moth:** You can't have Puck.

**Sabrina:** I don't WANT him.

**Moth:** Wait, you're not in love with him?

**Sabrina:** NO!

**Everybody Else:** Huh?

**Sabrina:** Oops.

**Moth:** Suuure you aren't...

**Sabrina:** Shut up. I hate you.

**Moth:** It's mutual.

**Sabrina:** And move your stupid fairy. He's getting my shirt all sticky.

**Moth:** You're not worthy of his stickyness.

**Sabrina:** You're not worthy of hi- never mind.

**Granny:** Well, Jake says everything is good. He gave Elvis sausage, though.

**Daphne:** Oops.

**Granny:** No kidding.

**Moth:** I have absolutely no clue what's going on...

**Sabrina:** Go away. Nobody cares about you anyway.

**Granny:** We're going to your old apartment.

**Sabrina:** Ok.

**Lady:** Oh, the old owners! Come in! Whatis that purple thing?

**Moth:** Move aside, peasant.

**Granny:** Don't mind her, she's an... actress.

**Lady:** Oh! Here, I have some of the stuff that was left here.

**Sabrina:** I want the wallet!

**Daphne:** Sheesh, you can have it.

**Moth:** Typical peasant, just wants money.

**Sabrina:** Shut up.

**Granny:** No journal...?

**Lady:** Nope, sorry.

**Sabrina:** Why does she have a business card for Ebeneezer Scrooge?

**Granny:** You're very good at this. Don't quit.

**Sabrina:** Too late.

**Teenage Boy:** Welcome to Scrooge's financial services and spiritual help, what can I do for you?

**Daphne:** Can we see Scrooge?

**TB:** Are you alive?

**Sabrina:** Do I look dead?

**TB:** You never know.

**Ghostly Crowd Dressed Up For Holidays:** Hey! We were here first!

**Voice:** Tim! Get the ghosts out of here!

**TB/Tim:** I've tried! But there's somebody alive in here, Mr. Scrooge!

**Voice/Scrooge:** Well, send them in!

**Tim:** I am!

**GCDUFH:** Not fair!

**Tim:** They're paying.

**Granny:** Come on girls, we've got detecting to do!

**Scrooge:** So what can I help you with?

**Granny:** Could you contact Oberon for us?

**Scrooge:** Sure, but he's a jerk. I'm glad he's dead. Loved your mother, girls, she was a natural medium.

**Sabrina:** Okkkk...

**Scrooge:** Ahem. Oberon, I summon thee to come and speak with us for we desire information that only you can provide us with.

**Sabrina:** Ummm... Hey! Does anyone else feel that?

Daphne: Feel what?

**Oberon's Voice:** You called?

**Sabrina:** Eeek!

**Daphne:** Did you just say that?

**Sabrina:** Eek? Yeah.

**Moth:** No, fool, 'You called'.

**OV:** No, that was me.

**Granny:** She did it again!

**Sabrina:** Not cool. This is why I don't want to do this anymore. I will not freak out, I will not freak out I will not-

**OV:** Why do you want me?

**Scrooge:** You're dead.

**OV:** Fudge.

**Granny:** We're trying to find out the killer. Do you know who it could have been?

**OV:** COBWEB!

**Moth:** I knew it!

**Sabrina:** That's a little strange...

**Granny:** Well, girls, we have to go look for Cobweb now.

**OV:** Good luck!

**Sabrina:** Can we get rid of him first?

**Scrooge:** Go back to limbo, Oberon.

**Oberon:** Fine. mumblemumble...

**Granny:** Now we're going to go see Oz!

**Sabrina:** Can't we just go home?

**Granny:** NO.

**Daphne:** Has anyone seen Mr. Hamstead?

**Granny:** You rember that girl he rescued last night? Bess?

**Daphne:** Yeah.

**Granny:** They're on a date.

**Daphne:** AWWW!

**Moth:** Eurgh.

**Sabrina:** What? The hand thing?

**Moth:** Yes.

**Sabrina:** She does that.

**Oz:** Any news?

**Granny:** We think it was Cobweb.

**Oz:** That's not cool. And tell Hamstead to watch out. Tony Fats is Bess's boyfriend. He's not going to be happy abot this...

**Granny:** All right Sabrina, we can go back to the hotel now.

**Sabrina:** That's not exactly home, but it'll do.

THIS USED TO BE FOUR CHAPTERS. NOW IT'S JUST ONE BECAUSE I WANTED TO CONDENSE. HOPE THAT'S OKAY.

**Twilarose:** Oh! It's the GRIMM FAMILY.

**Granny:** Can you give me a hand with something?

**Twilarose:** I'd just love to give the GRIMM FAMILY amazing outfits!

**Sabrina:** We all know what you're doing.

**Twilarose:** I absolutely adore you people in the GRIMM FAMILY!

**Daphne:** Even if you ARE Cinderella's fairy godmother, this isn't cool. Can't you just tell Cobweb to come out?

**Twilarose:** He isn't here. Oh! This is an AMAZING outfit!

**Sabrina:** Ummm... No comment.

**Twilarose:** I know! Pink!

**Sabrina:** I hate pink.

**Daphne:** I don't, but it doesn't go too well with yellow...

**Twilarose:** Geishas form outer space attack!

**Sabrina:** That fits.

**Moth:** Get these atrocious outfits off of us!

**Twilarose:** Oh no you di-int!

**Granny:** Uh-oh.

**Daphne:** I can't move!

**Sabrina:** Chains tend to have that effect.

T**ony Fats:** You!

**Hamstead:** Great.

**Bess:** Tony! Calm down!

**Tony:** Hamstead must die!

**Granny:** Could you get rid of the chains so we can run please?

**Twilarose:** My dresses!

**Sabrina:** That does the world a huge favor.

**Twilarose:** You will pay. Take that! Oops.

**Daphne:** Hey look! I got her wand!

**Sabrina:** Get rid of the chains NOW!

**Daphne:** Ok.

**Sabrina:** Take Puck and RUN! ...Well, fly.

**Moth:** Of course, human.

**Granny:** Let's run!

**Daphne:** Bibbity bobbity boo!

**Sabrina:** Great, we've got a pickle car, very Richard Scaryesque, who's gonna drive it?

**Daphne:** Hey cat! Bibbity bobbity boo!

**Sabrina:** So we have a cat for a driver. Instead of a human. I bet I can drive better than this guy.

**Daphne:** Never again will I be in the same car while you're behind the wheel. But we lost them! Give this back to Twilarose, Ok? Thanks.

**Cat Person:** Sure.

**Granny:** Cobweb! Stop!

**Cobweb:** No way!

**Granny:** But if you didn't do it there's always court.

**Cobweb:** In Faerie? You're kidding, right?

**Granny:** Oh dear.

**Moth:** He's getting away!

**Granny:** I can see that.

**Moth:** You're incompetent.

**Daphne:** Say anything like that and I'll punch you. What does imcompetent mean?

**Hamstead:** She can't do her job right.

**Sabrina:** I guess you don't need me anymore...

**Daphne:** I do so, I just can't depend on you. 'Cause you know, that totally makes complete sense.

**Granny:** We're going to go see Titania.

**Sabrina:** She tried to kill us.

**Titania:** Well?

**Granny:** We'll only agree to help if Cobweb gets a FAIR trial.

**Titania:** No freaking way.

**Mustardseed:** Of course.

**Sabrina:** You did it again!

**Mustardseed:** Sorry.

**Daphne:** I think he's a ninja.

**Sabrina:** I think you're right.

**Momma:** Your mom was awesome. She helped me out a ton.

**Granny:** I know. Do you know where Cobweb might have gone?

**Momma:** Subway.

**Daphne:** The restaurant? Who are you,by the way?

**Momma:** Mother Goose. And no, the actual subway system.

**Daphne:** Squee!

**Sabrina:** Again with the hand thing, Daph.

**Granny:** We'll look in the morning.

**Sabrina:** Yawn... My mouth feels icky... smack smack smack...

**Cocoon:** Sh... I'm not following her...

**Sabrina:** Gargle gargle... That's better. EEEEK! Move you stupid cocoon! Oh, gross... EEEWW EEEWW EEEEEEWWWWW!

**Granny:** Do you need some tums, Sabrina?

**Sabrina:** Help!

**Moth:** You're a thief!

**Sabrina:** Get it away from me!

**Moth:** This shouold have happened to ME!

**Daphne:** You WANT to be sprayed with disgustingness from a giant purple eggplant?

**Moth:** YES!

**Daphne:** There's something wrong with you...

**Granny:** What's going on, Moth?

**Moth:** Puck chose Sabrina as his protector. That should have been MY right!

**Sabrina:** You can HAVE it! This smells DISGUSTING!

**Granny:** Congratulations, Sabrina.

**Sabrina:** Thanks... I guess...

**Moth:** You smell disgusting.

**Sabrina:** Tell me about it. Stupid cocoon, stop following me around!

**Moth:** It won't, you know. How many showers did you take?

**Sabrina:** Six. I'm going to drop-kick you out the window if you don't stop!

**Moth:** Me?

**Sabrina:** As appealing as that sounds, no. The cocoon.

**Moth:** NOW what are you doing?

**Sabrina:** Shhh, I'm hiding. Oh, shoot.

**Granny:** I have a disguise for it!

**Sabrina:** A string?

**Granny:** Don't you just love your balloon, liebling?

**Sabrina:** This is demeaning.

**Dwarves:** Fairies! Get them!

**Granny:** We're not fairies, just loooking for Cobweb. I'm Relda Grimm, and these are my granddaughters.

**Dwarf #1:** Oh, well, that's different. Your mom was awesome, girls.

**Sabrina:** So I've heard. Can you help?

**Dwarf #2:** Sure. A friend of ours said he saw him a little while ago.

**Someone:** RAWR!

**Daphne:** What was that?

**Dwarf #3:** Yahoo.

**Sabrina:** And that is...?

**Dwarf #4:** Human-ape thing. Wants to invade the tunnels.

**Dwarf #5:** I'm going to crash the train into the end of the tunnel.

**Dwarf #6:** I don't think I like this plan.

**Sabrina:** Oww...

**Dwarves:** Present warrior faces!

**Daphne:** Hey! I can do this!

**Yahoo:** OW! Me go now.

**Cobweb:** Uh-oh.

**Sabrina:** Are ALL the fairies ninjas or something? Did you kill Oberon?

**Cobweb:** No, and I'm not a ninja.

**Moth:** I'll get you!

**Cobweb:** AAAH!

**Granny:** Stop!

**Moth:** Darnit.

**Hamstead:** Moth, either cooperate or go back to the hotel.

**Bess:** Cowboy, you're amazng.

**Hamstad:** Hehe...

**Daphne:** Awww...

**Granny:** Boat! We'll take that boat!

**Sabrina**: OK...

**Sinbad:** What are you doing here? Stupid fairies.

**Daphne:** Do I look like a fairy?

**Sinbad:** No, you're too fat. Are you Veronica's daughters?

**Sabrina:** Don't tell me how amaxing she was again, OK? I'm sick of it.

**Sinbad:** Fine. but I'll help anyway.

**Sailor:** Pirates!

**Sinbad:** That's the third time this week. Great.

**Pirates:** Argh!

**Everyone:** Scuffle, oof, Ouch! Ahh! *&%! EEK! etcetera.

**Sabrina:** Well, that went well.

**Daphne:** Apart form the fact that it's just you, me and Moth, trapped on a pirate ship, yeah.

**Moth:** Don't forget Puck.

**Sabrina:** He doesn't count. He can't do anything.

**Daphne:** Are we going to die?

**Sabrina:** I really hope not.

**Cobweb:** Run girls!

**Sabrina:** He did it again!

**Silver/Pirate Leader:** Ok, NOW I'm mad. You're all walking the plank.

**Sabrina:** Can I have a last request?

**Silver:** What?

**Sabrina:** Moth, play the pixie song!

**Moth:** Ladeda! Cobweb will now die!

**Cobweb:** AHHH!

**Sabrina:** You're evil. Take Puck and go.

**Moth:** Have fun!

IT'S GETTING TO BE A LONGISH SORT OF CHAPTER RIGHT NOW. YOU STILL WITH ME? GOOD.

**Daphne:** I'm telling you, there WERE people on that boat!

**Sabrina:** Daphne, they're not going to believe you.

**Child Service Dude:** Strange child...

**Smirt:** Well, girls, nice to see you again.

**Sabrina:** Oh, great.

**Daphne:** I'm, mad at you, Sabrina.

**Sabrina:** Why?

**Daphne:** It's all your fault! Are you happy NOW?

**Sabrina:** Do I Look- Oh, never mind.

**Smirt:** Rise and shine girls, time to make breakfast!

**Sabrina:** Great. Eeew...

**Kid:** Eww, Daphne's disgusting.

**Sabrina:** Shut up.

**Daphne:** I'm still mad at you, even though you're being really nice and just want what's best for me...

**Smirt**: You're going to a new foster home. He killed seven people with a crowbar.

**Sabrina**: Great.

**Greeley**: Hi, I'm Greely, I'm your new dad. Do what I want or you die.

**Daphne**: Hey! You almost ran that old lady over! you should go back and make sure she's ok.

**Greeley**: You never go back after you've done a crime.

**Sabrina**: Daphne! It wasn't Cobweb! Think about it! He came back!

**Daphne**: Red light! Run!

**Sabrina**: Oof!

**Greeley**: NOW I'm mad.

**Sabrina**: OW!

**Daphne**: Oops.

**Hamstead**: You're dead.

**Greeley**: OOOWWW!

**Granny**: Let's go back to the hotel.

**Sabrina**: We have to go tell Titania that it wasn't Cobweb.

**Mustardseed**: Thank you for your help.

**Granny**: Actually... We don't think it was Cobweb.

**Titania**: What?

**Sabrina**: Let me explain.

**Titania**: You're Puck's protector?

**Sabrina**: For better or for worse.

**Daphne**: It sounds like they're married!

**Sabrina**: ANYway, Cobweb tried to see if we were all right. He died trying to PROTECT us.

**Mustardseed**: That makes sense.

**Titania:** And how do we prove this?

**Granny**: We'll ask scrooge to ask Cobweb.

**Sabrina**: And I'll be really nice and let you talk to Oberon too while we're at it.

**Moth**: Don't you want to say good bye to Puck first? Special emergence ceremony, and he'll have to stay here afterwards and all.

**Sabrina**: Granny?

**Granny**: Might as well.

**Sabrina**: Thanks!

**Moth**: Go talk to him, I need to prepare the sacred drink.

**Sabrina**: Sacred drink...? Whatever. hey Puck. I wanted to say I'm sorry for before when you umm... yeah... and I'll miss you. Have fun trying to grow up. Yeah right.

**Moth**: To Puck!

**Sabrina**: To Puck! owww... My stomach hurts...

**Moth**: I did it! Because I wanted to keep Puck here! Nobody will know! Mwahahaha! And you need to die too because Puck loves you!

**Puck**: Moth, you're an idiot.

**Moth**: I can explain!

**Puck**: Pixies! Deal with her, I have to rescue Sabrina!

**Sabrina**: Eeeww... Never again will I eat egplant.

**Granny:** Moth confessed to everything, but she's not in the Scarlet Hand.

**Puck:** Yeah, I'm going to make a really sweet speech about my dad now...

**Sabrina**: That was really nice.

**Puck**: Thanks. My mom wrote it.

**Sabrina**: Did you write one?

**Puck**: Yeah, it baisically said my dad's an egotistical jerk. Sniff...

**Sabrina**: Are you crying? Poor guy.

**Puck**: I'm not the only one. I've hear whart's going on with you, Grimm. Much as I hate to say this, you should keep doing it cause you're a hero.

**Sabrina**: Thanks. You're making a lot of speeches today.

**Tony** **Fats(in the distance):** You're going to regret this, Hamstead!

**Hamstead**: Oops.

**Bess**: Hamstad? You're a pig?

**Hamstead**: Yeah...

**Daphne**: Come back!

**Granny**: Give him time.

**Sabrina**: Granny! before we leave, I need to talk to Oz! I need to understand my mom!

**Granny**: Ok.

**Sabrina**: Oz? You here?

**Puck**: I'm bored... So I'm going to fidle around with papers.

**Sabrina**: Stop that- hey, what's this?

**Daphne**: What is it?

**Sabrina**: Mom's journal. With her missing speech in it.

**Oz**: I really wish you hadn't found that.

**Sabrina**: You did it!

**Oz**: Yeah, I kidnapped your parents and put the hand on Oberon. Give me the journal.

**Sabrina**: No way!

**Oz**: Ha! Mine!

**Granny**: Give that back!

**Daphne**: What was that?

**Sabrina**: GIANT MECHANICAL WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!

**Daphne**: Run!

**Sabrina**: We're on top of the empire state building! NOW where do we run?

**Oz**: Uh-oh, I'm stuck!

**Sabrina**: Give me the journal!

**Oz**: Let go of the basket!

**Sabrina**: AAAWK!

**Puck**: I've got you! Nice swak, by the way.

**Sabrina**: I've got the remote! Wrong button, wrong button, wrong button wro- RIGHT BUTTON!

**Granny**: The journal fell out of the basket.

**Sabrina**: I'll read it to the everafters.

**Sabrina**: Yeah... big long speech. You should get along.

**Daphne**: Nice job.

**Sabrina**: I'll be a Grimm after all.

**Granny:** I'm not surprised, for some reason.

**Sabrina:** Sigh.

**Hamstead:** Sigh.

**Daphne:** I'm surrounded by depressed people.

**Canis**: They're lovesick.

**Daphne:** Why?

**Canis:** Because Puck and Bess aren't here.

**Sabrina:** I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

**Bump:** Bump.

**Hamstead:** What was that?

**Bess:** I'm the cow that jumped over the moon!

**Hamstead:** Marry me!

**Bess:** Where will we go on the honeymoon?

**Hamstead:** Everywhere!

**Daphne:** Have fun! Hey, Sabrina, look!

**Sabrina:** It's Puck! Yay!

**Granny:** Merry Christmas, everyone!


	11. IM: The Barriers Begin to Fall

**AN~ Two more books and then I can do whatever. First I'm taking a break for IMing 'cause thats waaaaay easier to write. No real adventures yet, I'm kind of not sure what else to have them do... Ideas welcome!**

* * *

**kittylikeshorsie**: So how's it going?

**allthenamesiwantrused**: Oh, just great!

**wordsmith**: You know, sarcasm is not happy, Sabrina.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: Who said I was being sarcastic?

**wordsmith**: I can see your face.

**alltheneamesiwantrused**: And your point is...?

**wordsmith**: You're not smiling.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: I barely ever smile, even when I'm happy.

**trixr4kids**: This is extremely funny. Enjoying yourself, Grimm?

**allthenamesiwantrused**: Can you cut me a break for him, kittylikeshorsie?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Maybe, he can make it difficult... Nah. But if Puck does anything worse than usual, Daph, I think she should have a little leeway.

**wordsmith**: K, that works.

**trixr4kids**: Drat.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: I think these have been the longest two days in my life.

**kittylikeshorsie**: I told you you couldn't do it.

**alltheanamesiwantrused**: I can so!

**kittylikeshorsie**: Good girl, turn over a new leaf.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: BRB, I've gotta use the bathroom.

**kittylikeshorsie**: See ya! Well, not really, but...

**trixr4kids**: Why'd you do this?

**kittylikeshorsie**: I like messing with her head.

**trixr4kids**: I'll have to try that...

**kittylikeshorsie**: It's funny. You really should.

**wordsmith**: I thought you did already...

**trixr4kids**: Not really. Just tease her.

**kittylikeshorsie**: Don't mess with her 'til after the bet's over, though, I want tp win without your help.

**trixr4kids**: I actually kind of miss the angst. It adds spice to life.

**kittylikeshorsie**: Up to an extent. Sabrina was overdoing it.

**wordsmith**: Sabrina's coming back!

**kittylikeshorsie**: qQuick, clear the chat history!

**trixr4kids**: Done!

**kittylikeshorsie**: I can see that, thanks.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: What's up? And where'd the history go?

**wordsmith**: You don't want to know what we talked about.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: OK... I'll deal with it.

**hedgi** **naysomay**: Hi!

**kittylikeshorsie**: Hey! Whats up?

**wordsmith**: Who is this?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Friend of mine from fanfiction.

**wordsmith**: Oh! I remeber you! You reviewed my story!

**hedgi naysomay**: Yup. Love your script format stuff.

**wordsmith**: Thanx! I have another story planned for after that!

**kittylikeshorsie**: Can't wait! Except I know what it is already...

**allthenamesiwantrused**: How?

**kittylikeshorsie**: I'm her beta.

**hedgi naysomay**: So, hows the bet going, Sabrina?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Brins.

**trixr4kids**: What?

**kittylikeshorsie**: That's her new nickname. Brins.

**trixr4kids**: That works.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: Anyway, the bet is going JUST FINE, thank you very much, I'm not upset at alllll...

**trixr4kids**: She is. She almost cracked this morning.

**wordsmith**: Yeah, her face turned purple. It was funny.

**allthenamesiwantruesd**: I didnt hear that. And I'm still happy... lalala...

**wordsmith**: She's turning purple again.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: i'm HAPPY! Oh I'm so happy... I feel pretty/ Oh so pretty/ And witty/ And gay!

**kittylikeshorsie**: That song has always made me laugh. Especially when a guy sings it.

**wordsmith**: Why?

**kittylikeshorsie**: You'll get it when you're older.

**trixr4kids**: Remind me to never sing that song.

**kittylikeshorsie**: Peter Pan sings that song.

**trixr4kids**: THANK you! Somebody else gets me!

**wordsmith**: You guys on that website were saying stuff like that, too. What are you talking about?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Part of the reason Puck doesn't want to be compared with Peter Pan.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: If you think about it though, he really is...

**trixr4kids**: I know! I mean, really? Green tights?

**kittylikeshorsie**: We're men! We're men in tights! I LOVE that movie! Real men wear tights. And pink. Except Fang. He's a very real man and he wears black.

**strongandsilent**: i no, im awesome, right?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Get back to your own category, Fang, this is Sisters Grimm.

**hedgi naysomay:** What just happened?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Fang from the Maximum Ride category just randomly appeared in my conversation. So I sent him back to his own universe.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: That's just too weird. I wonder why he showed up?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Let me try something... Skullduggery Pleaseant and Valkyrie Cain belong with each other.

**worldsgreatestdetective**: Ahm... she's thirteen.

**thisnamethingisridiculous**: No, thank you. No offense, Skul, it's just...

**worldsgreatestdetective**: I understand completely.

**kittylikeshorsie**: It works!

**wordsmith**: What works?

**kittylikeshorsie**: go back home, guys. if i mention somebody in a different book series, they appear in our conversation. haha, im all powerful! well, not really, but im fairly powerful.

**trixr4kids**: That's a litle scary.

**kittylikeshorsie**: It is. But awesome! Who else should come here?

**hedgi** **naysomay**: I dunno... Hey, Sabrina is it true that you had a crush on Robin Hood?

**robtherich**: Aww, that's adorable.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: NO! It's not true!

**kittylikeshorsie**: Hey, you can do it, too! And you did so.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: no, i did not, im still happy, very happy, lalala im not mad at all...

**hedgi** **naysomay**: Go away, Rob. This is awesome! How long do you think 'til brins cracks?

**kittylikeshorsie:** I'd give it about five minutes.

**allthenamesiwantrused**: SHUT UP!

**kittylikeshorsie**: Or sooner. I win! Yay!

**allthenamesiwantrused**: Oh shi-oot. I'm going home. c'mon Daph.

**wordsmith**: Haha, bye guys.

**trixr4kids**: Can I mess with her head now?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Feel free.

**trixr4kids**: Thanks! Gotta go plan!

**hedgi** **naysomay**: Yeah, I gotta go, too.

**kittylikeshorsie**: Aww, I'm alone again... I guess I'll leave and stop talking to myself.


	12. Book 5 Abridged, Part 1

**AN~ Back to the books again! This stuff is actually really hard to write. This is my second favorite book, mainly 'cause Sabrina has no lessons to learn.**

* * *

Granny: WAKE UPPPP!

Sabrina: I'm awake...

Granny: I meant your sister.

Sabrina: I think the pots are a little much.

Granny: Sorry, but you have escape training and then the party.

Sabrina: Great.

Daphne: Wazzamattawitallthanbatbangin?

Sabrina: Escape training! (note sarcasm)

Daphne: Woo-hoo.

Granny: Come on, you're getting better!

Sabrina: We've never finished it.

Granny: Maybe you will today. It's someplace new!

Daphne: ...Where?

Granny: The Snow Queen's homeland!

Sabrina and Daphne: Great.

Granny: Don't forget to bundle up!

Mirror: Hey girls, ready for your training?

Sabrina: No.

Mirror: Didn't think so. I wouldn't be, either. Have fun!

Sabrina: Thanks...

Granny: You know the drill, walk until I blow the whistle.

Daphne: OK, I will.

Granny: Fwhee!

Puck: Mwahahaha!

Daphne: Uh-oh.

Sabrina: Run!

Daphne: AHH!

Sabrina: Don't go in the woods! We always do! So why would he booby trap the whole path if he knows we're not going to stay on it?

Daphne: But woods SAFER!

Sabrina: There aren't any leaves. He can see us just as well there as here. We're staying on the trail.

Daphne: Fine.

Sabrina: Pant pant... See? I told you.

Daphne: I guess you were right. We're a great team.

Sabrina: Yeah.. we are, aren't we?

Puck: Aww, so cute.

Sabrina: What is that?

Puck: A glop grenade.

Daphne: A WHAT?

Puck: A grenade full of stuff that smells disgusting.

Sabrina: Pull that pin and I will hurt you.

Puck: One...

Sabrina: I said don't do it!

Puck: OW!

Daphne: She did warn you...

Sabrina: Stop talking and RUN!

Puck: You will pay!

Sabrina: Whoa!

Daphne: Don't grab ME!

Sabrina: Sorry, too late! AAHH!

Daphne: EEKK!

Granny: You won girls! Yay!

Sabrina: That's a first. Wait... really?

Granny: Yes, really.

Daphne: SQUEE!

Sabrina: Your hand's gonna freeze off if you do that here... but still... WAHOO!

Puck: You cheated!

Daphne: I don't remember that... How?

Puck: I don't know yet. But you still did!

Granny: Puck, put the grenade DOWN.

Puck: One... two... three!

Sabrina: Why am I not goopefied? Hey! The pin's still in this one! Oh boy.

Puck: Don't you dare.

Sabrina: One... two... three!

Puck: Mumbleghldk!

Uncle Jake: What happened to him?

Daphne: Sabrina and a-

UJ: Say no more. I'll go give him a bath...

Canis: the guests are here.

Daphne & UJ: Princesses!

Sabrina: That's just sad...

Mirror: They're just going through a phase... didn't you ever have one?

Sabrina: Phase, yes. PRINCESS phase, no.

Mirror: Oh I'm sorry, I forgot, you're rough and tough.

Sabrina: Don't you forget it, either.

Mirror: Go down and greet the guests.

Jake: Briar... ahhh...

Snow: Briar... grrr.

Daphne: Briar... Squeee!

Sabrina: Briar... who cares?

Puck: I'm with you.

Granny: Oh hi Cindy, Tom!

Sabrina: That failed.

Jake: Keep you happy face on!

Sabrina: Shut up, I'm going to bed.

Jake: Just trying to cheer you up...

Sabrina: Ugh... Did I hear a knock?

Daphne: Mumblesnort.

Sabrina: Fine, I'll go answer the door.

Baba Yaga: YOU STOLE MY WAND!

Sabrina: I never!

BY: LYING IS BAD!

Sabrina: Oof! Hey! Can't... breathe...

Puck: Stop, hag! Sabrina grimm is under the protection of Puck, ruler of Faerie, trickster king, leader of hooligans-

BY: Shut up, will you?

Puck: Lord of the wrong side of the tracks- AHHHH!

BY: That's better.

Sabrina: If I wasn't so upset, I'd thank you.

BY: You're going to die!

Canis: Pick on somebody your own size!

Sabrina: Well that's corny... Hey! I can breathe!

Canis: You're welcome.

Jake: What did you do?

Sabrina: For once, nothing! She says I stole her wand.

Granny: I believe Sabrina.

BY: She's touched!

Daphne: She's crazy?

BY: NO, she's addicted to magic!

Daphne: Oh, well I knew that already.

Granny: While that may be true, she isn't a liar. We will, however, help you find your wand.

BY: Fine. Be at my house tomorrow.

Sabrina: If you think I'M going THERE, you're crazy.

Sabrina: This is crazy.

Puck: She'll turn you into jerky.

Daphne: I don't want to be jerky.

Puck: Just wait until I get my hands on her! NOBODY does that to me and gets away with it!

Sabrina: Wow...

Puck: HEY! are these real skulls?

Granny: Yes, they are. Puck, don't be scared.

Puck: Scared? This is awesome!

Sabrina: What happened to destroying her?

Puck: Hey, I can appreciate her taste in decor and still get my revenge!

Sabrina: Mm-hm...

Daphne: Where are the bodyguards?

Puck: Scared of me. ... Me? ... Me...

Granny: Sounds like you're getting sick.

Sabrina: Don't guy's voices do that when they get to puberty?

Puck: Why do you think I stopped growing up at 11? And everafters DON'T get sick.

BY: The Young and Restless is on.

Granny: Sorry. Where are your bodyguards?

BY: They failed me.

Sabrina: They're dead.

Granny: What do you mean they failed?

BY: they were supposed to protect my house, and they didn't. They failed.

Sabrina: Yup, they're dead.

Puck: This is awesome!

Sabrina: Here you go again...

BY: Do you see anything?

Sabrina: A mousehole... a bunch of crud... I don't even WANT to know what that is... a broken chandelier... nope.

BY: You have until tomorrow, then I start looking on my own.

Granny: We need more time!

BY: Tomorrow.


	13. Book 5 Abridged, Part 2

**AN~ Part two! Are these actually funny?**

* * *

Sabrina: More awful food... whoopee.

Daphne: I don't see anything wrong with it. You're just picky.

Puck: I could eat a horse! And I should know! Hey, is the saddle technically part of the horse?

...

Puck: What?

Sabrina: No, and why?

Puck: Stupid Arthenus. He owes me a million bucks.

Sabrina: Never mind, I'm good with not knowing.

Granny: Canis, Puck has been really hungry, and his voice keeps cracking.

Canis: Sniff sniff... interesting...

Granny: I thought as much.

Puck: What?

Granny: Nothing.

Morgan Le Faye: Knock Knock!

Sabrian: I'll get it...

MLF: I've been robbed.

Sabrina: I'm sensing a pattern here.

Bunch of random Guys: Morgan! Morgan! Morgan! We fixed and cleaned your apartment!

MLF: Oh, you're all so sweet!

BORG: I hate all the other guys.

MLF: Sorry about that.

Granny: It's all right.

MLF: Mordred! We have company!

Mordred: I was playing my game.

MLF: Sorry, but... oh, go play with your dolls.

Mordred: THEY'RE NOT DOLLS!

MLF: Sorry!

Sabrian: Freaky red eyes... he's a nerd.

MLF: Well...

Puss in Boots: Morgan, you have mice. Better just move out now.

Sabrina: Mice?

PIB: Mice are the ultimate evil.

Sabrina: If you say so...

Granny: What did you lose?

MLF: The wonder clock. It lets you go back 12 hours in time.

Granny: We'll do our best to look for it.

PIB: HELLO, the MICE!

Granny: I guess we can come look...

MLF: Oh Jake, you're so strong!

Jake: I know. Wanna see me flex?

Granny: Come on, you're embarrasing me.

PIB: See?

Sabrina: Mice... HEY! The last place had mice, too!

Granny: Good girl! Anything else?

Daphne: They're both witches!

Sabrina: They were both robbed of magical items by people they never saw. Soo... tiny people?

Granny: I think it was Lilliputians. Let's go to the jail!

Sherriff of Nottingham: Nope, I let the Lilliputains and any other everafters in jail go free. They're trapped enough in this town.

Granny: Some of them were dangerous!

SON: So? I hate you.

Granny: I'd like to be friends.

SON: Yeah right. I'll cut off your hand.

Jake: Shut up.

SON: I can cause you so much trouble...

Jake: you want to be a frog? Or something worse? 'Cause I can arrange that for you.

SON: Oh, by the way, I'm supposed to give you this. I'ts your taxes. $150000. All humans must pay! Due by friday.

Granny: Oh dear. Come on girls.

Daphne: Do we have that much money?

Granny: Don't worry.

Daphne: That's not an answer.

Snow: Are you ready for your martial arts lesson?

Daphne: Argh!

Sabrina: I just can't get over her warrior face...

Puck: I'm going to start my own martial art if you don't teach me how to FIGHT!

Snow: DEFENSE, Puck.

Sabrina: Good riddance.

Snow: Sigh.

Sabrina: He'll show up.

Snow: Are you psychic?

Daphne: No, she just understands completely. She's been in your position.

Sabrina: When?

Daphne: New York.

Sabrina: I never!

Puck: Food!

Granny: Share.

Puck: You're going to have to live in a cardboard box!

Daphne: I will not!

Sabrina: Shut up, Puck. Don't give him the roll, Daphne.

Granny: Research tiny people.

Sabrina: I give up.

Daphne: Zzz...

Sabrana: I'll let you out, Elvis. Don't go too far! Hmm... I'm thirsty. Wait! Uncle Jake?

Jake: Sabrina! You look younger...

Sabrina: Oh no! Are you dead? Granny! Eeek!

Granny: What is it?

Sabrina: Uncle Jake just got shot!

Jake: No I didn't!

Sabrina: But-

Granny: You must have had a bad dream...

Granny: You feel any better?

Sabrina: I'd feel more so if the hash browns weren't purple, but yeah.

Granny: I think you touched something at Baba Yagas that made you go temporarily insane.

Puck: Temporarily?

Sabrina: Shut up.

Granny: We'll have to be more careful this time.

Sabrina: You mean we're going back?

Granny: After we pay the taxes.

People: No more taxes! No more taxes!

Granny: Oh dear...

Heart: Ah, the sound of suffering humans... It's like music, isn't it?

Granny: We're here to pay our taxes.

...

Granny: Did you hear me?

Sabrina: I think you need to ring the bell...

Granny: Oh, if that's all...

Heart: Yes?

Granny: I'm here to pay the taxes.

Heart: You WHAT?

Granny: Here's the money, goodbye.

Heart: NOTTINGHAM!

SON: It seems we made a miscalculation. You owe us $300000 more. Still by friday.

Granny: Three... hundred... thousand...

SON: Oh my, this is just too rich!

Sabrian: Canis! I don't think Granny's feeling too good!

Canis: No, she's not.

Granny: Three... hun...

Canis: Come on, Relda, that's it...

Granny: Oh look, a butterfly! Die es un swcheiden!

Jake: Well, girls, let's go! By the way, do you have any clues?

Sabrina; They're both women.

Daphne: They're powerful.

Puck: They were here earlier.

Sabrina: Did you just say something smart?

Jake: Ok, let's see what other women were here last night... Um... BRIAR!

Sabrina: Why am I not surprised?

Jake: Briar!

Briar: Well hello Jake!

Buzzflower: Grr...

Briar: Lay off.

People: I want my coffee!

Puck: She's just a girl.

Jake: You won't always think that.

Puck: Will so!

Jake: Suuure you will.

Sabrina: I dread the day he starts dating.

Daphne: You'll be so jealous it's not even funny.

Jake: You can go see Frau Phefferkuchenhaus. She's across the street.

Frau P: Hello, nice to met you. Now sir, just hold still, I have to pull all your teeth out.

Puck: I want to be a dentist when I grow up!

Sabrina: I thought you weren't growing up.

Puck: Oh yeah... Right. Well, if I was going to, THEN I'd be a dentist.

Daphne: Have you lost anything recently?

Frau P: Yes, the water of youth.

Puck: Why haven't you used it?

Sabrina: Oh that's rude. But yeah...

Frau P: It doens't make you younger, just stops you from getting older.

Sabrina: Oh. And it dissapeared?

Frau P: Yeah, my locker exploded or something...

Sabrina; Ok, thanks! Come on guys!

Tom: Well, hello! Malcom, Alexander, Braford, these are the sisters Grimm. and... Puck...

Puck: Hey!

Sabrina: Nice to meet you, now- whoa! Uncle Jake!

Baba Yaga: I want my wand!

People: AAAHH!


	14. Book 5 Abridged, Part 3

**AN~ I need to finish this by the 31st so that I can put up an April Fools' Day thing.**

* * *

Jake: Briar, run.

Briar: What about you?

Jake: We're Grimms, this is what we do.

Sabrina: If we weren't about to die, I'd think that was corny.

Baba Yaga: Give me my wand!

Puck: She's like my soul mate!

Sabrina: No she's not... grr...

Daphne: Jealous, are we?

Sabrina: Shut up.

Indians: Woowoowoo! Giant chicken house! Attack!

Sabrina: What the heck...?

Daphne: Well that was interesting.

Sabrina: you know, the town's on fire.

Jake: I have a magic wand, it's all good.

Granny: Indians?

Sabrina: Well, Native Americans, if you want to be politically correct.

Jake: Yup. But who wants to be politically correct?

Granny: Jake, go keep an eye on Baba Yaga.

Jake: ME?

Puck: I'll come!

Granny: I have to go to the bank for a loan. Canis, will you watch the girls?

Sabrina: I thought you trusted ME to do that!

Granny: Under normal circumstances, maybe.

Canis: So... let's practice tracking!

Sabrina: He went thataway!

Daphne: Wow, you're good at this!

Sabrina: Thank you.

Daphne: Tut tut, looks like rain. Maybe we should go in.

Sabrina: Mr. Canis! I think we'd better stop for now! Canis?

Voice: He can't hear you. But I can.

Daphne: EEEK!

Sabrina: Oh dear.

Voice/Wolf: Dinner!

Sabrina: Ugh!

Wolf: A rock? Was that supposed to hurt?

Voice: No, but I think this will!

Sabrina: What's with all the mysterious voices? And the freaky warrior women?

Daphne: I don't know, but I think we owe them.

Sabrina: Hey, thanks.

Blonde Voice: Oh my gosh...

Voice: Don't threaten my family. It's rude.

BV: That's ironic.

Sabrina: We need help.

Daphne: Uh... Sabrina? The house is over there.

Sabrina: We need the bank.

Daphne: What about them?

Sabrina: They can take care of themselves.

Daphne: Umm.. why are we going this way?

Sabrina: Because we need help. Duh. Oh shoot.

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: The bank burned down.

Daphne: I thought the town looked different.

Sabrina: No duh. I mean, look!

Daphne: Yeah, problems. Wahhh! Granny was in the bank!

Sabrina: Hey! The ashes are COLD! This isn't recent.

Daphne: But-

Sabrina: AAAAAAAH!

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: DRAGON! RUN!

Daphne: No problem!

Voice: I'll save you!

Sabrina: What is it with the corny lines?

Daphne: Hey, if they save us, who cares?

Sabrina: Good point.

BV: Come on, before the Scarlet Hand gets you.

Sabrina: Wha-

Man Voice: Wait for me! Mwah!

Black Haired Voice: Get a room, you two!

Sabrina: Well, that was weird. Who are you and what is going ON here?

BV: Oops, I forgot. I'm Sabrina Grimm, this is my sister Daphne, and this is my husband, Puck.

Sabrina: EEEEEEEW! And by the way, you're crazy.

Daphne; I think it's CUTE! But yeah, I'M Daphne and THAT'S Sabrina, So I think you've made a mistake.

BHV/Old Daphne: It happened again.

BV/Old Sabrina: We need to take them to the camp.

Sabrina: Can SOMEONE please tell me what's going on?

Daphne: I think they're ignoring us.

Old Sabrina: Well, here we are!

Sabrina: WHAT is going on?

Granny: Girls!

Sabrina: Granny! What is happening here?

Man With A Beard: Daphne! Sabrina! Yay!

Sabrina: Personal space!

MWAB: It's me! Charming!

Daphne: I'm lost now.

Sabrina: You mean you weren't before?

Daphne: Oh, I was, now I'm really lost.

Granny: Ok, girls. This is the future. There are rips in time. Puck grew up and married Sabrina. It's been 15 years. Charming appeared here 3 months ago.

Sabrina: THANK you.

Granny: Let's eat!

Sabrina: NORMAL food! Well, almost.

Daphne: You're really strange...

OS: Granny, we need to take them to see the house.

Granny: NO!

OD: We have to. They'll just sneak of by themselves if we don't.

Granny: Fine.

OS: Well, here's what's left of it.

Sabrina: That's awful...

Daphne: Talk about adding insult to injury.

OD: Dragon at 3:00!

OS: Come on, house!

Charming: Did you see a storm?

Sabrina: Oh. My. Gosh. The missing items! They're what's doing it! We need to get back!

Charming: I think we can manage that.

Sabrina: What happened to Daphne?

Charming: What?

Sabrina: The face, and the attitude?

Charming: We went to rescue something and Nottingham cut her face. Attitude, I don't know. Hasn't she always been that way?

Sabrina: No, that's ME.

Charming: Oh. I can't keep you two straight. Little girls are all the same, aren't they?

OD: I found one!

Charming: Where? When?

OD: The cemetery. Now.

Charming: I need to rescue Snow! They kiled her! And it's right over her grave?

OD: Yes. Oh, and pay Nottingham for this!

Canis: Sure!


	15. Book 5 Abridged, Part 4

**AN~ Part four now! Almost done!**

* * *

Sabrina: Are we back?

Charming: Yes. now we just need to find out what day it is and get a ride back to town. Excuse me sir, do you have a watch?

Random Dude: Get off my lawn!

Charming: Do you have a watch?

RD: I'm calling the cops on you!

Charming: Fine, fine, I'm going! Jeesh, no need to be so rude!

Sabrina: My feet hurt.

Daphne: Mine, too.

Charming: Well, we're almost there. Oh, we need to decide on a story to tell them.

Sabrina: Why don't we just tell them the truth...?

Charming: Because I learned stuff there and if the people find out that I know what they're going to do, we can't fix it.

Sabrina: No. I'm telling Granny.

Charming: Everything?

Sabrina: Not to EVERYONE.

Charming: It's all or nothing, Sabrina.

Sabrina: You're joking.

Charming: Puck and Sabrina sitting in a tree-

Daphne: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Sabrina: Fine.

Canis: Charming, if you TOUCHED the girls-

Charming: They're just fine. Where did you come from?

Granny: Aw, that's so sweet of you, Canis!

Canis: Shut up, I'm in the middle of glaring at Charming.

Granny: Oh, I wish your temper wasn't so bad...

Charming: I'm going to go wander off to nowhere and find somewhere to sleep...

Sabrina: Stay here.

Everybody: WHAT?

Daphne: Why?

Sabrina: We need him close to help with all that 'change the future' stuff.

Daphne: Oooohhh...

Granny: BEDTIME!

Charming: Are you awake?

Sabrina; We've been here maybe 5 minutes.

Charming: Really? Everyone else is asleep.

Daphne: Wow, that was fast.

Charming: Come on, we've got to get something.

Seven: I'll distract the guards.

Charming: While he does that, we climb on the roof and slide down the chimney.

Daphne: Just like Santa!

Sabrina: Oof!

Daphne; Sabrina, you're a mess.

Sabrina: You're not. Typical.

Heart: I want a foot massage!

Nottingham: Ewww...

Sabrina: Poor guy...

Charming: OK, now we're going in her room... there it is!

Sabrina: I'd kind of like to know what we're getting... Aaah!

Charming: Welcome to my magic mirror.

Harry: Welcome to the Hotel of Wonders, how may I help you?

Charming: Hi, Harry, I need a few things...

Harry: Sure thing!

Charming: OK, magic detector, magic towel... I think we're good!

Sabrina; Where's the rope?

Nottingham: You think I'd just let you sneak out?

Charming: Be very, very quiet...

Nottingham: Where are you? Hm... Are you- here?

Daphne: That almost got me!

Charming: Take that!

Nottingham: Ouch! Ugh...

Charming: That went well!

Canis: Girls, go inside.

Charimng & Canis: Argue mutter argue shout...

Granny: We have a yard sale today! We need to get money to pay off the taxes!

Sabrina: So we're planning on raising 3 thousand bucks from a yard sale? OK, I guess that works...

Charming: What are you doing?

Sabrina: Helping Granny.

Charming: Go look for the missing whateveryoucallems! I'll tell your grandma you're playing with dolls or doing your hair... For hours...

Sabrina: You must think I have no life. Tell her I'm doing something manly, like weight lifting! That's it! I'm weight lifting!

Puck: Where are you going?

Sabrina: Umm... To lift weights?

Puck: Suure...

Sabrina: Fine, we're going to look for the missing stuff, thereby sneaking out, thereby leave us alone!

Puck: Can I come?

Daphne: Change first.

Puck: Why?

Daphne: Your pants are too small.

Puck: Umm... They must have shrunk or something...

Daphne: Suure they did...

Sabrina: Shut up and stop looking at me like that, Daphne!

Daphne: But it's so CUTE!

Puck: I'm lost...

Sabrina: Ignore her.

Daphne: We should go to main street. WhoAaAaAh...

Sabrina: Daphne, you're vibrating.

Daphne: It's close!

Sabrina: Well... what's around here? Briar's coffee shop, the dentist's, the radio center... oh hey, there's Snow!

Daphne: Let's go talk to her!

Sabrina: OK... Hi.

Snow: I miss him.

Other Princesses: You're special. He'll come back.

Snow: We should be friends!

Rapunzel: Poker Princesses!

Daphne: Can I join?

Everyone: And no boys!

Puck: I'm lost again...

Sabrina: We should go back, I guess...

Daphne: You just want to hold Puck's hand.

Sabrina: I do not! Besides, it's filthy.

Granny: Girls! We made enough money!

Sabrina: How?

Granny: Everyone decided to pay us lots of money because they're nice and love us and have so much that they'll never spend!

Daphne: Well that's... umm...

Sabrina: My sentiments exactly.

Daphne: Charming! We saw Snow!

Charming: How is she?

Sabrina: Not good. Go talk to her.

Charming: Later...

Canis: I'm not happy.

Granny: Calm down.

Heart: What?

Granny: I'm here to pay the taxes!

Heart: This is ridiculous. Where are you getting this money?

Card Soldier: There's an emergency!

Heart: Nobody cares.

CS: But there's a boat! With cannons!

Heart: Oh dear...

Granny: That's the New Beginning! The ship the Everafters came over on! And that's Wilhelm!


	16. Book 5 Abridged, Part 5

**AN~ Oh yeah! Last chapter for book five! **

* * *

Sabrina: Yup, it's a time tear...

Granny: What?

Sabrina: Nothing...

Granny: Wilkhomen, dis es Amerika.

Wilhelm: Danke.

Nottingham: You're under arrest!

Granny: Noooo!

Canis: You know something.

Daphne: What makes you think that? We know nothing! Nothing at all! I'm a complete idiot with no knowledge whatsoever!

Canis: Well, that just proved it.

Sabrina: Promise not to tell?

Canis: Fine.

Sabrina: OK, we went to the future through a time tear when we were tracking you and Charming was there and he made us promise not to tell 'cause he blackmailed me, stupid evil stuck-up prince, and he's been trying to help us change things.

Canis: Interesting... What did he blackmail you with?

Daphne: Guess!

Canis: Does it have anything to do with a certain fairy we know?

Daphne: Yup!

Sabrina: Shut up!

Canis: What was so horrible?

Sabrina: You were the wolf, Snow was dead, Elvis was dead, our house was nonexistent... Do you want me to go on?

Canis: No, I'm good.

Daphne: Cannons!

Canis: Duh, we just arrested their captain.

Everafter: So let's fire back!

Scarecrow: No! You could kill yourself!

Sabrina: That's a bit of a paradox...

Daphne: A what?

Sabrina: Well, if you killed your past self, then you wouldn't have existed to kill yourself in the first place so...

Daphne: You're making my head hurt.

Canis: We need to get to the jail!

Nottingham: I kill him, you all die! Mwahahahaha!

Granny: When?

Nottingham: Midnight!

Granny: Come on, we have planning to do!

Granny: Go tell Baba Yaga that the sheriff has her wand.

Jake: You realize that if we lie to her, she's going to hate us for eternity?

Granny: Yes, why?

Jake: Just checking.

Sabrina: What about everybody else?

Granny: We're going to the jail to get Wilhelm free.

Charming: Then what?

Granny: I have no idea.

Sabrina: Does anyone realize how crazy this is?

Jake: Completely.

Sabrina: But we're going to do it anyway, aren't we?

Jake: Yup.

Sabrina: I thought as much. Goodnight.

Sabrina: Why is the bed shaking?

Daphne: There's gonna be a time tear. A big one. Granny!

Granny: Yes?

Sabrina: We need to go. Now.

Granny: But-

Sabrina: this is out only chance to get them back to their right time.

Charming; I'll go find Jake...

Daphne: OHMYGOSH! He has a pony in his mirror!

Granny: No.

Daphne: Drat.

Granny: How do we get in?

Sabrina: The front door.

Granny: What?

Sabrina: He won't expect us to try and walk right in, so he won't guard it.

Canis: That worked surprisingly well.

Sabrina: I know, I'm awesome.

Wilhelm: AAAAAAAAH!

Granny: *German babble*

Wilhelm: *More German Babble*

Canis: Come ON!

Nottingham: That's a bad thing you've just done.

Canis: OW!

Sabrina: Ouch. His poor eye.

Nottingham: I'll just shoot Mr. Grimm right now.

Baba Yaga: I want my wand!

Sabrina: Fail. Sorry, Nottingham. Must not be your day.

Granny: Come on, we need to go!

Puck: Took you long enough.

Granny: Sorry. You ready?

Puck: Aren't I always?

Sabrina: No comment.

Puck: HEY!

Granny: Hi, everyone! Here's your captain back, now, we'll send you back where you belong as soon as possible. We need to get off the boat.

Puck: Now?

Granny: No.

Cinderella: Here, let my magic mice help!

Puck: Now?

Granny: As soon as we're off the boat.

Puck: Now?

Granny: Now.

Puck: YES! I get to throw my glop/forgetful dust grenades now!

Sabrina: Oh my gosh, I just solved the case!

Granny: What? And sit down, you'll fall out of the boat.

Sabrina: It was Cinderella! She sent her mice home in the witches' purses!

Granny: But why?

Sabrina: I don't know, let's ask her!

Security Guard: Sorry, Dr. Cindy's on the air, can't interrupt her!

Sabrina: Come on, let me in!

Daphne: Something's happening on the roof!

Puck: Canis could eat him.

Canis: Not a bad idea.

Sabrina: Do you have any real glop grenades?

Puck: Of course!

Sabrina: Can I borrow it? take that, annoying security dude!

Puck: That was awesome!

Sabrina: Cindy, we know what you're up to.

Cindy: Huh?

Jake: Didn't you have your mice steal stuff?

Cindy: I really have no clue what you're talking about...

Canis: Let's go talk to the mice, then.

Cindy: They're on the roof. Hmph.

Sabrina: Wow.

Puck: I thought you said it was Cindy?

Sabrina: So it was her husband, close enough. I got us to the right place, didn't I?

Cindy: What are you doing?

Tom: I'm making myself younger so that I can always be with you!

Sabrina: Do you REALIZE how much trouble you caused?

Tom: Sorry. Um.. boys? Let me out now.

Malcolm: It's stuck!

Tom: Oh dear...

Sabrina: That's a HUGE time tear...

Puck: Dragon! I want to kill it!

Sabrina: Leave it alone. You can kill dragons when you grow up.

Puck: That basically means never.

Sabrina: That's what you think...

Daphne: AHH! FLYING RADIO TOWER!

Puck: Up and awa- Um... I can't get back down...

Sabrina: I'll save you! Or not...

Daphne: You're getting sucked in! Here, let me help!

Sabrina: Puck if you get us all sucked into the future, I will NOT be happy. Heck, I won't be happy if you get just yourself sucked into the future.

Puck: It's not MY fault!

Sabrina: Who decided to go UP when the radio tower fell down?

Old Daphne: Hi!

Sabrina: THANK you.

Old Sabrina: You've got to break one of the things!

Sabrina: Ow!

Cindy: Hughoof! I will break the clock! Hope Morgan doesn't mind...

Tom: Why?

Cindy: It was causing too many problems. I'll be old with you. I love you.

Old Puck: Try to be nicer to Sabrina. She'll be very important to you.

Puck: Um... OK...

OD: you need to grow up some!

Old Granny: I missed you.

Canis: Can I stop it?

OG: No.

Everyone: Goodbye!

Sabrina: Thanks for the amazing birthday!

Door: Ding-dong.

Sabrina: I'll get it... oh, hi, Charming...

Charming: This is the wicked queen, she'll find out what can wake your parents up.

Sabrina: That's great!

Wicked Queen: Mirror: What can break the spell?

Mirror: True Love's kiss!

WQ: Mirror, you're broken. Foreshadowing!

Mirror: Goldilocks!

WQ: That's better.

Snow: Hello? GAH! Mother? Charming? Relda, what is going on? I feel extremely betrayed, so I'm going to run off crying!

Sabrina: That went well.

Door: Knock knock.

Sabrina: I'll get it. As usual. I feel like a butler...

Heart: Hi, I'm here to make your birthday even worse. You can stay here, but you'll regret it. Oh and by the way, Charming's a member.


	17. IM: Poor 'Brina

**AN~ Here's your regularly scheduled IM chaper, then I have a surprise for you on Wednesday!**

**_grimmgirl:_ I don't appreciate the stalker comment. kittylikeshorsie was my old (childhood) IM name. But you know Puck would never admit that. Yet...**

**_vivisheryl:_ Sure, you're now a member of the Annoy the Grimms Squad! Which as of now consists of me, hedgi naysomay, and you.**

* * *

**kittylikeshorsie:** This meeting of the Annoy the Grimms Squad will now come to order. Attendance list: Hedgi?

**Hedgi Naysomay:** Here.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Vivisheryl?

**vivisheryl:** Here.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Daphne?

**wordsmith:** Here!

**vivisheryl:** What's she doing here?

**kittylikeshorsie:** She asked to join. And, well, if she wants to join a horde of fangirls and bug Sabrina and Puck, who am I to stop her?

**Hedgi Naysomay:** Good point. I'm proud of you, sister!

**wordsmith:** Thank you. :)

**trixr4kids:** Can I join?

**kittylikeshorsie:** But the point is to bug Sabrina AND you. If you're a member, that sort of defeats the point...

**trixr4kids:** Drat. Please?

**kittylikeshorsie:** For ONE meeting. Then you're gone.

**trixr4kids:** Can I still talk to you guys?

**kittylikeshorsie:** 'Course. You just have to leave for meetings.

**vivisheryl:** Hey, where's Sabrina?

**trixr4kids:** Reading. Ugh.

**wordsmith:** We're supposed to be helping her look for something, bu she found it and...

**kittylikeshorsie:** You're despicable.

**wordsmith:** Hey, I had to be here for the meeting!

**Hedgi Naysomay:** She has a point, you know.

**trixr4kids:** And I'm allergic to books, sooo...

**kittylikeshorsie:** I wanted to talk to you anyway, Puck.

**trixr4kids:** Why?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Have you messed with Sabrina's head yet?

**trixr4kids:** Oops. Sorry, I completely forgot. There was a bucket of goop and then...

**kittylikeshorsie:** S'OK. I meant to ask you, could you do it when I'm here to watch? And btw, tell her that she's technically capable of Everafter status.

**trixr4kids:** How?

**vivisheryl:** You want a list?

**trixr4kids:** No thanks, I'm not that dumb.

**vivisheryl:** You sure about that?

**wordsmith:** She's coming!

**Hedgi Naysomay:** Everybody but Puck and Daphne, shut up!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Hey.

**wordsmith:** Hi.

**trixr4kids:** Wassup?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Nothing... I found what we were looking for, no thanks to you.

**trixr4kids:** Sorry.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** OK guys, what's up?

**wordsmith:** Nothing. Why?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Well, for one thing, you've barely said anything, plus your face is a dead giveaway.

**trixr4kids:** It is, Marshmallow. Sorry.

**wordsmith:** I guess I just wasnt meant to be a liar.

**allthenamesiwnatrused:** So what is it?

**trixr4kids:** Well, we found out you might be an Everafter.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** ...What?

**trixr4kids:** See, the coccoon and all that other stuff that's happened to you, but mostly the coccoon in New York, apparently it's capable of turning a human into an Everafter.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** You're joking, right?

**wordsmith:** Nope, there's a fic that explains it.

**trixr4kids:** It's kind of funny, the one who's addicted to magic can't get away from it...

**wordsmith**: Actually, there are several fics about you turning into an Everafter. None where I do. It's not fair.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I'll trade you. This is not cool...

**wordsmith:** No thanks, I dont want to be attacked by a crazy pixie.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** That was NOT cool.

**trixr4kids:** About that...

**allthenamesiwantrused:** What now?

**trixr4kids:** Apparently she wasn't completely deluded...

**allthenamesiwantrused:** What do you mean?

**trixr4kids:** Well, I came back, didn't I?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** Oh no. Oh no. Not this, not now. Oh no...

**wordsmith:** You should see your face.

**alltghenamesiwnatrused:** Oh no, oh no oh no nononononono.

**trixr4kids:** LOL!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** What's so funny?

**trixr4kids:** You didn't actually believe me, did you? About any of it?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I'm gonna kill you, fairy boy.

**trixr4kids:** lojfdhgdlks

**wordsmith:** They're gone.

**vivisheryl:** Good.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** Oh, that was soooooo good...

**kittylikeshorsie:** Do you realize what Wednesday is?

**wordsmith:** What?

**kittylikeshorsie:** April first.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** OMG! APRIL FOOLS!

**wordsmith:** Now I'm scared.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** You should be.

**wordsmith:** She's coming back!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Scram, everybody!


	18. Random: April Fool

**an~ April fools! yay! oh, puck's gonna have fun today... this has absolutely nothing to do with the Internet. oh, and i apparently made a mistake with that last chapter which i fixed, so go back and reread that.**

**Mustardseed: I'm still stuck here, not that anyone cares...**

**me: no, so you can just be quiet and stop complaining.**

**Mustardseed: but i wanna go HOME!**

**me: oh come on, this has to be better than running a country and living in a restaurant.**

**Mustardseed: well, when you put it THAT way...**

**

* * *

**

Puck's alarm went off, and he grinned. It was April Fool's day, the first day of April and the best holiday ever invented. Last year's April Fool's hadn't been much fun, because the Old Lady had specifically warned him that if there were any pranks of any kind, he would be forbidden from desserts for a month. She'd forgotten that this year, and boy was he looking forward to today!

He spent the next several hours preparing for the day, rigging the whole house from top to bottom. No one would be spared! When breakfast time came, he walked downstairs as if nothing unusual had happened.

Granny walked into the kitchen a few minutes after he did. she looked around, noticed the empty spot at the table, and asked, "Where's Sabrina?"

"She's hiding." Daphne answered.

"Hiding?" Uncle Jake asked.

"Today IS April first." Daphne pointed out.

"Oh yes..." Uncle Jake said. "You know what? After breakfast, I think I'll join her..."

Puck grinned. "You know I'm right here, right?"

"Tell Puck that I'm ignoring him so that he'll go away." Daphne instructed Uncle Jake.

Uncle Jake smiled. "Sorry Peanut, you'll have to do your own talking."

"Why ARE you ignoring me?" Puck asked.

"I answered that already."

"The pranks won't leave, though. I already put them all up." Puck said.

"Now I'm scared." Daphne shivered.

Puck grinned. "This is the best day in the history of the world!"

* * *

The day got better from there. For Puck, that is. It started with rubber bands on the sinks. Granny went to wash her hands, she was sprayed in the face. Daphne wanted a drink, repeat process. It never got old. Then there were the banana peels. Made invisible, of course. Followed by dirt glued onto the furniture. Doorbells rigged to go off at random times. Plastic barf. Food that smelled like it had gone bad. Spells designed to stay in place until someone walked through them. And it just went on from there. Puck was causing havoc to the whole house, and he couldn't get in trouble for it.

Daphne was green and had icing on her face. Uncle Jake's behind was swollen and sore. Granny had a monkey tail.

Through all this, Sabrina had stayed silently in her room. It was almost as if she wasn't there at all. Around 3:00, Puck was fed up with it. He opened the door to Sabrina's room, conveniently forgetting about the bucket on top of it filled with glop, and thus getting himself drenched in the pickles and glue mixture. He stepped in the room, and discovered that he was flying across it into a large puddle of water. Then he realized it wasn't just water, it was SOAPY water. He landed in the bucket with a splash.

In the bucket, he looked around. Sabrina was nowhere in sight. He made a face and climbed out of the water, dripping wet. He went back to his room to change clothes, when he noticed something. His clothes were clean, and so was he. HE changed, and the new clothes just sort of turned clean too. It was a DISASTER!

"Sabrina!" He yelled, racing down the stairs.

Sabrina walked out of the living room calmly. "Yes?"

"Look at me!" He shouted.

"Oh, did you decide to clean yourself up? I'm proud of you, and glad you wanted to show me, but I'm busy now so if you don't mind-" Sabrnia started to walk back to whatever she had been doing.

"Oh no you don't." Puck hissed. "I know what you did."

"What did she do?" Daphne asked.

"Look at me!"

"Oh." Daphne looked at Sabrina. "YOU did that?"

Sabrina grinned.

Daphne laughed. "Nice one!"

Sabrina kept smiling. "It'll last for a month, give or take. Whatever you're wearing will be clean too. Happy April Fool's day." She walked off smugly.

Puck glared after her. "Oh just you wait Grimm, I'll get you."

Sabrina smiled. "We already cleaned up everything else!" She called across the house.


	19. Book 6 Part 1

**an~ back to the books. book 6! then i'm done with that until may 1st! and u all get to experience youtube and photoshop combined with deviantart, since i have absolutely no experience with photobucket. oh, and i'm adding the preview thing this time.**

**Mustardseed: of course you don't.**

**me: oh shut up...**

**Mustardseed: well, you know you have no experience with technology whatsoever.**

**me: and what am i doing on fanfiction then, pray tell?**

**Mustardseed: ...**

**

* * *

**

_Sabrina: I feel strong! Bring it on, Scarlet Hand! _

_Granny: Fight it, Sabrina!_

_Daphne: Don't let it consume you!_

_Sabrina: Big word... hungry... _

_Canis: Fight it! _

_Sabrina: I'm killing you!_

Sabrina: Mumble... naked!... Puck...clothes...please... GAHHH! Wow. That was a WEIRD dream... Oh well... Daphne? you awake?

Daphne: ...

Sabrina: Good. Now if no one else is awake, I can mess with makeup... Oh shoot, I look awful...

Toilet: Glub glub.

Sabrina: Stupid Puck... I hope it's the remote this time... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Small Man In The Toilet: Oww...

Sabrina: There's a person in the toilet!!

Granny: No there isn't.

Sabrina: Yes there is!!!!!

Daphne: I flushed, Ok?

Jake: So did I.

Puck: I think I forgot...

Sabrina: NO!!!! There's a PERSON in the TOILET!!!

Puck: Oh, that's just Seamus.

Sabrina: And why, pray tell, is Seamus in our TOILET?

Puck: He's part of the security team.

Granny: Security team?

Puck: Yeah, I've got people all over the house.

Sabrina: Great.

Puck: What's on your face?

Sabrina: Nothing...

Granny: Well, since you're up, let's eat breakfast!

Sabrina: It's three in the morning.

Granny: Oh well, we'll have a BIG breakfast.

Jake: Let's go see Goldilocks.

Sabrina: Where is she?

Jake: Egypt. Now go eat.

Daphne: Have fun with Briar later...

Thing: I'm a poison sniffer!

Sabrina: I'll pay you to say my breakfast is poisoned.

Thing/Poison Sniffer: Sorry.

Sabrina: Drat. Hey Granny, where's Daphne?

Granny: She said she has a surprise for us.

Sabrina: She's waring my clothes. And where did she get lipgloss?

Daphne: I'm going to be grown up!

Sabrina: No comment...

Granny: Well, now that we've eaten, let's go get the carpet.

Poison Sniffer: I have to come with you.

Sabrina: The town's like, dead... And why are we here?

Granny: We're getting a lawyer for Mr. Canis.

Sabrina: Who?

Granny: Robin Hood.

PS: They're barbaric!

Sabrina: Oh my gosh, he's cute...

Daphne: I don't care at all... Cause I'm all grown up!

Robin Hood: Welcome, what can I do for you?

Granny: Can you get Canis free?

Robin: Well, it's not my ordinary case, but we'll try.

SONOWTHEYGOONA15MINUTEDRIVETOTHESHERIFF'SOFFICEYAYHOW'DYOULIKEMYPORTAYALOFTHEDREAMITSOUNDSSOWRONGTHATWAYDOESN'TIT?

Nottingham: What are YOU doing here?

Little John: We're here to request a court case for Canis.

Nottingham: We're going to kill him, not give him a trial. But you can see him first, if you want.

Canis: Don't try and save me. I'm a monster. I hate myself...

Sabrina: Emo, but I sort of a gree with you...

Granny: Sabrina!

Canis: Go away.

ANOTHERBREAKHERECANISREALLYISEMOHEREISNTHEITAMUSESMESOMEWHATITSHOULDNTTHOUGHSHOULDITISTHERESOMETHINGWRONGWITHME?

Granny: Well, they got thrown out. Briar's letting them work in the coffee shop. But they have no leads... So we'll have to do some research ourselves.

Daphne: That's gross... He ate her!

Puck: Awesome!

Sabrina: Gruesome...

Granny: There's like, a million versions of the story, and they all contradict each other.

Sabrina: I can't believe you let Mr. Canis in the house when he did all this!

Granny: Sabrina! Go to your room!

Voice: What's wrong?

Sabrina: Who are you, and what are you doing in my room?

Voice: I'm guarding your bed.

Sabrina: Go away.

Daphne: Can I come in?

Sabrina: I need to talk to you.

Daphne: No.

Sabrina: We need to get the weapon. Just in case. Give me the key and I'll go get it tonight.

Daphne: No.

Jake: Yor dad, my dad and I all argued with her about this. But he's good. And I have something to show you. Mirror!

Mirror: Here.

Jake: Go to the library and find the flag in a book. then we'll write her a letter.

Sabrina: Not the library!

Jake: Please?

Daphne: Fine.

Puck: Hold it! I'm coming with you!

Sabrina: Great...


	20. Book 6 Part 2

**an~ so this is the only thing im gonna update for a while, cuz i like, need to get this book and the next chapter done before may. 5 more chapters & then i can work on the others.**

**Mustardseed: hi!**

**me: i thought you were with the lemurs...?**

**lemurs: argh! get back here!**

**Mustardseed: oh shoot, BYE!**

**

* * *

**

Puck: Eww... books. What are they doing here?

Sabrina: Duh, it's a LIBRARY. You know, a place where they keep books?

Puck: Darnit. This is gonna be boring.

Daphne: No, it's not.

Sabrina: maybe if we move fast he won't see us...

Scarecrow/Librarian: Hi! Whoops! Can I help- oh dear.

Sabrina: OW!

Daphne: So much for that plan...

Puck: I feel like annoying people, so...

Scarecrow: HEY!

Sabrina: Listen, can you help us find a book on flags? We need to figure out where one we saw is from.

Scarecrow: Course! happy to help! Let's see...

Daphne: Watch where you throw those!

Scarecrow: Sorry! Found it!

Sabrina: That's it!

Scarecrow: That's the flag of Venice. It specializes in nonferrous metals.

Sabrina: ... Hey Daph, aren't you going to ask me what nonferrous means?

Daphne: Nope, I've got a dictionary!

Sabrina: Ok... I'll live with that... can you help us find the address for the hotel?

Scarecrow: Okey-dokey! Giudecca 10!

Daphne: Wow, that was fast. Thanks.

Scarecrow: No thanks needed. Could you help me with reshelving, though?

Sabrina: Sure, I guess...

Puck: Great. More books.

Random Dude With Blue Hair: Do you work here?

Sabrina: No, we're just reshelving books for no good reason.

RDWBH: No need to be sarcastic.

Sabrina: I wasn't. We really are just shelving books randomly.

RDWBH: Oh, well then...

Puck: It's Bluebeard! Awesome!

Sabrina: Why are you hiding?

Puck: Cause he's the greatest villain in town and I want his autograph.

Daphne: Hey look, it's Snow!

RDWBH/Bluebeard: Hello, Snow.

Snow: Euuuuw...

Bluebeard: I'm being nice here!

Sabrina: Puck...

Puck: What?

Sabrina: Do something!

Puck: Fine.

Daphne: You wouldn't have done that if I'D asked.

Puck: Shut up.

Snow: Thanks, guys.

Daphne: No problem. Will you be friends with Granny again?

Snow: You don't understand, girls.

* * *

Sabrina: *Yawn.* What is that noise?

Security Creature: There's a guy pounding on your door.

Sabrina: It's Robin Hood, It's OK.

Robin: The trial's TODAY!

Granny: Why didn't they tell us?

Robin: If we don't show up, he'll lose automatically.

Daphne: Postponement... postponement...

Sabrina: It means they'll get it moved back.

Daphne: Since when do I need your help?

Sabrina: Since forever.

Jake: They completely stacked the jury.

Sabrina: No kidding.

Judge: I'm going to do everything my way! and confuse you! Cause I'm the Mad Hatter! Bladebla! Order! Tea and cookies!

Daphne: Wow...

Bluebeard: OK, I'm here, let's start this thing!

Sabrina: THAT'S why he was in the library yesterday!

Bluebeard: I call the three little pigs to the stand! ... Hey, where's Hamstead?

Boarman: He disappeared around Christmas...

Blubeard: So... we all know your story, and your brother who isn't here, he built his house of straw, right? which isn't a very smart building material, so... how close was he to the Mr. Canis?

Swineheart: Very, I'd say.

Bluebeard: And is the one who blew down your houses here?

Boarman: Nope.

Bluebeard: So, Mr. Canis... Did you eat Mr. Hamstead?

Canis: No. RAWR!

Card Soldiers: Get down!

Hatter: Well, that concludes the meeting for today, when shall we meet?

Bluebeard: Tomorrow?

Robin: But-

Hatter: Sure! Goodbye!

Robin: But-

Granny: We'll do better tomorrow!

* * *

Sabrina: I'll get it. As usual.

Boarman: I'm sorry.

Granny: Don't be. You had to do it. You know what you could do, though? Help us research!

Sabrina: I still don't trust Mr. Canis. Did you SEE him?

Granny: Oh bosh, he's just in a bit of a bad mood.

Daphne: Maybe there were other eyewitnesses...

Sabrina: He. Ate. Them. End of story.

Boarman: So...

Sabrina: You know Hamstead's alive, right?

Swineheart: Yeah, he wrote us a letter.

Sabrina: He gave us the key. What's the weapon and how do we use it?

Boarman: It blows stuff away and somehow miraculously turned Canis into himself form the wolf. He used it to blow down our houses. Canis tied Charming up in a tree, so we stole it and used it on him.

Sabrina: Wow. That's wierd...

Granny: Bedtime!

Sabrina; Darnit.

* * *

Sabrina: NOW what is it?

Jake: I'll get it!

Sabrina: Ok, that works... Steal my job, I don't care...

Rabbit: Here's your package. Sign here.

Jake: Thanks! ... Why are you still standing there?

Turtle: I want a tip. That was a HEAVY box.

Jake: Ohh... Here.

Daphne: So what is it?

Sabrina: I notice you're wearing more of my clothes... not that anyone cares or anything...

Jake: It's a box that will take us anywhere, as long as we know the address. Giudecca 10! Now, who wants to go first?

Daphne: I will! Wow, this is a LONG staircase. Never mind, here's the door. Whoa!

Sabrina: Daphne!


	21. Book 6 Part 3

**an~ 3 more chapters and 9 more days! i just realized i completely forgot the fake lines last chapter. oops. sorry!**

**Mustardseed: ( being attacked by lemurs) help! the lemurs have got me!**

**me: (watching calmly) don't worry, you'll get out eventually.**

**

* * *

**

Daphne: I'm all wet!

Sabrina: I thought something had happened to you! Wow, Venice is nice.

Daphne: Don't be ridiculous, I can take care of myself. Didn't I already tell you that? Oh no, my dictionary's ruined!

Sabrina: Such a disappointment...

Daphne: Oh shut up.

Jake: There's Goldilocks! Come on, she's in the hotel!

Hotel Dude: Posse Arrutarvi?

Grimms: ...

HD: Are you lost?

Jake: No. We're looking for a lady named Goldilocks.

HD: YOU'RE friends with her?

Jake: Yes we are, thank you very much, can I have her room number?

HD: Fine. Suite 311. Hmph.

Daphne: Oh I can't WAIT!!!

Sabrina: Now what happened to the maturity?

Daphne: Oh shut u- what happened to her ROOM?

Mysterious Man: Go away!

Jake: Neve-ow!

MM: Bye!

Sabrina: Looks like Goldie left in a hurry.

Daphne: Gahh! The guy's got a motorcycle!

Jake: Come on, let's see if we can find Goldie! She's in trouble!

Daphne: Hey Mr.! Can I borrow your boat? Thanks!

Mr.: I didn't say you could!

Sabrina: Sorry, she's been weird recently!

Goldilocks: Twitter twitter!

Birds: We'll save you!

Jake: Forgot about that. She can talk to animals, she'll be fine. Come on, let's go home and start finding her again.

Granny: Oh, you're back! The trial starts NOW!

Sabrina: GAAAAAH!!! I hate crazy people.

NOWTHEYREDRIVINGTOTHECOURHOUSEDAPHNESABRATINTHISBOOKISNTSHEILIKETHEOLDDAPHNEBETTERBUTSABRINACANPULLOFFTHENASTINESS

Granny: We got steamrolled again.

Daphne: Awesome! NOT.

Sabrina: SNOW!!!

Snow: I'm not here!

Bluebeard: Snow!

Snow: See what you did?

Sabrina: Sorry...

Barto The Miniature Orc: I'll save you!

Sabrina: I like him! Can we keep him and throw Puck out?

Robin: Back to the court case...

Sabrina: Sorry, got distracted.

Robin: ANYway, we should question the witnesses outside of court, 'cause it seems like we'll never get to do anything otherwise.

Granny: Let's start with little Red riding hood!

ILIKEDOINGTHEFAKELINESCAUSEITGIVESMEANXCUSETOTALKDURINGHTEFICWHICHICANTDOOTHERWISECAUSEITBUGSMETOHAVENOTESINTHESTORY

Granny: Can we see Red, please?

Nurse Sprat: Wow, she hasn't had any visitors in months, and now you and that other man, the one with the blue hair...

Sabrina: Well, I guess we know who's gonna be in court tomorrow...

Granny: Anyway... Red? Can you answer a few questions for us?

Red: Will you answer mine?

Sabrina: Have I mentioned that I hate crazy people?

Daphne: Yeah, I think you have.

Granny: Can you tell us anything about the wolf?

Red: You mean the doggy? He was in a cage at my grandmother's house, but he got out and went into a new cage that he liked better, and then he bit grandma. Where's my kitty?

Granny: He's... sleeping. Who was the man?

Red: Which one? There were two, one was the doggy.

Granny: Oh, uh... well... Time to go!

Jake: You can talk to Canis, I've got to go look for Goldie.

Robin: Little John, can you set off an alarm and then go get Beauty?

LJ: Easy.

Canis: Go away and let me die.

Granny: Stop being emo and tell us your story!

Canis: But I don't remember anything!

Granny: Well, that's an improvement...

Lady: Hey! Put me down!

Robin: Thanks, John, Beauty, can you give us a hand here?

Lady/Beauty: Um... sure...

Sabrina: What exactly do you do?

Beauty: I hypnotize animals. Well, beasts in general, not just animals. You are getting very sleepy... very sleepy...

Canis: Zzz...

Beauty: OK, now, tell me what happened when you met little Red riding hood.

Canis: I ran to her house and there was a lot of wind and there were cages... so many cages... something came out of one and attacked me! Gahh!

Sabrina: That didn't help at all...

Nottingham: What the heck are you doing in here?

Daphne: Umm.. RUN!!!

Robin: Wait- Beauty, hypnotize him!

Beauty: Sure... You're getting very sleepy... we weren't here, and whenever you see a peanut you'll cluck like a chicken and kiss the Mayor. Wake up!

NOWTHEYGOHOMEANDGOTOBEDBUTSABRINASNEAKSOUTTOGETHTEKEYSINCEIDIDNTWANTHERTALKING2HERSELFWERECUTTINGTOOUTSIDETHEBANK

Puck: Since when do YOU break windows?

Sabrina: Since the door was locked. You gonna help me or not?

Puck: Sure. Minions, open the door!

Sabrina: Thanks! Now... where was that safety deposit box? Here it is!

Puck: What is it?

Sabrina: ... a kazoo.

Puck: Wow, what a great weapon.

Sabrina: Let's see... Fhwee! Whoa.

Puck: it really is a great weapon! Listen, you can't go sneeaking out like that!

Sabrina: I'll sneak wherever I please!

Puck: So you honestly thing I'm going to give up?

Sabrina: Well, it might be nice, I'm kind of tired, and I'd like to avoid any arguments for now. Goodnight.

Puck: You wish.


	22. Book 6 Part 4

**an~ im doing pretty good, speedwise! ive gotten 3 chapters up in 3 days, & these take a while to write!**

**Scout: When're you going to write about US? You're leaving us hanging.**

**Tonto: Yeah, we want to rescue Mustardseed and destroy lemurs!**

**Me: soon, I need to finish this before 7 comes out.**

**

* * *

**

Sabrina: Zzz... orange kangaroos! Huh? What the- PUCK!!!

Puck: That was my EAR...

Sabrina: Why are we handcuffed together?

Puck: I told you last night.

Sabrina: Gimme the key!

Puck: Work with my bodyguards!

Sabrina: I don't need them!

Puck: Fine then... *gulp*

Sabrina: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!

Puck: You really want to be handcuffed to a corpse?

Sabrina: Fine, I'll just cut open your stomach and get the key out of it.

Granny: I'll ground you.

Sabrina: This is not going to work. How am I going to get changed? How am I going to take a BATH?

Jake: That's what the shower curtain's for!

Daphne: Moving on! Has anyone thought about the woodcutter?

Granny: You're a genius!

Daphne: I know.

Sabrina: Ego much?

Granny: Let's go find him!

SOTHEYMOVEONANDSEARCHIDONTLIKEHAVINGFICSICANTREADITSORTOFBUGSMETHERESNEVERBEENANYTHINGICANTREADBEFORE3HRSLATER

Sabrina: This is pointless.

Granny: Well, it's one of 3 people!

Robin: Bluebeard found another witness- Howard Hatchett or something.

Puck: I guess that's him, then.

THEREWASONEFICICOULDNTREADCAUSEITSRATEDMANDTHEYUSUALLYRATETHEMTHATWAYFORAREASONANDIDIDNTWANT2BSCARRED4LIFECOURT

Jake: Where's the bank?

Sabrina: Puck, if you say one word...

Puck: Don't look at me!

Daphne: Oh shoot. The weapon!

Sabrina: Well, if you'd LISTENED to me- ow!

Puck: Shut up, Grimm.

Granny: Snow! Listhen, I'm reall, really really sorry and-

Snow: It's all right, I forgive you.

Bluebeard: Mr. Hatchett, would you please tell us what happened?

Hatchett: Sure, I'm awesome, he's not. I saved Red with my bare hands and should've killed that monster there while I had the chance. If you'd like to see my theme park-

Puck: Shut UP! Even I don't brag that much!

Granny: This is why we've never brought you before.

Sabrina: He's right, though.

Robin: Can I ask a few questions?

Hatter: No.

Daphne: Let's go home, I need to get something!

NOWTHEYGOGETTHEFAIRYWANDANDLADEDHTHEYRFAIRYPRINCESSESANDPUCKWILLSHORTLYMAKEAFOOLOFHIMSLEFROFLOLISNTITGREAT?

Granny: Ok, Puck, you'll be the wolf.

Puck: I can't wait! Ow!

Daphne: Sorry!

Puck: Wa-hoo! I'm an awesome wolf! Rooar.

Sabrina: Epic fail.

Puck: Oh shut up. RAWR!

Sabrina: That was better.

Hatchett: What was that?

Puck: I'm the big bad wolf! RAWR! I don't like liars!

Hatchett: Ok, I'll tell the truth, I was a coward and ran away, you saved cray at the time Red, I have no clue how... And before that episode, you weren't the wolf... The grandma did this with a crazy maker kazoo thingy...

Daphne: This gets more confusing by the minute.

Robin: YES! We got it on TAPE!!!

Sabrina: Kazoo?

NOWWEGETTOTHEGOODSECENEPUCK7SABRINASWONDERFULNIGHTWITHEACHOTHERWHERESABRINALEARNSHOWSTUPIDSHESBEENMWAHAHAHA

Puck: Darnit... you're still there. Come on.

Sabrina: Where?

Puck: Well, since I don't want to sleep in a bed with YOU, and I'm assuming you feel the same way-

Sabrina: Definitely.

Puck: We can sleep on my trampoline.

Daphne: YAY! Trampolines are awesome!

Puck & Sabrina: ...

Daphne: Ok, be like that. I'll slep in between you.

Sabrina: THANK you.

Daphne: Zzz

Puck: You awake?

Sabrina: Now I am.

Puck: You gonna tell her?

Sabrina: I liked you better immature.

Puck: Well, I liked YOU better honest.

Sabrina: Hmph. And you are?

Puck: I'M immature. You're a sneak.

Sabrina: That's a given.

Puck: You're a BAD girl.

Sabirna: ...

Puck: Not so smart now that I got id of your favorite tactic, are you?

Sabrina: And what is that?

Puck: Storming off.

Sabrina: She nwever would've done it! Mr. Canis is turning evil!

Puck: Most of us know this. The problem is you're being retarded about it. You're supposed to be the good, smart, nice, honest Grimm. I'm ther tricster king. Seems a little backwards, doesn't it?

Sabrina: ...

MUCHLATER

PUck: By the way, that makeup? You don't need it.

Sabrina: How did you- Wait- What? Does that mean you think I'm-

Puck: Oops.

Sabrina: Let's pretend this never happened, shall we?

Puck: Works for me.

AWWASTNTHATSWEET?PUCKTHINKSSABRINA'SCUTE!!!ILOVEPUCKABRINAIHAVENOTHINGTODAYHEREMOVEALONGNOTHIGNTOREADHEREBLABLBLA

Jake: I know where she is!

Sabrina: Let's go!

Jake: Ahm... you can't.

Sabrina: I hate you Puck.

Briar: Don't worry, I'll be here too.

Sabrina: Mirror Mirror, be a dear, show me what I want to hear.

Mirror: I'm in no mood to argue. We'll go with it.

Briar: There they are! Oh dear, there's that man again... GAAHH!

Sabrina: Mirror, I need lockpicks.

Mirror: Fine...

Sabrina: Fhwee!!!

Daphne: You got the weapon!!!!

Jake: Please come back with us! We need you to wake Henry up!

Goldie: I can't.

Sabrina: Darnit darnit darnit!!!


	23. Book 6 part 5

**an~ ha! last chapter of book 6! then ive got something fun planned...**

**

* * *

**

Sabrina: Daphne? Can we talk?

Daphne: I don't want to talk.

Sabrina: Please?

Daphne: What's to talk about? You lied to me, stole the key, got the weapon, lied AGAIN, I'm guessing you destroyed the bank, and-

Sabrina: You were never going to do anything about it! You just sat there, pretending Mr. Canis was all nice and misunderstood, wearing my clothes and being a brat and making fun of me-

Daphne: I wanted to be LIKE you! Not make fun of you! Note the past tense. I don't like you very much right now, and since you obviously don't like me very much either-

Sabrina: Who says?

Daphne: I'll just leave you alone. Gimme the kazoo.

Sabrina: But- Fine.

Puck: I tol-

Sabrina: Shut up.

ANDNOWITSTHENEXTMORNINGIWANTBOOK7RIGHTNOWISITREALLYOUTNOBODYTOLDMEIFITWASORNOTBUTLOTSOFPEOPLEHAVEITALREADY

Robin: The tape disappeared and there was a trail of slime leading from the window to where we left it.

Granny: There's a slug on the jury.

LJ: And Bluebeard is calling Red up to testify today.

Daphne: I think I can get her to tell the true story.

IWATCHEDWALLEAGAINTONIGHTILOVETHATMOVIETOPIECESTHEYREGOINGTOTHEHOSPITALBYTHEWAYJUSTSOYOUKNOW

Sabrina: Can I have a jar with a lid?

Nurse Sprat: What the- OK, I guess...

Robin: So what are you doing?

Sabrina: The kazoo cures crazy people. Daphne's going to use it on Red, she'll get better. See, Red was crazy from the start. Her grandma was the family's last resort. She had the kazoo, she tested it on a rabid wolf as Red came to the house, it got free and went into Mr. Canis, who started attacking them. The grandmother was eaten, and Red was still crazy.

Puck: And where will her crazyness go?

Sabrina: That's what the jar's for.

Daphne: FHWEE!

Red: Hahah, very bad weather- OW!

Sabrina: Eugh... Oh right! The jar!

Nottingham: We need out witness now. Trial's in 15 minutes.

Hatter: Let's get started! After all, we can't exactly get ended-

Sabrina: Can we use the kazoo on him if this worked?

Bluebeard: I call Little Red Riding Hood to the stand! Tell me what happened.

Red: I was crazy. My mom sent me to my grandma, and when I got there, Mr. Canis was eating her.

Bluebeard: Good thing a woodcutter saved you.

Red: But he didn't. Mr. Canis saved me from himself!

Bluebeard: She's crazy, pay no attention to her.

Robin: If we can't pay attention to her, why was she called here in the first place?

Hatter: you don't sound crazy to me!

Red: That's cause the Grimms made me better. The wolf shouldn't die. It's not his fault.

Cloaked Jury Man: He's guilty.

Hatter: Hang him!

Puck:I'm gonna rescue him!

Sabrina: Aw, that's cute! Little hero!

Puck: Shut up.

Canis: This is how I want it.

Granny: Darn you, I told you to stop being emo!!!

Canis: Sorry.

Sabrina: Oh. My. Gosh.

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: The guy in the cloak. It's Charming.

SONOWITSTHENEXTDAYANDITSRAININGANDGRIMPARDONTHEPUNANDAWFULANDBLAHANDTHEPERFECTDAYFORANEXECUTIONDONTYOUAGREE?

Sabrina: Course it had to rain today.

Granny: I still don't think you should be here.

Daphne: We would've come anyway. It's a given.

Granny: You're not allowed to watch.

Puck: What if he snaps the rope?

Granny: WHAT?

Puck: He's HUGE.

Heart: It's the first of many executions!!! MWUAHAHAHA!

Granny: I'll be right back.

Snow: What is she doing?

Jake: Telling him to run.

Bluebeard: He won't. He's smart.

Sabrina: Come on, Daphne.

Daphne: Why?

Sabrina: I can't be near him, gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Granny: Go away.

Sabrina: Can't WE say goodbye? Canis, I'm sorry. I was an idiot. You deserved my trust and I didn't give it to you.

Canis: You'll get better when you're older. Sorry I'll miss it.

Daphne: Bye, Mr. Clay!

Canis: What?

Sabrina: It was your name.

Nottingham: Go! Now, any final words?

Canis: And you call me a monster... look at everyone here!

Crowd: GASP!

Robin: Sorry, can't let you kill him. RUN!

Crowd: Rumble!

Granny: Are we all safe?

Sabrina: Where's Snow?

Puck: I'll check!

Daphne: Well?

Puck: Bluebeard has her!

Granny: Come on!

Bluebeard: Snow, I was nice, but if you don't cooperate, I'll-

Charming: Hi.

Bluebeard: Since you broke up with her-

Charming: Fine. NOT!

Bluebeard: Gurgle.

Charming: I'm really sorry Snow, I did all of this to save you. By the way, you might want to go find Canis.

NOWTHEYALLDRIVEOFFINAGIANTRAINOFCARSTOGOFINDMRCANISANDSAVEEVERYONETHEYREOFFTOSAVEMRCANIS!THEWONDERFULCANISOFTOWN!

Hatchett: AAAGH!

Sabrina: I think we found him.

Canis: I'm going to eat you!

Daphne: FWHEE!

Sabrina: What is going on? This is great. I feel really strong.

Daphne: You're the wolf!!

Sabrina: What? Oh no.

Canis: Fight... it...

Daphne: FHWEEEEE!

Sabrina: Ugh...

Granny: You're awake!

Canis: Isn't it great to be normal? Let's go, everyone!

Sabrina: What?

Granny: They're all going to hide in the mountains.

Nottingham: What just happened?

Puck: I say we sic the crazyness on him.

Sabrina: Yeah! Then we could hang him!

Granny: I'm not sure that would work. Now, Mr. Sherriff, we have to go home, we have no idea what's going on, goodbye.

Nottingham: But, but-

Granny: By the way, Red's coming to live with us.

THEYGOHOMEANDGOTOSLEEPANDALLTHATJAZZNADHAVEANICEDINNERANDSTUFFANDIMREALLYTRYINGTOGETAFULLLINEOUTOFTHISHAIVEGOTONE

Sabrina: Door. Anyone gonna get it? ... Thought so. I'll get it. Again.

Bear: Rawr.

Sabrina: Um, hi. Bears at my door in the middle of the night... I guess that works.

Goldie: I brought them. I'm here to wake your parents up.


	24. Sites: YouTube

**an~ so this is the last chapter for this fic until 7 comes out. then ill put it up & u can either avoid my story for 5 chapters, get book 7 & read it forst, or read it & get MAJOR spoilers. after that ive got fun planned! well, ive always got funned planned here. it's made FOR fun.**

**

* * *

**

Daphne was bored. Bored bored bored bored bored. "RED!" She called. "Do you have something to do?"

Red stuck her head into the room. "I have a digital camera..."

Daphne squealed. " CAN I BORROW IT???? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE???"

Red blinked and backed away slowly. SHe decided the best thing to do would be to give Daphne the camera and leave the room as fast as possible. She put the camera on the table and strted edging for the door, but Daphne grabbed her arm before she could leave.

"I have ADD and a camera! Oh the fun I will have!" She squealed.

"How much sugar did you have this morning?" Red asked.

"About a gallon." Daphne said carelessly. "Come on, let's find someone to take pictures of!"

Red followed Daphne up the stairs, resigned to her fate, when sudenly, they heard a sund coming from Sabrina and Daphne's room. Daphne dragged Red to the door, and was about to throw it open when Red grabbed it and eased it open a crack. Daphne giggled quietly and mouthed 'oops.'

They both gasped in surprise when they saw what was making the noise. Sabrina was singing loudly to music coming from an ipod in her pocket.

Daphne giggled again and backed away from the door. "This is hilarious!" She whispered to Red. "She told me yesterday that she couldn't sing! She said it online!!! I need to get this on film!"

Red gave Daphne a hurried explanation of how to work the camera, and after waiting for the next song to start, Daphne began filming. After she was done, she ran back downstairs to the computer and plugged it in quickly.

"I've been witing for something like this to happen for ages!!" Daphne told Red quietly.

"What?" Red asked.

"Something embarrasing Sabrina did." Daphne said. "And since I had a YouTube account anyways, I think I'll put it up there!"

Red shook her head. "Diabolical."

"You mean diabolitical." Daphne corrected. "It's my new word. There!" She announced. "Wanna take a look?"

Daphne played the video. At the beginning it said, in green letters on a black background, T_his is proof to all the world forevermore that Sabrina Grimm CAN sing!, _then it cut to a viceo of Sabrina singing and dancing. In the middle of the song, the singing cut off abruptly as Sabrina noticed Daphne at the door. Her eyes filled with anger, and she ran at the camera. "Daphne, you better not have taken any pictures!!!" At this point, the camera switched to a view of bumping down the stairs, with shouts of anger calling from behind it. The video ended with:_ Don't worry, I'll survive. Pretty good, no?_


	25. book 7 Part 1

**an~ You might have noticed that I'm not updating as much recently. I could go into detail and explain that, but I won't. One word, though: School. Plus driving school and a huge bio statewide final.**

* * *

Elvis: Whine...

Sabrina: Yeah. I didn't know she was such a redecorator either. How long are we supposed to be here?

Daphne: No idea. Sooo... want something to drink?

Bears; Rawr...

Goldilocks: Earl gray tea, one large hot, one medium iced, one small hot cocoa, not too hot, please.

Sabrian: Sure. oh... hi, Red.

Red: Hi. Are they still here?

Daphne: No. Why are you hiding?

Sabrina: She's still doing it.

Daphne: Stop spying.

Sabrina: I wonder why dad fell in love with her...

Daphne: Cause love is retarded.

Sabrina: And you know this how? ... Pretend I didn't say that. Come one, let's give them their drinks.

Bear: Rawr.

Sabrina: I hate talking animals.

Daphne: That was rude.

Sabrina: What? They didn't hear me. Besides, the don't really talk.

Goldilocks: I wanna go away!

Sabrina: Too late. Besides, we need you.

Goldilocks: Your mom's going to hate me...

Jake: Come on.

Daphne: Coming, Red?

Red: No.

Daphne: Yes you are!

Red: OK, guess I am...

Everyone: Blah blah blah...

Sabrina: Look, I've waited for this a long time. Can we get it over with?

Puck: What the heck is going on here? I was sleeping. Oh. Are they moving in too? After all, you've invited all these other people in.

Sabrina: Funny, at least SOME of us are RELATED to her, Mr. King-of-Faerie-with-your-own-home.

Puck: Well excUSE me.

Goldilocks: Smooch.

...

Daphne: Wasn't something supposed to have happened?

Jake: Yeah...

Sabrina: Stupid world!

Door: Ding-dong!

Sabrina: I'll get it. Ms. SMIRT?

Ms. Smirt: You're coming with me. Your sister too. Get on the train.

Sabrina: Lo-

Daphne: I've got it.

Sabrina: OK...

Daphne: Hey, Ms. Smirt! We're fairytale detectives! All those fairytales are real. ANyway, this is what happened...

Sabrina: What the heck is she doing?

Window: Tap tap.

Sabrina: What the-

Puck: Thbtt.

Smirt: GAAAH!

Train: Clunk.

Smirt: What was that?

Sabrina: It LOOKED like a door. Daph, did you plan this?

Daphne: Duh.

Puck: Hey, ugly.

Smirt: GYAAAAHHH!

Puck: Why is she under the seat?

Sabrina: I dunno... maybe she's hiding...

Puck; I found you!

Smirt: GAH!

Daphne: Ok, Ms. Smirt. We're not going back to the orphanage. Ever. Go away or else.

Intercom: Now approaching Pouughkeepsie.

Puck: Uh-oh.

Sabrina; What?

Puck: Barrier!

Sabrina: Emergency brake! Too slow! Hurry up!

Daphne: Uh-oh. What is he doing?

Sabrina: Trying to transform! Oh no, oh no oh nooo- YES!!!!!

Passengers: AHH!!

Daphne: You seemed awfully worried.

Sabrina: Shut it. We're gonna need a lot of forgetful dust. Come on.

Daphne: MOM! DAD! I thought the kiss didn't work.

Veronica: Delayed reaction.

Henry: You're so... big.

Granny: It HAS been two years.

Smirt: You are coming with me, no matter what the flying kid does!

Veronica: Go die. Actually, I'll help you. You might mess it up on your own.

Daphne: Don't dust Smirt. It'll get her fired.

Sabrina: Great idea!

Henry: We ned to go pack. We're leaving.

Jake: Not smart.

Henry: I don't care. We're leaving, and that's final.

Daphne: How are we all going to fit in the car?

Jake: Magic powder.

Daphne: GRAVY! Magic is awesome.

Henry: No it's not. 5-year-olds don't get magic.

Daphne: I'm almost 8.

Goldilocks: Awkward... Come on.

Veronica: So what did we miss?

Henry: You knew I didn't want them here, mom.

Granny: Well, did you want them with that woman? They were safe.

Sabrina: That depends on what you mena by SAFE.

Henry: Elaborate.

Sabrina: Where to start? Let's see... Giant, Rumplestiltskin and goonies, hermit crab, her, Jabberwocky, frogness, Titania, giant robots, time vortexes, dragons, Nottingham, Heart, Bluebeard... did I miss anyone? Oh yeah, Wolf.

Jake: Mom and I were taking care of them.

Elvis: Woof!

Granny: So did you.

Puck: Hey! What about me?

Henry: Who are you, anyway? Peter Pan?

Puck: Oh no you di-in't! RAWR!

Sabrina: There goes the roof... You really ought to think about getting a new car, Granny.

Jake: Oh dear...

Henry: What?

Jake: Either the universe is ging to stretch or the car's going to shrink.

Sabrina: How fast?

Jake: Very.

Sabrina: Like that?

Jake: Yeah.

Sabrina: This is awkward...

Puck: Hope you brushed.

Sabrina: Who are you to talk? Go faster! I'm about to be in a REALLY bad situation!

Puck: Well if that's the way you feel!

Sabrina: Ahhh... Never mind.

Henry: Go pack.

Veronica: You poor girls!

Daphne: I'm staying.

Veronica: That's not gonna work.

Henry: Come on, let's go.

Granny: I'll miss you!

Elvis: Woof!

Goldilocks: So will he.

Puck: Go us a plastic surgeon, Grimm.

Sabrina: Shut up or you'll need one.

Puck: Aw, how sweet.

Daphne: Took the words right out of my mouth.

Henry: Come- Never mind.

Heart: Where are they?

Granny: I'll never tell!

Heart: DIE!

Jake: OW!

Granny: House, time to lock up! Sorry, can't leave! Too bad.

Puck: Zip-e-dee-doo-dah, zip-e-dee-ay, my oh my-y what a wonderful day!

Sabrina: I told you to shut it! Jake needs help!

Granny: You two go get sheets and stop arguing!

Puck: I wasn't!

Jake: We need the arrow out!

Sabrina: Electricity and water wouldn't hurt either.

Henry: Hospital?

Granny: Closed. We'll just have to go through Mirror.

Mirror: Wow...

Granny: We need the room of reflcetions.

Mirror: I'll get the trolley. Everyone in!

Everyone: I'm feeling sick...

Puck: THIS IS **AMAZING!!!**

Veronica: Nice mirrors.

Granny: Can you two find Charming's?

Sabrina: Sure... No, broken, broken, REALLY broken, definitely not, here it is!

Veroinca: So what was that about the future?

Daphne; It was awesome! Sabrina was married!

Sabrina: DAPHNE!

Puck: Who would marry HER?

Daphne: You'd be surprised...

Max: Hey, nice to see you!

Granny: We need Charming.

Max: Elevator!

Charming: What's going on?

Granny: Is nurse Sprat here?

Charming: Wure. What a look at Camp Charming?


	26. Book 7 Part 2

**an~ The bio thing was actually pretty easy... did anyone else think it was kind of funny that we got two challenges that are complete opposites of each other within a day of each other, and neither of them have names?**

* * *

Daphne: Deja vu.

Sabrina: No kidding.

Granny: But you just got here yesterday...

Canis: We work fast. Magic helps with that. Nice to see you all. Red, you want me to help you get your memories back?

Red: ...

Granny: She's really shy.

Canis: Later, then. What happened to Jake?

Granny: Scarlet Hand and arrows.

Charming: Maybe NOW they'll believe me about that army.

Granny; And what does Snow think?

Charming: Ask Ms. White yourself. She's training recruits.

Daphne: She looks mad...

Snow: Weak spineless idiots who'll never be good for anything!

Granny: Relieveing some frustration, are we, Snow?

Snow: Oh, hi! Want to be a soldier?

Granny: Ahh... no.

Daphne: What happened with you and Charming?

Snow: He proposed.

Daphne: Isn't that a GOOD thing?

Goose: Someone wants Geppetto.

Geppetto: May I go, Sir?

Snow: Fine, Maggot.

Random Kid: Papa!

Geppetto: Pinocchio!

Daphne: Aw, family reunion! Gravy!

Random Kid/Pinocchio: Let me embrace you once more, my dearest father!

Puck: ... What did he just say?

Sabrina: He wants a hug.

Henry: Time to go!

Daphne: Here's your bag, Traitor.

Sabrina: What did I do?

Puck: So you're leaving. Just like you wanted.

Sabrina: Is it too late to change my mind?

Henry: Yes.

Sabrina: Fudge.

Henry: Now, where are we?

Veronica: We're lost.

Henry: No.

Daphne: Hmph.

Veronica: I've never seen Daphne mad.

Sabrina: Just wait.

Veronica: I missed so much...

Sabrina: Don't get sappy on me.

Henry: Come on!

Veronica: So what are we going to do when we get there?

Henry: Um...

Veronica: Banks are closed. We have no home. We don't even officially have custody over the girls! shall I go on?

Henry: No. By the way, I don't want you associating with everafters once we're back.

Veronica: So now you're my warden?

Daphne: I miss Elvis...

Henry & Veronica: ARGUE!!!

Veronica: Wait- where's Daphne?

Henry: THERE you are! Don't do that!

Daphne: I'm staying here.

Henry: You're 5. You're not old enough to make decisions like that.

Daphne: I'm almost eight!

Monster: Oooh, Grimms! Yummy!

Henry: What are you talking about? We're here for a picnic!

Monster/Hobgoblin: Yeah, right.

Henry: Listen, we were just leaving...

M/Hobgoblin: Oh no you don't!

Veronica: Run, girls!

Daphne: We can help!

Sabrina: RUN!

Daphne: Fine... hmph.

Gate Guard: Who goes there?

Sabrina: Let us in! It's Sabrina and Daphne! We were attacked by hobgoblins!

Puck: Did you miss me?

Sabrina: We were gone for what? An hour?

Charming: That was stupid.

Henry: Hi. We knocked all but two of them out.

Charming: Come on! We have to get them!

FIRSTLINETHINGAMAJIGFORBOOK7YAYTHISISTHEONLYTIMEIPUTAUTHORSNOTESINTHEMIDDLEOFASTORYBECAUSEITTAKESAWAYFROMTHESTORYLINE

Sabrina: Yum... a NORMAL dinner.

Charming: We need to prepare for war!

Daphne: Is anyone paying attention to him?

Granny: I don't think so.

Pinocchio: Good evening. How are you gentlefolk doing on such a pleasant day?

Sabrina: ...

Puck: Why are you staring at him?

Daphne: Why do you sound suspicious?

Sabrina: Since when is this a pleasant day? And who talks like that?

Pinocchio: People who want to grow up, but can't.

Nurse Sprat: Jake will be fine.

Robin Hood: We got them!

Snow: Let's get interrogating!

ANOTHERLINEGOESHEREDIDYOUKNOWTHATTHESPELLCHECKDOESNOTQUALIFYTHISASAMISSPELLING?IWONDERWHY...

Charming: RAWR!

Sabrina: I wonder what they're talking about...

Puck: Let's see!

Charming: Who's the master? Does he know where we are? And why do you have a mirror?

Hobgoblin: No idea, not yet, and none of your beeswax!

Sabrina: Hey Red, you saw the master, didn't you?

Red: Yeah... I guess...

Daphne: What do you mean, you GUESS?

Red: I don't remember...

Sabrina: You've got to! I can't leave until this is over!

Puck: I thought you wanted to stay...

Sabrina: I just want my life to be NORMAL! Duh.

Puck: Well, excuse me! I don't know what you're thinking!

Sabrina: Well, don't yell at me because your brain's too small!

Red: Do you like each other or something?

Sabrina: NO! I don't know how the other me even stood walking down the aisle!

...

Sabrina: Can we just... pretend that didn't happen?

Puck: Wait- MARRIED?

Daphne: Yup.

Puck: Little kids don't get married!

Sabrina: Eleven isn't that little, plus you're kind of growing up...

Puck: Nu-uh!

Daphne: Uh-huh! You're getting taller, your voice is changing, Granny says you're going through puberty.

Puck: What's that?

...

Sabrina: Oh, NOW you want my definitions! Puberty's when kids start turning into grownups. Pimples, growth spurts, YOU'LL get facial hair...

Puck: You!

Sabrina: Me what?

Puck: You infected me! I have your puberty virus!

Sabrina: It's not a virus and it's your own fault.

Puck: This means war.

Daphne: That went well.

Jake: I'll ask later. I need your help.


	27. Book 7 part 3

**an~ Do you realize that the first 4 chapters of book 7 take place in 1 day? He sure knows how to pack a lot of action in a short space of time.**

* * *

Daphne: Help with what?

Jake: Rescuing Briar. You in?

Daphne: Sure! But you need to rest once we're back.

Sabrina: Hmm... it'll boost your confidence and agreeableness with me if I stay behind, right?

Daphne: No, actually, I'll get mad at you for not wanting to get involved.

Sabrina: Then I'll come. I want to make sure you're safe anyway.

Jake: Good. Daphne, you'll fly the carpet. Sabrina, You make sure I don't fall off.

Guard: Charming said stay here!

Daphne: Up! And since when is he our boss? Bye!

Sabrina: Whoa!

Jake: You keep me on, remember?

Daphne: Sitting works better!

Jake: Listen, about your dad... he's being a jerkwad, let's lie to him.

Daphne: We're almost there.

Sabrina: Ouch. Poor farms.

Jake: Poor town. AAHH! The coffee show got burned down!

Nottingham: Ha-ha! She's either dead or almost dead!

Jake: Tell me where she is or I'll kill you!

Nottingham: Ackthpt! OW! Fine, she's at her house, now let me go!

Jake: If she's hurt or dead, you'll pay!

Nottingham: Wait! What about letting me out of this thing?

Daphne: See ya, Sucker!

Jake: Ow, my arm...

Daphne: What's wrong?

Sabrina; I think he fainted. Should we be smart go back and get help or be fast and go rescue her now?

Daphne: Let's go.

Sabrina: Can you use that stuff?

Daphne: How hard can it be?

Sabrina: Let's go then.

Daphne: I'm still mad at you.

Mob: RAWR!

Sabrina: Oh dear. Now might be a good time to use those things...

Daphne: Abracadabra! Alakazam! Bibbity bobbity boo! WORK, won't you? Darnit. This wand is for the birds.

Sabrina: AWK!

Daphne: My bad.

Sabrina: I'm a GOOSE!

Daphne: I don't know how to fix it! Fly into the house!

Sabrina: I don't know HOW to fly! AHH!

Mallowbarb: Get your scarlet butt out of my house!

Sabrina: Watch it! I'm Sabrina, but Daphne turned me into a goose by accident. Jake's here too.

Buzzflower: We need a distraction.

Sabrina: Why is everyone looking at me?

Mallowbarb: Please?

Briar: No.

Sabrina: Fine.

Buzzflower: Reverse psycology. I like it.

Briar: I wasn't using reverse psycology! Where are we going if this works?

Sabrina: Charming has a camp in the woods. Banzai!

Mob: RAWR!

Sabrina: EEP! Honk!

Hobgoblin: Hey! Hit HER, not ME!

Thing: RAWR.

Sabrina: DRAGON!!!!

Thing/Dragon: Rawr.

Jake: Now would be a good time to run.

Daphne: Carpet, you heard him! Step on it!

Briar: THERE you are!

Sabrina: Dragons! Run! WAIT FOR ME!

Dragon: RAWR!

Sabrina: Oh dear...

Dragon: Yum...

Sabrina: I'm a goose! Why would you want to eat a goose?

Dragon: You don't look like a goose to me...

Sabrina: I'm not? Oh. PERFECT timing, Daphne. Of course, now that I WANT to be a bird, I'm a girl again.

Daphne: I TOLD you it was temporary. Briar, look for something useful.

Sabrina: With instructinons. And you did not.

Daphne: I meant to. Find anything?

Briar: Marble... hat... bottle... don't know WHAT that is... another bottle... this is the last thing.

Sabrina: That better be a rocket launcher.

Briar: It LOOKS like a jewelry box... it IS! It's a WEDDING RING! YES!!!

Sabrina: He's not conscious. Course, I think DEAD PEOPLE would have heard you, so...

Mallowbarb: My wand's not really doing much...

Jake: To who?

Briar: The dragons. Don't nap on me, see what happens?

Jake: You were crying...

Mallowbarb: Sweet as this moment is, we have a crisis here!

Jake: Here, let ME do it.

Daphne: EWWW, exploding dragons...

Jake; Sorry. There's how many more?

Sabrina: Two.

Jake: Let's see... Land. Now. And use the best protection spell you've got.

Dragon: You're stupid.

Jake: I know.

Dragon: RAWR! Eat fire, stupid person!

Briar: NO!!!

Dragon: RAWR!

Jake: Ha-ha! Thought you could burn me, did you? Wait- where's Briar?

Buzzflower: BRIAR!!!!!!!

Jake: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! DIE, DRAGONS!!!!!!!!!

Dragons: Too late!

SOTHISISLIKETHEHARDESTCHAPTERTOMAKEFUNNYINTHEWHOLEBOOKCAUSEYOUSEEITALMOSTMAKESMECRYREADINGITNE1ELSEHAVETHATPROBLEM?

Everyone: WAHHH!!!!

Charming: See? I TOLD you there's going to be a war! You going to sign up now or what?

Jake: Sign me up. This is my war now.

Everafters: FINE!

ANYONENOTICTHATHESAIDBEAUTYSCAUGHTERWASBELLA?THATWASNATALIEBELLAWASFROGGIRLBADMICHAELBUCKLEYMESINGUPTHENAMESTSKTSK

Daphne: Good morning, Pinocchio! Nice puppets.

Pinocchio: Yes. I enjoy working with my hands, especially woodcraft. It gladens my soul to create marionettes.

Daphne: And that means...?

Sabrina: Yeah, he likes making them, they're called marionettes. Anyone else notice that it's REALLY busy around here this morning?

Daphne: Snow tried to draft me again. They're really getting into this army thing.

Granny: GIRLS! meeting!

Henry; They're little girls and I don't want them near this stuff!

Daphne & Sabrina: HEY!

Granny: Sabrina killed a giant!

Puck: Her face almost killed me.

Granny: Family meeting.

Canis: I want the stuff on this list from the Hall of Wonders. And Red's going to work with me on the whole memory thing. Oh, byu the way, we're being sabotaged.

Granny: Not cool. Spy?

Canis: We think.

Henry: Let me see that list. WHOA! No.

Granny: Let's vote.

Jake: Give them whatever they want. I don't care anymore.

Henry: UNICORNS? Pegasi? Pipe of the north wind? No.

Daphne: Here's the north wind thingy.

Red: YES!

Puck: Why do I care?

Veronica: Give them everything. I hate the stupid Hand.

Sabrina: Ummm.... Ah... Yes. Hey, Mirror!

Mirror: Wait- army?

Granny: Yeah. Let's get training!

Snow: Carpet duty, 'Brina. You can start with me.

Sabrina: So what's up with you and Charming?

Snow: He proposed, but I can't get married until I'm sure again that I can take care of myself.

Sabrina: You'll get there.

Snow: Thanks for listening.

DAPHNESREALLYABRATINTHISBOOKIMLEAVINGTHATPARTOUTTHEYRGOINGTOBEDINTEHHALLOFWONDERSAGAINJUSTLIKETHEYDIDLASTNIGHT

Sabrina: Daphne! Wake up!

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: Mom snuck out.

Daphne: Maybe she didn't. Can I go back to sleep?

Sabrina: She snuck, and no you can't. Why's she going to the medical tent?

Daphne: Maybe she's sick...

Sabirna: Let's check it out.

Daphne: Let's not.

Veroinca: So am I pregnant?

Sabrina & Daphne: WHAT?


	28. Book 7 Part 4

**an~ I completely ditched my homework. Don't you feel special? You take priority over my biology final!**

* * *

Veronica: What are you DOING here?

Daphne: You're pregnant?!?

Veronica: I WAS. That's what I was going to tell your dad, but then we got kidnapped. I'm not sure if the baby's all right, or if he died or what. Don't tell your dad, he'll freak.

Sprat: I have a test. I need a blood sample. I'll call you in three days. go back to bed.

Sabrina: Jake's STILL sleeping out here.

Red: He's everywhere! Eyes!

Canis: It's progress... AH! The saboteur!

Daphne: I'll get him! Oh shoot.

Sabrina: What?

Daphne: He must be pretty small. He went down that hole.

Sabrina: YOU wouldn't fit down that hole.

Charming: Hmm...

ANDNOWTHEYGOOFFTOBEDAGAINIMENJOYINGTHLINESASUSUALIHAVETOSTUDYFORBIOLOGYSHOOTILLSTUDYONTHEBUSTOMORROWMORNING

Sabrina: Flying babies... go 'way, Elvis.

Horse: Snort.

Sabrina: Puck! Call of your horse.

Puck: I told you this meant war.

Sabrina: Look, I was sleeping.

Puck: I've fed them chili dogs and prune juice since we got here.

Sabrina: Oh no... Daphne, WAKE UP!

Horse: This is not cool. Oh man! Sorry.

Daphne: RUN!

Sabrina: Puck, get him away from me...

Puck: Sorry.

Sabrina: Uhh...

ANDINONEWAYORANOTHER2DAYSPASSEDBYLIKETHELINEIGOTITFROMTHEABRIDGEDVERSIONOFTHEPRINCESSBRIDESABRINAPASSEDOUTBYTHEWAY

Sabrina: PUCK!

Puck: Yes?

Sabrina: I'm GREEN.

Puck: It's a good color for you.

Jake: I can fix it. You'll just grow a tail-

Sabrina: WHAT?

Jake: Which will go away in a few days. the green will last until you're 20 or so.

Sabrina: Gimme the whatever it is.

Charming: We're attacking tonight. We attack the marina to cut of their supplies.

Crowd: We're going to go be useful!

Sabrina: Look at Snow go...

Charming: She's amazing.

Sabrina: I know. Tell HER, not ME.

Charming: Do you know what's going on?

Sabrina: Don't treat her like she's made of glass. Hey- did you notice that a lot of what we tried to stop happened anyway?

Charming: Yeah, and faster, too. Don't worry. I know what happens. We'll fix it. Move out, everyone!

Crowd: Be afraid, Scarlet Hand!

Pinocchio: Hello! Have a puppet, everyone. In return, Sabrina instruct me on how to use the carpet?

Sabrina: Sure. Big words you use.

Pinocchio: I'm an adult in mind, but a child in body. It is quite frustrating. Whoa!

Sabrina: The carpet doesn't like angry people. Hey- that door doesn't have a nameplate. Or a keyhole, for that matter.

Crowd: Rumble.

Sabrina: Let's go back.

Pinocchio: What happened?

Charming: Ambush. They knew exactly what was going to happen.

Sprat: I need help!

SOTHEYSPENDABUSYDAYPLAYINGDOCTORANDFRAUPHEFFERCHECKENHAUSCDIESSADILIKEDHERSHEMADEMELAUGHWITHTHETHINGABOUTDENTISTS

Mirror: Relda, try and talk some sense into Charming. This is pointless.

Jake: Shut up.

Mirror: What?

Jake: Their spirits are down enough already. Just shut up.

Charming: Plans!

Crowd: We don't want your stupid plans!

Charming: But-

Crowd: Boo!

Seven: Listen, people! This is important!

Crowd: OK.

Snow: Go sleep in the Hall of Wonders.

Granny: those poor people...

Henry: It'll be all right.

Granny: Not if you leave, it won't! it's never been this bad!

Sabrina: I wonder where he's going... I'm gonna follow him.

Mirror: Hey, Starfish.

Sabrina: Have you seen my dad? And sorry about Jake.

Mirror: Sure, I'll take you to him. No problem. He was right.

Sabrina: Thanks. Dad?

Henry: Yeah?

Sabrina: Hey.

Henry: I don't want you doing magic stuff. Understand?

Sabrina: Yeah. But I'm not going to listen.

Henry: What?

Sabrina: Daphne's good at magic. We both respect it. Learning from mistakes doesn't mean running away. Oh, and don't treat Daphne like a baby. She's not.

Henry: Wow. OK.

Sabrina: Let's go back.

Henry: Let's. I think there's some stuff the army could use.

ANDTHENTHEYTRAINEDTHEARMYSOMEMOREANDFELLASLEEPSABRINASBUTTFEELSWEIRDCAUSESHESABOUTTOGROWATAILTHATSABOUTALLYOULLMISS

Jake: Sabrina. Wake up. OW!

Sabrina: Sorry. Thought you were Puck.

Jake: Understandable. Listen, we've got a mystery. Our spy has struck again. I'll take the garden, Daphne'll search the hen house, Sabrina, you go look in the armory.

Sabrina: OK. Hum de hum... Broken window. Well, at least I know how he got in. Boy it's dark in here... WHOA! I wonder what that was... Oh well. Someone else might trip on it. Better keep it. Did either of you guys find anything?

Daphne & Jake: Nope.

ANDNOWTHEYGOBACKTOBEDMYNECKSSTARTINGTOHURTBUTIMALMOSTDONESOITSALLGOODINTHEHOODILOVESAYINGTHATITSSOMUCHFUN

Sabrina: I'm glad Mom and Dad made up.

Daphne: Me too.

Red: The master has two faces.

Canis: I think that's about all we'll get today. Besides, it's getting late.

Sabrina: Boring day.

Snow: We destroyed the Marina!

Henry: But you weren't going after the Marina...

Charming: That was the cover plan to find out if we have a spy. WHICH WE DO, PEOPLE!

Crowd: Darnit.

Henry: I searched the Armory too. Nothing.

Sabrina; All I found was this- ... puppet leg...

Granny: Poor Geppetto.

Pinocchio: Sorry. He promised me a way to grow up.

Crowd: DRAGON!

Pinocchio: Bye!

Granny: Puck, catapult! Sabrina and Daphne, help! Veronica, get the water thingamajigs working! Holy shaMOLEY, TEN dragons?

Everyone: Right!

Puck: One down!

Sabrina: That's a BIG rock..

Puck: And I'm an elephant!

Sabrina: That works. Oh shoot! You MISSED!

Puck: Sorry.

Veronica: I FIXED IT!!!

Puck: I wanna play with the water guns!

Sabrina: Go help Dad, I'll make sure Puck works. What are you DOING, stinkpot?

Puck: Fine.

Sabrina: Oh yeah! I got one!

Puck: Lucky shot. My turn.

Sabrina: Look, we put out the fires, THEN we deal with the dragons.

Puck: Give me back the squirt gun!

Sabrina: And that's TWO for Sabrina!

Puck: Hey! Darnit.

Sabrina: Need a bigger target?

Puck: No, I can't concentrate because you're BREATHING in my FACE! Besides, your virus is messing with my head.

Sabrina: It's not a VIRUS! And it's your own fault. OH SHOOT.

Puck: Squirt them!

Sabrina: What do you think I'm doing?

Puck: Where's the water?

Sabrina: We're out.

Puck: You broke it!

Sabrina: AAAHHH!


	29. Book 7 Part 5

**an~ I am not having a good day. People are really mean, including myself. My apologies to everyone, but there's only so much a girl can stand! Last chapter for this book!**

* * *

Sabrina: AHH!

Puck: Oops.

Sabrina: WAUGH! Hey! I have a tail!

Puck: I'm really, REALLY sorry!

Sabrina: I have a tail!

Puck: You almost died! *Sniffle*

Sabrina: Aww... you're crying!

Puck: Am not!

Charming: EVERYONE GET THROUGH MAX! NOW!

Snow: What about the dragon?

Puck: Leave that to me!

Everyone: NO!

Sabrina: PLEASE don't do this...

Puck: SOMEONE has to keep you save.

Daphne: All you've got is a wooden sword!

Puck: Don't disrespect the sword!

Charming: Everyone in the mirror!

Crowd: AAAAGH!

Charming: Why are you just standing around?

Granny: Aren't we safe now?

Charming: NO! Get in the Grimm's mirror! NOW! Oh, and Max, bring me the box in my room, won't you?

Max: Here it is. Goodbye...

Charming: We had a good time, didn't we?

Max: Yeah.

Sabrina: Sorry about that.

Charming: He wasn't real. I can't care.

Sabrina: How's Puck gonna get here?

Daphne: Aw...

Sabrina: Shut up.

Charming: We all suffered losses today-

Crowd: How many times do we have to say this? BOO!

Seven: We scared them! And we did it wall with a spy right here!

Crowd: HOORAY!

Granny: So what are you going to do?

Charming: May we use your door?

Henry: We were under siege the other day...

Charming: I'm pretty sure that was all they had.

Sprat: Veronica. I have the results. Come here.

Veronica: So what's going on?

Sprat: You had the baby already. Some one stole it.

Sabrina: RED'S BABY! Red!

Red: Yes?

Sabrina: What happened to the baby?

Red: I'm sorry. I don't know. I THINK the master has it.

Grimm Women: WAHH!

Snow: Shall we go?

Charming: As soon as I promote Seven to General.

ANDNOWTHEYGOOFFTOSAVETHEWORLDANOTHEREXTREMESPORTSLADEDADEDAITTAKESAWHOLEDAYTOGETTHROUGHTHEHALLOFWONDERS!

Jake: Bye!

Granny: Don't go!

Buzzflower: Don't worry. We'll keep him safe.

Sabrina: Where are you GOING, anyway?

Mallowbarb: No idea whatsoever.

Daphne: Bye, everyone! I'll miss you!

Ground: Thump.

Sabrina: What the-

Puck: I told you not to disrespect the sword!

Daphne: Aw, he killed a dragon for you, Sabrina!

Granny: OK, shall we get the house running again? Puck, wires, Veronica, pipes! Then I'll cook a victory meal!

Sabrina; Oh no...

Henry: We'll all live. You get used to it.

Puck: Hey, Henry?

Henry: Yeah...?

Puck: What do you know about puberty?

Henry: Ummm... well... for starters... it's NOT a virus!

Sabrina: Told you so.

ANDTHEYPROCEEDEDTOHAVANICENORMALDINNER-WELLABOUTASNORMALASUCANGETINTHEGRIMMHOUSEHOLDWHICHGRANTEDISNTVERYNORMAL

Daphne: Granny kicked me out. Said I snore. SHE'S the one who snores!

Sabrina: Actually, you both do. Are you still mad at me?

Daphne: I guess not. Listen, we need to stay here until we get our baby back. Hey, where are the puppets?

Sabrina: I know. Dad threw them out.

ANDNOWTHEYGOTOBEDANDHAVEAGOODNIGHTSSLEEPSINGLEPERSONSCENESAREALWAYSTHEHARDESTTOWRITREALISTICALLY

Sabrina: Watermelons! I'm thirsty. OUCH! what the- oh, Puck. Stupid fairy boy. Thinks he can scare me with a puppet. I'm going back to bed... OH NO!!!

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: Puck's trying to freak me out with the marionette. Puck!

Puck: What?

Sabrina: Leave the puppets in the trash where they belong.

Puck: OK...? I'm going back to bed. Don't wake me up.

ANDNOWTHEYGOBACKTOSLEEPAGAINLADEDAHHAPPYNESSTHISISPROBABLYMYSHORTESTCHAPTERFORTHISBOOKSOFARIGUESSITSALLACTION

Daphne: Sabrina.

Sabrina: What?

Daphne: The puppets are moving on their own.

Sabrina: Why?

Marionette: I got the keys!

Daphne: I'm guessing they want the keys...

Sabrina: Let's follow them!

Henry: Go wake the fairy up. I'll go get everyone else.

Sabrina: Puck!

Puck: I TOLD you not to wake me up!

Sabrina: The marionettes are alive and stole my keys.

Puck: Never mind. Come on!

Daphne: Let's wait for everyone else...

Puck: They're PUPPETS.

Sabrina: This is a problem.

Monsters: RAWR!

Daphne: I think they opened the doors...

Veronica: Stay there guys, we'll get a ladder!

Sabrina: That cow killed the house! And we need to get Mirror!

Daphne: We'll never find him in time.

Puck: I can fly pretty fast.

Sabrina: I feel sick.

Puck: I told you so.

Sabrina: Hey! A secret door!

Pinocchio: Shoot.

Puck: Cool room. Lots of little mirrors.

Sabrina: Red's room! The one with holes!

Heart: Master?

Daphne: YOU'RE the master?

Pinocchio: No!

Mirror: I'M the master.

Sabrina: I HATE YOU!

Daphne: I want my brother!

Mirror: Now starfish, I understand you might be a little-

Sabrina: DON'T CALL ME STARFISH!

Mirror: Fine. Be that way. See if I care. Oh, by the way, I need you to do me a favor.

Sabrina: Never. Give me my brother.

Mirror: No, I'm going to become your brother so I can get out of the mirror and the town. Give me your hand.

Sabrina: NO!

Mirror: I SAID, give me your hand!

Sabrina: Fine, if you're going to shoot at me...

Mirror: OK, Pinocchio, this is the Book of Everafter. Find your story and you can change it so that you grow up. I'm going to find the person who can get me the boy's body. Goodbye!

Sabrina: We need to follow him.

Daphne: Maybe we should wait...

Sabrina: We don't have TIME to wait! Coming?

Puck: Sure.

Daphne: I'm in.

Everyone: WHOA!

Daphne: Where are we?

Sabrina: Where's Puck?

Daphne: Of course, that WOULD be the only thing you care about...

Sabrina: Shut up.

Munchkins: La la, the witch is dead! La la la!

Sabrina: Daphne, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Daphne: We've never been to Kansas.

Sabrina: Sorry, got caught up in the story. We're in Oz.


	30. Tropes: Mary Sue

**AN~ So I was having a PM conversation about Mary Sues, and it gave me a great idea for a chapter of this thing! I had to do at least one anyway, so I figured I might as well do this. Loosely based on a movie I found on the Fanpop Fanfiction division, which I guess is on Youtube too. I'll try to update this once a week or so in the future too.**

**Disclaimer: I did not base this of any of your fics, so don't yell at me! All relationships between this story and any others is purely coincidental. Thank you. **

* * *

Sabrina was sitting on the front porch, minding her own business, when a beautiful girl with rainbow eyes and sparkly wings and perfect hair that changed color and length every few seconds appeared next to her.

"Hi!" She said brightly.

"Ummm... hi?" Sabrina said.

"Is this Ferryport Landing?" The girl asked. "I mean, I think it is, but sometimes I read the coordinates wrong and can end up in a parallel universe instead, so I just wanted to make sure."

"Yeah it is..." Sabrina said. "Are you an everafter?'

"Oh yes." The girl said. "I'm Mary Sue."

"Nice to meet you." Sabrina said, wondering where she had heard the name before.

Mary Sue ignored Sabrina and went on telling her about herself. "I'm a magical butterfly princess fairy that can do anything better than you could ever imagine, from cooking to cleaning to escaping prisons in FanFiction where bad authors have tried to keep me so that I can go bother poor innocent girls because I have nothing better to do than cause problems and look absolutely stunning. I'm immortal and indestructible and absolutely perfect. There's a lot more I could say, but I won't because on top of everything else, I'm modest, too! And every boy I meet falls in love with me. Aren't I wonderful?"

"Ahm..." Sabrina muttered, looking for somewhere to run.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm permanently optimistic, too. I represent the dangers of not carefully designing your OC before placing them in a fanfiction. I've been called many other names, including Emma, but Mary Sue is my favorite one. My ultimate goal is to break up every suitable fanfiction couple and replace it with himxMarySue. Do you have a boy I could proceed to do that with?"

"Not really..." Sabrina said, making a mental note to keep Puck in his bedroom until this girl, whoever she was, was gone.

Unfortunately, Puck appeared at that very moment.

"Oh well, I'll settle for him!" Mary Sue said.

"Uhhh..." Puck mumbled, staring at Mary Sue.

Mary Sue started to prattle to Puck a bout how amazing she was, and Puck was nodding and trying to form a coherent sentence when Sabrina decided she'd had enough. She picked up a large stick, hit Mary Sue over the back of her perfect blond (at the moment) head with it, and dusted off her hands.

"She was REALLY getting on my nerves." Sabrina said in reply to Puck's curious stare.

A few minutes later, the FanFicton police, who had been searching for Mary Sue since she'd escaped the badly written story they were using as her jail, arrived and took her away.

* * *

**AN~ Emma was the main character in my first story, and she was a horrible OC. What can I say? I was young and innocent then. That is what I think all good heroines should do to Mary Sues, by the way. Bazookas work too, though.**


	31. Sites: DeviantART

**AN~ I figured that now that I'm done with TwentyFive, I'll update one chapter of each of my fics, then move on to one of them to finish. Which should I do? How We Got Here or Buy 1, Get 2 Free? Oh, and anyone who wants to comment on how my writing could be better, please tell me. Thanks!**

**I won't update tomorrow 'cause I have a friend sleeping over, and probably not the day after that. RevGen rocks! And so does Deviantart.**

* * *

Sabrina was browsing the internet, again. A small voice in the back of her head asked her why she kept doing this. It only ever caused trouble. Sabrina roled her eyes and told the little voice to shut up already, and proceeded to hack into Daphne's account, searching her favorites.

Here was a new one! Deviantart. She wondered what that was...

_What the heck?_

"Puck!" She called. "Come here. You've gotta see this."

Puck walked into the room and glanced at her in surprise. "You're on there AGAIN? Nothing good comes out of that computer, Grimm."

"I know." Sabrina said breathlessly. "But you'll like this. It's hilarious."

Puck walked over to the computer and immediately cracked up. "That's YOU?" He grinned. "It looks nothing LIKE you!"

"Well that one kind of does." Sabrina pointed with a smirk. "If I had eyes the size of my fist."

"That one actually DOES look a little like you." Puck said, pointing to another one.

Sabrina made a face and smacked him. "That's one of the worst ones on the site. And if THAT looks like me, then THAT- oh. Mygosh."

"What?" Puck asked, looking. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!"

"Never." Sabrina said fiercely. "Never in a million years."

"Wait a second." Puck said, shoving Sabrina to the said and typing into the search bar.

"What-" Sabrina asked, seeing what he'd typed. "Do you LIKE torturing yourself? You're seriously searching 'Sabrina Grimm and Puck'? You're insane."

"Wait." Puck grabbed her arm as she started to leave. "Let's just see."

A few minutes later, Sabrina grinned at Puck from the computer seat, which she had reclaimed. "None of them made you look good. Except that one that looked like someone did it on a lunchbag. At least some of mine looked all right. But whoever drew 'Ill hold you' will be punched extremely hard if I ever meet them."

"No one can draw the amazing gorgeousness of the trickster king accurately. And I'm also going to punch the people who drew 'sisters grimm: older', 'puck and sabrina', 'Puck and Sabrina: raimbow'd', 'second hand coffee sketch', 'kiss me too fiercly'-"

"Which is spelled wrong." Sabrina put in. There's an 'e'. Besides, I think that one's from the book."

"Whatever." Puck said, returning to the list of pictures he wanted to burn. "'cookie', too."

"That one has a story with it." Sabrina said. "A story that I don't like. At all."

"Can I see?" Puck asked.

"Not unless you want to be scarred for life. Speaking of which, 'ohcrap, they found the fanart' may not be the BEST, but it does sum things up pretty well. I take it back, by the way, that one handcuffed one makes you look pretty good. They both do."

"Since when do you have bangs, though?" Puck asked.

"I dunno." Sabrina shrugged. "But maybe I should get them, make the artists happy." She thought about it for a second. "Nope. No bangs. Hey, let's search DAPHNE."

"She probably already did that." Puck said, stealing the computer back. "They did a lot of actual scenes, did you notice?"

"I noticed a ton of them were ones that I'd rather not have mentioned, EVER." Sabrina said. "What do they have for Daphne?"

"Pretty much the same thing." Puck said. "Have you noticed it's set on 'popular'? Let's try 'newest'."

"Sure." Sabrina sighed. "Then can I have the computer back? Not all of us have eternity to spend staring at pictures of ourselves."

"Maybe." Puck said. "There's a pretty good one of you... two people I've never heard of, one of who's last name is Canis... a- meme? What the heck is a meme?"

"How should I know?"

"Anyway." Puck continued. "don't think that's us... ew. It's the cookie thing again. And then this thing where we're all sitting down and I look WAY too innocent... that one where you have the huge butt... the handcuffed one..."

"You know," Sabrina said, "If you let me have the chair, or at least moved, you wouldn't have to tell me all this stuff. Which handcuffed one?"

"The colored one. Me in blue... what does that have to do with you an Daphne? A bad sketch of me an a pile of garbage... that one where our cheeks are all red and we're glaring at each other... the fanart one... OOOH! That one moves!"

"Shut up, Mr. ADD."

"Whatever. Two of the same one where- I THINK that's me- my face is all squished... one of me wiht- BUTTERFLY wings? Not cool. The you crying one... more squishy faces... something where we're counting and you, like, get smushed or something... and the one where you have green hair."

"Wow." Sabrina said. "These people have no lives."

"Neither do we." Puck said.

"Yes we do!" Sabrina said. "It's just... been slow for a while..."

"Yeah, and we have nothing to do, so we're going to spend the rest of the afternoon looking at pictures of ourselves, right?"

Sabrina sighted. "At least until Daphne finds us on her account again. Scoot over."


	32. IM: Meeting

**AN~ I'm going to update two chapters of this before I write anything else, because I have this awesome idea, but I need to do a lead-in chapter for it, so this is the lead in, then the next chapter will be the real thing. I gotses a good idea!**

* * *

**allthenamesiwantrused:** r they gone?

**trixr4kids: **i think so...

**allthenamesiwantrused:**gud! we'll show them! they're not the only ones who can have clubs!

**wordsmith: **u realize i wuz in that club 2, right?

**allthemanesiwantrused:** whatever. i call this meeting of exploited 'fictional' characters to order!

**trixr4kids:** hear hear!

**allthemanesiwantrused:**role call! sisters grimm?

**wordsmith:** duh.

**allthemanesiwantrused:** shut up. maximum ride?

**strongandsilent:** yo.

**allthenamesiwantrused: **skulduggery pleasant?

**worldsgreatestdetective:** here... well, actually, I'm in some alternate reality or something but....

**thisnamethingisridiculous:** i hate cliffhangers.

**allthenamesiwantrused:**point taken. we'll get 2 that after im done with role call. young wizards?

**applewithoutthebyte:** all accounted for!

**allthenamesiwantrused:**tamora pierce's many people can't get ahold of computers, being in the middle ages, and neither could the enchanted forest people, so... fablehaven?

**fairyprincessemo:** i think were all here...

**passwordsr4sissies: **yeah. ur bros in the bathroom.

**allthenamesiwantrused: **harry potter? (i pity you, by the way)

**thedeadwalkinpeace:** i feel old, compared to you, and thanks for the pity. we're here.

**allthenamesiwantrused: **ur welcome. percy jackson and the olympians?

**mydadsagod: **im here, annabeth's late... this is rare, im gonna go make sure she's not dead... brb.

**allthenamesiewnatrused:** so, is that a NOT here? i guess it is... phantom stallion?

**horsesrmylife:**hi. jakes almost here.

**allthenamesiwantrused:**how the heck- ummm... i dont no how u guys r on the list... twilight?

**marysuemadepublished:** hi!

**allthenamesiwantrused:**k, thats everyone. now down to business. we're all book characters wo have fanfics about us. I say we protest that!

**horsesrmylife:**i dunno... at least the fanficers saw that the books ended my sereies in an AWFUL spot. i mean, i wuz holdin hands with jake, but then what? im glad i get my choice of endings. some of them r not cool tho...

**strongandsilent:**thats the point! do u no how many times ive had to play 'max i luv u' 'fang i luv u 2!' smooch? its SO weird, especially now that wer 2gether... and the lemons? dont get me started.

**fairyprincessemo:** tell me about it! warren and i had a REALLY awkward week after that...

**passwordsr4sissies:** that was not fun. NEVER again.

**trixr4ids: **we had 1 2. that was the worst dream ive ever had.

**applewithoutthebyte:**at least they ARE just dreams, unless our serieses are over.

**thisnamethingisridiculous:**this from a computer? awful grammar, much as i agree. what really gets me is when the books have a cliffhanger, and u have no clue whats goin 2 happen, and it stays like that 4 MONTHS! Im just sittin around waitin 4 the next book 2 come out so i can rescue skul, but all DEREK does is sit there! and im just at home, with nothing going on, not even getting any older than i will be in the next book!

**wordsmith:**that wouldnt bug me too bad, but time passes normally for us. u no, technically, were in oz and pucks missing... have been since may. but somehow were home and nothings happening. its boring.

**marysuemadepublished: **u no, maybe we shud complain 2 ta AUTHORS, instead of the fanficers. i mean, theres only 1 author 4 each of our books, versus thousands of fanficers.

**trixr4ids:** YOU have thousands. some of us have hundreds. but u make a good point.

**wordsmith:**twilight is second most popular book category, preceded by harry potter. we're 70th.

**allthenamesiwantrused:**id rather b last. i think we shud do what bella says. all in favor?

**fairyprincessemo:** aye!

**worldsgreatestdetective:** AYE!

**straongandsilent:** yo.

**applewithoutthebyte:**yeah, weve been waiting way too long for the mars thing. Dairine wants Roshaun back.

**thedeadwalinpeace:** sure... even tho my series is over...

**horsesrmylife: **yeah! i want a sequel!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** all opposed?

...

all righty then! It's unanimous! go find your author and complain!


	33. Tropes: Meet The Author

**AN~ My brother ripped the spacebar off my keyboard. My dad and I stuck it back on, but it's loose now and I'm still getting used to it, so forgive any mistakes like that. But I can finally get this out of my head! Yay! After this I'm going to be editing my earlier work, specifically My Side Of The Story, which NEEDS it.**

**Re-disclaimer: I do not own any of the books mentioned here, or their authors.**

* * *

Michael Buckley was writing when they found him.

"HEY!" Sabrina shouted.

He looked up. "Ye- Do I know you? You look strangely familiar."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Duh. You invented us."

"What?" Michael asked.

"I'm Daphne." Daphne said. "This is Sabrina, and that's Puck. We're your characters, and we have some complaints."

"What do you mean, you're my characters?" Michael asked, looking shocked.

"You mean you didn't know that we were real?" Sabrina asked. "You go to all this trouble to write a book, and you don't bother to figure out that you made us real? Wow. That's sad."

"Anyway, back to the complaints." Puck said.

"First," Daphne pulled out a list. "What's with this whole 'write another book and then our next one? We're supposedto be stranded in the Book of Everafter! And what's with all the cliffhangers? People are reading the books anyway, and WE don't like sitting around for months or a year waiting for you to get the next book out."

Sabrina interrupted. "See, when you don't give us something to do, we FIND stuff to do. Like complain to you. Did you know we discovered your fan's stories?"

"N- no..." Michael stuttered.

"Well, do you know what it's like to read stories about you, and finding out you're a fictional character, and realizing THAT'S where all your weird dreams have been coming from? Do you know what it's like to know that thousands of people know your most embarrassing moments and your private thoughts, and that hundreds of them are giving you new ones? Do you know how it feels to know that you have absolutely NO control over anything important that will EVER happen to you?"

"Uh..." Michael glanced at the doorway, but looked back at Sabrina's piercing stare when he saw Puck standing in front of it. "No, I can't say that I have."

Daphne raised her eyebrows approvingly. "It takes a lot of guts to be sarcastic to Sabrina when she's giving you the death stare."

"I think it helps that he invented her, and he controls the important parts of her life." Puck said dryly.

"You're taking this fairly well." Daphne noted.

Puck shrugged. "I've been written about before."

Sabrina was still glaring at Michael. "I wish you'd never written those books."

"But then you wouldn't exist." Puck pointed out.

"Are you sure?" Daphne asked. "I mean, I have memories from before the books came out. I wasn't born then, and my mom was a fairytale detective in 1993. Technically, Sabrina should be 16 by now, and I should be 12."

"Let's not get existential here." Puck said hurriedly. "My brain can't take it. And she acts 16 anyway. You act more 10-ish."

"That's another thing." Sabrina said. "You made me all weirdly mature, but I still have all these issues, and youresolve one of them one book, then another the next, but there's no connection, and I'm still a jerk! I'm not THAT bad a person!"

"True." Puck said. "BARELY true, but still true. It's like, your books are a series, but they aren't really conected, you just sort of move on and ignore anything but what the Scarlet Hand did in the last book. Why? Do you like them better than us?"

"No, I just-"

"Need to imprve that, and get back to writing book eight!" Daphne said. "Because we need to get home, like, NOW."

"OHMYGOSH, why didn't anyone TELL me it was this late?" Sabrina asked, rushing for the door.

"Bye!" Daphne called. "Work on that!"

"Where are you going?" Michael called.

Puck stopped in the doorway. "House is on!" He called. "Gotta go!"


	34. Random: Merry Christmas

**AN~ Here's the promised Christmas thingamajig. Not exactly a one-shot, but still a story/chapter thing. Enjoy! Sabrina's dialogue was surprisingly hard to write. Feel free to review me any questions you might have about what she's saying. I hope I got the origin of the pickle tradition right. Merry Christmas!**

* * *

Sabrina was NOT HAPPY. She had worked so hard to get ready for Christmas! She'd bought all her presents, gone with the family to pick out a tree, decorated the house, CLEANED, wrapped presents, wished and prayed for snow, and then what happened? She got sick. On Christmas Eve.

And Daphne wasn't helping. She'd threatened to buy a webcam for Sabrina for Christmas, which did not improve her mood. The internet was bad enough already without knowing what the rabid fangirls looked like, and then she got an idea.

"Pug?" She asked.

Puck looked up. "You called, oh sickly one?"

"Can you breg duh compooder? Gib id a virus or subding, just for a libble bid?"

"...What?" Puck asked, struggling to understand Sabrina's stuffed-up speech. "Oh! Sure. Worried Daphne was serious about the webcam?"

"Yeah. Abd I wad a bid ob peace for Chrisbas."

"I getcha." Puck smiled. "I could do something more permanent, you know..."

"Nod on your libe, fairy boy." Sabrina mumbled. "I don'd wad Daphne killig me anytibe sood. Or you."

"Aw, how sweet of you." Puck said. "I didn't know you cared."

"I do. Besides, id's alboast Chisbas. I'b feelig generous." Sabrina coughed, clutching her chest and throat. "Owww."

"You have bronchitis, liebling." Granny said, whisking into the room with a small sprig of something green. "take some more cough medicind, it should help."

"I already toog a BUNCH." Sabrina muttered, burrowing into the mass of covers around her. "Id didn'd helb."

"Poor invalid." Puck muttered. "I'm going to go take care of your present, Grimm."

"Thag you." Sabrina said, watching Granny. "Whad's thad, Granny?"

"This?" Granny asked, holding the sprig of green to the doorframe. "It's mistletoe, liebling."

"We've been warned." Puck said darkly, entering the room again, sirting past the mistletoe and Granny's ladder as if both were poisonous.. "All taken care of, Captain."

"Thag you again." Sabrina said. "Chrisbas shoud be mugh more peacebul now."

"What did you do?" Granny asked suspiciously.

She was answered by a wail from the kitchen, where the computer was located. "PUCK! What did you do?"

"Fuddy." Sabrina said. "Thad's usually BE."

Puck chucled. "Nothing permanent, Marshmallow. I'll fix it after Christmas."

"You know, it's not just you guys that use the computer." Uncle Jake said, entering the room with a mug.

"Sorry." Puck said. "You can use the library's, though."

"Not if it keeps snowing like this." Uncle Jake said, looking out the window. "Here, 'Brina. This might make you feel better." He handed her the mug.

"Is id still snowing?" Sabrina asked, sipping her drink. "Wad IS dis?"

"Nothing magic, I hope." Henry said, joining his brother at the window.

"No, nothing magic." Uncle Jake said. "Just an herbal tea recipe, with some Christmas pizzaz thrown in. You like it?"

"Yeb." Sabrina said. "Id's good. Thags."

"No problem." Uncle Jake said cheerily. "Who wants to watch the Christmas special?"

"Which one is it?" Veronica asked from the hallway, shaking snow off her boots.

Uncle Jake turned on the TV to check before reporting to Veronica, "Charlie Brown, followed by Wonderful Life and the Grinch."

"No Christmas story?" Veronica asked, coming into the room and kissing Henry on the cheek before walking over to check on Sabrina. "It's snowing like crazy out there. I don't think anyone will be able to get here tomorrow. How you feeling, sweetie?"

"I'b good." Sabrina lifted a hand out of her cocoon to give her mom a thumbs up and a smile around her tea. Then she sneezed. "Owww..."

"You poor thing." Veronica sighed. "Maybe it's a good thing they won't be able to come, after all. Don't want any of them to get sick."

"Everafters don't GET sick." Daphne said, coming into the room, followed by Red. She glared at Puck. "I was GOING to show Red how to IM people, but now I can't, thanks to YOU."

"You'll deal, Marshmallow." Puck said, joining Sabrina on the couch. "Gimme some of those blankets, Grimm. You can't hog them all, and it's cold in here."

"Since when do fairies get cold?" Red asked quietly.

That was when Puck coughed. Granny whisked over and felt his forehead, comparing it to her own, then Sabrina's.

"You've got a fever." Granny told him. "Jake, go make some more of that tea. We've got two sickies now."

Jake obeyed, and Sabrina put her tea down for a few seconds, rearranging the blankets so that Puck could crawl under them, too. Puck made a face, but did so. The rest of the room followed suit, Veronica and Henry squeezing onto the armchair, Granny settling into the rocker, and Daphne and Red lounging on the loveseat, all the room finding a convenient excuse to not sit with Puck and Sabrina, who noticed but said nothing, because they were attempting to arrange themselves so that they could mooch each other's body heat without looking like they were snuggling. Jake entered the room with a mug of tea for Puck, put it down, then looked at the room.

"Come on, guys." He laughed a little, sitting on the couch. "They're not THAT contagious."

"If PUCK got it, it's got to be pretty bad." Red protested. "Everafters don't get regular colds."

"Wudderbul." Sabrina said dryly. "I'b nod just sig, I'm SPECIAL sig."

"Oh shut up." Puck said. "I'm still mad at you for-" He coughed. "Ow. You were right. That does hurt. For giving this to me."

"Berry Chrisbas." Sabrina said dryly. Puck punched her in the arm.

"How'd you get it, Puck?" Daphne asked. "What were you two DOING?" She giggled.

"Shud ub." Sabrina burrowed into the blankets. "We didn'd do ANYBING."

"I always eat her food." Puck said. "That's probably it."

"Right." Daphne and Red continued giggling.

"Sh!" Veronica said. "The movie's starting!"

They watched the movies cheerfully for a while, munching on Christmas cookies and various hot drinks, until all three movies were over. The snow continued to fall.

"All right, guys." Veronica said. "Time for bed."

"Aw." Daphne muttered.

"Santa won't come if you're awake, you know." Granny said, shooing them towards the doorway.

"What about them?" Red asked, pointing at Sabrina and Puck, who were curled up together on the couch, asleep.

"They can stay down here." Uncle Jake said. "Unless you want to move them?"

"No way!" Red said, running upstairs.

Veronica and Henry shared a passionate kiss under the mistletoe, then followed the others upstairs.

And all was still...

Until there was a thump on the roof, a scuffle in the chimney, and a short, fat man dressed in a sooty red jumpsuit trimmed with fur, with an equally sooty white beard and mustache appeared in the fireplace. He chuckled, looking at the two kids on the couch, and started handing out presents.

With a cough, Sabrina woke up, rubbing her eyes blearily. She looked around the room, doing a double take when she saw the man standing there. "Sanda?" She asked, sounding bewildered.

The man turned around, his eyes twinling. "That's me. You're supposed to be asleep."

"I was." Sabrina said. "I did'd thig- I bean- I thod thad- I-"

"That I wasn't real?" Santa chuckled. "You live down the street from Cinderella, and you doubt my existence? Really, Sabrina, I expected better from you."

Sabrina blushed. "Sorry. I guess-"

"It's all right. I've been watching you, you know. Almost slipped onto the naughty list a few times. But you caught yourself nicely. You really earned your gifts this year."

"And wad aboud hib?" Sabrina asked, gesturing at Puck.

"He's getting a real present, too." Santa smiled. "I'm a softie, I know, but he's got a heart of gold. Take good care of him."

"I will." Sabrina said, yawning. "Nice meeding you, Sanda."

Santa chuckled, placed the last of the gifts under the tree, stepped back into the fireplace, glanced at the two for a long minute, then at the ceiling, winking at it. The ceiling seemed to give him a very green wink back, and he placed a finger on his nose, flying up the chimney. The green stayed behind long after the old man, though it was hours before anyone saw what it was- a sprig of mistletoe.

* * *

"Wake up, wake up!" Daphne cried, bouncing on the duo on the couch. "Santa came, there's presents, and Granny says we can't start opening them until everyone's awake! Get UP!"

"Urhghhhhmmm." Sabrina muttered, rolling over into Puck. "Ged ub. Maybe she'll go away."

"Merry Chrisbas to you, doo." Puck muttered. "Can I sleeb sub bore?"

"Doh." Sabrina said, sitting up and pulling him with her. "She wo'd gib ub. She's ligh dis ebery year."

"Santa came!" Red said cheerfully, once she was sure the two were awake.

Sabrina rubbed her eyes blearily. "I doh. I saw hib-"

"WHAT!?!?" Daphne and Red screeched.

"I woag ub and he was dere, and we talged bor a bid. He's nice." Sabrina said. "Can I go bag do sleeb dow?"

"No, it's time for breakfast." Granny said. "It's still snowing, but Mr. Clay called, and he said that they'll get here somehow. He promised they'd be here in time for a late lunch, so I want to get our presents opened and cleaned up in time for them. Plus, your mother made breakfast, and there won't be much left if you don't come soon. Those boys are very hungry. Oh my- who moved my mistletoe?"

Sabrina and Puck looked up. "Led's skib dad, ogay?" Sabrina said, moving.

"No, no, you MUST kiss!" Granny said, "Let me get my camera!"

"I'll do duh giss, bud DOH cabera." Puck said, leaning towards Sabrina.

The two kissed swiftly, their lips barely touching each other's, and then they separated, faces burning. Neither would admit that maybe they might like it a little.

Then Sabrina and Puck stumbled to the kitchen, where they enjoyed all manner of breakfast foods- eggs, pancakes, waffles, sausage, bacon, fruit, toast (French and American), chocolate, and some things Granny had thrown in at the last minute. Then they went to the living room and Granny explained the German tradition of hiding a glass pickle in the tree, and how the children all searched for it, and the one who found it got something special- to open a present first, in this case. The kids scurried around, trying to find the pickle, and after a few minute's frenzied searching, Red came up with the pickle- it had fallen off the tree onto the floor.

She opened her first present, a stuffed lobster from Daphne, and the rush began. Sabrina had thought about being methodical in her present opening, taking turns so that Granny could take pictures, but when she saw Puck and Daphne fighting over a gift that was addressed to her, she changed her mind, pulling all the presents that were addressed to her into a corner. Red had done the same, leaving Puck and Daphne to fight over the rest.

Some time later, Sabrina sat back with a sigh. She'd gotten clothes, some jewelery, and a little bit of makeup from her parents, a new pair of shoes from Granny, a guidebook to fairytale characters and their whereabouts from Uncle Jake, a magnifying glass from Red, something Daphne had made in school, a book of vouchers from Puck, each good for getting out of being pranked, and, from Santa, a stocking full of goodies and a snow globe. Each time she shook it and the snow cleared, there was a different figurine inside, someone she cared about, doing exactly what they were doing at the moment. Puck seemed to appear the most often, followed by Daphne. She even saw her baby brother once.

"Dad was a nice bornig." Sabrina said.

"Yeah." Puck agreed. "I god a lod ob lood."

"Dad's NOD wad Chrisbas is aboud, Pug." Sabrina said. "I'd exblain, bud I gan'd talg righd dow."

Puck laughed, which quickly turned into a coughing fit. "Well, who WILL exblain, den?"

"It was in that movie we watched last night." Red said suddenly.

"Whigh one?" Puck asked.

"All of them." Daphne answered. "Remember?"

"Maybe Chrisbas, he thod, did'd cub frub a dore. Maybe Chrisbas, perhabs, beans a libble bit bore." Sabrina quoted. "Da's by faboride pard uhb dat moobie."

"I liged da part where he dressed hib dog in an antler anb bade hib pull duh sleigh." Puck said, grinning at Elvis, who growled and pulled his Christmas bone closer to himslef.

"Subtibes, I really hade you." Sabrina said conversationally. "Do'd you EBER thig ob anythig serious?"

"Yeah, bud I squelch id." Puck said.

"Do be a fabor." Sabrina said. "Try and be nice bor ONE day?"

"All right." Puck sighed.

Just then the doorbell rang. Granny went to open it, and a Chorus of 'Merry Christmas!' came from the hallway. Snow, Charming, Canis, Robin and Marian all came into the living room, followed by the Grimms and several of the Merry Men.

Robin handed Puck and Sabrina their presents on a pair of tongs with a grin. "I hear you two are sick."

"They got each other sick." Red said.

"How do you do that?" Charming asked, sitting on the couch. "One of them had to have it first, correct?"

"Puck shoved Sabrina in the snow, and because she got soaked, she got sick, then he caught it from her." Daphne explained.

"Ah." Snow said, handing the members of the family a large bag and sitting next to Charming on the couch. "It's not much, but we don't exactly have the best resources at the moment."

"Thag you." Sabrina said, opening her present, a pretty pair of gloves with a matching scarf and hat. Most of the family had gotten the same, each person's in a different color, or with a different pattern. "You're udder duh mistletoe, by duh way."

Snow and Charming looked up, laughed for a few seconds, then kissed. It went on for a significantly longer time than Puck and Sabrina's had. Marian and Robin, who had been leaning on the doorframe, did the same. Granny shook her head, still not sure where the second mistletoe had come from, or how it seemed to be growing straight from the ceiling.

After the romance level in the room had gone down a bit, the Grimms gave their guests their presents, then they sat around and talked while Granny, Veronica and Jake finished cooking. Then they attempted to fit at the dining room table, gave up, and found various places in the house to eat.

"Id's still snowing." Sabrina said in wonder. "I can'd belieb id. Thad's three days straight."

"Id's whad we call a blizzard, Gribb." Puck said, stealing a piece of turkey from her plate.

Sabrina smacked his hand. "Thad's wad god you sig, rebeber?"

Puck shrugged and ate the turkey.

After they ate and had dessert, they all gathered in the living room again. Henry and Veronica resumed their occupation of the armchair, Jake stole the rocker from Granny, Charming, Snow and Daphne squeezed into the loveseat, and Red sat on the arm Charming wasn't leaning on. Robin and Marian returned to the door frame, where they enjoyed themselves immensely, and Sabrina, Puck and the Merry Men sat on various parts of the floor, mindful of the mistleltoe over the couch, and Granny and Mr. Canis, entering the room with plates of coffee and tea, respectively, placed them on the coffee table and sat on the couch.

Daphne snickered.

Granny and Mr. Canis's faces both came to the same realization at the same time, and they scooted to opposite ends of the couch. The room erupted in protest.

"Doh fair!" Puck shouted above the din.

"Yeah!" Sabrina echoed, "You bade US do id!"

Mr. Canis and Granny glanced at each other, then leaned forward and touched lips for, if it was possible, an ever shorter time than Puck and Sabrina had kissed that morning, then both scooted as far away from each other as possible, faces bright red, to a chorus of wolf whistles from the Merry Men.

Sabrina seemed to realize how ironic the name wolf whistle was, and she burst into laughter, which quickly turned into coughing.

"WAD is so FUDDY?" Puck asked.

"Wo- wolf whistle." Sabrina gasped, and soon the others were joining her in her laughter.

They spent a happy few hours talking and laughing together, messing with their gifts and discussing the war, but eventually the everafters- minus Puck and Red- had to leave, and it was almost time for bed. Sabrina and Puck were the last ones in the room, again.

"Dahd was a nice Christbas." Sabrina smiled happily, standing near the doorway.

"Yeah." Puck said, joining her.

They both looked up at the mistletoe, looked at each other, then burst into laughter and coughing spasms.

"Neber gonna habben." Sabrina said, heading upstairs. "Desbite whad they all thig."

"Righd." Puck agreed. "Neber eber."


	35. Random: Addicts and Errors

**AN~ Granny's internet problems have happened to me. I know it's been done already, but I'm thinking next I'll do some interviews. Once I'm done with book 8, anyway. Sorry it's so short.**

* * *

Daphne was going to die.

Their computer had a virus, and it was the end of the world.

It did not help that Sabrina was laughing at her. Laughing!

"This is not funny, Sabrina!" She said. "Not. Funny."

Sabrina snorted. "Yes it is. I'M the one who freaks out about stuff, not you! And you're practically throwing a temper tantrum! Over a computer!"

Daphne shook her fist at Sabrina, making an angry face.

"What's so special about the internet, anyway?" Red asked.

"It's only the awesomest thing since peanut butter!" Daphne said.

"But... why?" Red asked, looking blank.

"She's a gamer." Puck said. "I caught her on Warcraft the other day. Marshmallow, you DO realize that people who play those games are the ones who end up living in their parent's basements, MAKING the viruses that cause you all this trouble?"

"Shut up." Daphne said irritably.

Sabrina looked at her sister thoughtfully. "You know, she's sort of acting like I did. Like, when I was addicted to magic."

"I'm not addicted!" Daphne shouted.

"Right." Puck raised an eyebrow. "The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, marshmallow."

"How can you be addicted to the computer?" Red asked.

"I think it's actually been scientifically proven. I KNOW you can be addicted to chocolate." Sabrina said, sitting in the computer chair. "What exactly is wrong with the computer?"

"It won't work." Daphne said. "It tried everything, but it just keeps closing down every program I open."

"GRANNY!" Sabrina shouted. "We need to go to town!"

"Why, liebling?" Granny asked, entering the room, "And don't shout. I'm right here."

"Sorry." Sabrina said. "But the computer's broken, and Daphne's going to be a complete monster if we don't get it fixed, and SOON."

* * *

It had taken them a long time to find a computer repairman, and after that, it had taken WEEKS for the computer to be fixed. Daphne had spent that time in an agony, having no clue what to do with herself. Slowly, though, she started to remember what she used to like doing, and she played with Elvis again. He'd missed her.

Sabrina, Puck and Red were happy that the computer was gone, Sabrina and Puck because it meant they were no longer being stalked or embarrased, Red because Daphne played with her again.

When the computer finally came back, Granny was shocked, both by the bill, and by the children's complete lack of interest in it.

"You mean I paid all this money to get this thing fixed, and you don't even want to right now?" Granny asked.

"Yeah." Daphne called. "I'm going to play outside. Maybe I'll go on after dark.

"Enjoy it while it lasts!" Sabrina called. "She'll be back on all the time again within a week!"

Granny shook her head, then sat down and looked at the little silvery box that fascinated the children so much. "I wonder what's so amazing about this thing..."

One click, and her fate was sealed.

Granny was addicted even worse that Daphne. She was on all the time, even postponing cases to go online.

Finally, the kids decided to take extreme measures. Sabrina turned off the wireless connectivity.

Granny had no idea what was going on. She tried everything, but that computer would not go on. The kids convinced her to not get it fixed, showing her that she was worse than Daphne had been, and they forbade Granny from going online once they showed her what they'd done.

Life in the Grimm house returned to normal, and Granny was once again a technophobe.


	36. IM: Twilight bashing

****

**AN~ I haven't done one of these in a while, so I figured we'd have some good old fashioned fun. And there was someone who wanted to be in this, but I forget who it was. Whoever you are, review again and tell me! I'll put you in the next chapter! Actually, if there's anyone who wants to get in on this thing, review me with a screenname.**

**

* * *

**

**kittylikeshorsie:** Hey! Long time no see!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** drat. i thought you were gone.

**wordsmith:** ...but we don't see each other.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I meant it figuratively.

**trixr4kids:** i figured.

**Vishveryl:** hey!

**Hedgi Naysomay: **we haven't been here in a while, have we?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Not in ages. And it's technically my fault.

**wordsmith:** how?

**kittylikeshorsie: **Remember the all-powerful writer control thing I've got going for me?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** umm... no.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Like... if I say that Edward Cullen was supposed to be hot, but the movie made him ugly, and Jacob is a pedophile, they appear.

**trixr4kids:** he is.

**Vishveryl:** is what?

**trixr4kids:** ugly in the movie. The book specifically said all the vampires are supposed to be gorgeous.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** you've watched the movie?

**wordsmith:** you've read twilight?

**vishveryl:** uv read all of them?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** i don't know whether to laugh or be disturbed...

**kittylikeshorsie: **Both. But mostly be disturbed.

**sparklesunshinerainbowponies:** y? im hott enough 4 evrybodeeeee!

**lovethechildren:** and ms. kittylikeshorsie, u dont strike me as the type 2 read twilight.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I'm not allowed to knock things until I try them.

**allthenamesiwantrused: **umm...edward? are you hitting on puck?

**sparklesunshinerainbowponies:** maaaaabeeeee ;)

**allthenamesiwantrused:** now Im REALLY disturbed and not even slightly amused.

**trixr4kids:** join the club. im leaving until mr crazys gone.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I KNEW a sparkly vampire had to be gay!

**sparklesunshinerainbowponies: **wel, not GAY gay, just... bi.

**vishveryl:** you all sparkle. are you all bi?

**Hedgi Naysomay:** do you have orgies?

**sparklesunshinerainbowponies:** wanna join in?

**wordsmith:** what's an orgy?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Five people in a room with their socks off.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** hey! That's MY job!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Did you WANT to explain an orgy to her?

**allthenamesiwantrused: **well, no, but...

**kittylikeshorsie:** Exactly. By the way, Jacob, my friend wants to marry you.

**lovethechildren:** how old is she?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Same as me.

**lovethechildren:** Nope, 2 old. Sry.

**theperfectending:** dad! jake! mom wants you!

**allthenamesiwantrused:** thank goodness, they're gone.

**wordsmith: **I'll go tell Puck he can go back on.

**trixr4kids: **don't bother im here to tell you 'tis time to go home. ttyl, all.

**wordsmith:** ohh... bye everybody.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** ttfn!

**vishveryl: **adios!

**Hedgi Naysomay:** sayonara!

**kittylikeshorsie: **Umm... I'll just stick with goodbye, how's that?


	37. Book Eight Part One

**AN~ I HAVE BOOK EIGHT! It was awesome, on par with, if not better than book seven. I've noticed that, with the exception of book six, the books keep getting better the further into the series I get. Maybe Nine will be the best yet, we'll see. In a year, when MB gets around to writing it, after which I will have to go read the N.E.R.D.S. series.**

**And for anyone hoping for an update of Never Gonna Happen, I'm sorry, but we still have no home computer, and It's coming kind of slowly right now.**

* * *

_Sabrina: ah! Big, painful explosion!_

_Daphne: We need to stop it!_

_Sabrina: Um... how?_

_Daphne: I dunno! You never had a problem fixing these things before!_

I'VEMISSEDTHESELINESIT'SNICETOBEWRITINGTHEMAGAINBUTIT'SHARDERTHANYOU'DTHINKTONOTPUTTHESPACESINIGUESSIT''SDAY

Sabrina: Get back in the farmhouse thing!

Daphne: Why? They're singing to us!

Sabrina: We're in Oz, you completely unworried happy-go-lucky girl.

Daphne: Jealous much?

Sabrina: Yeah, except for the fact that it means you'll get yourself killed someday. Where are we?

Daphne: You mean you don't KNOW?

Sabrina: It's Oz!

Daphne: I know, great, right?

Sabrina: Not so much. They're all insane.

Daphne: But it's not the REAL Oz, just the story! Mirror was telling the truth!

Sabrina: Don't talk about that thing.

Daphne: We're king of chasing him, we'll need to talk about him eventually. Where's Dorothy?

Sabrina: Fine, we can talk about him, but Dorothy isn't important the baby and Puck are.

Daphne: Great, what do we do now?

Sabrina: I... have no idea.

Daphne: Did I hear that right? You ALWAYS have a plan. Some of them are pretty stupid, granted, but you always have SOME idea of what to do.

Sabrina. Ha. Ha. Ha. Not amused. Besides, we have no idea how this thing works. There's too much stuff to worry about...

Daphne: Are you done thinking yet? Because we should probably start looking for Mirror and Sammy.

Sabrina: Sammy?

Daphne: The baby.

Sabrina: Right. But this could be dangerous! I mean, look at your clothes! You weren't wearing that beforeAnd this place probably has rules!

Daphne: Since when do you care? Come on, let's go! Hey, how come you aren't wearing anything different?

Sabrina: I don't know and I don't care.

Mumchinks: Yay!

Lumpy Woman In White: Welcome, good witch! Thanks for killing the wicked with of the East!

Sabrina: Right. Look, have you seen a man with a baby?

LWIW: That's not what you're supposed to say!

Daphne: Back up a minute. Who did we kill?

LWIW: The Wicked Witch of the East. And she deserved it.

Daphne: We'll save you, witch!

Munchkin: That's not your line.

Daphne: What?

LWIW: You ask me if I'm a Munchkin, now.

Daphne: Fine. Are you a Munchkin?

LWIW: NO, I'm the Good Witch of the North.

Sabrina: I thought that was Glinda...

Daphne: That's in the movie. Get it right.

Munchkin: Make your dog stop talking, Dorothy! And say 'Oh, gracious, are you a real witch?'!

Daphne: They think I'm Dorothy! And you must be Toto!

Sabrina: Not cool. And stop laughing before I bite you.

Daphne: Oh gracious, are you a real witch? Is that right? Do I have to say all the lines?

Sabrina this will NOT go well.

LWIW/Good Witch of the North: Hes indeed, but I am a good witch and the people love me! I'm just a weak witch!

Sabrina: Look, we can't do this, we have to find our brother!

Daphne: He's with a short bald man in a suit, if it's any help.

Munchkin: I saw him! He wouldn't follow the story, either. We're all going to be edited if we don't get them out of here! He went for the magic door. at the end of the story. I'm not at the end, so I've never seen it, but...

Daphne: How do we get there?

LWIW/GWotN: Follow the story.

Sabrina: That'll take AGES!

Daphne: Can't we do it faster?

GWotN: I can't say anything else, it'll make the Editor mad and he'll revise me!

Daphne: WHo?

Everyone: Don't talk about him! Just leave!

Sabrina: Fine, let's just go.

Munchkin: You forgot the shoes! And don't go in the margins. A.K.A the parts that didn't get written. It's dangerous.

Daphne: Come on, Toto!

Sabrina: Shut up before I bury you. Are you noticing how weird everything looks, too? In a cool way? Except the colors are making my head hurt.

Boq: You're supposed to stay here for the night!

Sabrina: Worry, we're in a hurry!

Boq: Please, I'm BEGGING you!

Daphne: We said NO!

Sabrina: ...So where ARE we going to sleep?

Daphne: I dunno. Let's walk a while further. Hey, fruit! I'm glad it's real, and tasty. I was afraid it would be fake.

Sabrina: It still LOOKS fake, though. Like an illustration, or a painting.

Daphne: Or someone else's memory.

Sabrina: Technically, I think it is.

Daphne: I'm worried about Puck.

Sabrina: That makes two of us. But I'm not going to say anything.

Daphne: Since I'm Dorothy and You're Toto, what if he was the witch?

Sabrina: It wasn't. Did you notice the lack of smell? Maybe we'll be lucky and it was Pinoccio.

Daphne: Grrr...

Sabrina: I think that's my line. And I don't know who I can trust anymore.

Daphne: You can strus ME! And Sammy!

Sabrina: He has no name. Mirror just thinks he's a box for his soul.

Daphne: Then it's about time he got one! WIll Mom and Dad mind, you think?

Sabrina: Ahm...Yeah. It's kind of a perk to having a baby. You get to pick the name and all... And can we not call him Sammy? You remember orphanage Sammy?

Daphne: Oh yeah. That was gross. Never mind. I'll think of something else...

ANOTHERLINEASSABRINAWISHESTHATSHEHADREADTHEWIZARDOFOZINSTEADOFKUSTSKIMMINGITANDALSOWISHESSHEKNEWHSECOUDTRUSTHERSELF

Sabrina: Mom, Dad, and Granny are going to FREAK. We've been here way too long. I'm not sure if I want them her eor not...

Daphne: I want them.

Sabrina: I don't. But they'll probaboy show up, non of us are patient, and non of us think before we act.

Scarecrow: Hi!

Sabrina: Just keep walking...

Daphne: But we need him!

Sabrina: No. Sorry, Scarecrow, but you're a klutz and we're not doing this.

Scarecrow: You jerkoff!

Sabrina: That's it, we're going!

Scarecrow: Wait! I didn't mean it! Come back! You need me!

Daphne: What's that noise?

Sabrina: The Tin Man, I guess.

Daphne: He's my favorite!

Sabrina: I thought that was Oz...

Daphne: It was, until he betrayed us... Let's go rescue him!

Sabrina: Daphne, wait! Gosh darnit...

Tin Man: Where's the Scarecrow?

Daphne: Unless he got himself down, on his pole.

Tin Man: WHAT? I'm going to go get him!

Daphne: No, I want an autograph!

Cowardly Lion: Rawr!

Daphne: Oh gosh, I almost peed myself...

Sabrina: Good thing you didn't, we don't have any clean clothes.

CL: I'm confused.

Sabrina: I think you have to hit him.

Daphne: Heck no!

Sabrina: Fine, then I will! I've been itching to punch someone since I found out what Mirror did!

Daphne: I think you knocked him out... Why are they all so stuck on keeping the story exactly the same?

Sabrina: People hat change. Like when UNcle Jake had a fit about the doughnuts? Whoa... that's a big pothole.

Daphne: How do we get through?

Tin man: That's what WE'RE for. We're important and you need to stick to the story.

Sabrina: Right, the Editor and all that. Who IS he?

CL: He makes sure we stick to the script. If we don't we get revised. Come on, get on my back.

Sabrina: Finally. Can we just go now?

Daphne: No, we'll keep them, just in case.

ANOTHERLINEDURINGWHICHTHEREAREMANYOBSTACLESANDPROBLEMSWHICHCOULDBEAVOIDEDBUTARENTBECAUSEOFTHEWAYTHEBOOKACTUALLYGOES.

Daphne: I told you we needed them.

Sabrina: It took us AGES becausethey insisted on following the book! Why is this road in such friggin' awful shape? This is taking WAY too long! I'm DONE with your stupid story!

Daphne: HEY! I have the silver shoes!

Sabrina: YES! WE don't have to do this anymore!

Pink Thing: Rawrsmackgrrnomnomnom...

Scarecrow: It's a REVISER!

Daphne: There's no place like the magc door!

Sabrina: This isn't a door...

CL: That's because the story isn't over yet!

Floating Head: I am Oz, the great and terrible! Who are you and what do you want?

Sabrina: I want my brother. Just finish your magic show so we can get a move on, all right?

FH: BURP!

Daphne: Uhh.... I don't remember that!

FH: Why the heck would I want to help you?

Sabrina: Wait a minute... I know that voice!

FH: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

Sabrina: Puck! If I wasn't so mad at you right now, I'd give you a hug! Where have you BEEN?

Puck: Here. Some tornado spun me here. The wizard asked me to get him out, but I figured he'd trick me so I octrduple-crossed him, tied him up, and took his job. Nobody seems to care.

Daphne: I know, I'm Dorothy. Sabrina's Toto.

Puck: ...Who?

Sabrina: The DOG, dumbo!

Puck: I told you you were a dog! You really need to see a plastic surgeon before we get married.

Sabrina: Excuse me?

Puck: Remember? We're getting married, my thickheaded fiancee. That's what you told me. So I thought about it, and remembered that having a wife is pretty much having a personal slave, and that seems pretty cool to me.

Sabrina: Are you kidding me? A SLAVE?

Puck: Yup. But we need to plan the wedding before that. What do you think about Pompeii? Volcano killed a bajillion people, it's romantic...

Daphne: Later, first we need to get to the Wicked Witch's castle

TM: NO! THere's stuff in the middle! THe Editor will know!

Puck: Them too? How scary can he be with a name like 'The Editor?' I mean, rally. Puck is much more frightening a name.

TM: Fine, we'll do it by ourselves!

Daphne: You sure? You could miss out on a lot of awful stuff if you came with us...

Sabrina: Suit yourselves, see ya!

Puck, come on girls, let's go.

Sabrina: Finally. I've almost missed flying.

Daphne: I think that's it.

Puck: THe big depressing fortress with one ominously glowing window?

Sabrina: I bet.

Wicked Witch of the West: You're early!

Sorry, but we need to hurry up. Where's your water?

WWotW: RIght. Here, melt me.

Daphne: NO!

WWotW: You have to!

Daphne: I will NOT kill you!

Puck: I'll do it then!

Daphne: No.

Puck: Gimme the water or you aren't coming to the wedding.

Daphne: No.

WWotW: Fine, I'll do it myself! Much better.

Puck: I love this place.

Sabrina: Hey look, a door! ...Floating... in midair...

Puck: It's windy. Is that the next story?

Sabrina: That's what the scumbag told us.

Puck: I never said that...

Sabrina: I meant Mirror. Though you're a scumbag, too. Now gimme your hand.

Puck: I'd love to, dear.

Daphne: Aww... Where are we?

Old Man: ALl right, the fairy is Puck, but who are you two?

Sabrina: Sabrina and Daphne Grimm. What story are we in?

OM: Never met you. But that explains a lot. Welcome to my library. I need you here so you stop messing with the stories.

Sabrina: You're the Editor.

Puck: You need a new name. I like your pets, though.

OM/Editor: Whatever. You DESTROYED that story. I need to completely rewrite it. Revisers, go!

Daphne: What are they doing?

Editor: Revising. I guess you'd say EATING, but...

Puck: Can I watch?

Daphne: That's awful!

Editor: It had to be done, otherwise history would change.

Sabrina: Esplain, please?

Editor: WHY did you not figure out what you were doing before coming in here?

Sabrina: We were kind of in a rush...

Editor: Right. Well, if you do something in this book, then it changes histry. It wasn't always like that, but someone changed something, and now it's linked to real history. So my job is to make sure that doesn't happen, and if it does, that it makes sense.

Daphne: Oops.

Sabrina: Look, I'd love to make us all happy and get out of here, but first I need my brother.

Editor: Right. He's here, so is Mirror and Pinnochio. Now leave. I'll have them revised.

Sabrina: Hmmm...

Daphne: Not without Sammy!

Sabrina: I thought we weren't going to call him that...

Puck: Who?

Sabrina: The baby.

Editor: Get out before I have you eaten.

Puck: Been there, done that.

Daphne: Come on!

Editor: No!

Sabrina: NOW where are we? And why am I only wearing underwear?

Wolf: Save Akela.

Sabrina: Umm... big wolf.... Eep... and a panther... Puck? Daphne? Help?

Daphne: We're in the jungle book! I'm a wolf!

Sabrina: I'm half naked.

Daphne: It's because you're Mowgli.

Sabrina: Right. Well, it's extremely uncomfortable... Where's Puck so I can hide from him?

Daphne: No clue.

Tiger: This isn't how it went. Either follow the story or I'll eat you.

Sabrina: I don't know HOW to follow the story!

Tiger/Shere Khan: Then I'll just eat you!

Puck: Nope, sorry. Can't eat my wife. Nice outfit, by the way, Honey.

Sabrina: This is SO embarassing.

Shere Khan: Rawr!

Sabrina: Puck!

Puck: That was close. Nice that you're worried about me, sweetheart.

Daphne: Your hoodie's a wreck. And, Sabrina...

Sabrina: Oops. I kind of dropped the torch...

Daphne: I see that...

SK: Well, If I'm going to be revised, I might as well have dinner first...

Puck: I already told you not ot eat her!

Sabrina: THANK you.

Puck: No problem, honey bunny. It's hard to marry kibble.

Sabrina: I will hurt you once I'm on the ground. Ow!

Daphne: I found the monkeys! Now fly into the fire!

Puck: What?

Daphne: Sabrina it should get us out of here!

Puck: You're insane. I like that in a woman. Now where's that door?

Sabrina: Revisers! And cows!

Puck: COWS I can handle... But don't worry, I won't let my fiancee or future sister in law die! Hew, while we're on the subject, what do you think about a boar-stuffed wedding cake with spider icing? And do we even want to bother with engagement-

Sabrina: Way to watch where you were going!

Daphne: I'd make a joke about how he was too busy looking at your face, but I'm in too much pain.

Sabrina: Right. Come on, let's get going. We need to get out of here because I made a stupid mistake...

Daphne: Hey, there's the door!

Sabrina: Right, but can we beat the revisers there?

Revisers: Nomsmakcgrowlgrr...

Daphne: We have to try!

Sabrina: It's got my underpants! Don't you dare rip my minimal clothing off, you stupid monster!

Puck: Shouldn't you be more worried about being eaten?

Sabrina: Yeah, but alive and stark naked in front of you isn't much better! Hey, why'd it let go?

Daphne: SOmething invisible grabbed it from the margins! Now get through the freaking door!

Sabrina: LANGUAGE! And I'm coming!


	38. Book Eight Part Two

**AN~ Sorry this took ages, I apologize, but I had finals, and my cat got put down, and my relatives are visiting, and in general, it's been horrifically busy...**

* * *

Sabrina: Oh good, I have CLOTHES again!

Puck: Drat.

Sabrina: Perv. Now, where are we, why are we in another forest, why does PUCK never get turned into a book character, and Daphne, LEAVE THE SWORD ALONE!

Daphne: I think we're in The Three Museketeers. Maybe I'm D'Artagnan Which is a good name for the baby, maybe it's becasue he's an everafter, and why can't I play with the sword? Ooops.

Sabrina: Because you do THAT. Here, let me help. And no, we are NOT calling the baby that.

Soldier Men: SHHH! Nobody talked in this part!

Daphne: Never mind. It's NOT the Three Museteers.

Sabrina: So what IS it?

Daphne: I have no freaking clue!

Sabrina: Language!

SM: SHH!

Woman: And now I raise this ball of yarn into the air!

Daphne: Oh, now I know what it is! It's the seven swans! The queen's gong to turn those guys into swans and miss the sister because she doesn't know about her!

Queen: Darnit! I'm not supposed to know about that!

SM: We told you not to talk...

Queen: And now the revisers will be coming and we're all gong to die, so everyone run!

Daphne: Sorry!

Puck: No we're not! This is fun!

Sabrina: Hey, she left the yarn! Daphne, take it before I have issues.

Daphne: You already HAVE isues. The yarn won't fix that.

Sabrina: Shut up. Just make it work:

Daphne: Take us to Mirror. Hey, it's working!

Sabrina: Well, the door is here, but is it the right one?

Editor: Hello.

Pck: No.

Sabrina: Gee, you're helpful.

Puck: Hey, you asked!

Sabrina: I can ignore that, but we'd beter get out of here before we get eaten.

Editor: I don't want you dead.

Puck: Hello, we just got attacked by advisors!

Daphne: Revisers.

Puck: Same difference.

Editor: I need you to find Pinocchio and tell me when you've found him. Trixie Grimm said your family was dectectives. He's causing as much trouble as you three are. I figure if you're getting him, it cuts my work in half, and it fixes my problem in the long run. It should also kep history from being chanced, which is what will happen if Pinocchio gets to his own story. They can't find him there, but you can. He might make a HUGE mess if he gets to make his changes.

Sabrina: And what's in it for us? I have a brother to rescue!

Editor: Mirror's story is off-limits, so you can go get him once you're done. I'll help, I promise.

Daphne: Is that the one that's falling apart?

Editor: None of your beeswax!

Sabrina: Yup. Are we in for hte deal, Daph?

Daphne: Sounds good to me. I'd rather not be eaten.

Editor: I can't promise that.

Sabrina: Not cool. Why are you guys looking at me?

Puck: Normally you jump to amke the decisions. Why aren't you deciding?

Sabrina: ...

Puck: Fine, I'm in then. I don't like Pinocchio.

Daphne: It's because Sabrina did, and then he turned out to be evil. I'm in, too.

Editor: Here you go, then.

Sabrina: Well, there's that decision made for me...

Editor: You did mention you didn't want to make decisions...

Sabrina: Shut up.

Editor: Well then, maybe I won't tell you to stay in the margins to avoid being attacked...

Daphne: We're leaving now, we already know this.

Sabrina: All right, NOW where are we?

Daphne: Would you stop asking me? How should I know?

Sabrina: Well, you ARE the one who's done all the reading. Know any stories that take place in a fog bank?

Daphne: Maybe we died and this is heaven...

Puck: Uh-uh. One, I refuse to be dead until after I get married, and two, they wouldn't let me in. Maybe it's someone's stomach.

Daphne: Actually, I think it's the moon.

Sabrina: And when have you been to the moon?

Daphne: Last week.

Sabrina: Liar. Horrible trait. Are you all right?

Daphne: Yeah, I just tripped on this... bag... of... money...

Puck: We're rich! Hey, did anybody else hear that?

Sabrina: Hear what?

Voice: Rawrirawrum!

Puck: That.

Sabrina: Which is?

Daphne: A giant.

Sabrina: Giant foot! Run!

Daphne: Hey, you're acting normal again!

Sabrna: If I don't have timo to think, I don't have time to be scared to think!

Daphne: Cool. Hey, look! It's Pinocchio!

Sabrina: Get him! Whoa, beanstalk.

Puck: It's sticky.

Daphne: Should keep us from falling off.

Sabrina: Famous last words.

Puck: Let's just get the puppet.

Daphne: Marionettes!

All: OW!

Daphne: AH!

Sabrina: Daphne!

Puck: I'll rescue you!

Daphne: My hero!

Sabrina: I told you not to say that! NExt time, be more careful!

Daphne: There's something wrong with this picure...

Giant: Fe fie fo fum!

Sabrina: AH!

Puck: Hey, you don't want her, we're friends! You want him!

Giant: Rawr!

Sabrina: Wait, what? We're FRIENDS?

Puck: Yeah, since you're dressed as Jack, I figured I'd lie so you didn't die, 'cause that would be bad.

Daphne: He's sweet AND smart! Can I have him if you don't want him, Sabrina?

Sabirna: No.

Daphne: So you do want him?

Sabrina: I never said that.

Daphne: But he's Pucktastic!

Sabrina: I... have no reply.

Giant: Fe fie fo fum!

Pinocchio: What? YOu don't want me!

Puck: Yes you do!

Pinocchio: Rawr!

Giant: ACKTHPT! Evil magic thing!

Daphne: Let's help him!

Sabrina: WIth rocks? He has a magic wand!

Puck: Come on!

Sabrina: This will not end well...

Daphne: He's getting away!

Pinocchio: It would be very hazardous for you to follow after me, miscreants, for i have no qualms upon injuring your personages.

Daphne: ...

Puck: ...What?

Pinocchio: Philistines!

Sabrina: That's a really interesting strategy. Confushe them, and they're so dumbfounded you can just walk away.

Giant: Oogh say thank you, you make Oogh happy.

Sabinra: Oogh?

Giant/Oogh: Me!

Daphne: Hey-

Sabrina: NO. The baby will NOT be named Oogh. Why are you happy, though?

Oogh: Oogh is alive! And going to be part of a wedding!

Sabrina: Can I veto? Bye Oogh!

Oogh: See you at church!

Daphne: So... how do we get out? yarn?

Sabrina: No dice.

Puck: Let's go camp in the woods!

.NOWI''TERASEITTHISWAY...

Sabrina: Watch is boring... I want to sleep... But the Reviers might come if I sleep... Stupid Editor... Why am I talking to myself? Hey, maybe I'll learn how to skip stones! WTF!

Water Monster: Get me out of here!

Sabrina: AH! Monster made of water! Scary! I'm sorry I threw a rock in you!

WM: Free me!

Sabrina: Cough gag choke...

Puck: Way to call me when something bad happened.

Sabrina: I didn't exactly have time. Thanks for... evaporating it?

Puck: No problem. What was it?

Sabrina: Margin monster? The Snow White character reject?

Daphne: What's up?

Puck: Nothing.

Sabrina: Thank you, Puck.

Daphne: I'll ignore that and tell you how I think we can get out of here! I think we need to make a new ending! Let's cut down the beanstalk!

Sabrina: Hey, it *cough* worked!

Daphne: I know where we are this time!

Sabrina: So do I. Wonderland. You're not being very helpful.

Puck: FOOD...

Sabrina: Why am I always the character?

Daphne I was just about to ask that.

Sabrina: Trade you.

Hatter: Let's follow the story, all right?

Sabrina: No. This is too hard, and Pinocchio is getting away.

Hatter: The Editor will kill me!

March Hare: Rawr! He'll kill me, too! Stupid!

Sabrina: Anyway, whe should be going, so... Run!

Puck: This is fun!

Sabrina: No it's not.

Daphne: Party pooper. Except for the almsot dying part. That's not cool. How many times is it now?

Puck: Twelve. You guys are really helping my street cred, you know that?

Sabrina: I will never understand you two... I'm going to go cry under a mushroom because it was all my fault...

Puck: It was not.

Sabrina: Ack! Im fine.

Puck: I can list about a million ways you're not fine, but let's start with the fact that you've been acting REALY weird lately. Now spill before I'm forced to take drastic measures. Becasue I'm always here for you to spill your guts to.

Sabrina: I've noticed. And I'm scared.

Puck: Of what? Be specific.

Sabrina: Myself. I keep making retarded decisions that get people hurt or killed or-

Puck: That's ridiculous.

Sabirna: You know what? I'm leaving.

Puck: No you're not. THere's a bunch of soldiers coming.

Sabrina; Where's Daphne?

Puc: Where we were when you ran of, if she hasn't been killed or eaten or run off...

Sabrina: Come on!

Puck: Wait for the soldiers to leave, dummy!

Sabrina: All right, they're gone now! Daphne?

Daphne: Up here! There's card soldiers all over the place, we have to go!

Puck: There's something following us.

Sabrina: Maybe it's a... squirrel!

Daphne: Not likely. And pay attention to where we're going!

Sabrina: Too late.

Card soldiers: Rawr! We got you now! Come on, we're going to the queen!

Sabrina: Well, we're kind of in the middle of something, so...

Card Soldiers: Grrr...

Puck: I guess we can take a breather.

..

Queen: Maybe if we just pretend nothing happened we won't get in trouble...

Card Soldeirs: You AREN'T going to behead them, then?

Queen: No, you idiot, go get them their croquet stuff. Now, kids, you're from the REAL world?

Sabrina: Yeah. We're here to find PInocchio. He's this jerk with a big nose and a bunch of little puppets.

Queen: We have him. Bring the prisoner here!

Pinocchio: Unhand my personage, you ruffians! Hey! What are those three imbecilic infants doing here? Cannot I ever be rid of them?

Sabrina: Look, buddy. We're Grimms, known for being stubborn, and you kind of betrayed us. So you might as well give up now.

Pinocchio: I had no choice! I refuse to remain this age for eternity! You can all grow up!

Puck: Honsetly, I don't know WHAT you're complaining about. I'd gladly trade you.

Queen: Whatever. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Daphne: NO! We have to take him back to the editor! You can't kill him!

Soldier: On the contrary, the axe is nice and sharp. I'm sure we can.

Sabrina: Ske mans you SHOULDN'T. I kind of disagree, but we promised the Editor we'd bring him there.

Puck: Actually, I think the Editor's going to kill him, too.

King: Dear, I believe the other children are jealous. Why don't we execute them all and make them ll happy!

Queen: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Cheshire Cat: No you don't!

Animals: Hey, kids, we'll save you if you get us out.

Sabrina: Uhh...

Puck: Sabrina, what is with you? Of course we have a deal. Otherwise we'll die!

Sabrina: Great. I'm glad we're alive and all, but Pinocchio's gone again.

Dodo: And this means...?

Sabrina: We need to get him for the Editor.

White Rabbit: Let us help!

Sabrina: No! We can't take you with us!

Giant Puppy: You agreed!

Sabrina: That wasn't me, it was Puck!

Daphne: We did say they could come...

WR: You have no idea what it's like being stuck in this story day after day, never doing anything different because you'll get eaten!

Sabrina: Well... fine. I hate you all.

Puck: No you don't. You love me.

Sabrina: Wait, let me find the yarn... Daphne, Catch!

CC: Rawrl...

Daphne: Bad cat!

WR: Great, now let's get out of here before we get eaten.

Daphne: Yarn, find me the door.

Pinocchio: Not you AGAIN!

Animals: Puppets! Rawr!

Sabrina: Well, that's them gone! I guess you CAN be useful. Daphne, where are we?

Daphne: The little old lady who lived in a shoe!

Puck: All right, then let's go get the loser!

Little Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe: Have a nice day, kids!

Kids: Yay!

Puck: OW!

Sabrina: Are you all right?

Puck: I'm fine.

Sabrina: You sure? You just got trampled by a bajillion litle kids. I doubt you're fine.

Puck: Whatever, Pinocchio's getting away. Let's go get him!

Pinocchio: DOOR! Suckas!

Sabrina: Drat. Now what?

Puck: We eat.

Sabrina: You're taking a lot more interest in decision making than usual. What's up?

Puck: DId you ever consider that maybe I was being NICE?

Sabrina: I didn't think you were capable.

WR: Tell me about the real world.

Puck: Come on, I'll tell you about it. Daph, talk some sense into your sister.

Daphne: I'm on it. Sabrina, what is UP with you right now? You're asking people's opinions. I mean, I get asking mine to suck up to me, but PUCK'S?

Sabrina: I'm afraid to make decisions.

Daphne: I completely get what you're talking about, because of Mirror, but we can't let it keep us from doing anything! I mean, how did we not figure it out? So many clues...

Sabrina: So why aren't YOU spazmodic now?

Daphne: Well, I've lost my conviction on what's right and wrong, so I decided to just protect my family. There's a lot more gray areas than there should be.

Sabrina: Wow. You make me feel like I should be the younger one.

Daphne: We can take turns being mature, I guess. Let's go back to the others.

Puck: How'd it go?

Daphne: I made progress, but I'm not sure how far I got. Futher than you did, Mr. Laugh-in-her-face. And I thought of a way to get us out. We need a new ending, so we'll have the kids fix up the place for their mom. Puck, go get the kids!

Sabrina: All right, guys, listne up! You've had it easy! You need to give your mom a break! A names, clean up the yard! Bs, Laundry! Cs, Dishes!...

LOWWLIAS: Ah my gosh, children, this is so amazing!

Daphne: Door!

CC: 'Twould appear we've entered a war zone.

Sabrina: ANd I'm wearing armor. Daphne, don't touch your sword.

Knight: Sir Galahad, Sir Bedivere!

Daphne: We're in King Arthur!

Knight: Right, there's an evil magician in the castle, and it's time for us to get out of the book! Let's go get Arthurr!

Sabrina: ...I guess that works...

Other Knight: Merlin is dead! THe black wizard is fighting him, and his son is being watched by Guinevere!

Daphne: Rodney!

Sabrina: Daphne, how many times do we have to go over this, NAMING THE BABY IS NOT YOUR JOB!

Daphne: Fine. Gimme the baby!

Puck: Euu,,, He smells...

Sabrina: Ew? What happened to you?

Puck: Did I just say ew? I meant awesome. That's it.

Mirror: All right, that's it for Merlin! Now time to- HEY! Where's my baby!

Baby: Dada!

Sabrina/Puck/Daphne: WHAT?

Mirror: Give him to me or else.

Sabrina: Um...

Daphne: Sure.

Mirror: Thanks! 'Bye!


	39. Book Eight Part Three

**AN~ I proofread this, but then it refused to save for me. So this proofreading job isn't as good as the first one. Sorry. This book is finished!**

* * *

Sabrina: What were you THINKING?

Daphne: Did you see what he was going to do to Puck?

Sabrina: I know, but.,. Hey, where are we now?

Daphne: Inside a wagon...?

Sabrina: Thanks, miss helpful. I'll look out the window- Pinocchio!

Pinocchio: Guess what? We're in MY story now!

Sabrina: Crud.

Daphne: You all right? You kind of fainted...

Sabrina: We need to find him!

Puck: Grimm, you should probably stay lying down.

Sabrina: No. Come on!

Daphne: Yarn, take us to Pinocchio!

Yarn: Bzzt.

Sabrina: I think it's broken...

Puck: Let's split up!

WR: I don't like that idea...

Puck: Tough.

Daphne: We'll meet back here in an hour!

Everyone: Scatter!

Sabrina: Sob...

Puck: I'm going to leave while you have your breakdown...

Daphne: You had to give him back, Sabrina.

Sabirna: But what if we never see him again?

Puck: You will. I promise.

Daphne: AW! Now let's get Pinocchio so we can get Carmine!

Puck: Carmine?

Daphne: FINE! BABY X!

Sabrina: That's worse, Let's just call him the baby.

Puck: You made a decision! Daphne, what happens next?

Daphne: Ummm... a lot. I forget the order.

Puppy: I found him!

Puck: That works.

WR: HE's selling the donkey-children.

Daphne: That's impossible. Pinocchio isn't a donkey yet...

Pinocchio: Oooh! Ooh! Pick me!

Sabrina: I get the feeling he's trying to speed things up a bit...

Man: I guess I'll take that one...

Daphne: Now we find the circus!

Sabrina: How?

...I'..LINE.

Daphne: Hey, look! A circus poster!

Sabirna: That's interestingly useful.

Margin Monster: Free me!

Sabrina: Go pick on someone else for a change!

Puck: Let's go buy tickets!

Sabrina: I can't believe we got front row!

King Arthur: I have crown hair.

Daphne: Deal with it.

Ringmaster: Hey, look! The Blue Fairy is being threatened by Pinocchio!

Sabrina: What are you doing?

Blue Fairy: I don't know what the real Blue Fairy did to you, but it wasn't really me.

Puck: Get him!

PInocchio: I have a wand!

Sabrina: I have a mob. I win.

Pinocchio: I have a right to live normally!

Sabrina: You lost it when you were a jerk. Editor! We have him!

Editor: Great. WHo are all these people?

King Arthur: RAWR!

Editor: Revisers! ATTACK!

Puck: Run for the door!

Sabrina: Help me find my brother, Editor!

Editor: No. You beterayed me.

Sabrina: Not on purpose!

Editor: Whatever.

Daphne: This looks farmiliar.

Sabrina: I'm on a horse. I'm worried.

Dude: I be freaky.

Daphne: This is sleepy hollow.

Sabrina: Make the horse go!

Puck: Yah!

Sabrina: Not that faaaaaast!

Puck: We need to outrun him!

Headless Horseman: I'm confused...

Daphne: I lost the yarn.

Sabrina: I lost the rabbit. Let's call it even.

Puck: I'll go bloodhound on you while you use your crude human way of searching...

Sabrina: I think he's found it!

Puck: Hey! Get back here!

White Rabbit: Sorry! I need out!

Daphne: While we try and figure out how to get the ball of yarn back and us out of here, I need to pee.

Sabrina: You do that. But be careful!

PInocchio: I have to go, too!

Sabrina: Deal with it.

Puck: While she's gone, you have made some stupid chaoices, but you had to to grow so you could be the hero, which means you have an awful time, but it gets better! And stop wallowign in self-pity! Do you think I like this, either?

Daphne: Hey, guess what! While I was peeing, I thought of a way to get out! We need to confront the Headless Horseman!

Sabrina: All right, but Pinocchio gets to be bait.

PInocchio: HOW?

Daphne: Just act natural. That's annoying enough.

Pinocchio: Hey! Besides, I highly doubt that an undead creture from the bowels of the underworld will be bothered by a few mild insults.

Puck: Right. Which is why you need his head!

Sabrina: That's really gross, but ingenious.

Pinocchio: EEEEWW!

Sabrina: Jeez, you'd think he'd never seen a dead body before. Puck, why were you keeping that?

Puck: Centerpiece.

Daphne: How about you let ME plan the wedding.

Sabrina: I like that idea. Now, Pinocchio, go taunt him!

Pinocchio: Hmm... Hum de dum...

Daphne: Make NOISE!

Pinocchio: Nah-nah-na-nah-nah!

Sabrina: Epic fail. Let me show you. Horseman! Guess what? I've got your head! I bet I could find someone to buy it on ebay, or maybe it'd make a good soccer ball!

Pinocchio: Well excuse me for not being goot at insulting people!

Sabrina: You're not good at anything but being a brat.

Daphne: That's great, but the Horseman is coming!

Pinocchio: Bye!

Sabrina: Get back here, you little snot!

Horseman: I want my head!

Daphne: How can you talk? I'll get Pinocchio.

Puck: Sabrina, you IDIOT! This is why PINOCCHIO was the bait! Horseman, do not touch her! Sabrina, I changed my mind! Give him back his head!

Daphne: Come on!

Sabrina: Oh, my head... Where are we now?

Puck: Aladdin.

Daphne: How can you tell?

Puck: See that lamp? The one Mirror has? Yeah.

Daphne: OOOohh...

Mirror: Hi.

Sabrina: We could have found another way, if you'd ASKED.

Mirror: No. I am not patient. Genie!

Genie: What? I was napping, you know.

Mirror: Let me into the story of Snow White!

Genie: Whatever. I want to sleep.

Sabrina: Great. We're screwed.

Granny: No you're not!

ALL: GRANNY! And EVERYONE ELSE!

Daphne: Mirror's the master, and we have to go get him before he takes over the baby's body.

Granny: That's impossible! But I'll roll with it. Bad Pinocchio! Let's go see the editor.

Puck: Well, see, we kinda... teed him off... you could say, and he doesn't want to let us in.

Granny: I have a key! Just to the library, but it's still a key! Come on!

Editor: Oh no! MORE of you?

Granny: Right, ignoring your rudeness, I'd like to go to Snow White.

Editor: No.

Granny: Suit yourself. See ya!

Editor: Where are you-

Granny: All right. First, to the Three Little Pigs! Puck, cause mayhem!

Puck: I can do that! Come one, Wolf, you can get that house! ...Or not. Here, let me help!

Granny: Nice. Next, Rapunzel! Puck, cut her hair!

Charming: OW!

Granny: Good. Cinderella! Puck, have fun!

Sabrina: He just left Cinderella lying in the dirt in her old clothes. Granny, you are my idol.

Granny: Thank you. Now, let's go see Hansel and Gretel! Everyone, let's eat!

Hansel: Umm... let's go home...

Gretel: But I'm HUNGRY!

Hansel: Later.

Granny: On to the Frog Prince!

Editor: FINE! I GIVE UP! I'll let you into Snow White. Revisers! There's a baby there, don't eat him, but eat EVERYTHING ELSE!

Granny: I'm glad we understand each other. Because I will do ANYTHING to protect my family.

Editor: Great. Just get your business over with and get out.

Daphne: Snow White!

Snow White: Do I know you?

Granny: The real you does. Listen, do you know where I can find Mirror?

Snow White: Try the castle. Now go! We can't disrupt this story any more!

Old Crone: I have an apple!

Snow: Hide! Oh, apple! Yay! Zzzzz...

Granny: Let's go!

Puck: Wait, I'm hungry!

Sabrina: Not that, you- IDIOT!

Puck: Zzzz...

Daphne: He did not.

Sabrina: He did.

Henry: He ate the apple.

Veronica: In his defense, they probably didn't tell him that as a bedtime story. Seing as he was born before it actually happened and all...

Granny: Right. We'll put him in a bed until we come back, Dwarves, watch him?

Dwarves: Sure! Go fast!

Sabrina: Great. Spooky castle. Ultimate showdown. Fun.

Henry: Too... many... stairs...

Daphne: They either need to relocate their lair or put in an elevator.

Veronica: Stop whining. We're here.

Mirror: Hey, wait while I yell at my mother and take over you son's body, ok? Thanks.

Bunny: I'm not really your mom. I'm a fake you. Please stop choking me...

Mirror: Then put me into that boy's body!

Bunny: All right. Now leave before you collapse this story.

Mirror: No. I'm going to let the deleted character out!

Editor: He's going to destroy the story by killing Snow White! You can't let him do that!

Daphne: Whoa. Where did you come from?

Editor: Just GO!

Bunny: Here, let's teleport!

Sabrina: Oh, so THAT'S why she doesn't mind the stairs!

Daphne: REVISTERS!

Bunny: On the horse!

Charming: Hey, the Revisers are hurrying, but Atticus is on the way!

Daphne: Atticus?

Charming: My no longer existent brother.

Granny: What? I'll deal later. Can you get Mirror out of the baby?

Bunny: Yes, but he'll just go someplace else.

Granny: Again, I'll deal with it.

Bunny: Ala-Kazam!

Veronica: My baby!

Mirror: RAWR!

Sabrina: NO!

MIrror: RAWR!

Daphne: Get away from me!

Sabrina: Keep your mouth shut!

Granny: Self-sacrifice!

Sabrina: NO! I wanted to do it!

Mirror: Hey, I'm OLD! Not cool! I kill you, Prince Charming!

Charming: Oh! I am slain!

Daphne: Why? He didn't do anything to you!

Mirror: I'm having a temper tantrum! Leave me alone!

Editor: Leave! Get everyone out so I can rebuild this from scratch, before Atticus gets here!

Mirror: I leave through the door!

Atticus: What? Real world? I be evil. I escape!

Everyone: Granny is gone. I am frozen.

Henry: We have to leave!

Daphne: WEll, now that we left, and we're in a big clearing of wreckage that used to be our house, Sabrina, it's time to wake Puck up.

Sabrina: WHAT?

Henry: Well?

Sabrina: Smooch.

Puck: So, what did I miss?

Sabrina: A lot. Granny's posessed by Mirror, Atticus is loose in the world,

Henry: Daphne, let's see what we can rescue. Pinocchio, you'r helping.

Veronica: OH, sweet baby...

Puck: Hey, while we're alone, let's agree to pretend that kiss never happened and stay pranking and fighting with each other. We'll have a marraige based on mutual hate.

Sabrina: RIght. If we DO get married, I'll insult you all the time.

Puck: What do you mean IF?

Sabrina: The future we saw is different than the one that will be now. We might not get married, especially if we beat Mirror.

Puck: Let's go get him, then!

Sabrina: Great! ...Except I'm disappointed...

Puck: Hey, thanks, by the way.

Sabrina: For what?

Veronica: We're naming the baby Basil!

Puck: Right, now what?

Henry: Umm...

Sabrina: Puck, go get uncle Jake, Mr. Canis, Snow, and Charming. Mom, stay here and hold down the fort with Basil. Dad, Daphne, we're going to see the real wicked queen and Baba Yaga and any other really powerful not-evil people.

Puck: Does this mean you're in charge again?

Sabrina: Yup. Now let's get going!


	40. IM: Connection Has Been Lost

**AN~ Yeah. Took my time, didn't I? Well, here it is, and I have added PLOT to my crack!fic! Aren't you guys proud of me?**

* * *

**kittylikeshorsie:** Wow, this club thing has GROWN!

**Vishveryl**: I feel OLD.

**Hedgi Naysomay**: I KNOW! There's so many new people!

**dog9girl: **I'm RELATIVELY new, but not a n00b... Amd I still new?

**psycho_with_wings:** Well, I dunno.. you could be a quasi-n00b...

**missnolife:** No, you're not new, really.

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** Yes.

**ElyonPortrait:** What does it matter? We're all here for the same reason.

**wordsmith:** Ha, you all answered at the same time.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Are your sister or her boyfriend here?

**wordsmith: **Not yet. They had to go down to the library since I grabbed the home computer.

**kittylikeshorsie:** AW! Then we can't do the interviews yet!

**psycho_with_wings:** We couldn't anyway. Granny Relda's kind of being posessed.

**dog9girl:** Let's play would you rather!

**wordsmith:** How do you play?

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** You've never played?

**Hedgi Naysomay:** It's like this: someone asks a question with two options, and you have to tell which you'd rather do. Some people play that you have to do it, but you can ask better questions if you don't do that. Sometimes it can be hard to find a burning building or an alligator on short notice. And getting the alligator to actually bite someone...

**wordsmith:** ... o.0

**kittylikeshorsie:** Yeah.

**wordsmith: **I WANNA PLAY!

**ElyonPortait:** I keep forgetting that she's like that.

**psycho_with_wings: **I'll go first. miissnolife. Would you rather... eat a pillow or barf rocks for the rest of your life?

**missnolife:** Depends on the rocks. 'Cause if it's diamonds and stuff, like in that fairytale...

**psycho_with_wings: **Whichever. I don't care.

**missnolife:** Then I want the second one. Imagine getting rich off barf!

**allthenamesiwantrused**: ... That was the wrong time to come into the conversation.

**trixr4kids:** I love this game! I wanna play!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Right. Sabrina, if you could have a dragon or a pirate, which would you choose?

**allthenamesiwantrused: **...Why?

**curlscat:** Because I wanted to bring the people from How to Train Your Dragon here. I'm a little obsessed.

**theultimatewarrior:** Computers don't exist in my time period.

**notsoultimate:** How are we even doing this, Astrid?

**theultimatewarrior: **No idea. You're the brain, you figure it out, Hiccup!

**girlsrule:** Wait a second. Who are YOU?

**theultimatewarrior:** Astrid, Hiccup's girlfriend. Who are YOU?

**girlsrule:** Camicazi, and I'M Hiccup's girlfriend.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Well, THIS is rapidly developing into an awkward situation. I forgot about the difference of pairings in the book and movie.

**Vishveryl:** Maybe we should send them back, yes?

**psycho_with_wings:** 'Kay, all you computerless viking peoples! Time to go home!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Oops.

**dog9girl: **No kidding. Let's get back to the game, shall we?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I'd rather have a TAME dragon, because I could ride it, but I've had bad experience with both, so... But, dragon anyway.

**TheBookTraveler:** Hi.

**dog9girl:** HI!

**kittylieshorsie: **'Allo, poppet!

**TheBookTraveler:** So... what's up?

**hedgi naysomay:** we're playing would you rather.

**Grimma:** Ooh! I love that game! Sorry I'm late, I had homework.

**kittylikeshorsie:** You ALWAYS have homework.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** ANYWAY... Grimma, would you rather eat a cocroach or marry your brother?

**Grimma:** Eat a cocroach. Especially one covered in chocolate. Unless I could divorce him right away.

**Grimma:** So... Puck. On the same vein, would you rather marry Sabrina or Daphne?

**trixr4kids:** ...

**trixr4kids:** Can I NOT answer that?

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** No, you definitely have to.

**trixr4kids:** You all know what I'm going to say.

**missnolife:** Yeah, but you have to say it anyway!

**trixr4kids:** Fine. Sabrina. Happy?

**psycho_with_wings:** He admitted it! Le gasp!

**hedgi naysomay:** Well, we all knew that.

**ElyonPortrait:** That was a very grudging admittance.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I win!

**dog9girl:** Aw, he's growing up!

**missnolife:** No duh.

**Vishveryl:** Finally.

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** I knew it!

**Grimma:** I'm honestly not surprised.

**TheBookTraveler: **YAY! So friggin' cute!

**wordsmith:** *is hurt* What? Puck, you don't want to marry me?

**trixr4kids:** ... NOW look what you've gotten me into!

**wordsmith: **I was just KIDDING, Puck.

**trixr4kids:** Not funny.

**TheBookTraveler:** Sabrina's been awfully quiet, has anyone noticed?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** ...

**kittylikeshorsie:** Are you in shock?

**allthenamesiwantrused: **A tad, yes. This thing just got extrordinarily awkward.

**dog9girl:** Again.

**Vishveryl:** They seem to be doing that a lot today, have you noticed?

**kittylikeshorse:** I'm sorry, all right?

**allthenamesiwantrused:** I've never even heard of those people.

**kittylikeshorsie:** If How to Train Your Dragon exists in your universe, then you shold go watch it. Then read the books, which are totally different.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** No one cares.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Well, excuse me!

**trixr4kids: **You're getting beat on a lot today, aren't you?

**kittylikeshorsie**: Eh, I kind of deserved it. I'm a tad obsessed.

**psycho_with_wings:** We noticed.

**Grimma:** Guys, lay off.

**kittylikeshorsie:** THANK you. At least someone likes me.

**wordsmith:** It's not that we don't like you, it's just pick on you day.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Great.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** doesn't seem like this is going much of anywhere, does it?

**Hedgi Naysomay: **I think we need a plot.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I might have one. I read NERDS, MB's other series? It was all right, but not as good as good as this one. But what really struck me is the similarity between Sabrina and the Hyena. She's pretty much Sabrina with green eyes and kick-butt martial arts skills. So, Sabrina next year. Or Sabrina's kid, who got switched at birth.

**AssasinsCreed:** You called?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Just telling them you're awesome.

**AssasinsCreed:** Thanks, I guess...

**allthenamesiwantrused:** So, how many matrial arts do you know?

**AssasinsCreed:** Umm... five? No, six. Not counting my weapons training.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** ... O.o I want to be you...

**AssasinsCreed**: Thanks, I guess...

**Braceface**: What's up?

**dog9girl:** The hater of crossovers is going to write one about you and the Sisters Grimm.

**kittylikeshorsie:** I don't _hate_ them! I just don't usually like them that much, because they don't make sense! And they're usually not very well-written. But this one could almost work!

**TheBookTraveler:** Emphasis on almost. I haven't read NERDS yet, by the way. So I wouldn't read the fanfic.

...

**Vishveryl:** way to totally kill the conversation.

**AssasinsCreed:** Well, I'm leaving now. This is boring.

**BraceFace:** Wait! Come back! I've missed you!

**kittylikeshorsie**: You guys aren't being very helpful. I feel like we're boring the readers.

**Hedgi Naysomay**: Sh! You're breaking the fourth wall!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Seriously? The very existence of this story breaks the fourth wall. I've decided it's high time to admit that we're all in a fanfiction, and that-

**_Please Hold. We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties._**

**psycho_with_wings:** This is the last breaking of the true fourth wall that will occur this chapter, I promise. Can't say much about the other three, since this whole story _is_ an imaginary broken wall. Anyway. Sorry about that. She should be back in a few minutes. We didn't hit her _too_ hard... Now, back to the story! Which makes no references AT ALL to the fact that this IS a story! Right, guys?

**wordsmith:** Right!

**Vishveryl:** Si, senora.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** Absolutely!

**TheBookTraveler:** Right-o!

**Grimma:** Certainemont, mon cheri!

**missnolife**: Since when are you French? And yeah, I agree.

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** French is awesome. And why is Vishveryl's Spanish not getting criticized? We won't break the fourth wall, I promise.

**TheBookTraveler:** Sure.

**ElyonPortrait:** Is it really such a big deal?

**psycho_with_wings:** Yes.

**ElyonPortrait:** Fine, then. We're totally not a fanfiction.

**psycho_with_wings:** dog9girl...?

**dog9girl:** Yes?

**psycho_with_wings:** You didn't promise.

**dog9girl:** Promise what?

**psycho_with_wings:** Not to reference the fact that we're actually in a fanfiction.

**dog9girl:** Sure I did!

**psycho_with_wings:** I don't see it anywhere.

**dog9girl:** It's right up there.

**psycho_with_wings:** No, it's not.

**dog9girl:** Yes it is. Right there.

**psycho_with_wings:** I'm staring at our chat history, and it's not there.

**dog9girl:** Hmm, that's weird. I could've sworn I said it...

**psycho_with_wings:** I'm not buying this.

**dog9girl**: Oh well.

**psycho_with_wings:** Promise. Now.

**dog9girl:** Jeesh, no need to be so snappy about it. I'm getting there.

**psycho_with_wings:** Today, please. Promise.

**dog9girl:** Promise what?

**psycho_with_wings:** Please promise me right now that you will not break the fourth wall at any time in the future of our conversations on this 'website.'

**dog9girl:** Aw, I was hoping to see how long I could make this play out. But you covered everything. Fine. I promise.

**psycho_with_wings:** _Thank_ you. See? Was that so hard?

**kittylikeshorsie:** What did I miss?

**psycho_with_wings:** Everyone just swore not to break the fourth wall. Your turn.

**kittylikeshorsie:** So you knocked me out, took over, and are trying to boss me around, now? You realize I could write you right out of this, right?

**psycho_with_wings:** See, this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid! Breaking the fourth wall! You're not supposed to know this is a story!

**kittylieshorsie:** Why?

**dog9girl:** That's what I'd like to know.

**psycho_with_wings:** Because...

**kittylikeshorsie:** HA! You have no idea, do you?

**psycho_with_wings:** I do so!

**kittylikeshorsie:** So what it is?

**psycho_with_wings:** Give me a minute, OK?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Sure. While you're waiting, does anyone here read the comic strip Stone Soup?

**wordsmith:** I do! Why?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Have you noticed the similarites between the family in the story and your family?

**wordsmith:** Actually, no. But now that you mention it...

**kittylikeshorsie:** A family that all lives in the same area. Two sisters instead of two brothers. One of those sisters is dating an ethnic person. The other is married. There are two girls, one blonde in middle school with an attitude problem, and one dark-haired, around six, with a sunny personality. Living with the family is a teenage boy, not related to anyone, and a very spunky grandmother. There is also a boy toddler. True, they have a baby girl, and the relationships aren't quite the same, but it bears a striking resemblance.

**allthenamesiwantrused:** That's just creepy.

**trixr4kids:** Hey, they normally would have showed up by now... Where are those people?

**Grimma:** Maybe it doesn't work for comics, just books and movies and stuff...

**ElyonPortrait:** That doesn't make sense. I think it works for everything you can have a category of on fanfiction.

**VishVeryl:** Maybe it broke.

**missnolife:** Quick, someone summon a character! Like... Harry friggin' Potter!

...

**dog9girl:** Try someone that we KNOW works. 'Cause I don't think we've ever tried AVPM before.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** The real Harry Potter, then.

...

**Hedgi Naysomay: **Maximum Ride? Percy Jackson? ...Bella Swan?

...

**TheBookTraveler:** It's broken! We can't summon people!

**kittylikeshorsie:** Come to think of it, the Grimms have been awfully quiet recently...

...

**Vishveryl:** They're gone, too!

**ElyonPortrait:** While we try to figure this out, have you thought of the reason we can't break the final fourth wall, psycho_with_wings?

**psycho_with_wings:** I... I think this is it.

**dog9girl:** Oh, no. We broke the final fourth wall, and in retaliation, the universe rebuilt the wall between our universe and the books' universe.

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** It's all your fault, Curlscat!

**kittylikeshorsie:** *cries* I know! Can you ever forgive me?

**missnolife:** If you find a way to fix it.

**Grimma:** We'll help you, curls.

**dog9girl:** Of course we will! Right, guys?

**TheBookTraveler:** I will, at least.

**psycho_with_wings:** No. She broke it, she can fix it.

**Hedgi Naysomay:** I'm kind of busy...

**ElyonPortrait:** If you guys can't fix it on your own, then I'll come help.

**Vishveryl:** That sounds good.

**missnolife:** Can't. School.

**Percyjacksonluver4ever:** Call me in two weeks.

**kittylikeshorsie:** Well, at least I know who my REAL friends are.

**dog9girl:** Of course you do. Now we've got to get brainstorming. To facebook!

**TheBookTraveler:** To facebook!

**Grimma:** ...Do you want me to repeat that, too?

**kittylikeshorsie:** Nah. This is already a fiasco. Let's just go. Bye, everybody.


	41. Tropes: OOC Virus Class 5

**AN~ While our four heroes attempt to discover a way to repair the connection, a short parody has been provided for your entertainment, featuring Angry!Henry, Edwardian Puck, Diva!Brina, Outgoing Red, Bipolar!Daphne, and many more common OOC versions of the characters of the Sisters Grimm. (It's because I don't know how to fix it yet. Inspiration will strike eventually. I swear.)**

* * *

It was a normal day in the Grimm household between books- no one was aging at all, the Scarlet Hand hadn't made any major moves, the perfect setting for a oneshot. It was as if time had stopped.

In fact, it had. Michael Buckley, using his omnipotent author abilities, had held time at a standstill for a year and a half while he wrote other books, like the N.E.R.D.S. series. Frankly, Sabrina was getting tired of it. She'd been there first, so she should be finished first. It was only fair.

Plus, a lot of the oneshots were actually happening, and it was getting harder to remain true to herself while she waited, harder to not fall prey to the OOC vibes that filled her dreams at night...

In fact, she could feel herself weakening at that moment, growing less like herself, and more like her dreaded alter ego, Diva!Brina. She felt a sudden rush of concern for her appearance, and looked down at herself in horror, realizing that she was wearing a turtleneck and straightleg jeans, and she hadn't even _done_ anything with her hair!

Disregarding the fact that she was twelve and supposed to be a bit of a tomboy, Sabrina rand to her closet, determined to find name brand clothes.

However, Sabrina had forgotten that they had no mall in Ferryport Landing, because it was a very small Upstate New York town, and had also forgotten that she couldn't visit any malls outside Ferryport Landing because they were in the middle of a war. In fact, she had even forgotten that her house had been destroyed at the end of the last book, so she shouldn't have a closet at all. She found herself standing in the middle of a wasteland that had been her house at one point, and she began wailing.

The rest of the family came running towards her, panic stricken.

"What is it, Sabrina?" Veronica asked. "Did you hurt yourself? Is someone here?"

"No." Sabrina blubbered. "It's... it's the house! It's gone! And so are all my clothes! I have nothing to weeeaaaar!"

"Oh, poor baby." Veronica said, enveloping Sabrina in a hug. "I know what it's like to be a teenager. It'll be all right. Someday this war will be over, and I'll be able to take you to a mall."

"_That's_ what you were crying about?" Daphne asked, and her normally cheerful face twisted. "Clothes? Granny Relda is being posessed by Mirror, and all you care about is _clothes_? I hate you, Sabrina! You're a jerk, and you don't deserve to live!"

Sabrina wailed louder and buried her face in Veronica's shoulder. "My life is awful! I wish I were _dead_. Everyone hates me!"

Puck, Henry, Jake, Red, and even little Basil stared at the three Grimm women in shock.

"What... is going on?" Puck asked. "And why do I have a strong urge to make Sabrina feel better?"

"Oh no!" Jake cried. "It's... it's an OOC virus! Quick, everyone, step back before you catch it!"

"No!" Henry snapped. "I won't! Because I'm taking the family back to the city! Right now! Because I hate everyone and everything in this stupid, tiny, dangerous town! We have to leave! Now!"

"Too late." Puck said, staring at Henry.

"Can I leave now?" Pinocchio asked, appearing suddenly, almost as if someone had just remembered that he was supposed to be there.

"Nope." Jake said, grabbing him by the back of his shirt. "Can't have you running back off to cause trouble. You'll stay right here where I can see you."

Puck, meanwhile, was drawing closer and closer to Sabrina, almost as if a magnet was pulling him, or a fishing line. The expression on his face grew less playful and more and more sickeningly sweet the closer he got, until he was right next to her, and he appeared to have lost all will to fight off the virus. Finally, his arms, too, wrapped around Sabrina, and Veronica let go, mouthing, 'aww...'

"Veronica?" Henry snapped. "Why aren't you stopping them?"

"Because I approve of everything Sabrina does!" Veronica snapped, standing. "Because _I'm_ the nice parent! Unlike you."

"Excuse me?" Henry glared. "Are you _undermining _me?"

"Yes I am!" Veronica shouted. "Because you're a jerk and I'm tired of it! I'm divorcing you!"

"But I thought you loved me!" Henry said, shocked. "You know what? No! You can't divorce me, because, because I divorce _you_!"

"You can't!" Veronica said. "Because I'm divorcing you first!"

"Oh yeah?' Henry asked, "You and what lawyer?"

"Robin Hood, of course!" Veronica said. "Duh!"

"But I wanted Robin Hood as my lawyer!" Henry whined. "Fine! I'll get a _real_ lawyer! Not a stupid everafter!"

Red stared. "They're acting like they're Daphne's age."

Jake nodded. "That's, like, what they do when an OOC virus hits. Usually, anyway."

"How come you're not acting weird?" Red asked. "And me? And Pinocchio?"

"Well, like, my OOC-ness is just making me act like a teenager." Uncle Jake said. "So, I like, just have to deal with, like, talking funny for a while. And, you're like, talking, too. Since when do you do that? And Pinnocchio isn't in any fanfictions, really."

"Ohh..." Red said. "So I am being out of character, but it's just hard to notice?"

Sabrina and Puck had begun kissing while Henry and Veronica continued to argue, and the two twelve-year-olds were now competing to see how far they could stick their tongues down each other's throats. Puck appeared to be winning, just because he had the advantage of being able to shapeshift his tongue into that of a giraffe.

Henry and Veronica, meanwhile, had begun arguing over who would get what after the divorce, at higher and higher volume.

"I want the kids!" Veronica snapped.

"You can't keep them safe like I can!" Henry yelled. "You'll bekeeping them in this heckhole surrounded by devil creatures!"

Daphne, meanwhile, had switched from anger at Sabrina to excitement. "Oh my _GAWSH_! I knew you two loved each other, I knew it! I knew it, I did! This is so adorable! Now you'll live happily ever after and have twelve kids and a pony and Sabrina will be a princess- wait. _I_ want to be a princess! No fair!" She started crying. "How come Sabrina gets everything? She's always the center of attention! Why?"

The chaos was overwhelming, and rather comical. To see the entire family shouting, kissing, crying, screaming, and running around in the rubble of the half-destroyed house was both ridiculous and frightening.

"How long is this going to go on?" Red asked, staring in horror.

"Dunno." Jake said gloomily. "It can last for, like, weeks, sometimes. Depends how strong the virus is and how soon the next book comes out. This stasis between books isn't good for anyone."

Daphne was now jumping on Pinnochio, who was trying to escape again. She screamed, "NOOOO!one1!1! one!one! Pinnochio, you can't leave! I love you, exclamation one one exclamation point!"

Red started backing away. "This is scary..." She said.

"Yeah, it's kind of, like, going a bit too far." Uncle Jake said. He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a wooden wand with three lumps down its length and, pointing it at the others, shouted, "Petrificus totalus!"

Everyone in the rubble of the house except Jake and Red turned blue and fell over backwards.

"I shouldn't have been able to do that, by all rights." Uncle Jake told Red conversationally. "'Cause that's, like, a Harry Potter wand and- have you read Harry Potter? No? Well, it definitely exists, because Michael Buckley (he's the guy who writes us, you know) anyway, Michael Buckley mentions them in book... six, I think, and they're good books, you should read them- and where was I? Right, like Harry Potter is just a book series, and he isn't an everafter, even though a lot of fanfiction people seem to think he is, so I technically shouldn't even have the wand."

Red blinked at Uncle Jake.

"Right, the point." Uncle Jake nodded. "Anyway, that was the Elder Wand, and it's the most powerful wand in the world and I suppose I'll remember where I got it sometime soon, but for now it's simply a plot device, and anyway, it shouldn't exist because Harry Potter doesn't, but I suppose we'll just appreciate the benefits of the virus, yes?"

Red nodded. "So, when does it wear off?"

"Hopefully by the time they wake up." Uncle Jake said. "Sometimes they last for months. Once we even got a school, remember?"

Red shook her head.

"Oh, right, Sabrina asked me to dust everyone." Jake smacked his head. "So nobody remembers except me. So anyway, the best cure for an OOC virus, other than a well-written story is rest. So we should, like, go to sleep until we feel better, kk?"

Red nodded, and the two fell into a deep, instant, plot-device driven sleep.


	42. Sites: Facebook The Solution?

**AN~ They (we) are on facebook, now! Imagine a message box! kittylikeshorsie (me) is now Kat, Grimma is now Sarah, TheBookTraveler is now Hannah, and dog9girl is now Ellie.**

_**Dani:**_** OOC means out of character. About your long request for Puckabrina: ...I'll try. It may be hard, 'cause this is mostly about funny, but...**

**Disclaimer: I have full permission to use names, and don't own anyone. Except the OC's. Now, if you start stalking us (I might accept friend requests if you tell me who you are), I will go in and change the names, but I trust y'all.**

* * *

**Kat: **

Thanks again, guys, for helping me with this.

**Ellie:**

No problem!

**Hannah:**

Yeah, it's our problem, too. It may be your fault, but if you have help, it'll get fixed faster, and then we can go back to IMing.

**Sarah:**

Exactly! Even though I wish you hadn't done that...

**Kat:**

I'm sorry, OK?

**Hannah:**

Don't sweat it. Just... let's fix it, OK? Fast.

**Sarah: **

So... does anyone have any idea /how/ to fix it?

**Hannah:**

We could... go to Ferryport Landing and... see if they're there...

**Ellie:**

It wouldn't work. 'Cause Ferryport Landing doesn't exist in our world. I mapquested it.

**Kat:**

So I know this is what got us in this situation, but I'd like to point out that people are reading this right now and... we're being incredibly boring. They're not going to want to read this chapter full of nothing.

**Ellie:**

Shhh! You might be making it worse!

**Sarah: **

I don't see how it can /get/ worse.

**Hannah:**

She could get us separated from the readers, too. Or maybe /we/ would end up in a book. ...Though that wouldn't be too bad...

**Kat:**

Oh, I hope that's my punishment this time around. As long as the boy comes with me.

**Hannah:**

You're too attached. Back to our problem, now?

**Sarah:**

What if we wrote ourselves into a fanfic? Like another chapter of Ellie's fic, The Grimms meet their fanclub?

**Hannah:**

If that worked, we'd be there already.

**Sarah:**

Point taken.

**Kat:**

This is pointless. We had something wonderful, and I blew it. I bet there isn't any way to get them back.

**Ellie:**

Don't be like that. We'll find a way.

**Hannah:**

We could... make paper snowflakes...

**Kat:**

What would that do?

**Hannah:**

I don't know, I just really want to make paper snowflakes. I guess if we made enough, maybe we'd make a bridge out of them... Like the aurora borealis is supposed to be a bridge to Asgard.

**Ellie:**

Do you know how many we'd have to /make/?

**Sarah:**

We could send them a letter and see if it goes through.

**Ellie:**

That would be great, if we knew their address. What we need is something that /connects/ us, something that bridges the gap between the book world and our world.

**Kat:**

That's it!

**Hannah:**

Am I being obtuse here, or...?

**Sarah:**

I don't get it either.

**Ellie:**

What's it?

**Kat:**

OCs!

**Hannah:**

One-word-post, and that's actually a pretty awesome idea.

**Kat:**

Why, thank you. :)

**Sarah:**

She knows. (eyeroll)

**Kat:**

:P to you, too.

**Hannah:**

So now we just need to get our OCs here to go to them, right?

**Sarah:**

Assuming that still works...

**Hannah:**

It does. I've been working with my characters for NaNo for a while now.

**Ellie:**

Me, too!

**Kat:**

...I'm seriously behind on NaNo...

**Sarah:**

That's why I didn't do it. No guilt.

**Kat:**

'Scuse me while I go get... someone... I don't know who yet.

**Hannah:**

I'll go debrief Oliver.

**Kat:**

Tell him he'll be meeting Alice and Casey. They're sisters.

**Hannah:**

I will. Tell yours he's a werewolf, so watch out.

**Sarah:**

None of mine want to go. Is that OK?

**Ellie:**

We sound crazy right now. But I can't send anybody right now, either.

**Kat:**

That's fine, three should be plenty. I hope this works.

**Hannah:**

Maybe we should be sending an electrician or something, too...

**Kat:**

Well, I don't have any, so...

**Ellie:**

Are they off?

**Hannah:**

They are

**Sarah:**

Oh, I hope this works.

**Kat:**

Me too, Sarah. Me too.


	43. Random: Repair

**AN~ Yeah, an update of this, because NGHC needs a book reference, and I'm at work. It's boring. Sorry this is short, I didn't want to drag it out.**

**_fanfic guessed:_ Is your name supposed to read 'guest'? Your review was kind of hard to understand, but I think I got it eventually. Point one: the shortened editions of the books are my pet project; I'm not going to stop writing them. Point two: I can't stop the IM thing, it's what most people like most. Point three: I'd LOVE to do more of the stuff LIKE the OOC virus, and about the little in-between-books universe I'm creating, but if I did that, this would get updated even less than it already does, and I'd feel a bit bad. Point four: They all like to pretend stuff like that never happened, so they won't be embarassed 'cause they refuse to admit there's anything to be embarassed about. So, all in all, thanks, but I won't be doing much of what you suggest, sorry.**

* * *

Daphne looked at her computer with a sigh. It was boring, now that they couldn't talk to the real world people. Even if they _did_ have internet in the house they were staying in until book nine, what was the use when she couldn't talk to the real world people?

"Would you get off that thing?" Sabrina asked, looking over at her from the game of Sorry she was playing with Puck, Red, and the Veronica-Basil team.

"Come play with us." Red suggested.

Daphne sighed again, much more dramatically and shook her head. "I want to talk to the IM people."

"Why? They're weird." Puck asked, flipping his card over. "Sweet! Eighteen!"

Sabrina turned to him, brow furrowing. "There's no eighteen in-" She stopped, picking up the card. "All right, who drew the one in front of this eight?"

Puck and Daphne both looked innocently at the ceiling. Sabrina rolled her eyes and moved Puck's piece back ten squares while Veronica snickered.

"They're _real_." Daphne said. "We're not real, not really. And it's nice to know that we can be almost real, that we can talk to people that some author didn't invent, who control their own lives..."

"How do you know?" Puck asked. "I betcha there's this primordial author out there who's just _watching_ them all. That's probably what God is: an author, but you can't complain to him."

"You just used the word 'primordial'." Red said, looking up at Puck with wide eyes. "Do you even know what that means?"

"My guess is no, since he didn't use it right." Veronica said, helping Basil flip a card. "Move it ten spaces, buddy."

Basil did, giggling. Sabrina was about to flip her card when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." She said with a sigh, standing. Under her breath she muttered, "Like I always do."

"You _do_ always answer the door." Veronica noticed. "Why is that?"

"Plot device." Red answered promptly. "The books are in her point of view."

At the door stood three people: a boy with brown hair, a tall girl with dark hair that reached her shoulders and a big nose, and a girl who could have been her twin if her hair hadn't been blonde.

"Hi." The dark-haired girl said. "We're here to do an intervention."

"Um..." Sabrina said. "Intervention?"

"Connecting you all back to the regular world." The blonde girl said.

"Why?" Sabrina asked. "This is how it should be!"

"Come on in!" Daphne interrupted. "I'm Daphne Grimm, this is Sabrina, in here," she said, pulling the three people into the living room, "Are my mom, Puck, Red, and my little brother Basil. Who are you? Who sent you? How did you get here? Why are you here? How are you going to fix it? Do you want something to eat? Granny's not here right now 'cause she's possessed by Mirror, but she made great food, and if there aren't any leftovers, she was teaching me, so I could probably make you-"

"Daphne, a) we don't know who these people are, and b) stop talking." Sabrina said. "They could be dangerous."

"Well, I'm dangerous." The boy said. "But only on full moons."

"Ummm..." Sabrina blinked, "Who _are_ you? Exactly?"

"I'm Alice." The dark-haired girl said. "I'm a magician. This is my sister, Casey. She's in training. And tall, dark, and silent over there is... Oliver, I think. He's a werewolf. We're OCs."

"Like, original characters?" Red called, sticking her head out the doorway.

"Yeah." Oliver said. "From the people you were online with. Or something."

"But... wouldn't you just be stuck here, too?" Daphne asked. "And not be able to get in contact with them?"

"Maybe." Alice said. "Except we're not Sisters Grimm OCs. We're characters from actual stories, not just fanfictions."

"This is really informative." Puck said. "I'm bored."

"Of course you are." Sabrina said. "I think this is interesting. Except I still don't trust you. At all. Go away."

"But I want them to fix my computer!" Daphne complained. "I want to talk to the people in the real world!"

"We've been over this, Daphne." Veronica said with a sigh. "Honestly, you sound like you haven't aged at all since I was cursed."

Daphne made a face. "That's not nice." She said.

"You're... eight in two weeks, right?" Veronica asked.

Daphne nodded. "Yeah..." She said. "Why?"

"Because you're acting five." Veronica said. "Stop. If you want to be treated like an adult, act like one!"

Daphne stared at her mother.

"Yeah, Daphne got pwned!" Alice grinned. "Sorry," she said to Daphne, "I read the books, and Daphne got on my nerves a bit. Reminded me of you, actually." She told Casey.

"Thanks." Casey said dryly.

"Do any of you actually know anything about computers?" Red asked.

"No." Oliver said. "We were kind of hoping that just showing up here would make it be fixed."

"I can fix your car, though!" Alice said.

"Please do." Sabrina said vehemently. "It may not stay fixed, but any little bit helps. Please."

"Show me." Alice said.

Sabrina led the tall girl out to the driveway, and Alice blinked.

"Only so much I can do for this old thing." She said doubtfully. "But I'll try."

"Let's see if you showing up _did_ do anything." Veronica said to the other two, heading over to the computer.

Most of the family followed, and so did the two OCs. Veronica refreshed the page Daphne had been on, and saw several connections that hadn't been there before.

"It worked!" She called dramatically.

There was much rejoicing.

The OCs were offered a meal before they went home, but they declined, leaving as soon as Alice had done all she could for the car (with Sabrina's help). And between-books life returned to normal, for a time.


	44. Interviews: Sabrina and Daphne

**AN~ ****Hey, everyone, if you have a bone to pick with ff or site tropes, could you tell me via reviews or PMs? I won't pick fun at individual people, but I'd like to do more like the OOC virus and Mary Sue chapters in this fic, and I need ideas.**

**_Epiphany D:_ Thanks bunches for the enthusiastic review!  
**

**_ANannyMouse:_ :D Slapstick humor is really hard to WRITE. I mean, watching someone fall on TV is great and all, but reading about someone fall isn't really funny. It's the TALKING that's funny when you read. I'm glad you just found it, I'm working on editing it at the moment. It needs it.**

* * *

On the computer screen appear three rectangles: two small ones with a teenaged girl in each and one long one underneath, with two younger girls inside them, one blonde and one a braided brunette.

"Hello, and welcome to The Internal View!" The curly-haired girl in the top right box says with a smile. "See what I did there? That's funny, right? A pun? This has to be funny, this is my crack!fic."

"Don't start that again." Another girl says, giving her a look the best she can through the computer screen. "Remember what happened last time? Anyway, we don't want to ramble." This girl has long dark hair that bears evidence of being straightened.

"Right." The curly-haired girl says. "Anyway, I'm kittylikeshorsie, or Curlscat, here with dog 9girl to kick off this interview process. Today we have Sabrina and Daphne here to answer some questions for us all. Hopefully this will go easier than IMing, and be less confusing. After all, we have less people!"

The two girls on the bottom half of the screen wave. The blonde, Sabrina, looks uncomfortable, but Daphne grins and bounces in her seat.

"Hi!" Daphne grins. "I'm so excited for this interview 'cause it means we're famous!"

"Daph, we're being interviewed by a pair of fanfiction writers over webcams." Sabrina points out. "I don't think we could get much _less_ famous than this."

"We could be unknown." Daphne insists.

"Anyway." Dog9girl says pointedly. "Some of us," she glares at the upper left hand of the screen, "may still be on Christmas break, or in a place where school doesn't exist, but _I_ have homework. So let's not get too off topic."

Curlscat grins at the right hand corner of the screen, then turns directly to the webcam and says, "Right. We're here for a simple ten-question interview of the characters. Unfortunately, we couldn't get to them directly, like some other interviews have been able to do, and they couldn't come to us, so we decided to do this over webcam. There will be... how many of these?" She asks her co-host.

"Five." Dog9girl answers. "Each with two hosts and two characters. We're first because Curlscat wanted to kick it off, this being hers and all, and the other two of the missus marauders were MIA."

"And you yell at me for bad jokes." Curlscat grins.

"That wasn't a joke. That was alliteration." Dog9girl says loftily.

"Anyway." Sabrina interrupts. "Back on topic? We only have a little while in the library."

"I have all the time in the world." Curlscat says airily. "But all right, first question: who's your favorite person in Ferryport Landing? Daphne first."

"Oh, I don't know." Daphne says, bouncing again. "There are so many awesome everafters in town! I mean, there's-" She paused. "Will saying their names bring them here, like with IMing?"

"I don't think so." Curlscat says. "This isn't an open chatroom."

"Oh." Daphne grins. "Well, then, there's Puck, and Snow White, and there... there _was_ Briar, and there's Red, and Mr. Canis... or I guess he's Mr. Clay now, and there's Cinderella and Robin Hood, and everybody! And Granny's pretty great, too. But I'd have to say Snow White is my favorite. She's so brave and nice and smart."

"Oh, thanks, Daphne." Sabrina says, laying the sarcasm on heavily. "Love you, too."

"What?" Daphne asks. "What did I do?"

"Just totally ignored me in your list of favorite people, that's all." Sabrina says. "It's fine. See if you make it onto _my_ list now."

"I thought they were talking about everafters!" Daphne protests.

"Right." Sabrina says. "Because they said 'person,' and Granny Relda is an everafter."

"She might be." Daphne defends herself. "With Mirror living in her and everything."

"Give up, Daphne." Sabrina says. "I see how it is."

"Anyway." Dog9girl says. "Sabrina, who's your favorite?"

"Not Daphne, obviously." Sabrina glares at her sister.

"Puck?" Daphne suggests. "Or Granny?"

"Definite no on the first." Sabrina says, shuddering, "And I don't think so on the second. I kind of think it might be my mom. She's my biggest role model, now that Granny's... gone, and she kicks butt without being too nasty. She doesn't jump to conclusions like I do, and she manages to balance everything in her life, from family to work to sports. I want to be like her when I grow up. Except I'm keeping Granny's battle axe."

"That was quite insightful." Dog9girl says. "A lot more than I was expecting from this, given our reputation. And genre. Now, on to question two: favorite pairing?"

"In the Sisters Grimm universe." Curlscat clarifies. "No Harry Potter or anything, much as Hermione and Ron are adorable."

"PUCKABRINA!" Daphne shrieks. "They're so cute together, I just love them! Even if they won't admit it."

"Umm... it was Sabrina's turn to answer first." Dog9girl says.

"We have never and will never be an item." Sabrina says firmly, then continues, "My favorite pairing is Briar and Jake, because it's so depressing. It reminds me that nothing ever ends happily, and makes me feel better about my own pathetic life."

All three other girls stare at Sabrina.

After a minute of silence, dog9girl says, "Wow. I had no idea you were so... emo."

"See?" Daphne asks, "_This_ is why you're not my favorite! You're so depressing!"

"You're the reason I'm this depressing!" Sabrina snaps. "I grew up for you! Besides, it's not my fault other people's pain makes me feel better about myself. I mean, isn't that the reason most people watch TV shows like Bridezilla and Keeping Up with the Kardashians?"

"And Toddlers and Tiaras." Curlscat adds.

"Mom considered putting you in that show." Sabrina tells Daphne, offhand. "Not a lot, but sometimes. When you were being bad."

"They didn't have that show when I was little!" Daphne protests, sticking her tongue out at her sister.

"No, but she threatened you with being a pageant baby." Sabrina says.

"Anyway." Curlscat says, pulling the two girls back on topic. "Question three: what's your opinion on what's going to happen in your last adventure? Sabrina first this time."

"We're all going to die." Sabrina says.

The other girls stare again.

"Just kidding." Sabrina grins. "But I betcha at least two other people are going to die. Maybe more. We'll probably win, because... yeah. But maybe not. Daphne will be adorable and get away with everything, I'll learn another stupid lesson because that's all I'm good for, and then we'll move back to New York. Unless someone crucial to our leaving dies."

"We're definitely going to win!" Daphne says. "And I bet Sabrina and Puck are finally going to admit they're together, and we'll stay in Ferryport Landing, and it'll be scary but awesome."

"I bet you're both right up to a point." Dog9girl says thoughtfully. "Don't suppose we get to answer that one?"

Curlscat shakes her head. "Nope. Because I have a tendency to be right, and if I am, everyone will hate me. Remember Mirror? Grimma was much displeased."

"Fine." Dog9girl sighs. "But it would be fun. Tell me in private?"

"Of course." Curlscat smiles.

"Next question!" Dog9girl says abruptly, looking at the two girls. "Best memory? Ever?"

"I can't pick one!" Daphne protests. "There's so many awesome ones! There's when I found out my parents were awake again, but right after that they started fighting, and that wasn't fun, but there's also when we met Granny, before she got kidnapped, but Sabrina was being a jerk through that, but after Sabrina admitted she was telling the truth and we got her back, that was good... or there's the time that... _gah_, there's too many!"

"So you don't know then?" Curlscat asks.

"That about sums it up." Daphne nods. "There's too many. Sabrina? Your turn."

"Every moment before my parents disappeared." Sabrina says promptly. "Well, not all of them. But most of them. Before my life turned into living Hell."

"Gosh, Sabrina, you're such a downer." Daphne wrinkles her nose. "Why aren't you ever happy?"

"Because my life is crap!" Sabrina snaps. "My dad doesn't tell me about a magical other world when I'm young enough to think it's cool 'to protect me', without giving me a decision of my own, both my parents keep huge secrets from me, and then they go and get kidnapped anyway! After that I have to grow up to protect a sister who doesn't even appreciate it, to keep her from turning out like me, and she just asks why I'm never happy, when I gave up happy for her! Then I go meet a grandma that doesn't exist and get introduced to a completely horrifying world that shouldn't exist and almost get killed like fifty times! As if that wasn't enough, I have to deal with normal life and growing up and I got my period and I didn't even know what it was 'cause my mom was asleep and boys and crushes and pranks and unappreciative younger siblings! So I think I have a right to be in a bad mood, thanks much."

"What do you mean, unappreciative?" Daphne asks, turning towards her sister and leaning forward in her chair. "I appreciate you when you're actually nice, or think before you act, or do something smart! It's not my fault that barely ever happens! And I can do stuff too, you know! I'm not a baby anymore!"

"You're in _second grade_." Sabrina says, and her tone is half-angry, half patronizing. "You've been eight in two weeks for the past two years. Tell me, Daphne, how much does the average second grader know? If nobody gave you definitions, you wouldn't even understand half the conversations around you. Do you even know how to do long division? Yeah, you're better with magic than I am, but you're still a kid! And you're not always right, much as you think you are!"

"I was right about Ms. Smirt coming back, and you having a problem with magic, and you and Puck!" Daphne says, ticking things off on her fingers.

"For the last time, we're _not together_!" Sabrina yells. "And would you get that stupid fairytale out of your head? Because there are no fairy tales, Daphne! There will never be happy endings for everyone!"

Daphne stares at Sabrina for a minute, then says, "Sometimes I hate you, Sabrina. And I think you need therapy."

"Same here." Sabrina says. "On both counts. About me. Not you. Except sometimes I hate you, too."

"Why?" Daphne asks. "I'm the nice one."

"Because you're just so friggin' stubborn and sure you're right and you refuse to listen to people who are right and... I'm describing myself, aren't I?" Sabrina stops, brow furrowing.

"Yeah." All three other girls say.

"Well," Sabrina continues, "You're also such a goody-two-shoes, and _you_ never get in trouble for anything, and your blame me for everything and hold grudges."

"Well, this was remarkably serious." Curlscat says. "A bit too serious for this. You two both need to lighten up, this is bad for our ratings."

"We have ratings?" Dog9girl tilts her head to one side and frowns, confused. "Why did nobody tell me that?"

"Reviews and favorites." Curlscat explains. "Right now our ratings are pretty low, but that's because we're classified as a semi-hiatus. We average sixteen updates per year, or four every three months. That's a horrible rate, and the quality isn't high enough to make up for it, plus it's a specialty genre: no real romance. So we need to keep up with the genre we do fall under, and right now we're being _way too serious_! Come on people, we need a gag!"

"Question five! Now!" Dog9girl said, snapping her fingers.

"Right." Curlscat says. "Least favorite memory?"

"The day our parents disappeared." Sabrina responds promptly.

"I think the day Briar died. Or when we buried her." Daphne says. "I mean, she's _dead_. And Charming just used it, like a way to get people to follow his war."

"I was kind of talking about embarassing..." Curlscat said tightly. "The funny thing? You know?"

"Oh." Sabrina says. "Well, heck with that! I'm not sharing my most embarrassing moment! You guys know enough about my life anyway!"

"I don't get embarrassed." Daphne grins. "Everything's funny if you look at it the right way."

"Oh, child, I would love to be you." Curlscat shakes her head.

"Me, too, but moving on to question six:" Dog9girl says. "When you two were in the orphanage, why did you go back after you ran away?"

"Where else were we supposed to go?" Daphne asks. "It's not like we could head home."

"They always found us when we ran someplace else, anyway." Sabrina points out. "It was kind of creepy... I think they put tracking devices on our clothes, to be honest."

Daphne stares at her sister. "Tracking devices? What is this, James Bond? I swear, you're so paranoid!"

"At least I don't-"

Curlscat cut her off. "Save the fighting for off our airtime, guys. Next question, this one's just for Daphne: what's the best word you've ever made up? In your opinion."

"Well, they're all pretty Pucktastic." Daphne grinned. "But my favorite's got to be gravy. I mean, it's... it's food! And food is obviously the best. Plus, it fits for everything good. I'm trying to think up something to match it for bad, but so far nothing other than mucho bad-o."

"All right." Dog9girl smiles. "Now, Sabrina, question for you: how dead will I be once I let Daphne know you had a crush on Robin Hood?"

Sabrina glares at the computer.

"If looks could kill." Curlscat mutters. "It's times like these I wish I could whistle."

"Wait." Daphne wrinkles her forehead. "But he's _old_. EW!"

"I can't help it!" Sabrina snaps. "He was nice, and cute, and... not one of my better moments, OK? Besides, he treated me like a neighbor's dog or something, so I'm totally over him."

"But still." Daphne says. "Ew."

"Question seven!" Curlscat says.

"But she didn't answer my last one!" Dpg9girl protests.

"She can't kill you, she doesn't know where you live." Curlscat rationalizes.

"Yet." Sabrina mutters under her breath.

"I'm deleting my facebook." Dog9girl says. "I don't want to give her any clues."

"You have until May... June... June, I think." Curlscat says. "That's when our timelines will match up. Anyway, question seven: if you had the choice, would you go back to your old life? If you knew it wouldn't hurt anybody?"

"No!" Daphne exclaims. "Leave all this magic and beautiful gorgeous wondertasticness? I think not! I'm staying here forever!"

"I'd love to." Sabrina says. "But I betcha I can't. Betcha I'm going to go back and have to get involved in everything 'cause I'm going to know this stuff is there, and it's going to drive me nuts unless I can keep an eye on it. I want a break, though. A long, Everafter-free vacation. A very long vacation. Then maybe I'll come back. But only because I don't trust them to not take over the world without me to stop them. And Daphne can't do it by herself."

"How very noble of you." Dog9girl says dryly. "Question eight: knock knock."

"Who's there?" Daphne asks.

"Banana." Dog9girl responds.

Daphne grins. "Banana who?"

"Knock knock." Dog9girl repeats.

"Who's there?" Daphne asks again.

"Banana." Dog9girl says. Again.

"Knock knock." Dog9girl repeats.

"Who's there?" Daphne asks again.

"Banana." Dog9girl says. Again.

"Knock knock." Dog9girl repeats.

"Who's there?" Daphne asks again.

"Banana." Dog9girl says. Again.

"Knock knock." Dog9girl repeats.

"Who's there?" Daphne asks again.

"Banana." Dog9girl says. Again.

"Knock knock." Dog9girl repeats.

"Who's there?" Daphne asks again.

"Banana." Dog9girl says. Again.

"Who's there?" Daphne asks again.

"Orange." Dog9girl says.

"Orange who?" Daphne asks.

"Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana' again?" Dog9girl asks, and she and Daphne both laugh.

Sabrina and Curlscat, through this whole exchange, have been giving the other two long-suffering looks.

Curlscat sighed. "Well, now that that's over, question nine: if you could have one animal as a pet, what would it be?"

"Elvis!" Daphne grins. "Or a pony, or a rabbit, or a unicorn! All of them! I just want a zoo!"

"I want..." Sabrina thinks. "I want a Leopard. I used to want a tiger, but then there was that incident with the guy who had a tiger, and that was awful, and lions are all boring and lazy. If I had a leopard, oh, the fun I would have."

Dog9girl raises her eyebrows. "Right. Note to self: avoid wildcats at all costs. Last question, guys! Are you excited?"

"I'm always excited!" Daphne grins.

"I'm relieved that it's over." Sabrina says, leaning to the computer screen.

"What are you doing?" Curlscat asks.

"That was the last question." Sabrina says. "Am I excited? I'm not. So I'm going."

"That's cheap." Dog9girl says, glaring at Sabrina.

But it's too late. The large part of the screen has already shut off.


	45. Interviews: GrannyMirror and Basil

**AN~**

**_ANannyMouse:_ Yeah, I have NO IDEA where that serious stuff in the middle came from. I was planning on it just degenerating into a huge fight between the two girls, but they got all their fighting out in the middle and it was... not funny. I was disappointed in myself. It's SO weird writing about myself in the third person, but it gives me a chance to practice poking fun at myself, so I keep going with it. I HAVE read that, and I thought it was extremely funny. I wish she read SG. Maybe I'll have a mini-therapy session here. Ask her for permission and call it outsourcing or something. But they need ACTUAL therapy, not re-characterizing therapy.  
**

**_Gotta love crumpets:_ Thanks for the review! I'll try to update faster, but again, this is not my big project at the moment.  
**

* * *

Again, the screen is divided into three parts: the bottom contains an old woman with red-streaked gray hair and, seated next to her, a small boy, also with red hair.

In the top left corner is a girl whose description will be added when she reviews to tell me what she looks like, Percyjacksonluver4ever.

Next to her is psycho_with_wings, whose physical description is also unknown. She smiles at everyone and says, "Hello!" Welcome to the interviews, day two! I'm psycho_with_wings, but you can call me psycho, and this is Percyjacksonluver4ever. We're here today with... technically three people, but since two of them are sharing a body, we thought we could get away with it. Especially since one of them can barely talk."

"Our first question, like last episode, is still: who is your favorite person in Ferryport Landing?" Percyjacksonluver4ever asks. "By the way, you can call me Four."

"Dada!" The baby says quickly, giggling.

"My favorite person in Ferryport Landing is myself, of course." A manly voice says from the body of the older woman. "But if that doesn't count-"

"It doesn't." The two girls say in unison.

"Right." Mirror's voice comes out of Granny Relda again. "I'd probably have to say Starfish."

From offscreen, a muffled voice shouts, "Don't call me Starfish! Just 'cause I can't do anything to you 'til the book starts doesn't mean I won't remember this!"

"As I was saying," Mirror continues, "She's strong and brave, even if she can be rather thoughtless and stupid at times, and she really loves her family. I wish I hadn't had to betray her, but I had no choice, really."

Granny speaks again, and this time it's with a woman's voice. "I can't choose a favorite person, it would be unfair. Perhaps Snow White. However, I love almost everyone equally."

"Second question: Favorite pairing?" Psycho demands.

"Myself and my husband." Granny says. "There's nothing like your own love. However, I find the idea of a relationship between myself and Mr. Canis to be very amusing."

"So you're not?" Psycho asks, looking a little sad.

"No." Granny says firmly. "We're just friends."

"I don't approve of pairings." Mirror says through Granny, her expression shifting. "Most of them are just going to die anyway, so what's the point? And besides, if I can't have love, then why should anyone else? My dearest goal at the moment is to crush Puck so that Sabrina's heart will be broken."

"I thought you said you liked Sabrina best!" Four says, brow wrinkling. "Something doesn't make sense here!"

"I think I get it." Psycho smiles knowledgeably. "He's jealous."

"Ew!" Four exclaims. "That's disgusting! He's too old for her! And short!"

"We all know he likes her." Psycho insists. "We just didn't know it was like that.

Granny's body has been growing redder by the second, and Mirror's voice bursts out, "I have no feelings like what you're insinuating for this girl! None at all!"

"Whatever you say." Psycho says, then turns to Basil. "What about you, buddy? Who's your favorite pairing?"

"Mamma. Dadda." Basil says, clapping his hands.

"Awww..." The two girls say, relaxing and leaning forward to look at Basil, silly grins on their faces, heads turned to the side.

"Get a grip on yourself." Mirror says sternly.

"Right." Four says, sitting up straight and pretending to look serious. "Third question is: what do you think will happen in book nine?"

"I'll win, of course." Mirror says. "I'll get a new, more appropriate body, then I'll kill them all except the Starfish, and then she'll have to leave Ferryport Landing, and the barrier will be gone, and we'll all live happily ever after."

"Including Sabrina?" Psycho says slyly.

"As your consort?" Four teases.

Granny sits up stiffly and goes to straighten a tie she isn't wearing. "Certainly not!"

"The end!" Basil says in a sing-song voice. "The end! The end!"

"He's so cute!" Psycho squeals. "I just want to hug him!"

Granny, now speaking out of her own body again, says, "I don't presume to know the future, but I assume that I'll spend most of the next book being possessed. It will probably be quite boring. Perhaps I'll get my body back at some point. I know the children will perform wonderfully."

Psycho asks, "Fourth, what's your best memory?"

"Mama!" Basil says, grinning.

Both interviewing girls seem to melt a bit, smiling at the baby.

Mirror clears Granny's throat. Both girls jump up, composing themselves and blushing.

"Right." Psycho asks. "Where were we?"

"Best memory." Mirror says. "Mine is when Sabrina, Daphne, and Puck found out that I was the master. It was so invigoration, being able to be myself! And the looks on their faces were hilarious."

The girls make a face, and Psycho says, "I don't think I like you very much."

"Yes, well, that's hardly my fault, is it?" Mirror points out. "I'm the villain. If you like me, then we have all sorts of problems."

Mirror's face shifts, and suddenly Granny says, "My best memory would be any time that my entire family was together, but... particularly my honeymoon with Basil. It was so wonderful and romantic..."

Basil looks up at the mention of his name. "Me?"

"No, sweetie." Granny smiles, and the two girls 'awww' again.

"Fifth, what's your least favorite memory?" Four asks.

Basil tilts his head to the side and shrugs. "Dada?"

"Aw!" The two girls say.

"Honestly." Mirror makes a face. "You sound like a choir. Stop that. My least favorite memory would be all the times people treated me like I wasn't a person. It was horrible. Or the time Puck did that thing with the pegasi in my home. That..." Granny shudders. "That was a trial."

Granny's face shifts again and she says, "I think it would be the day my husband died. Knowing he was gone forever..."

"Now to the individual questions!" "Basil, this one's for you: How old are you, baby? Can you show me how many fingers old you are? Can you do that for me?"

Basil holds up two fingers to the camera and says proudly, "One!"

Both girls melted and declare in unison, "Awwww..."

"He's so _cute_!" Four squeals. "I want one! Someone needs to make me one!"

"Ahem." Mirror says, sitting up stiffly. "If we might return to the subject at hand...?"

"Right." Four says, composing herself, then asks, "Granny, this is yours: What's it like, being possessed?"

"It's rather boring, actually." Granny says. "I can't do anything, all I can do is watch. It's a bit like a movie, but I'm privy to the thoughts of a deranged man, and nothing particularly interesting happens. It's also bad, though, because I can see what he's doing to my family and friends. But mostly boring."

"Mirror, on to the question everyone's dying to know the answer to: why on earth did you do it? You could have told Granny you wanted out, and she'd have found you a way!" Psycho demands.

"Because I had to!" Mirror snapped. "I had to get out of the Hall of Wonders, and it was the only way to do it!"

"Lies." Psycho declares. "If you'd just _talked_ to Granny about it, we could have avoided all this! She'd have helped you out as much as she could!"

"Yes, well-" Mirror falters.

"Exactly." Psycho smiles. "You just did it because you wanted to, didn't you?"

"Possibly..." Mirror hedges. "Though I may have just not been thinking."

"Good." Four says. "Now I can hate you in peace. Granny, another one for you: what was the most interesting case you ever solved?"

"Oh, that would be the time I solved the mystery of the missing buttered crumpets. It turned out that Morgan Le Faye had stolen them in an attempt to get Charming to come after her because she knew... Ah, but I'm saying too much. Morgan wouldn't appreciate me sharing that."

"Last question's for you, Mirror: If you were, entirely hypothetically, to get married to Sabrina, what would the wedding be like?" Psycho asks. "Hypothetically speaking, of course."

"Oh, it would be beautiful!" Mirror declares. "I would be in a different body, of course and-"

Four starts to snigger.

"And she would wear a gorgeous white dress- a modest one, of course, nothing too revealing for my beautiful starfish, and I'd be wearing a nice suit. All her family would be there (if they were still alive, anyway), and everyone in the Scarlet Hand would throw flowers and-"

Mirror stops, Granny's face turning red. "You didn't hear that."

"Of course not." Psycho agrees. "Mirror and Sabrina, sittin' in a tree-"

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Four finishes. "First comes love, then comes-"

"All right, all right." Mirror snaps. "Stop it!"

Four turns to the camera and says, "Well, that appears to be all the time we have for today, everyone! Thanks for watching!"

The computer screen cuts to black, but as it fades, in the background Psycho says, "It's so cute, Mirror! I can't believe you-"


	46. Interviews: Henry and Jake

**AN~**

**_dontknowthatiwanttologin:_ So you have an account? Well, who is you? Also, I had to. It just needed to be done. I mean, really. It's so very USEABLE, even if it is gross.  
**

**_Darling Red:_ Yeah, I don't know. They got longer. It wasn't actually a pattern, it was just me figuring out the best way to do them, and I found a good length.  
**

* * *

Today, the people on the parts of the screen are two different teenage girls, one younger than the other, and Henry and Jake Grimm. Jake looks a little sad but smiles at the camera, and Henry looks angry, as usual.

"Hi!" The older girl says. "I'm ElyonPortrait, here today with the third episode of GrimmChat. We finally have a name for this! Isn't that exciting? Anyway, you can call me Elyon, and with us today we have Henry and Jacob Grimm, who have graciously agreed to answer some questions for me and missnolife, who is my partner today."

Henry grumbles, and Jake waves.

"Hi!" The next girl says, waving. "You can call me Missy! So anyway," she says, looking down at her screen, to Jake and Henry, "You know the drill, right? Five general questions, one specialized for both of you, then four personal questions."

"We know." Henry says. "Can we get on with it?"

"Of course!" Missy says, and then asks, "Who's your favorite person in Ferryport Landing?"

"Mine's _dead_." Jake says coldly. "And you should feel really guilty about it. I'm going to project my guilt onto you. Project project. Do you feel guilty yet?"

"Not particularly." Missy says. "So... your favorite person alive, then?"

"Sabrina." Uncle Jake says. "She reminds me of me. But less tragic."

"Right..." Missy says. "And you, Henry?"

"Veronica." Henry says. "She's one of the few people who isn't an Everafter. And we all know how much I love Everafters. And my family I'm still getting used to again."

"Plus she'd probably hurt you if you said anything else." Elyon points out. "So what's your favorite pairing?"

"Me and Veronica." Henry answers, in a 'no duh' sort of voice.

"That's another 'I have to answer like this or my wife will hurt me' right there." Missy points out.

"My favorite pairing is _dead_." Jake says.

"Hoookay, moving on." Missy says. "What do you think will happen in book nine? Feel free to go into as much detail as possible."

"Everyone will be _dead_." Jake says. "Just like Briar."

"I think that we will lose a lot of people, yes," Henry said, "And that fairy will try to make moves on my daughter again..." He glares off into space for a moment, then comes back, "And I hope we'll win, and I'm sure my family will do wonderfully, even if I can't protect them, and afterwards, we'll move home to New York, where it's safe."

"Unless we're all _dead_." Jake mutters.

"Right, so what's your best memory?" Elyon asks. "Take your time, I know there's probably a lot of choices."

Henry, after a few seconds of quiet musing, says, "When Daphne was born. I had two beautiful daughters and a healthy wife, and no worries. It was the best day of my life."

"Everything with Briar." Jake says. "Before she was _dead_."

"And your worst memory?" Missy asks, rolling her eyes.

"When Briar became _dead_." Jake says.

"Called it!" Missy shouts.

"What?" Elyon asks.

"I knew he was going to say that." Missy says. "That's all he's been saying is 'dead'. Over and over and over again, like a mantra. I didn't think you'd be that depressing, Jake."

"Gimme a break!" Jake complains. "I've been stuck in the first stage of grief for the past three years now! It's not like Buckley's given me anything else to think about or anything!"

"I thought you were off taking vengeance and fighting because of what they did to her." Elyon points out. "Not stewing."

"I have to stew." Jake says. "We aren't having any battles until the book comes out."

"Anyway." Henry says pointedly. "My worst memory is definitely the day my dad died. Knowing it was my fault... I guess I kind of projected that guilt I felt onto everyone else for a while, especially Everafters. I'm starting to get over it, now, but it'll take a long time before I completely trust magic again."

"Aw, Henry, that's sweet of you." Elyon smiles at him. "See? I knew he wasn't going to be that bad!" She says to Missy.

"What do you mean by that?" Henry asks.

"Oh, nothing..." Missy says.

"She's read too many fanfics." Elyon says. "She thought you were going to be all angry and stuff."

"Please." Henry says. "I got over the angry thing back in book seven. Why does nobody remember that?"

"Because it's so much more _dramatic_ to have you be mean!" Missy explains.

"And all the girls in this fandom want drama. They're young teens, mostly. Drama is exciting." Elyon says. "So back to topic. When you two were growing up, what were your training excercizes, magically?"

"It was horribly hectic." Henry says. "We pretty much got set loose in the Hall of Wonders and found out how stuff worked by using it on each other. We had a lot of mishaps. The only rule was that we couldn't open a door without asking first and we couldn't take something outside until our dad gave us the OK."

"Oh, come on, it wasn't _that_ bad." Jake says. "Yeah, we had free reign most of the time, but all the dangerous doors stayed locked. Most of the time."

Henry snorts. "None of that stuff was safe. And even if it was, you picked the locks to the dangerous doors all the time!"

"You helped!" Jake protests. "In fact, it was your idea a couple of times!"

"That was back when I was young and stupid." Henry says. "The difference between you and me, Jake, is that I grew out of it."

"Yeah, you grew into a different stupid." Jake snorts. "A stupid that made the girls totally unprepared for life and made Daphne mad at you and got you kidnapped."

"Well, at least my stupid hasn't gotten anyone-" Henry cuts himself off and said, "I'm sorry, Jake. That was incredibly rude of me."

Jake looks down, and mutters '_dead_' under his breath again.

"That went well." Missy says. "Henry, we'll ask you your individual question first, to give Jake some time to... regroup a bit. Okay?"

"Sounds good to me." Henry says, giving his brother a worried look.

"All right, your first individual question is: 'What on _earth_ did you see in Goldilocks? She's nothing like Veronica!'" Missy says.

"Ahm..." Henry says, his eyes widening. "I... plead the fifth?"

"No can do, buddy." Elyon grins. "You have to answer."

Henry makes a face. "Really?"

"Yes." Missy says. "Really. Now start talking, buddy."

Henry sighed. "Well, I knew Goldie my whole life, before I even _met_ Veronica. We grew up together, you know. And she grew up for me. Plus those luscious golden locks..." He trailed off, resting his head on his hand and staring into space.

"Yo!" Elyon half shouts. "Focus!"

"Right." Henry says, sitting up abruptly. "Well, she's very nice, once you get past the OCD, and she's... well, you can't really explain love, can you? It just happens, and we don't really know why."

"Except that we're all attracted to one kind of person, usually." Missy points out. "We have a type. And they seem like very different types."

"I'm deviating." Elyon says. "Henry, here's your next question: You said 'love' there. Did you mean that? Would you still consider yourself in love with Goldilocks?"

"Uhh..." Henry stutters. "Umm... I didn't meant it like that!" He says this with a panicked expression, not facing the screen.

"Oh, sure, buster." An angry female voice says from offscreen. A pair of hands appears, pulling Henry away. "Why don't we go have a talk privately, before you put your foot any farther in your mouth?"

Elyon, Missy, and Jake watch as Henry is dragged away.

"Why'd you do that?" Missy asks.

Elyon shrugs. "It was funny."

Missy rolls her eyes and turns to Jake. "Are you ready for your questions, now?"

Jake nods. "I think so. Seeing that cheered me up a bit."

"All right." Missy says, looking down at her paper. "Your first individual question is this: what do you think of the way people characterize you in fanfiction? You're portrayed as an older Daphne, a player, and immature. Are you really like that?"

"Absolutely." Jake says. "I'm a huge flirt, there's not a girl in town I haven't gone out with. And now that they forgot me, I can start over again! I'm determined to interfere with Puck and Sabrina's relationship instead of letting them get together on their own, because we all know how well that will work out, I'm pretty much a big teenager at heart. I don't know how I survived those years on my own."

There is silence for a minute.

"That was sarcasm." Jake says.

"Thank goodness." Elyon says, sighing. "So you're not really like that?"

"I would never do anything like that." Uncle Jake says. "Maybe I was a little immature before, but I've fixed that. Briar really helped me-" He chokes a bit, stopping.

"Which brings us to our last question:" Elyon says. "Did you ever have a serious relationship before Briar?"

Uncle Jake shakes his head. "I had a crush on Snow White for the entire time I lived in Ferryport Landing when I was a kid. I mean, who didn't? And obviously that would never go anywhere. When I left, there were some brief flings, but I didn't really stay put long enough to get into a long-term relationship. I traveled a lot."

"So Briar was your first-" Missy starts.

"_Dead!"_Jake shouts, shutting off the computer screen, tears in his eyes.

"He needs to work through that." Elyon says.

Missy nods. "Well, I guess that's the end of that." She says.


	47. Interviews: Mr Canis, Elvis, and Goldi

**AN~ Quick update because I have a strong desire to get these finished and maybe another IM chapter (probably not) up before May and book 9. Because after that, this will be back to the abbreviations (some people have mentioned that they don't like it, but I can't quit now).**

**Some reviews might be nice, preferably with ideas to make this more crack!fic-ey.**

* * *

vivisheryl, hedgi naysomay, elvis canis goldi

This time, when the screen lights up, on top are again, two new girls in their own boxes, and on the bottom there is an old man with wild gray hair, a blonde woman who looks around twenty, and a large dog- a Great Dane.

"Hi!" The girl on the left says. "I'm vivisheryl, but you can call me Vivi, here today with Mr. Canis- or Mr. Clay, and Elvis the dog, with Goldilocks here to translate."

"And I'm Hedgi Naysomay, but you can just call me Hedgi, here to assist!" The girl on the right says, waving and smiling. She looks down a bit, to where she can see the screen and says, "First question, as usual, is who's your favorite person in Ferryport Landing?"

Elvis barks three times.

"That means Relda." Goldilocks explains. "And I don't suppose I can blame him, but he also says Daphne is a very close second."

"I would have to agree that Relda is my favorite Ferryport resident." Mr. Canis says. "She helped me when no one else would, and always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.

"That's sweet." Vivi says with a smile. "Next question is: what's your favorite pairing?"

"Um..." Mr. Canis' brow furrows. "I don't believe I have one. I'll say Henry and Veronica, for the sake of time, though. She's good for him. Far more grounded and less likely to fly off the handle on a hunch."

Elvis barks again, and Goldi laughs.

"He said: 'one that usually turns out to be wrong'." Goldi explains.

Elvis barks again.

"He also says that his favorite pairing is whoever makes Daphne happy. Or him and the little lady dog down the street with the..." Goldi stops. "I'm not translating that bit. It's inappropriate."

"Elvis, you dirty dog!" Hedgi scolds. "Anyway, the next question is what you think will happen in book nine. That, by the way, is why this is getting done so quickly. The last two interviews have to be done before book nine comes out, so that Curlscat doesn't need to think up a new question for you to answer. She's getting tired of scripting this."

"Well, I think that there's a large possibility I'm going to die." Mr. Canis says. "But I also believe that we have a very good chance of winning, though we'll take some losses."

Elvis barks and growls.

"You took his turn to go first." Goldi scolds. "He says he thinks he can finally get at the sausage, now that the kitchen's destroyed. And that not much else matters other than that, and that everyone's happy at the end. He'll protect them all, of course. And maybe even get to sit on the couch."

"Best memory?" Vivi asks. "And let Elvis answer first this time.

Elvis barks.

Goldi translates: "He says the day that Daphne came to Ferryport Landing, because he finally had a packmate to protect that would play with him."

"My best memory is the day I finally won at bowling." Mr. Canis says, smiling softly.

Everyone stares.

"What?" Mr. Canis asks. "It was a good day, and I enjoy bowling. That's one thing I really miss about the time before the Scarlet Hand rose: the bowling alley."

"Sure." Hedgi says, blinking. "Well, the next question is: what's your worst memory?"

"When I knew I couldn't control the Wolf anymore." Mr. Canis says. "And that I was going to hurt someone I loved."

Elvis barks.

Goldi smiles at Mr. Canis. "That's sweet." She says. "And Elvis says obedience school. Everything about it."

Vivi snickers, then says, "Fifth, you both owe something huge to Granny Relda. Have either of you ever considered a way to pay her back?"

Elvis howls.

Goldi translates, "That means that he thinks his protection is enough to pay back the alpha dog."

"I can never pay her back." Mr. Canis says. "If I can get Mirror out of her alive, and keep her family safe for as long as possible, it will only be a third of what I owe her, and I will never be able to make up for learning bowling from her."

Hedgi blinks. "Bowling again? Right, so on to individual questions. Mr. Canis, this is for you: now that you don't have the wolf in you anymore, do you still want to be called Mr. Canis? Or would you rather go by your human name, Mr. Clay?"

"I don't think I am Mr. Clay anymore. I may be, someday, but it feels too odd, and I still don't remember anything about that. I'm Mr. Canis, and Mr. Canis I'll stay. Plus people are in the habit of calling me Canis, and it'll be hard for them to get used to if I change it."

Vivi sighs. "Good. I just can't remember what's up when people say Mr. Clay. I go 'who?'"

"Me too." Hedgi agrees.

"Elvis," Vivi says, "Here's a question for you: You _know_ what sausage does to your system! I know you know! So why do you keep trying to eat it? I mean, your nose is like, ten times as sensitive as a human's, so it has to be awful for you!"

Elvis barks once, and looks at Goldi.

"Ten _thousand_ times as sensitive." Goldi corrects.

"Right." Vivi says. "Sorry. So answer the question?"

Elvis barks a few times again.

Goldi explains, "He says that sausage tastes so good he can't control himself. And sometimes humans deserve to smell a bad smell."

"Elvis!" Hedgi gasps. "You're a vindictive little puppy, aren't you?"

Elvis growls.

"Dog, not puppy." Goldi corrects again.

"Sorry." Hedgi says. "Mr. Canis, another question for you: You know about the shippers of you and Granny, right? What do you think of them?"

Mr. Canis makes an absolutely disgusted face, drawing backwards, and the girls laugh.

"That answers that." Hegi says.

"No thank you." He says. "Relda and I have never been anything but friends, and _will_ never be anything but friends. And even if I was in any way interested, she is still very in love with Basil."

"Ooh, Granny just got friendzoned!" Vivi teases. "I didn't think that happened to girls."

"It does sometimes." Hedgi says. "I think guys just complain about it more."

"I guess." Vivi says. "Elvis, this is your last question: do you have a favorite dog toy?"

Elvis draws himself up and barks once.

"He says he's far too sophisticated for things like toys." Goldi explains. "He's a working dog, thank you much."

"Oh, well, excuse me!" Hedgi jokes.

Elvis barks, and this time it doesn't need a translation, because the meaning is clearly 'you're forgiven'.

Vivi looks at Goldi and says, "We have one more question available, and since you're here and were so kind as to translate for us, we're asking you."

"Oh!" Goldi blinks, blushing. She giggles, "Well, I'm honored."

"Wait 'til you hear it to be honored." Hedgi advises. "It might be embarassing."

"All right, I'll wait." Goldi grins. "But how bad can it be?"

"_Never_ say that!" Vivi protests. "It's the kiss of death! But you're right, yours isn't that bad. It's just asking whether you have any romantic interest in Jake, now that he's single, since he's Henry's brother."

"_That's_ not that bad?" Goldi asks, eyes widening. "Of course not! I mean, Jake still loves Briar, and I still love Henry! I'm not going to fall for anyone else, and neither is he! We're not going to be driven into each other's arms out of lonliness or something like that! Where did you get this question?"

"Curslcat." Vivi says as if that explains everything. "I guess she's a shipper."

"Oh, I hope not." Goldi says.

"Well, we'll never know will we?" Hedgi shrugs, and turns directly to the camera. "And that wraps up another episode of these interviews whose name I forget! I won't see you next time, 'cause I won't be one of the hosts, but I hope you enjoyed it! Have fun!"


	48. Interviews: Veronica, Puck, and Red

**AN~ I took the answer to the last question from all the books except 1 and 5, so this may be edited when I get those back from the people I loaned them to.**

**Should I do QotDs here? Or would that be dumb because of the low readership of this fic?**

**_DayNight: That was funny. XD I enjoyed it. Thank you for giving me a name to work with._**

**_meagain:_ Are you also that person below? I don't think I'll be doing that, though if someone else wanted to, it would be interesting (not sure I could really get into it as more than them turning to each other for comfort, they both love someone else too much).**

**_samenotloggedinfrombefore:_ Feel like maybe telling me who you are so I can respond via PM instead of author's note?**

* * *

"Hello, and welcome to the final installment of these interviews!" The girl in the top right says, waving. "I'm Grimma!"

"I thought there was a chance we were maybe having another one..." The girl on the left says. "I'm TheBookTraveler, by the way. Call me Books. Or Ishmael. But I prefer Books, 'cause I'm a girl and this isn't Moby Dick, cool as that would be."

Grimma says, "And we're here today with Veronica, Puck, and Red to- wait, another one? What?"

"Well, there's this other girl who wants to run an interview." Books explains. "But she needs a partner and people to interview. So there might be another one someday, but not yet."

"All right." Grimma shrugs.

"Can we get back on topic, please?" Veronica asks impatiently. "I'm a bit pressed for time."

Puck yawns.

"Right." Grimma says. "First question, I'm pretty sure you know, is who your favorite person in Ferryport Landing is."

"Anyone but Grimm." Puck says immediately.

Everyone rolls their eyes, even Red.

"Bit obvious there, aren't we, Puckers?" Books says.

"No idea what you're talking about." Puck says.

"Right." Grimma says. "We'll just go with that 'til later."

"Mine is Granny." Red says, and she can barely be heard through the computer. "She took me in, and she isn't always trying to get me to talk like Daphne does."

"So many people owe so much to Relda." Veronica notices. "I do, too, but I'd have to say my favorite person in Ferryport Landing is Mr. Seven. He puts up with so much, and he's always been there for anyone who needs him, and he's a really strong leader when he speaks out."

Books smiles. "I hadn't really thought about him, but he is pretty great, isn't he?"

"He is." Veronica grins.

"I'd have thought maybe you'd say Henry, though." Grimma says.

"Didn't you pay attention last episode?" Veronica asks. "He went off about how great Goldi is. I'm still kind of ticked about that."

Grimma shrugs. "All right."

"Second question." Books says, "Is what your favorite pairing is."

"Umm..." Red says hesitantly, "I think it's probably Snow and Charming. Because they're all adults and have loved each other for hundreds of years, even if they're not together. Devotion like that... Or maybe Cindy and Tom, because they made it work and made sacrifices for each other despite everything."

Veronica nodded. "But my favorite pairing is Morgan le Fay and Mr. Seven. They're quite adorably unmatched in height."

Books grins. "I was so excited when they got introduced as a pair! I mean, they're just so... squishy!"

Puck makes a face. "Ew. Can I skip this question?"

Everyone else sits up straighter and shouts "No!" even Red.

"Wow." Grimma says, looking at Red. "I guess Daphne _is_ rubbing off on you."

Red looks down at her lap and blushes. "Maybe a bit." She mutters.

"Or it's another OOC virus." Books suggests.

Puck, meanwhile, has been scooting farther and farther out of the screen. Veronica, noticing this, grabs him and pulls him back into his chair, saying, "No sneaking out of this, buddy."

Puck pouts and burrows down into his chair, arms crossed and face pinched together in an extremely childish expression of stubbornness, saying nothing.

"Oh, come on." Books rolls her eyes. "The more you don't answer, the more we're going to think your favorite pairing is Puckabrina."

"No!" Puck shoots up. "Never ever ever would I go near that! Ew!"

"Right." Books says in a tone that implies it's not worth arguing. "That's great and all, so who _is_ your favorite pairing?"

Puck shrugged. "Grimm and Pinocchio."

Everyone stares at him for a second, and finally, Grimma asks quietly, "Where did you even get the _idea_ for that? At all?"

Puck shrugs. "They got along really great until the whole betrayal thing. Seemed like really close friends. Plus they're both super annoying bratty jerks who think they're about a bajillion times smarter than they really are. They're perfect for each other!"

Books coughs several times into her hand, and it sounds suspiciously like 'liar'.

"Third question is what you think will happen in book nine." Grimma says. "Veronica first."

Veronica puts her chin in her hand and says, "I think we'll probably win. Though I'm worried we won't get Granny back. And I betcha the barrier will come down."

"Spoilers!" Puck shouts.

"So what do _you_ think will happen?" Grimma says, turning to him.

Puck shrugs. "I'll be awesome. Grimm will be stupid. Marshmallow will make up new words and be too good at everything for a seven year old. Same as every book."

"What about you, Red?" Books asks.

Red shrugs, too. "I don't really know." She says. "I guess we'll have to fight. And it's called the council of mirrors, so we'll probably go see some mirrors."

"Aw, come on, people!" Books protests. "Stop worrying you'll be wrong and make a guess!"

"Fine, then." Puck says. "There will be flying unicorns and a talking banana. Happy?"

"Yes." Books says, a satisfied look on her face. She sits back in her chair a bit and asks "Fourth, what's your best memory?"

Puck grins and says, "The look on Grimm's face every time I prank her."

Books leans forward, chin resting on her interlaced, down-facing fingers, and says, "You realize that everything you've said has had to do with Sabrina? You're not making a very good case for not liking her."

Puck pulls backward and splutters, "What? You're- You've got to be kidding! I don't like her!"

"You just keep protesting." Books says, smiling slightly. "It just makes your case seem more flimsy."

Puck groans. "I can't win!" He complains. "If I don't protest, people will assume I like her! If I do, people will _still_ assume I like her!"

"All the signs point to you liking her." Grimma points out. "Do I have to list them?"

"No!" Puck snaps. "Nononono_no._"

"All right." Grimma shrugs. "How about you, Red?"

Red shrugs. "I'd say my childhood with my family, but I don't think that's true anymore. Because I was crazy, and for one thing I don't remember stuff too well from then, and for another, I think my family was scared of me. So... I think when Granny said that I was part of her family, too."

"Aw." Grimma smiles. "That's sweet. Veronica?"

"Spending time in the park with my girls." Veronica smiles wistfully. "Sabrina kicking boy's butts in sports, Daphne running off and being too friendly to strangers and scaring them..." She grins. "Good times."

Grimma snickers before moving on to the next question and asking, "So what's your worst memory?"

Red says, "The day my grandma died. But I don't remember that very well. If you want one I actually remember, it's Puck's smell."

"Ohhh." Books and Grimma say, grinning. "Puck just got told!"

"Daphne put you up to that, didn't she?" Puck accuses.

Red nods. "And Sabrina, too. But yeah."

"I would totally high five you for that if we were in the same room." Books grins. "What about you, Veronica?"

Veronica puts a hand over her mouth and says, "Yeah, I think Puck's smell is my worst memory, too."

The two interviewers burst into laughter again.

Once they quiet down, Veronica says, "Well, being serious, despite the fact that your smell is unforgettable, Puck, my worst memory would be the time I was in front of my entire class making a speech and forgot everything I was supposed to say."

Grimma blinks. "I'd think it'd be finding out you missed out on two years of your daughter's lives because you didn't stop getting involved with Everafters, and found out your baby was probably gone forever."

Veronica shakes her head. "No. That's not embarrassing. Embarrassment is the worst. But thanks for that."

"No problem." Grimma says.

"That was sarcasm." Red whispers.

Grimma blushes a bit and stammers, "I knew that."

"Sure you did." Books says. "Puck?"

Puck says boastfully, "I'm too awesome for bad memories."

Books snickers then says. "Really."

"Really." Puck says. The two stare at each other for a few seconds, then Puck breaks down and says, "The day my dad told me I had to marry Moth, and then he kicked me out. That was just..." He shudders.

Books smiles. "Finally, an answer that isn't a total Sabrina-centric lie!" Before Puck can protest, as he is poised to do, she says, "On to the individual questions. Veronica, you first. Why did you go with Henry without putting up a fight when he wanted to move back to New York City?"

Veronica rolls her eyes. "Have _you_ ever tried to argue with a Grimm in full-out 'I'm right and this is what's best for everyone' mode? It's impossible. They just get so convinced that what they're doing will keep everyone safe, and that nobody else has any helpful input, and nobody can change their minds until something happens to show them how very wrong they are."

"Like Sabrina." Grimma nods. "In every single book."

"I dunno, she's not so bad in some of them." Books says. "But yeah, pretty much. I see what you're talking about."

Veronica smiles. "Their hearts are in the right place. It's just that they need to remember that we all have brains, too. And how helpful talking is."

"Psh, who needs talking?" Puck says. "I'm all for action!"

"Hey, this is not your question, buddy! You need to stop talking!" Grimma protests. "Besides, I seem to remember you running your mouth a lot in these adventures. Especially about how awesome you claim to be!"

"_Claim_ to be?" Puck says, drawing himself up with an affronted look. "Excuse me?"

Veronica sighs. "Let's not get into this, OK?"

"Sounds great to me." Grimma agrees. "Red, you're next: How on _earth_ did you train a Jabberwocky?"

"Did you know that singular, it's actually just Jabberwock?" Books asks. "Puck got it wrong. Jabberwocky is the plural. Like octopi instead of octopus, kind of."

"And octopi actually ought to be octopodes, because the 'i' ending is Latin, and 'octo' is Greek." Veronica says. "And the Greek plural is 'odes', not 'i'."

"Great." Grimma says. "Nice lesson and all, but can we get back on topic? This is English. We can combine whatver we want. And it's not really surprising that Puck was wrong, is it?"

All the girls nod. Puck starts to protest again but stops, seeming to decide that it's not worth it.

"Progress!" Veronica congratulates, patting him on the back after seeing his range of expressions.

"Yeah, whatever." Puck mutters.

Red says, "I don't remember how I tamed it very well, but I'm pretty sure I fed it. And I know it liked to be sung to. And poetry. It loved poetry. And I just didn't give up. Also, did you know they have a sensitive spot right between their wings? They like to be scratched there."

"Wow." Books says. "That takes skill."

"Thanks." Red blushes.

"We're saving Puck's individual question for last, so we have one more question for everyone." Books says. "And I'd like to apologize to everyone for how disorganized this is, it's not my fault in the least, it's the organizer's fault."

"Curlscat again." Grimma agrees. "Have you ever noticed that we can't have a session of this without picking on her at least a little?"

Books nods. "She thinks it's good for her, so she lets us practice. But on to the question! If there were a movie, who would you want to play the part of you?"

"Nobody can play me." Puck says. "I'm too awesome for any part."

"I think the girl from 'The Search for Santa Paws'." Red says thoughtfully. "Because of her hair."

"Emily Blunt." Veronica says immediately. "But with longer hair."

"I hope Michael Buckley watches this in case there actually is a movie." Grimma says. "Puck, time for your individual question: We've decided we're going to be very nice to you and give you a chance to list every single one of your titles, since you always get interrupted in the books. Veronica and Red, before he gets started, you can go if you want."

"Thanks, but I think I'll stick around for a bit." Veronica says. "I'm actually kind of interested."

Red, though, leaves silently, waving.

Puck, grinning, takes a deep breath and begins, "I am the Trickster King, the King of Snot-Nosed Delinquents, a master villain, The Prince of Low Expectations, Lord of Hooligans, Supreme General of all chimpanzees, monkeys, and apes, guiding light of every agitator, knave, and instigator in all the universes, Wonder and Neverlands included, Crown Prince (or king, maybe, we're not sure) of Faerie, war hero extraordinaire, supreme Imp lord, a Pookah, the shaman of stupidity, the Dalai Lama of dumb jokes, the holy man of horrible pranks, Leader of Layabouts, Master of Morons-"

At this point, Veronica yawns and heads out, waving at the camera, too.

Puck doesn't notice and continues, "The King of Loafers, the spiritual guide of millions of complainers, convicts, juvenile delinquents, and criminals, swordsman extraordinaire, killer of dragons, Crown Prince of Snips-n-Snails and Puppy-dog's Tails, ruler of Gremlins, Rascals, miscreants and hooligans, mean and nasty emperor of pranksters, boy hero to nations of sniggering layabouts, lord of the wrong side of the tracks, someone with bounties on my head on fifteen different planets, and nobleman of knuckleheads." Puck finished with a huge smile on his face.

"Wow." Books says. "That was... different than I was expecting."

Grimma nods, then turns to the camera and says, "Well, that's all the time we have for today! We hope you enjoyed this installment in our interview series!"

The screen goes black.


	49. Bonus Interview

**AN~**

* * *

For this unexpected tack-on interview, the top right hand corner of the screen holds a tall girl with dark red curls, the top left holds a shorter Asian girl sporting glasses and a tan, and in the bottom are two beautiful females, one, dark haired and in her thirties and the other a blonde in her early teens, and one boy, blonde and handsome in a reserved way.

"Hi!" The red-haired girl says. "I'm Epiphany on Toast. You can call me Epiphany. We're here today for the surprise final episode of Grinnterviews, or whatever it's called."

"And I'm Lara!" The other girl grins. "We're here today with Mustardseed, Titania, and Moth."

Mustardseed waves slightly, Titania nods, and Moth just sneers. There is a clinking noise from something unseen.

"Now, as you know, our first question is this:" Epiphany says. "Who's your favorite person in Ferryport Landing?"

"My son, obviously." Titania says, her nose in the air. "Who else would it be?"

"Oooh, my Pucky-ucky-wucky-boo!" Moth squeals. "He's my favorite, too!"

"What about you, Mustardseed?" Lara asks. She crosses her fingers and begins to mutter, "Daphne Daphne please say Daphne..."

Mustardseed blinks. "I... I'm not sure. Perhaps Relda. She seemed quite nice, and very capable. A stable woman."

Lara visibly deflates. "Not Daphne, then?"

Mustardseed shakes his head. "She's a very nice girl, but I don't know her too well."

Lara sighs. "All right. Second question: What's your favorite pairing?"

"Me and my lovely fiance, of course!" Moth says.

Lara rolls her eyes. "Could've seen that one coming. Mustardseed?" She turns to him. "Don't suppose you want to make me really happy and say your favorite pairing is Daphnerseed?"

Mustardseed shakes his head. "I'd have to say my favorite pairing is my parents, simply because it gave birth to me. I feel that any pairing between myself and anyone else is unlikely to ever happen, and odd. Though it would be nice to have someone who loves me."

Epiphany gives Lara a sympathetic look. "Oh well. He doesn't say there's no hope, you notice."

Lara nods. "Yet." She says. "Titania?"

"My husband, when he was young, before he and I started to fight." Titania says. "Because we did love each other, back in the day."

"Aw." Epiphany smiles. "Question three: what are your predictions for book nine?"

"I believe that we may be seeing more of my brother." Mustardseed smiles knowingly. "A lot more."

"No details?" Epiphany asks.

Mustardseed shakes his head.

"I'm going to go in and rescue my baby from those horrible, horrible people who brainwashed him into leaving with them!" Moth declares. "Even if Michael Buckley forgot about me, I'm still going to!"

"I think the brats will win by pure luck, and I'll never see my son again." Titania says. "He doesn't seem to like it here very much."

"No, not really." Lara notes. "Question four: what's your best memory?"

"Anything involving the love of my life, my Robin baby." Moth says. "Of course."

"Of course." Epiphany groans.

"You sound like a stalker." Lara notes.

"She does, doesn't she?" Epiphany asks.

Lara nods. "Everything that comes out of her mouth is about how amazing Puck is."

"Or how humans and anything else that isn't a fairy are all stupid." Epiphany adds.

Moth has been growing more angry by the second, and Titania, noticing this, cuts in, "My best memory is the night before my wedding. I had all the freedom in the world, and the fairy girls and I had a marvelous time."

"I don't know what my best memory is." Mustardseed ponders. "Though my life now is quite amazing. I truly enjoy all the changes we're making to Faerie in the absence of my father."

Lara smiles. "So you're making your best memories? That's so awesome!"

"And what's your worst memory?" Epiphany asks.

"The day Puck was banished." Titania responds. "It was quite horrible to see my family destroyed so quickly."

Mustardseed nods. "That was a horrible day. I'd have to say the worst day in my life, though, was the day I learned that Puck was supposed to inherit Faerie with Moth as his queen. Any hope I had for the state of our nation died that day. Thankfully, it all worked out for the best."

Lara chuckles and Epiphany snickers.

Moth clears her throat. "I would have to say that my worst day is the same as Titania's. That my love could be so confused as to make that mistake... I've made it my mission to discover how to help him see the light ever since."

"Moth, would it be too hard for you to give one answer without Puck in it?" Epiphany asks. "There _are_ other people in the world than him, you know."

"What do I care?" Moth tosses her hair. "They're not important."

Lara rolls her eyes. "Stalker, I'm telling you! She seriously needs mental help."

"It might be a good idea not to anger her." Mustardseed tells the girls, giving Moth a cautious look. "An irate fairy is not something I would enjoy being next to. I assume you remember my mother on the night my father was murdered? I would not like to be next to that again."

"Oh." Epiphany says, noticing. "Sorry. I'll try. It's just so easy, though!"

"Next question is what it was like for you all, living with Puck for centuries." Lara says. "I'm guessing it was smelly."

Mustardseed nods. "Oh yes. Very smelly. And quite irritating, until I learned that the best way to get him to stop pulling pranks on me was to ignore them."

"See, Sabrina needs to learn that." Lara grins. "She thinks if she gets angry enough he'll leave her alone."

Epiphany snorts.

"It was nice." Titania smiles reminiscently. "Before the family began fighting. Of course, we had our escapades- A Midsummer Night's Dream isn't as unusual as people think, it's just that it was Shakespeare's favorite of our moments. Things like that happened all the time. But we always made up and moved on."

"I got to spend all my time with my Pucky-poo, so it was wonderful." Moth sighs dreamily. "Of course, he was hard to find sometimes, but..."

Epiphany snickers again and says, "Individual question the first: Mustardseed. You know that quite a few people in this fandom have a crush on you, right? How do you feel about this? Do you have any idea why it might happen?"

Mustardseed shrugs. "Well, I get the feeling they think I'm a cleaner, nicer version of Puck, despite the fact that our only real similarities are our looks. And I think it's quite sweet of them, except when they fight over me- that gets annoying, and interferes with my work. Especially that one time I got kidnapped."

"So you don't like anyone?" Lara asks.

Mustardseed shakes his head. "I'm playing the field presently. I'm a bit young for a relationship, and too busy with reorganizing Faerie. Once things settle down, then I'll look for a girl."

"Like... Daphne, maybe?" Lara suggests.

Mustardseed shakes his head. "Probably not. Long distance relationships rarely work."

"Oh well." Lara sighs. "Moth-"

"Wait a second, you just asked your next question!" Epiphany protests. "It's my turn!"

"What? That wasn't my question!" Lara exclaims. "I was just making sure!"

"Guys, do you think that was a question?" Epiphany asks the Everafters.

They all give their assent, and Epiphany gives Lara a smug look.

Lara sighs and says, "Fine, but you know this means we're going to have to scratch that last group question off the list.

Epiphany shrugs. "I'm OK with that. It was boring anyway. Something about pie."

"Pie is always great." Lara says. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Well, yeah, it's great, but with ten questions, don't you think we could have more interesting ones? I'm complaining to our writers... Writer."

Lara shrugs.

"Right." Epiphany says. "_My_ next question is for you, Titania: Curlscat has a theory that you're a bit of a ho-bag, and got it on with Shakespeare to convince him to write about you. Is this true?"

Titania gives Epiphany an affronted look. "Of course not! Oberon and I may have had our disagreements, but the only time I was unfaithful was when he told Puck to put that flower juice on my eyes! If anything, _he_ was unfaithful!"

"I think you opened a can of worms there." Lara mutters to Epiphany. Then she sits up straight and says, "Right. To avoid speaking ill of the dead, we're going to our last question, which is for Moth. Moth, how far has your relationship with Puck gotten? Give us all the juicy details."

"Well, I'm out, then." Mustardseed says, standing. "Moth, I have some new plans to show you, would you care to review them now?"

"That sounds fantastic." Titania says, and she and Mustardseed walk off, leaving Moth looking offended and annoyed.

"I'm chained to the floor!" She complains. "How am I going to get out of here?"

Lara shrugs. "That's your problem. Answer the question so we can get back to our own thing?"

"Well, he's never actually professed his affections for me, but he will." Moth says. "And I kissed him once. He pushed me away, but he was simply confused. I've slept in his bed several times, a few while he was there- who cares if he didn't know about it, and that the one time he did, he refused to come back in the room- and I have all of his clothes from before he left, and some of the hair from his head, and three toenail clippings. If I can just find someone to teach me how to perform a love spell, or some of those flowers from back in Greece, I'll be set. And after that, I'll escape my prison- I won't tell you how, in case someone from Faerie gets their hands on it, but I have plans, trust me- and kill the little brat, or just convince Puck to kill her for me once he knows how much he loves me!"

Lara and Epiphany stare.

"Well, that was frightening." Epiphany says. "I think I have to go now."

"Yeah, me too." Lara says, standing. "That's all, folks!"

"Wait, don't leave me here!" Moth cries, but it's too late, and the screen has gone black.


	50. Book 9 Chapters 1 through 4

**AN~ Here we go with the last of these things. Those of you who think I should stop them, I hope you're glad they'll be over soon. Those of you who like them, enjoy!  
**

**_guest fan: _Take a deep breath. Now another one. Now know that I'll probably never be finished with this fanfic.**

**_Guest:_ Whoa there. Glad you like it.**

**_jolie: _I have kept writing. :)**

**_PenguinLoverGurl:_ Wow, thanks! You can be in it, actually. Someone else asked the same thing. But not until after I write up Book Nine.**

**_Ninjabunny: _Thanks! What's your fear?**

* * *

Sabrina: Well, here we are again.

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: Go back to sleep, you're supposed to be hard to wake up.

Daphne: I don't want to sleep. I want food.

Sabrina: Well, it'll have to wait.

Daphne: Why?

Sabrina: We're homeless. I don't even know if we have normal food in here, since we've apparently been here for both two days and four months. At the same time.

Daphne: What?

Sabrina: Time went skewy.

Daphne: You're weird.

Sabrina: You're a doofus.

Daphne: Your face is a doofus.

Sabrina : Your... You know what? Never mind. Come on.

Daphne: Where?

Sabrina: Dad's going to do something dangerous, and I need your help to make him take us with him.

Daphne: It's not going to work.

Sabrina: I know, but we can try anyway.

Daphne: You ARE a doofus-face.

Sabrina: I'm not listening.

Henry: Go back to sleep, girls. I'm totally not trying to run off to find your grandmother while you're otherwise occupied 'cause I know you'd follow me.

Sabrina: Sure. And we're totally not going to follow you on this nonexistent mission.

Daphne: See? We're good girls.

Veronica: Right. Which is why you're going to babysit Basil while I go find that bratty boy and get him to be helpful.

Sabrina: How about WE go get Pinocchio and YOU stay with the baby.

Veronica: But he does't LOVE me.

Sabrina: Neither does Pinocchio.

Veronica: He's not supposed to. Your brother is.

Daphne: But if you stay with Basil, you two can BOND. And then... yeah.

Henry: Fine. Just... go somewhere else so I can... not... sneak... off.

Sabrina: Sure. Bye.

Veronica: You're horrible at this, Henry.

Sabrina: Pinocchio! Get out of your stupid room and come be helpful!

Pinocchio: I'm so very above you.

Sabrina: Keep thinking that, buddy. Hi-yah!

Pinnochio: Hey! I needed that door!

Daphne: If you'd let us in, she wouldn't have needed to kick it down.

Pinocchio: You still can't make me do anything.

Sabrina: No, but I CAN beat you up.

Pinocchio: You wouldn't.

Daphne: You really don't know her too well, do you?

Sabrina: Holy crow. Look at all the furniture you have.

Daphne: Where did you get all that?

Pinocchio: Yawn. I found it. In that room over there.

Sabrina: There's FIVE BILLION rooms 'over there'. Which one?

Pinocchio: Oh, I don't know. That one.

Sabrina: You show me where that room is, buddy, or so help me I will rip your arms off and kick you in your little wooden butt!

Pinocchio: It hasn't been wooden for centuries!

Daphne: I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation before. Like twenty bajillion times. Can you just take us to the stupid room?

Pinocchio: Oh, I'm afraid that will take a while. It's a good way down the hall.

Sabrina: MO-OM!

Veronica: What?

Daphne: Pinocchio's being a jerk again!

Veronica: Sigh. What did he do now?

Daphne: He found furniture! And he won't share!

Veronica: Pinnocchio...

Pinocchio: Aww, don't make that face at me! I hate it when you make that face! It makes me have feelings of sadness! Also guilt!

Veronica: I'll stop making the face if you show me where the furniture is.

Pinocchio: I... fine.

Sabrina: Now's our chance!

Veronica: I can hear you...

Daphne: Thanks, Sabrina.

Sabrina: What? Is it so awful that we want to make mom lunch?

Daphne: Wha- Oww! Oh. Gosh, Sabrina! Now you had to give the whole thing away!

Sabrina: Oh well, then! Oops.

Daphne: So let's go find food!

Sabrina: Right, I think there's some up... In the front... Towards the door...

Daphne: I know where you're talking about.

Sabrina: Well, that was more difficult than it had to be. Where's Dad?

Daphne: Follow the path of destruction! Onward!

Sabrina: Sure...

Daphne: Man, this is taking longer than I thought it would.

Sabrina: What happened to 'onward ho!' and all that?

Daphne: I can't help it, I'm-

Sabrina: Sh! Did you hear something?

Daphne: No. Did you?

Something: Crackle.

Sabrina: There it was again!

Daphne: Yeah, I heard it that time. So what is it?

Sabrina: Let's go find out. And maybe poke it with a stick. That's the best way to explore stuff.

Daphne: I don't think it actually is...

Mirror: Crackle! Explode, dangit!

Sabrina: Never mind. No stick poking.

Henry: I'm somehow surprised that you're here. Let me explode quietly while I drag you back home where you'll be safe and explain that there's nothing we can do.

Daphne: I dislike this plan. You need to train us.

Henry: Too late, we're doing it.

Grendel: Rawrs!

Sabrina: What exactly is that thing?

Henry: That's a Grendel. Lesson one! Stay away from Grendel! He's big and scary and will eat you!

Daphne: Could've figured that one out for myself, thanks.

Sabrina: I already know how to run! Teach me how to fight!

Henry: Look for weak points! Like this one!

Grendel: Owwie!

Henry: Bam! Kick! Punch!

Grendel: Ow! RAWR!

Henry: Ow!

Grendel: Rawr!

Henry: Stop that, I'm trying to teach my girls a lesson! Run, Sabrina and Daphne! Hi-yah!

Daphne: Our dad kicks butt.

Sabrina: Yeah, but he needs help! Come on!

Daphne: I'm coming, but this is bad idea.

Sabrina: No it's not! See? I just won!

Henry: I could have handled it.

Sabrina: Oh, did I bruise your ego? I'm sorry.

Daphne: I still look up to you as the most important man in my life, Dad.

Henry: Thank you. Let's go home. I need to talk with your mom. And Mr. Canis.

Daphne: Anybody notice that we seem a bit short on people today? I haven't even _seen_ Mr. Canis. Or Red. Or Puck.

Sabrina: It's almost as if there's someone who forgot to tell them to show up today.

Daphne: Nah.

Sabrina: What's your explanation, then?

Daphne: They're still asleep!

Sabrina: Nobody can sleep through all the noise we make except you.

Daphne: I _do_ have a superpower!

Henry: We're home. Veronica! Guess who I found?

Veronica: I figured.

Henry, Daphne, and Sabrina: You KNEW?

Veronica: Yeah, pretty much.

Henry: Then why did you let them leave?

Veronica: They'd have gone no matter what I did, you know.

Goldielocks: Hi.

Beauty: Hi!

Sabrina: Where did you people come from?

Beauty: The new fortress Charming's building. You seriously need to show up there because Jake's gone insane and is going to go on a killing spree even though it's not Heart or Nottingham's fault that Briar died because it was a friggin' dragon, but he's blaming them.

Veronica: All right, let us just go find our missing family members, then we'll be there.

Sabrina: See? Told you they weren't sleeping.

Puck: Who's not sleeping?

Red: Us, I think.

Mr. Canis: Obviously.

Veronica: Well, I guess we can go now! Pinocchio, get here!

Pinocchio: I am.

Sabrina: I really hate it when people appear out of nowhere like that.

Daphne: You hate everything.

**THIS IS A LINEBREAK. IT CAN NO LONGER BE SPACELESS, FANFICTION DELETES THEM. LINEBREAK. THEY'RE AT CHARMING'S NEW CASTLE NOW.**

Sabrina: CASTLES appearing out of nowhere, now? That's just not cool.

Daphne: It is so cool. It's the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Puck: You know, sliced bread isn't all that cool. Now, if they said the coolest thing since ME, I'd understand. But this castle isn't.

Charming: Why are you here?

Snow: Shut up, you like them now. Thank goodness you're here, Grimms. Go talk to Jake before he blows someone up.

Charming: I can't work under these conditions! people going off to make goo-goo eyes at each other, people going insane... The only people I can depend on are useless!

Seven: Well, forgive me for being in love.

Daphne: Awwwww...

Henry: All right, let's go talk to my crazy brother now...

Puck: Anyone noticing that they all have a problem with him wanting to kill people who have already killed a ton of other people? I mean, we're in a war. Why is him wanting to kill people such a surprise? Or even a bad thing?

Sabrina: I don't get it, either. I guess it's 'cause he has specific targets, instead of just going, 'we must stop the evil!'?

Daphne: Killing is BAD.

Puck: Your face is bad.

Sabrina: Not this again.

Puck: What? You jealous? Want me to tell you your face is bad?

Jake: KIDS!

Red: We're here...

Veronica: Got that, thanks.

Henry: Jake...

Jake: What?

Henry: I think you need help.

Jake: What are you talking about? I'm fine!

Henry: You have effigies of Heart and Nottingham. With spears in them.

Jake: Target practice.

Mr. Canis: Obsession.

Henry: You look cold, Jake. Why don't you just put on this nice white coat, and then we can talk some more, okay?

Jake: I already have a coat. And I'm not cold. And do you really think I can't recognize a straightjacket when I see one? No, thank you. I'm running away to the woods to be free! You can't catch me!

Puck: Is that a challenge?

Veronica: No, Puck.

Puck: All right, but when he comes back covered in blood, don't blame me.

Sabrina: At least it won't be _your_ blood.

Puck: Aww, you care about me!

Sabrina: You wish, fairy boy.

Henry: Good answer, sweetheart.

Ghepetto: Pinocchio! You're alive!

Pinocchio: Papa! These mean people made me do work!

Ghepetto: Oh no, work? How could they!

Pinocchio: I know, right?

Ghepetto: No, actually. That was sarcasm. You're a spoiled brat and did you ever think that the reason you haven't grown up is that you're not mature?

Pinocchio: What? But- Papa...

Sabrina: Score!

Bunny: Are we playing a sport?

Sabrina: Where do these people keep _coming_ from?!

Bunny: I'm a great and powerful witch. I can materialize wherever I wish.

Sabrina: Yeah, _you_ it makes sense, but Ghepetto? He's never done magic in his life!

Bunny: What does it matter? I'm here about important stuff. To the mirror!

Snow: Why are we following you?

Bunny: Because I'm trying to save your life from a demented erased character.

Charming: Good reason.

Bunny: I use my magic to fix broken mirrors and now I ask them for answers! How do we stop this madness?

Mirrors: Sparta is unstoppable! But Sabrina and Daphne Grimm can defeat Mirror!

Bunny: Really? How?

Mirrors: Sabrina will lead the army, and Daphne will have a coven!

Sabrina: Whoa. No.

Daphne: I get a coven! What's a coven?

Bunny: A group of three witches. An innocent, a crone, and a temptress. So question, mirrors. How about Atticus?

Mirrors: Sorry, that'd be too easy.

Bunny: But-

Mirrors: You know, if you'd just treated your kids right, and talked with them, explained things, we wouldn't be in this mess. So we're not telling you. Sorry, mom.

Bunny: But-

Snow: I think they're done for today.

Bunny: Ah! I hate it when my creations don't do what I want!

Henry: On that note, I'm going to try to take my kids away again.

Veronica: No. You're not.

Henry: Veronica? Your job is supposed to be to go along with it!

Veronica: If you take them away now, they'll die later. If you let them stay, they have a chance to survive. So stop. Think. And agree with me.

Puck: Plus Puckabrina.

Sabrina: Not helping.

Henry: But... fine.

Daphne: We can stay? We can stay! We can stay!

**ANOTHER LINEBREAK WITH SPACES IN IT. SAD. ANYWAY. NOTHING IMPORTANT HAPPENS FOR SEVERAL HOURS AND THEN THEY SLEEP. DAY TWO.**

Sabrina: I wish they'd stop staring.

Charming: They'd stop staring if you DO SOMETHING.

Daphne: Well, we don't know what to DO. I'm EIGHT, buddy.

Charming: Yeah, why do you think we're so worried? Hurry up and prove that you can do this stuff, otherwise people are going to leave in droves.

Sabrina: There aren't enough people here to leave in droves. You might get one drove.

Daphne: How big is a drove?

Sabrina: I don't know, but it's a lot more people than we have here.

Canis: Book of Everafter could solve all our problems. Just sayin'.

Bunny: Bad idea.

Daphne: Speaking of bad ideas, I have some for the people for our coven.

Sabrina: Okay, who are your three?

Daphne: Bunny.

Bunny: Well, I should hope so.

Daphne: Morgan.

Morgan: I'd be happy to!

Sabrina: Who else? You need someone old.

Daphne: Baba Yaga.

Sabrina: Oh no.

Daphne: It has to be her! We don't have any other old witches!

Sabrina: Weird. You'd think we would.

Daphne: I know, right? But anyway, let's go get her!

**THIS IS ANOTHER LINEBREAK. DID YOU NEED ME TO TELL YOU THAT? THEY'RE NOW AT BABA YAGA'S. BACK TO THE STORY.**

Baba Yaga: No.

Daphne: But I haven't even asked yet!

Baba Yaga: You're here with two other witches in the middle of a war. You don't need to ask.

Daphne: Please?

Baba Yaga: I said no!

Bunny: What if we bribed you?

Baba Yaga: I'll take your eyes!

Sabrina: That is creepy and gross.

Puck: I know. Isn't it awesome?

Bunny: It means she gets all my magic. Fine.

Baba Yaga, Morgan, and Bunny: We are coven.

Mirror: Knock, knock.

Henry: That's not contrived or anything.

Daphne: What's contrived mean?

Sabrina: Right now it means it fell together way too easy. I mean, why would Mirror be here with Atticus?

Puck: Maybe they're terrified of our awesomeness and want to give themselves up.

Atticus: If I had a sense of humor, that would be funny. Where's the barrier spell?

Baba Yaga: You'll have to kill me to get it-

Mirror: Can do. Bam!

Daphne: Aww... Now I need a new coven!

Baba Yaga: I wasn't finished yet!

Sabrina: How- but you- you just- he just- you were-

Puck: She just regrew her friggin' body! I want to know how to do that!

Mirror: Well, that was unexpected. What were you saying?

Baba Yaga: I was _going_ to say that you'd have to kill me multiple times! Way to ruin it.

Daphne: My coven is the coolest. Hey, Sabrina! If Puck learned to do that, when you said you were going to kill him, you could actually do it, and he'd still be okay!

Baba Yaga: House, run! Now!

House: Yes ma'am! Whoa!

Baba Yaga: I didn't say 'house, trip!'

House: Sorry...

Baba Yaga: Time for some coven magic, girls!

Coven: Blam!

Mirror and Atticus: Dude. Not cool.

Henry: Great, you're powerful witches. Can we go someplace safe now?

Baba Yaga: Sure. By the way, I know how to stop Mirror, but I won't tell you.

Sabrina: Seriously not cool.

Baba Yaga: Hey, I'm an evil cannibalistic witch. I don't do cool.

Henry: She has a point.

Sabrina: I guess...


	51. Book 9 Chapters 5 through 8

**AN~ 129**

**_AuraEsp:_ Well, thanks! I tried hard!**

* * *

Sabrina: Twenty-four friggin' people. What am I supposed to do with twenty-four people? We're all going to die. Whoa. Canis, what are you doing in my room?

Canis: I wish to be useful. And I'm totally not sneaking around your room, I was just here to... see what you're doing up.

Sabrina: I totally believe you. This shows how far I've come as a human being since the first book, when I trusted nobody, especially creepy old man Everafters. I don't have any more lessons to learn, right? I was having nightmares.

Canis: I wouldn't be so sure about that. Meditate.

Sabrina: What?

Canis: Meditate. It'll let you sleep.

Sabrina: Great. I'll think even more about how awful my life is, then I'll fall asleep.

Canis: Works for me. Hey, want me to watch the Book of Everafter for you?

Sabrina: Probably a bad idea. Technically Daphne's watching it, and she gets ticked when people take stuff she's supposed to watch. Trust me on that.

Canis: Yes, I remember. Try meditating to sleep! Bye.

Sabrina: Yeah, I think I'm good on that. I'll go for a walk.

Jake: Hi, Briar. I miss you. I went for a walk... well, actually, I ran away from everyone because they think I'm crazy, but I'm not. I'm just not over you 'cause I'm in love and you're amazing and- Oh, hi, Sabrina.

Sabrina: Sorry for interrupting.

Jake: It's okay. I was just planning my revenge. Nothing new.

Sabrina: Maybe you should... not. Plan your revenge. 'Cause Nottingham and Heart didn't kill her, you remember? A dragon did. 'Cause, you know... you were all cased in burnt-ness and she ran up to you 'cause she thought you were dead, and then it fried her. See? Actually, if anything, I'd think you'd be... blaming your... self...

Jake: Nope. Their fault. I'm past the blame myself for stuff I caused by messing up with good intentions. Now I blame the evil people.

Sabrina: Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Jake: Listen, I gotta go. Important secret revenge stuff. Good luck with the prophecy.

Sabrina: Thanks. How am _I_ supposed to save the world? With Daphne?

Jake: World's not worth saving. Just save the people you care about. Your dad had the right idea with hiding you kids.

Sabrina: Oh, so now you're on _his_ side?

Jake: Didn't say anything like that. Ta!

**JAKE LEAVES. SABRINA GOES TO SLEEP. THEN IT'S MORNING. ENTER CHARMING, SEVEN, CANIS, DAPHNE, AND SABRINA.**

Charming: Puss in Boots left. Either he was a spy or Baba Yaga scared him off.

Sabrina: No, he was just sure that with Daphne and me in charge, we're going to die.

Daphne: Stop being a Debbie Downer.

Seven: Well, I've got a plan for how to make everyone happy again!

Sabrina: Oh?

Seven: Surprise wedding!

Sabrina: What?

Seven: We'll have my and Morgan's wedding today, but she won't know about it 'til she gets there.

Daphne: Homigosh, I want to do everything for it!

Seven: I was hoping you'd say that.

Sabrina: If you tell me what needs to be done, I'll make sure it gets done and Morgan doesn't know about it.

Seven: Good plan.

** SABRINA IS USEFUL. SNOW AND SABRINA HAVE SAPPY TALK. CHARMING ISN'T A TOTAL JERK AND IS A ROMANTIC. SABRINA IS DIRTY.**

Sabrina: Cry.

Red: It's okay. You're useful. You're brave. Everyone's useful.

Sabrina: No I'm not. I run away from everything, and someone always has to save me.

Red: You've only been at this for like, six months, Sabrina. I think you're doing pretty well.

Sabrina: That's... a valid point.

Red: Yeah, see? I can be smart.

Sabrina: And awfully nice for someone who I've been a jerk to.

Red: Well, I get it. Let's go to that wedding.

**SCENE CHANGE. PUCK IS A JERK. HENRY IS A GOOD DAD. EVERYONE IS DRESSED DOWN. HERE COMES THE BRIDE BEGINS ON HARMONICA.**

Morgan: Oh my word-**  
**

Everybody: Surprise!

Morgan: Wow. Thank you everyone!

Daphne: We're not done yet! Ala-Kazam!

Everybody: Pretty clothes! Hooray!

Puck: Hey, Sabrina! Y- I mean, _I_ look hot!

Sabrina: See, you self-centered jerk? This is why normal people shower. And change clothes.

Henry: Sh! Pay attention!

Scarecrow: Do you-

Morgan and Seven: We do.

Daphne: Gimme some confetti!

Everybody: Hooray! Party time!

Charming: I'm going to make a good nice speech now, because now is the time for me to show everyone why Snow loves me, and that I'm not a total stuck-up jerk! Hooray for Mr. and Mrs. Seven! May they have longer than we normally do and happy lives!

Everybody: Yay! Par-tay!

Puck: Hey...

Sabrina: ...Hey.

Puck: So... wanna... umm... do that thing where you, like, touch me, and I touch you, and we move our feet and it looks pretty?

Sabrina: You mean dancing?

Puck: Well, yeah, if you wanna be _normal_ about it.

Sabrina: Sure. But only 'cause Daphne magicked you unsmelly.

Everybody: Dance dance dance. Good times.

Magic: Poof!

Sabrina: Well, that's the end of that.

Puck: Well, too bad. You looked nice in that dress.

Sabrina: Oh, sure, _now_ you tell me.

Puck: Well, yeah, if I'd told you then, you'd have gotten all freaked out or gloated or something.

Sabrina: That's you.

Puck: You're right, it is.

Sabrina: So...

Puck: Yeah...

Sabrina: Wanna...?

Puck: Yea-

Henry: Oh, Sabrina, there you are! Come on, it's way past your bedtime.

Sabrina: Da-ad!

Puck: Night, buttface.

Henry: Go to bed. Big day tomorrow.

Sabrina: Way to ruin the moment.

Henry: I didn't think you wanted any moments with him.

Daphne: She does, she just doesn't want anyone to know about it. Now bye, I have to go talk private hushy hush talk with my big sister!

Sabrina: What's up?

Daphne: The book of Everafter disappeared.

Sabrina: What? How can this be? I haven't seen anyone acting suspicious or asking for it or sneaking around the place where you hid it at all!

Daphne: I know, right? How could this happen?

**THEY'RE IDIOTS. THIS IS MY CONCLUSION. SCENE CHANGE: NEXT DAY, THEY'VE BEEN TRAINING HARD ALL DAY. THEY HATE IT. COMPLAIN.**

Daphne: Snow! Why are you doing this to us? You're supposed to be awesome!

Snow: Because I don't want you to DIE. Now fight!

Sabrina: I don't want to.

Snow: Fine. We'll continue this later, girls.

Puck: Mind if I pick up where she left off?

Daphne: Yes.

Puck: Chicken. Grimm, you're not going to chicken out on me, are you?

Sabrina: I'm not chickening out, but I'm not going to fight you! I just had Snow beat me up all morning, and now you want to beat me up more? No thanks!

Puck: Fine. But you're letting these people down. I can't believe I trusted you. You've now earned the silent treatment.

Sabrina: I can't believe I wanted to kiss him!

Henry: Me either.

Veronica: Time for our plan!

Charming: Which is...?

Veronica: Talk to the enemy. Most of them are just there 'cause they're scared. They're not all evil.

Sabrina: You're as crazy as the people who think a twelve year old and an eight year old can save the world.

Veronica: You got a better idea?

Sabrina: Point taken.

Charming: Why do we need them? They joined the enemy!

Henry: 'Cause there's _two thousand_ of them, and twenty-three of us.

Charming: That's... a valid reason.

Veronica: So we'll go in there, and I'll use my magic speech-making powers to show them why they should join us. We have this nice intense plan that uses you all to keep us safe while we waltz right into the heart of enemy territory, make a target of ourselves, and offer them peace.

Everyone: Okay.

Jake: NO.

Sabrina: Again with the appearing out of noplace! Why not? Some of them used to be our friends.

Jake: They're all evil and I blame them incorrectly for Briar's death! Bring them here and I'll kill them all because I don't know how to deal with losing the woman I love so I'm going about it all the wrong way, because I'm in the anger stage of grief!

Henry: If you do that, my kids will be the first ones that the Scarlet Hand will kill.

Jake; Tough beans. So don't go through with it.

Henry: No. I beatchu up!

Jake: Ow! What was that for? Whimper. Cry. Feel sorry for me and my grief!

Henry: I do! But if you put my family in danger, you need to be stopped. Your grief doesn't give you the right to destroy everyone else's lives!

Jake: Fine.

**SCENE CUT. NEXT DAY AT NOON. THE BOOK OF EVERAFTER IS BACK. PUCK JERKS TO CRYING SABRINA WHO HAS NO SAY IN ANYTHING.**

Veronica: Here are a lot of good reasons why you should join us. See them, like them, agree with them.

Scarlet Hand: But... Mirror didn't betray us!

Sabrina: So where is he?

Nottingham: I'm sure he has a perfectly good reason for not being here.

Daphne: See, the thing is, we make sense. And we have explanations. You don't.

Crowd: Booo! Rawr!

Puck: Grimm, Duck. I don't want to save you again.

Sabrina: I thought you liked saving me.

Puck: No, I'm sick of it! I hate you! And I'm still not talking to you!

Sabrina: All right then. I don't need your help anyway!

Everyone: ...

Puck: Nice one.

Sabrina: Oh, shut up.

Veronica: May I continue?

Sabrina: Go ahead, I'm not stopping you.

Veronica: Join us!

Most people: Why should we?

Jake: Because the master's a liar! How does the Master stealing a human's body to escape the Barrier help you?

Scarlet Hand: ...You make sense.

Jake: See?

Daphne: ...Wasn't he all 'don't do this' earlier?

Sabrina: Yeah.

Jake: The Master won't let you out. But if you join us, I will.

Notthingham: You lie!

Goldilocks: No, he can seriously do it, guys. Trust me on this.

Three Blind Mice, Cowardly Lion, Frog Prince and Princess, Bella: We'll join you!

Jake: Whaddaya say, Heart?

Heart: Well...

Atticus: How about I just kill you all? Saves time.

Snow: I don't like that idea.

Atticus: Well, then I won't kill you. We're married, after all. The tradeoff is that you have to do everything I say ever and never disagree with me, because you're my property!

Charming: Whoa there, buddy.

Atticus: Seriously, little bro? You're trying this again?

Seven: Dude. Get away from my friends.

Atticus: Hah, little man, you're funny. I kill you first!

Morgan: AAAAAAHH! NOOO! I'll kill you for that!

Sabrina: He's not dead yet! Go get Nurse Sprat!

Morgan: Sob. Okay.

Everyone: What can we do?

Sabrina: Go get Beauty. Her husband's not going to come, but she won't realize that. And crowd control would be nice. And if someone could get my family someplace safe? And keep everyone else from getting trampled!

Everyone: Aye aye, captain!

Nottingham: I kill you, Sabrina!

Jake: Would you just stop killing the people I love? Seriously. Not cool, dude. Not cool.

Bunny: Atticus, you must pay!

Atticus: Lame.

Bunny: RAWR!

Atticus: Well, that did hurt a bit. But my armor keeps any human from killing me, so no big.

Daphne: So... we just... get, like, Puck to do it?

Puck: Nah, that'd be too easy. By the way, it's time to get out of here. Too dangerous.

Goldilocks: Oh, there you are! Mr. Seven's dying.

Morgan: No! No dying! Dying is bad!

Seven: I love you, Morgan. And Snow, you were always like a daughter to me. Take care of Charming when I'm gone. Someone needs to.

Snow: Cry cry. I will, I promise!

Morgan: Stop! Stop dying!

Sprat: It's too late.

Charming: What did I miss?

Snow: Oh, Billy! You're not also dead! Hooray! I love you!

Sabrina: Oh, that's sympathetic of you.

Snow: What?

Sabrina: Morgan's husband just died in front of you, and here you go reveling in your love.

Charming: Seven's DEAD? But the guy was like my only friend!

Daphne: Way to break the news gently.

Sabrina: How do you always manage to turn me into the bad guy?

Daphne: It's a gift.

Puck: Actually, she just kind of points out the stupid stuff you're doing.

Snow: CHILDREN.

Bunny: Thank you.

Snow: And you! You need to tell me what happened. Now.

Bunny: Yes ma'am.

Snow: Good. I'm listening.

Bunny: Can't we do this somewhere more private?

Snow: No.

Bunny: Fine. All right. So five hundred years ago I married you off to Atticus, whose dad was the next king over. Billy was kind of out of the picture. But Atticus was a horrible jerkface who killed everyone, even you. I totally couldn't let that happen 'cause I loved you more than anything, so I found the Book of Everafter, rewrote it like five bajillion times, all of which failed, and then finally realized that the story needed you to die. So I made myself the bad guy so I could still be in control, and I found a loophole. And I gave you a boy who would love you forever.

Snow: And you waited until NOW to tell me?

Bunny: Well... yeah...

Daphne: That's kind of stupid. See, Sabrina? I don't just point out when you're an idiot.

Sabrina: You point out when I'm an idiot more often than anybody else.

Daphne: Either you're an idiot more, or I spend more time with you.

Puck: The first one.

Veronica: If we could return to the issue at hand...?

Bunny: She didn't exactly make it easy for me to tell her! She didn't speak to me!

Snow: You had me killed!

Bunny: To save you.

Charming: Wait. Let's get back to the important part: what did you do to me?

Bunny: Oh, nothing much. Just gave you a complete and total makeover so you'd be everything my daughter deserved, then made you love each other desperately.

Charming: Not cool, man. Not cool. I gotta skedaddle to think about this.

Snow: Billy! Come back! I love you!

Charming: Angst!

Puck: Anyone notice that he runs off to have a pout whenever he finds out people don't think he's as awesome as he thinks he is?

Sabrina: Remind you of anyone else?

Puck: No. Should it?

Sabrina: You, you dumb-butt.

Puck: Oh. Well, you're wrong.

Henry: Let's just go home, kids.

Veronica: Whoa, we already talked about this!

Henry: NO! No no no, I just meant back to the fort!

Veronica: Oh. Well, then, that's OK. Let's go.

**THE NEXT DAY, IT IS. SABRINA BE PLANNING THE WAR. OR TRYING TO. NOBODY WANTS TO LET HER.**

Everyone: This stinks. Do something!

Puck: They're talking to you.

Sabrina: What am I supposed to do?

Puck: I don't know! You're the one who always wanted to be in charge! I figured you'd have some sort of plan when you made it!

Sabrina: I don't think I wanted to be the only one in charge. I kind of think I just wanted to be able to do my own thing. And be listened to.

Puck: Well, too bad. Now you are in charge! So deal with it like a big girl!

Sabrina: Oh, like you know anything about that.

Puck: I know more than you do!

Sabrina: Oh, like what?

Puck: Just lie until people believe you know what you're talking about!

Daphne: See, but that hasn't worked too well for you.

Pinocchio: Papa, since there are other people, can I not do chores now?

Ghepetto: No.

Pinocchio: But I'm so much better than other people like Mr. Canis and Red who are standing right there!

Ghepetto: Why are you such a brat?

Mr Canis: Well, guess it's time to go do useless chores, Red.

Red: I think you're useful.

Daphne: Well, now it looks like we have almost a hundred people! That's good news!

Sabrina: They still have thousands on the other side.

Daphne: Fine. Be a party pooper, then.

Scarecrow: Oh, hi. There you are! Time for your strategy lesson!

Sabrina: From you?

Scarecrow: Yeah, well... I'm honestly the best you've got. I'll actually listen to your ideas and let you plan, because I know the power of little girls. Charming might, but since he disappeared... And Robin Hood and King Arthur will just be all condescending and make you do their plan.

Sabrina: All right.

Scarecrow: Righty! So here's how battles go-

Arthur: Battles? Battles are my forte! Why was I not invited?

Robin: Hey, if he gets to come, I do!

Sabrina: Umm... what?

Scarecrow: Nothing to see here! Go away!

Arthur: No! Let me in!

Mirrors: They're going to save the world, you know.

Arthur: Preposterous!

Mirrors: Suit yourselves... You'll see eventually.

Sabrina: Um... okay, then? Can I at least watch?

Menfolk: NO!

Sabrina: Well then.

Arthur: We should totally go to the center of the town and have a giant explosion! Great idea!

Pinocchio: Their plan is stupid.

Sabrina: You think everyone whose plan isn't yours is stupid.

Pinocchio: Yeah, but this time I'm right!

Sabrina: Whatever.

Arthur: Everyone! We have a plan! And Sabrina totally approves of it, _right?_

Sabrina: ...Sure?

Everyone: YAY!

Puck: I can't believe you.

Sabrina: What?

Puck: I can't even talk to you right now.

Sabrina: Oh no you don't! Not without telling me what's got you in your stupid funk!

Puck: Let go of me!

Sabrina: Tell me what's going on!

Puck: You're being a stupidhead! Now let me go!

Sabrina: You're flying! If I let go, I'll die! Can you just land and tell me what's wrong?

Puck: No.

Sabrina: Whoa-!

Puck: What were you thinking, letting go like that?

Sabrina: I'm sorry! I couldn't hold on!

Puck: Well stop that!

Sabrina: I can't! Now tell me what the heck you're ticked off about!

Puck: You're a hypocrite! I have a speech that will make you want to be the leader!

Sabrina: Wanting people to listen to me doesn't mean I want the fate of the world on my shoulders! You try it for once!

Puck: Well, I can't! You're weak, and you always need someone to save you, and this is your responsibility! And your grandma would expect more of you! RAWR!

Sabrina: Well, pbtht to you, too.


	52. A Very Serious and Dramatic Love Story

**AN~ Yup.  
**

* * *

"Puck, I love you, but you can't have us both!" Sabrina said, voice very serious.

"Is that an ultimatum?" Puck asked.

"It is!"

"I... I can't, Sabrina!"

"Can't what?"

"Can't choose between you!"

"You have to!"

"I..." Puck squeezed his eyes shut. "I... I choose... Dirt!"

"Noooo!" Sabrina wailed.

"I'm sorry," Puck said, kissing Sabrina on the cheek. "But I just can't live without her."

He left her and went to roll in a mud puddle.

The end.


	53. Random: Crossover of Half-Attemptedness

**AN~ I was going to go a lot more in depth about this, but then I realized how not-alike they are and decided to leave you guys wondering. Also it's a bit of a half-donkeyed attempt. Don't read this if you haven't read N.E.R.D.S., guys.  
**

* * *

The Grimms found themselves in a large tiled room. All of them. With no explanation. It was empty, mostly, except for six children and two adults.

"Where the heck are we?" Daphne asked, looking around.

"You're in the N.E.R.D.S. Headquarters," the man said, "A better question would be, 'how did you get here?'"

"Or where did you come from?" One of the girls, who had thick glasses and two blonde puffs of hair on either side of her head.

"We were just sitting in our house and suddenly we were elsewhere," Granny said.

Puck and Sabrina, who had been in a slightly compromising position, scooted apart slowly, eyes wide. Nobody among the Grimms noticed, but one of the boys, who was very cute aside from the extensive braces on his teeth that appeared to be moving, said, "You look like the Hyena."

The Grimms all looked at the girl he gestured to, a beautiful blonde who did bear a strong resemblance to Sabrina, other than the fact that she wore high-heeled boots and makeup, and everyone on the other side of the room looked back at Sabrina.

"Weird," Basil said.

Sabrina and the other girl walked up to each other and gave themselves close inspections. The way they moved was a mirror.

"Alternate universe?" a small Asian girl with a unibrow said.

"Definitely," a chubby black boy said.

"But then where are the rest of us?" The boy asked, giving Puck a suspicious look. "I mean, he kind of looks like me a bit, but not really, and... nope.

"Well, the Hyena wasn't in any of my alternate universes," the Asian girl said. "So maybe this is hers?"

"Maybe," the Sabrina look-alike said.

"What do you like to do?" Sabrina asked.

"Kick butt and sneak around. I'm an assassin."

"Me too," Sabrina said, grinning. "Except I'm not an assassin, I'm the subject of a prophecy to save the world."

"Cool," the Hyena said.

"So's yours," Sabrina said.

"I know," the other Sabrina said.

They gave each other a second look and said simultaneously, "Nah. We're not the same person."

"You sure?" Puck asked jokingly. Then his eyes widened and he said, "Dude this could be so awesome!"

Both Sabrinas looked at him disdainfully, then looked back at each other and said, "We're sure."

The Grimms were gone, as suddenly as they'd come.

"Still," Daphne said thoughtfully, "they were a lot alike."


	54. Book 9 Chapters 9 and 10

**AN~ I have one pathetic chapter of this left. Just one chapter of the book and the epilogues. But that means I can add as many jokes of my own as I want to fill it out!**

_**belltail:**_Ch. 50-something: **I**** actually looked them all up in the books. RESEARCH. **Ch. 3: **I'm glad you like them!**

_**YAY: **_**Thanks! Was this soon enough?**

_**PenguinLoverGurl: **_**^.^ I like to think my sense of humor has gotten more refined since I started this.**

_**Guest:**_ Ch. 1: **I'm sorry you feel that way.** Ch. 47: **If you hate it so much, why did you keep reading?**

**_Guest number two: _Who's stupid?  
**

* * *

Sabrina: All right guys, I'm going to pretend this is a movie. Okay?

Mirrors: Sorry, no can do. Ultra high-def here.

Sabrina: But... what if I messed up?

Puck: You probably did.

Henry: Stop it, Puck.

Sabrina: Thanks, Dad.

Puck: Oh sure, hide behind your dad.

Sabrina: Come over here and I'll show you how much I need to hide behind him.

Puck: I'm good, thanks.

Daphne: Great. Now shut up so we can watch the battle.

Everyone: Ooh. Ouch. Wince.

Puck: Told you you'd messed up.

Sabrina: Shut up!

Puck: Make me.

Sabrina: I know where you sleep.

Puck wanna join me?

Sabrina: No, I want to smother you with your own pillow so that you'll stop being such an insensitive jerk and remember that people died out there!

Puck: Oh. Well, that's no fun.

Daphne: Technically, if he's dead, he probably won't remember that other people died out there.

Sabrina: He might!

Daphne: Uh-huh, sure.

Veronica: Moving on.

Daphne: They're on their way home now.

Sabrina: Ohhhh...

Puck: Stop moaning.

Sabrina: Ohhhh...

Everafters: That was a disaster! I thought you were supposed to lead us to victory, Sabrina!

Sabrina: Hey, don't blame me! It was King Arthur's idea!

Arthur: It was supposed to work!

Scarecrow: I told you so...

Robin: Oh, shut up.

Everyone: So what do we do now?

Sabrina: Well, we could-

Arthur: We should make a bigger army and fight even harder!

Sabrina: I don't think that's the best idea...

Pinocchio: Go away, everyone! Sabrina needs to do some thinking!

Everyone: Mumble grumble... fine.

Sabrina: What do I do?

Pinocchio: Don't let them intimidate you, for starters.

Mirrors: This is the girl that saves the world! Behold, Sabrina Grimm, Queen of the-

Sabrina: ...Sneaks. Holy crap I know what to do!

Mirrors: Took you long enough. Go love people and be sneaky. It's what you do best.

Sabrina: Everybody! I know what to do! I know how we're going to save the world! Pack your stuff, we're leaving!

Everyone: WHAAAT?

Sabrina: There's NO FREAKING WAY we can win in a full-on battle, even if it IS the 'honorable' thing to do, Arthur. But I'm very quiet, very sneaky, and good a tricking people. We have someone here who's great at traps. And Chicken Little, get your butt out of here, you traitor.

Everyone: ...Are you sure?

Sabrina: Yes. For the first time in two years, I'm absolutely sure.

**DAPHNE AND THE COVEN GET A BARRIER SPELL. SABRINA MAKES PLANS. IT IS NOW NIGHTTIME. SCENE.**

Henry: Maturity is hard.

Sabrina: Heck yeah. Father-daughter bonding time?

Henry: Sure. I love father-daughter bonding time.

Widow Crow: Hi! They're coming tomorrow, but they're a bit scared because they're fighting Grimms. You guys kick butt.

Daphne: Great. Hi. Sabrina. Come here. Now.

Sabrina: Wha-? But-

Daphne: NOW.

Sabrina: All right... What is it? It better be important, you interrupted father-daughter bonding time!

Daphne: The book's missing agin.

Sabrina: All right, I guess that's kind of important.

Daphne: Yeah. What I can't get is why it keeps coming back.

Sabrina: Maybe they're not stealing it. Maybe they're just borrowing it...

Daphne: What I don't get is who it could be.

Sabrina: I have no idea. I mean, the only person who's been suspiciously hanging around our oom recently is Mr. Canis, who also ASKED for it a few times, but he wouldn't take it.

Daphne: I know, right? It's such a perplexing mystery!

Sabrina: How will we ever solve it?

Daphne: I don't know.

Sabrina: Well, I'm going to go take a shower before our however-long-we-have-to-live-in-the-woods. Tell me if you figure anything out.

**THE NEXT MORNING. STUFF HAS BEEN HIDDEN IN THE WOODS. EVERYONE IS CONFUSED EXCEPT SABRINA. MR. CANIS IS CHAFING.**

Daphne: Still no book.

Sabrina: Oh well. Just get everyone ready and we'll hope it turns up later. Everyone! When you hear a whistle, get OUT OF THE CASTLE!

Scarlet Hand: RAWR!

Everyone: Fight! Jab! Stuff!

Sabrina: They all here?

Widow Crow: Yep!

Sabrina: SIGNAL WHISTLE!

Jake: Heart. Come with me if you want to live!

Heart: ...Okay...

Belle: Beast, come with me! I love you!

Beast: Why?

Bell: Barrier spell!:

Beast: Everyone out, IT'S A TRAP!

Sabrina: Fffuuu... Where's Puck!

Daphne: Haven't seen him.

Sabrina: There he is! Under that troll!

Henry: Stay here!

Sabrina: Sorry, too late! Weak spots! I kick butt! Hi-yaah!

Puck: I didn't need that...

Sabrina: Sure.

Canis: Hurry up, Sabrina!

Sabrina: But I'm human. The barrier spell won't hurt me.

Canis: Right...

Daphne: Spell!

Scarlet Hand: Noooo! Not a smaller barrier!

Sabrina: Well, a few too many of them got out, but this is definitely evening up the odds a bit.

Puck: That's a cool sentence. Even the odds... I like it.

Sabrina: You sound like Daphne.

Daphne: That's a compliment, bub. Act like it.

Puck: Oh. Thanks?

Daphne: That's better.

Nottingham: Heart? What are you doing here?

Heart: They saved me.

Jake: Heh heh heh... My plan is working perfectly.

Arthur: What do we do with these escapees?

Sabrina: Let them go. I want Mirror to know what we did.

Mordred: Mom! What are you doing in there!

Morgan: I couldn't leave Seven.

Henry: ...He's dead.

Morgan: I know.

Mordred: Then I stay with you.

Jake: Great. Now I feel less attentive than Morgan... But my plan must be completed!

Sabrina: I'll bring your video games and a TV once this is over. If I can find them. If not I'll buy new ones.

Mordred: Perfect. And an XBox!

**THEY GO INTO THE WOODS AND PUCK MAKES TRAPS BECAUSE HE CAN GET INTO HIS BEDROOM FROM EVERYWHERE BECAUSE MAGIC.**

Heart: Why did you let me live?

Jake: I have my reasons. You should be careful. Nottingam is violent.

Heart: ...Thanks?

Jake: Here. Use this dagger to protect yourself.

Heart: Okay.

Pinocchio: We have the high ground. This is good. We'll have to move camp every day, though.

Sabrina: I can deal. Your dad should be proud of you.

Pinocchio: Tell him for me? He's mad at me.

Sabrina: Sure. I've been there. Hey, Puck! Go have fun!

Puck: Woo-hoo! Prank time! Yeah baby!

Everyone Else: Are you sure this is the best idea?

Sabrina: Gosh, people. Trust me already. Puck knows what he's doing. Just... don't leave the hill unless you have to pee or something. And be very careful when you're coming back.

Puck: Dudes, time to get to work! I need all your help.

Everyone: Dangit.

**SEVERAL PRANK-FILLED HOURS LATER...**

Sabrina: Go to bed, Ugly.

Puck: I can't sleep! I'm too excited! I hope I catch a troll!

Sabrina: You're a pretty good villain, you know that?

Puck: Aww, you're so sweet. And... you're not such a bad hero, when you want to be. Now that you're done being a wuss.

Sabrina: You're... not sweet. But I'm glad you're not mad at me anymore.

Puck: You stopped being an idiot. So I stopped being mad.

Sabrina: Thanks... See ya. I hear something over there...

Puck: Have fun.

Snow: Boo-hoo!

Sabrina: What's wrong?

Snow: Billy is gone!

Sabrina: That kind of stinks a lot.

Snow: Yeah.

Sabrina: Let's see if we can find him. Mirrors!

Snow: Thanks.

Mirrors: He's here.

Snow: Billy! He's on Douglass's Peak!

Sabrina: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Snow: It's probably a bad idea.

Sabrina: We'll have to be very careful to avoid Puck's traps.

Snow: I don't care. Do you care?

Sabrina: Not enough to stop.

Snow: Billy!

Sabrina: This is a heck of a walk.

Snow: At least we were close. Oh... What if he doesn't want to talk to me? He's been in love with me for four hundred years, and now he thinks it's not really love...

Sabrina: I thought it was five hundred.

Snow: Whatever.

Sabrina: I'll go talk to him.

Charming: What do you want?

Sabrina: Nothing. We'll just sit here and talk about the view. It's pretty.

Charming: Go away.

Sabrina: Sorry. No can do.

Charming: Please?

Sabrina: Nope. Time to talk about feelings. I'm scared because I'm running your army of fifty. You should come back. You do a better job than I do.

Charming: No. Is Snow there?

Sabrina: Duh. Go talk to her.

Charming: Heck no.

Sabrina: Dude. Stop complaining. Bunny made you awesome.

Charming: Yeah, BUNNY made me awesome. I didn't make myself awesome. I wasn't even born awesome. I'm unsure of everything.

Snow: Billy?

Sabrina: I thought you were going to wait outside.

Snow: I had to see him. Billy? We can work it out.

Charming: I don't know if I love you.

Snow: All right, NOW I'm ticked.

Charming: See yah!

Sabrina: Told you so...

Snow: I'm too sad to be mad at you.

Sabrina: We should go back.

**AFTER THIS UNSUCCESSFUL TRIP, SNOW AND SABRINA RETURN TO CAMP AND SLEEP. BOTH ARE TICKED AND SAD.**

Daphne: Wake up!

Sabrina: Wha?

Henry: We caught something.

Sabrina: What?

Puck: I got me a pumpkin-head!

Daphne: Did you know that when one of his pumpkins starts to rot, he just replaces it with a new one?

Sabrina: Ew. Also why do we care?

Daphne: Just felt like sharing.

Jack: This is outrageous! Let me down!

Sabrina: Hi. Welcome to being a prisoner!

Everyone: So... now what?

Sabrina: Nothing. We just sit here and wait for them to try to get to us.

Everyone: Rest sounds nice.

Puck: This is going to be so awesome.

**THEY CATCH THIRTY SCARLET HAND PEOPLE AND STICK THEM IN THE HALL OF WONDERS, THE PORTABLE JAIL. THEN THEY MOVE CAMP. REPEAT FOR SEVERAL DAYS.**

Beauty: Where's Natalie?

Beast: Not telling.

Sabrina: You know we have a magic mirror.

Beast: They turned you against me!

Beauty: No. You turned me against you. I'm a mom. And one of us has to teach our kid right from wrong. Learn how to be the man I loved!

Beast: RAWR!

Daphne: This is going pretty well.

Sabrina: But we still have to get Atticus and Mirror.

Mirrors: They're not going to fall for Puck's traps.

Sabrina: Dangit.

Daphne: So... We go to them?

Sabrina: That's pretty much suicide.

Daphne: We just need to get Atticus's armor off.

Mirrors: And if you kill the old lady, you kill Mirror.

Daphne: That's my grandma!

Mirrors: Yeah. Sorry. But desperate times- WHOA!

Daphne: What's happening?

Sabrina: No idea, but the mirrors are going berserk!

Mirror/Granny: Muahaha! I've been spying on you the whole time! Nice job getting rid of my army. I was getting sick of them.

Sabrina: So... you heard the prophecy?

Mirror: Duh. Sorry, Starfish. I don't WANT to kill you, it's just... I really want to take over the world.

Sabrina: Don't call me that!

Daphne: Get out of my granny!

Mirror: I wish I could. Maybe I will if you give me the barrier spell.

Sabrina: Yeah, but... I can't.

Mirror: Then I'll have to-

Mirrors: BOOOM!

Sabrina: Daphne, Duck! I'll protect you! Ow...

Mirrors: We're going to be destroyed. Sorry, chicas! But you can still win!

Daphne: Whimper...

Sabrina: Ow...

Daphne: That's a pretty big piece of... where'd it go?

Sabrina: I think it melted.

Daphne: Into your skin? Ew. Hey... Thanks for protecting me. Even if I'd have been fine if you hadn't.

Sabrina: No sweat. Mom? Dad? Uncle Jake? Puck? Where is everybody? Whoa... I don't feel very good...

Daphne: Not very good how? Like not very good ow because you're bleeding everywhere?

Sabrina: No, not very good like dizzy and like there's magic someplace and I've got the chills and I can't breathe right.

Daphne: Oh. That's not okay... Where is everyone?

Sabrina: I don't know, but am I hallucinating? Everything's on fire...

Daphne: You're not hallucinating. This is bad. This is very very bad. That's blood... And that's Atticus. We should leave.

Atticus: Muahahaha! You two little girls caused all this trouble? You're not even worth my time to kill. But I like killing.

Sabina: Whoa!

Atticus: Well, that was a fortunate trip. Trolls? Go away. I have to kill these two before I go beat my wife.

Daphne: Uh-oh...

Sabrina: This is kind of dark for a seven year old and a twelve year old...

Daphne: Can we ponder how creepy our lives are getting later?

Sabrina: A stick!

Atticus: OW!

Sabrina: I thought that wasn't supposed to happen...

Daphne: Well, there wasn't any armor where you hit him.

Atticus: I'll kill you for that!

Sabrina: Well, you were going to kill me anyway.

Daphne: Let her go!

Elvis: Grrr...

Daphne: Gimme some different clothes! ...Dang. Didn't work.

Elvis: GRRR!

Atticus: OW!

Daphne: Come on, Sabrina! Oh, hi, Pinocchio.

Pinocchio: My dad is dead!

Everyone: Cry!

Pinocchio: So is Bella's mom! And Friar Tuck! And Lancelot! And it's my fault! If I'd just left the freaking book closed, this wouldn't be happening! And he too Snow!

Bunny: I want my daughter back!

Daphne: If this wasn't such a depressing time, I'd tell you you look taller, Pinocchio.

Sabrina: Everyone, I know this maybe isn't the time, but I need you to get rid of any mirrors you've got, okay?

Everyone: Sniff. Okay.

Sabrina: I don't feel very good.

Puck: You look worse than usual, too.

Daphne: At least we found everyone.

Sabrina: We need to go after Atticus.

Everyone: He's going to kill us all!

Mr. Canis: Maybe if we use the Wolf...

Henry: Heck no!

Mr. Canis: You don't have a choice! I'm gonna do it!

Red: No! Sob!

Veronica: Don't make her lose her father, Canis.

Canis: Fine. But this isn't over yet.

Cinderella: Where's William?

Sabrina: OW! He's in the mayor's mansion.

Veronica: How do you know?

Sabrina: No idea. Ow. Guys, this is that lowest of the low point that always happens in movies. I totally get it if you want to bail.

Beauty: Yeahno.

Everyone Except Puck: Sure! ...Puck?

Puck: Was there ever any question? I can't marry her if she's gonna die!

Sabrina: I'm gonna go find Charming.

Bunny: I'm coming. If he doesn't come, I'll MAKE him.

Puck: I'm coming too.

Sabrina: Okay...

Puck: You look kind of green.

Sabrina: I'm okay.

Puck: No you're not. I'm a donkey! Ride me!

Sabrina: Sure.

Puck: Now I KNOW you're not okay.

Bunny: Yeah not really. My daughter first, then your arm. Hurry!

Puck: I am!

Charming: Gosh! Can't you people just leave me alone?

Bunny: No. ATTICUS HAS SNOW, DANGIT!

Charming: Oh dear. What took you so long?

Bunny: I wasn't sure you were done sulking!

Charming: SULKING? I'll have you know I-

Sabrina: You know what? You're NOT fictional! You're a jerkface!

Charming: What?

Sabrina: Bunny didn't write you a jerk! She wrote you perfect! But you're still a freaking jerk and you're mean and stuck up and do you seriously think she'd make you that way for her daughter? You're a crybaby, you're selfish, you're impatient, you're grouchy... Bunny didn't write that! So if that's all the real you, then maybe loving Snow is, too! So snap out of it!

Charming: You have a vaild point, sickly-looking Grimm girl. You're not good at pep talks, though.

Bunny: I don't care if she's the worst pep-talk giver in the history of motivational speakers, just go rescue my daughter!

Charming: YES MA'AM!

Puck: Great. So where do we go?

Sabrina: OW! OW OW OW OWIE!

Puck: What's wrong with you?

Sabrina: I have no idea, but I know where Atticus is.

**THEY GO TO ATTICUS'S PLACE. EVERYONE WANTS TO KILL ATTICUS. HEART ALMOST STAYS BEHIND.**

Snow: OW!

Charming: SNOW!

Sabrina: I can see the future... It hurts... Everyone, get behind Atticus. It's the only way we can save Snow.

Henry: How do you know?

Sabrina: I don't know.

Charming: Atticus! Get out here and stop beating up the love of my life!

Snow: Go away before he kills you, Billy!

Charming: No! It's a coward that beats up a woman.

Atticus: Imma KILL YOU.

Charming: Not if I can help it.

Atticus: Sword fight time!

Charming: OW!

Atticus: You know, you're not even worth killing. Why do you want him over me, Snow?

Canis: Wolf time!

Red: No! Not you! I'm the wolf! RAWR!

Atticus: MY ARMOR!

Puck: Anyone ever wonder when the wolf learned to talk?

Daphne: I think it might be because he's in a human body.

Sabrina: It's like the Hulk. Nobody can beat him...

Everyone: LET ME KILL HIM! HE'S MINE!

Snow: No. He's mine.

Atticus: Oh, I am slain!

Snow: Billy. Marry me.

Charming: Okay.

Wolf: Still here, people!

Canis: Not for long!

Wolf: Go away!

Canis: Red? I know you can do this!

Sabrina: I don't feel so- Uncle Jake!

Heart: Stop trying to kill me!

Nottingham: NO!

Heart: Ah!

Nottingham: Let go of me!

Heart: If I do, I'll fall!

Nottingham: Exactly!

Heart: If I go, you're coming with me!

Jake: Well well well.

Heart: Help me!

Jake: No. My plan was to turn you two against each other. I did. It worked. Now Briar's roses are going to kill you.

Heart and Nottingham: AAAAHHH!

Jake: AH. I feel much better now.

Sabrina: That was weird. Ooohhh... I feel bad... Blut.


	55. Book 9 Chapter 11 Through the End

**AN~ This is the last one. Ever. It's embbarrasingly short, but there was no more to add.**

* * *

Sabrina: Moan.

Daphne: You're awake! Don't ever scare me like that again!

Sabrina: Whaah ith Baba Yaga holing maaah thongue?

Baba Yaga: You're infected with magic.

Sabrina: I'll be fine. I'm just a little sick. And really grossed out because that was a disgusting hand on my tongue... I just got cut by a Mirror when they all exploded, and I guess that bit that melted inside me's doing this. But I'll be fine.

Canis: Yeah, except you're magic intolerant.

Henry: Which means what?

Sabrina: I'm addicted. But I'll be okay. I've got it under control. I just feel kind of sick.

Veronica: Don't get up, sweetheart.

Baba Yaga: Oh, let her stand. She'll be dead soon enough anyway.

Veronica: Say what now?

Baba Yaga: She's going to die. She can't handle magic normally, and this is a buttload of it. INSIDE her. She'll be dead in a few days, at most.

Puck: Well, then how do we get it out of her?

Baba Yaga: You can't. The only way to get rid of it is to have her use all of it up before it burns her out.

Bunny: There has to be a way.

Baba Yaga: I told you the way already. You made the mirrors, lady! Can't you tell how much power is inside her? A mirror legit exploded in her. She's got everything from that explosion in her system!

Daphne: You're telling us that my sister is pretty much like Mirror.

Baba Yaga: Well, not personality-wise. But they can do the same stuff. Also he's not dying of the magic.

Puck: Would you stop throwing that dying word around! It's not okay! NOT. OKAY.

Bunny: She'll just have to use it all, then.

Baba Yaga: Pfft. That's unlikely.

Puck: Explain. Now.

Bunny: Chillax a bit. If she uses all the magic in her system at once to do something really really huge, then she might be okay.

Jake: So just explode at Mirror.

Sabrina: I can't! I'll kill Granny Relda!

Jake: ...A very good point.

Sabrina: Let me up.

Veronica: I think you should lie down, honey. You're looking kind of wobbly.

Baba Yaga: Oh, sheesh, people. She's going to die in a few hours or a day or two or whatever. Let her do what she wants.

Sabrina: THANK you.

Puck: THANK YOU what what what this is not okay no thank you not okay not okay what is going on here fix it not okay no thank you stop!

Jake: Breathe.

Puck: Sniff... haaaahhh.

Jake: Better?

Puck: No not really.

Sabrina: Umm... guys? Mirror's, like, in my head.

Daphne: What's he want?

Sabrina: The barrier spell. He says to meet him where route 9 crosses the barrier.

Scarecrow: I think you should.

Sabrina: I can't. I can kind of see the future now, and that... would be a bad idea. Dad, Mom? Can you like take Basil and leave with the spell?

Canis: No. They can't, actually.

Daphne: So THAT'S where the book went!

Canis: Yeah, sorry. You're all Everafters now. I had to keep Mirror in town somehow.

Henry: I am going to be uncharacteristically calm about this.

Sabrina: I'd care, but I'm about to die anyway, so it doesn't really matter, you know? So we're going to fight now.

**PUCK CARRIES SABRINA TO THE BARRIER. EVERYONE ELSE COMES TOO. EPIC MUSIC IN BACKGROUND.**

Mirror: Hey, Starfish.

Sabrina: We've been over this already. Don't call me that.

Mirror: Fair enough. I will be all evil and corny and stuff now.

Sabrina: Save it.

Mirror: That works, too. Give me the spell.

Sabrina: OR you could quit this and we can see if Bunny can give you your own body. How's that sound?

Mirror: Mmm... Nah. She kind of abandoned me and was the worst mother ever. How 'bout I kill her after you give me the barrier spell.

Sabrina: No.

Mirror: Fine. Then I'll just put spells on all your family members so they almost die.

Sabrina: Now I'm tempted.

Grimms: Don't do it!

Mirror: Imma kill them...

Sabrina: Daphne, do it.

Daphne: I can't-

Sabrina: Here, Mirror.

Grimms: NO!

Mirror: Why thank you. Have your family back, safe and sound. Wasn't that easy? Magic words! Now everyone is free!

Sabrina Mirror and Daphne: Epic fight scene!

Daphne: The coven has to do stuff.

Bunny: But we only have two coven people.

Baba Yaga: No, Daphne is our innocent. Because she's totally perfect and wonderful and all that jazz.

Henry: NOW I'm not okay with this. I was fine with being an Everafter, but Daphne being a witch? Not okay. Not. Okay.

Sabrina: Hey, let's get Mirror on a mountain so we're away from everyone else, guys!

Daphne and Puck: Good idea!

Mirror: Lemme show you what it's like to be alone, since you appear to have forgotten.

Sabrina: No. Let ME show YOU. This is what love is like.

Mirror: This is strangely corny but I like it.

Sabrina: Bunny. Come be a good mom.

Bunny: I'm sorry.

Mirror: I forgive you. Sabrina, I'm going to give you back your grandma, but tell me we're friends?

Sabrina: Sure, we're totally friends. I get everything and am an understanding capable normal non-magical Everafter/human being.

Mirror: All right, I'm going to stop possessing your grandma and go possess the ground. I am the planet!

Granny: Oh, hello! I'm hungry and hatless!

Everyone: Everything is okay now! Hooray!

Everafters: And we're free!

**ONE WEEK LATER. LOTS OF PEOPLE LEFT. LOTS MORE STAYED AND ARE REBUILDING. SABRINA DAPHNE AND PUCK ARE ON THE DOCK.**

Daphne: Hey look a giant boat!

Peter Pan: Hi, I'm Peter Pan! I'm looking for Ferryport Landing, I hear it's lots of fun and excitement! Also full of Everafters.

Puck: Yeah, somebody lied to you. This is the boringest place on the planet. See ya.

Sabrina: You're a jerk.

Puck: Well, he's an idiot.

Sabrina: Yeah I guess he kind of is.

Puck: Trust me. Hey, your Uncle Jake invited me to travel the world with him. I think I'm going to.

Sabrina: Well, I'll pretend not to miss you.

Puck: I'm not surprised.

Sabrina: Don't die. And come visit.

Puck: I will.

Daphne: Aw, true love...

**THIRTEEN YEARS AND THE STUPIDEST PLOT TWIST EVER LATER:**

Daphne: You're getting married!

Sabrina: I'm getting married to someone who's not Puck that we're not mentioning by the way is he here?

Daphne: No. You sure you're marrying the right guy?

Sabrina: Yes totally what are you talking about I'm not having second thoughts I love Bradley so much and never think about my ex or the fact that he's been missing for five years and hey what are you doing giving me relationship advice, Ms. I-have-a-new-boyfriend-every-week?

Daphne: I'M still looking for the right guy. I don't plan on marrying someone I'm not sure about.

Henry: Time to go!

Sabrina: This is great. I love Bradley. He's so nice and normal and not what I get at work all the time. Why do I sound like I'm convincing myself?

Henry: Stop, the music's starting?

Priest: We are gathered here today to-

Puck: I object!

Humans: HOLY CRAP.

Sabrina: Why am I not surprised? Also why am I happy?

Puck: Hey stinky.

Michael Buckley: AND we're just going to end it there do you all hate me yet?

**SIXTEEN COMPLETELY UNEXPLAINED STUPID YEARS LATER:**

Sabrina: Journal journal journal I haven't told my kids about Everafters because I love to make my parent's mistakes my backyard is awesome and my parents are just like me and Daphne all over again, nothing like my husband at all which is strange cause you'd think they would be 'cause they're not DAPHNE and my kid's, they're PUCK and my kids but we don't know that for sure yet.

Alison: SCREECH!

Sabrina: What's wrong?

Emma: She locked herself in the bathroom.

Alison: NO! SCREAM!

Sabrina: What's wrong?

Alison: Make them go away mom!

Emma: I'm going to make fun of you now.

Alison: I have WINGS!

Sabrina: Oh dear.

Emma: I WANT WINGS!

Sabrina: Alison, you're a fairy princess.

Alison: A WHAT? EXPLAIN!

Sabrina: Well, have you ever heard of the Brothers Grimm?

MB: That was a good ending, right? I think that was a good ending.

Publisher: Just get it out there!


	56. Sites: Online Dating

**AN~ GUYS. If you have an issue with fanfiction or tropes of fanfics, or just something you think would be funny, tell me. I want to write about them. And at the moment all I have is 'the pretty paradox', which is the fact that somehow main characters of fanfics end up gorgeous even if they're not.**

**Sorry if some of this gets a bit wordy, my sister is listening to Pride and Prejudice and I can't help but hear it.**

**Another thing that would be nice is some more types of websites that the Grimms could visit, ones that I haven't used before.**

* * *

Daphne was on the computer, minding her own business (when did she not?), when she came across a strange website while innocently browsing the history page. It was called 'eHarmony.' Right under it was one called 'Match dot com."

She went to the websites, because what if they were dangerous or something? Or Sabrina and Puck had made accounts for each other under false names and were going to meet up to have a blind date and then it would turn out that they were both perfect for each other? That totally could happen. Maybe she could arrange it.

But the accounts weren't for Sabrina and Puck. They were for Uncle Jake.

This was big news. And he probably wanted to keep it a secret. So, of course, the first thing Daphne did was call everyone to come see.

"Everyone," at the moment, constituted the kids, because all the grown-ups had gone out shopping, leaving Sabrina in charge- which Puck didn't like, of course. They all came, Sabrina with Basil hiked up on her hip as they crowded around the computer screen.

"What's the big deal, Daffy?" Sabrina asked her sister, peering around the other bodies to get a view of the screen.

"Look!" Daphne said, gesturing wildly at the computer screen, so that her hand hit it. "Uncle Jake has an account on a dating site! _Two_ dating sites!"

"All right..." Sabrina said, in a tone that suggested that she didn't see the importance of this fact. "So?"

"So this means he's looking for a _date_!" Daphne declared.

"Right," Sabrina said. "I still don't see a problem. It's been two years, Daphne. He's allowed to start getting over Briar now."

"Yeah, but..." Daphne said, cutting herself off.

"But what?" Red asked.

"But he didn't ask me!" Daphne burst forth, embarrassing herself as she said it, because she knew everyone else would think she was stupid.

She was right. The all stared at her for several minutes, and Puck said, "Don't you think maybe _I _should be the one who's upset? Since he and I are traveling the world together?"

"Yeah, but you don't care about relationships!" Daphne protested.

Sabrina snickered and said, "Ooooh, Puck, are you gonna take that?"

"I'm bigger than that," Puck said loftily.

"You can say that again," Daphne said.

"Oh, like you're one to talk!" Puck shot back. "How much do you weigh again, ninety pounds?"

"Eighty-four, thank you very much," Daphne said, lofty herself.

"So much better," Puck said, rolling his eyes.

"It is!" Daphne protested. "It's six whole pounds!"

"Anyway," Red said pointedly. "Does it really matter?"

"Yes!" Puck and Daphne said in concert, loudly.

"No," Sabrina said, less loud but far more firm.

"Does _this_ really matter?" Pinocchio muttered.

"Also no," Sabrina said, "but we're going to humor Daphne. It's good for your character and will make you grow up."

"Fine," Pinocchio muttered.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Daphne asked.

"Do we have to do anything about it?" Red asked. "Can't we just let him have a life on his own and not mess with it?"

Daphne looked at Red like she was crazy and said, "Of _course_ we have to do something about it! We can't let him go on the _internet_ for a date! We have to find him one somewhere!"

"Or we can not," Puck suggested.

"No!" Daphne protested loudly. "We have to set him up with somebody!"

"Why?" Sabrina asked wearily. "And who? Who in this town is single and interested in dating Uncle Jake?"

"Well..." Daphne said thoughtfully, "Goldie's single. And Beauty wants a dad for Natalie. Or we could pair him up with Morgan because they both lost someone they love!"

"Daphne, Morgan's stuck in the castle," Sabrina said, rolling her eyes. "And she's not over Mr. Seven. At all."

"Well, then I'm going to call Goldie and Beauty and see if either of them is up for a blind date!" Daphne said cheerfully. "And maybe I'll think up someone else that wants Uncle Jake."

Sabrina, Red, and Pinocchio all shook their heads in exasperation as Daphne skipped off to the phone. Puck laughed under his breath.

* * *

Daphne spent a good week calling people to date Uncle Jake and spying on his online dating accounts, neither endeavor met with much success. Sabrina and Red watched wearily, having decided that there was no hope of dissuading her from what she'd decided to do. Puck was still amused by the whole situation, and took to listening to Daphne list off possible dates for Jake just so he could laugh at her later. The only one who tried to stop her was Pinocchio, who was the one who knew Daphne the least, and was still convinced that he could change her mind.

It was Jake that finally stopped the dating project, though. Because when Goldie appeared at the door and started yelling at Jake for trying to hit on her, the whole story came out (thanks to Sabrina), and Jake went to talk to her.

"Daphne," he said, knocking on her open bedroom door. "Why've you been trying to find me a date?"

"Well, I found your profile on those websites, and I thought... maybe you'd want an Everafter girlfriend better than a human one," Daphne hedged.

Jake laughed. "I didn't have that profile because I want a girlfriend," he explained once he was able to speak again. "I made it because I'm looking for an Everafter who's been seducing human men to kidnap them. I'm waiting for her to call me so I can stop her."

"Oh," Daphne said softly. "So... you're _not_ looking for a girlfriend?"

Jake shook his head and said, "I'm not sure I'll _ever_ be ready for another girlfriend."

"Oh," Daphne said, even more quietly than before. _That_ was a downer. "Sorry?"

"It's all right," Jake said, "But, Daphne, this could have all been avoided if you'd just _asked_ me about what you found, instead of going behind my back. Okay?"

"Uh-huh," Daphne said, nodding.

"I hope you learned something from all this," Jake said, standing.

"I have," Daphne promised. But she was already planning how to set Sabrina and Puck up. The online thing had been a pretty good idea, actually.


	57. Tropes: The Pretty Paradox

**AN~ Got any ideas for tropes or stuff? I mean, I know this isn't my most popular story (far from it), but SOME reviews would be nice.**

* * *

Sabrina was walking through the hallways at her school in NYC, her backpack over her shoulder, wearing ratty jeans and a loose T-shirt.

She shifted uncomfortable, feeling eyes on her back. Was there someone watching her? She turned, and a cluster of boys, some of whom she recognized (she hadn't been at her new school very long, and didn't know many people's names), turned away from her quickly. She turned back around, rolling her eyes, and saw another group of boys staring at her. These kept looking, though. She shifted again, feeling even more uncomfortable. They were looking at her like they were Elvis and she was a juicy steak.

"What's going on?" she asked Bella, whose family had, conveniently enough (almost as if someone had wanted a friend for Sabrina to be available), also moved to NYC, and who she thought she might actually like, now that she wasn't evil anymore. Besides, she was the only person she knew well enough to talk to.

"Duh," Bella said, rolling her eyes. She and Sabrina weren't really on the nicest terms, despite being quasi-friends. "They're hitting on you."

"Yeah, but... why?" Sabrina asked. "Nobody's ever hit on me before."

"I dunno," Bella shrugged. "Ask them."

Sabrina, who was, after everything she'd been through, a good deal more self-confident than most middle school girls, decided this was a pretty good idea, and called over, "Hey! Whatcha looking at, huh?"

Some of the boys looked away, embarrassed, but most kept staring at her, grinning in a creepy way, or going so far as to wolf-whistle or wink at her.

"No, seriously, what the heck are you guys looking at?" Sabrina asked.

"Duh," one of the boys said, rolling his eyes. "You're, like, the hottest girl that's ever come to our school."

Sabrina looked around at the other girls in the hallway skeptically, and saw that several of them were eyeing her jealously, as if they wanted to tear her to bits with their fingernails, all of which looked to have been manicured in the same place, oddly enough, and then she turned to Bella, who was rather more developed than Sabrina, more made-up, and more refined, taking after her beautiful princess mother. Sabrina returned her gaze to the boy who'd spoken, one eyebrow raised, arms crossed. Then she shrugged and continued walking down the hall, followed by Bella.

"Weird," Bella said with a laugh.

"I know, right?" Sabrina asked, looking at herself. She was wearing ripped jeans, a baggy t-shirt, and no makeup. "I, like, didn't even try today! And... They're insane."

"Yeah, well, the whole school seems to be thinking the same thing," Bella said, glancing around.

Sabrina shook her head. She couldn't understand it.

The day continued like this, as did the next several weeks. She told her family about it, and none of them could explain it, either.

One day during math class, she was sitting there in sweatpants and the baggiest t-shirt she could find, trying to get guys to stop staring at her and girls to stop glaring, and the windows exploded inward with a shower of glass, and two people's silhouettes were framed overly dramatically in the sunlight which happened to be directly in front of the window at that moment. A breeze that blew the two figure's clothes to one side created the maximum dramatic effect.

The two figured stepped through the windowframe and into the classroom, and Sabrina blinked in surprise- the two figures were Uncle Jake and Puck, who had grown again.

All the girls in the room other than Sabrina exploded slightly, and she heard several whispers of things like 'OMG who is he?' 'he's so hot!' 'I think I'm in love!' and so forth. She gave her slightly-more-than-frienemy a thoughtful look. He didn't seem much different, other than being taller, and she couldn't see that he was more attractive than that kid two desks over from her with the gorgeous smile, but all these girls seemed to be reacting the same to him as the boys did to her.

Puck and Uncle Jake walked up to her, and she said, "Hey. What are you doing here? I'm trying to be normal."

Puck snorted and said, "Good luck with that."

"Actually, we're here to help you be normal," Uncle Jake said. "Daphne called and said you've been having problems with boys thinking you're overly attractive?"

"Yeah," Sabrina said, looking around at the other boys in the room with irritation.

Uncle Jake pulled out a small silvery device and looked at it, nodding. "Uh-huh," he said, "It's just what I thought. You're being plauged with a case of the Pretty Paradox."

"The what now?" Sabrina asked.

"The Pretty Paradox," Uncle Jake said, "It's a breaking-the-fourth-wall thing, and its effect is that the main character suddenly becomes the most beautiful person around in the eyes of all who see him or her."

"Oh," Sabrina said, "That explains it. Can you fix it?"

"Yes I definitely can," Uncle Jake said, grinning at her. He pulled a packet of powder out of his pocket and poured part of it into his hand, then blew it on Sabrina, and, for good measure, Puck. "That should fix it."

He and Puck walked back out the window, and Sabrina sat there, watching. Thankfully, the boys had stopped staring at her. She hoped it would last. It had been nice to feel pretty, but this was just ridiculous.


	58. Sites: Ebay

**AN~ Just a shorty because ebay was an un****used site. Any ideas at all for this? It's starting to peter off and I don't really want to do any more IM chapters, I'm too old for them.  
**

**p s: Glad you liked it!**

* * *

"Daphne?" Puck called down the hall. "Can you help me out here?"

"What do you want?" Daphne called back.

"I need you to show me how to sell something on ebay." Puck answered.

Daphne came to Puck's side and showed him what to do, and then stopped, staring. "Puck!" she snapped.

"What?" he asked.

"You can't sell my sister on ebay!" Daphne half-shouted.

"Why the heck not?" Puck demanded.

"Because," Daphne said, opening a new tab and pulling up a list of rules and regulations, "It's a direct violation of the terms and conditions of use!"


End file.
